Time to let things out

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I figure I've been keeping things inside of myself for too long. Today I pretty much broke down and just sat and prayed with my Pastor (PK) and stuff.

My life at the moment, is in a difficult position.

It seems only yesterday that I've lived with both of my parents. It's amazing how time flies so quickly, it's already been almost an entire year.

My friend recently told me that I have Sad Eyes, since then, everything seemed to piece of together like a puzzle. I've been extremely discontent with life. In the almost-eighteen years of my life, I've learned nothing crucially vital in life from my parents. In the eighteen years of my life, this "father figure" of my so-to-speak dad taught me nothing except one lesson: "Working is always hard, but you have to do it to make money and continue on in life. That's what a man is."

This "Father" so to speak, the man that taught me to ride a bicycle, who taught me how to run a cash register, how to sell things in a store, how to use tools, how to do this or that, ceases to exist in my life any longer. I don't think I can consider him my father anymore. I barely see him, in fact I choose not to see him, and sometimes even talk to him. It's pretty awkward to stop seeing the man you once used to live with for 18 years straight.

I've learned much more things about manhood and life from my Pastor and friend's dad than my own father. I don't know about you, maybe you can relate. But for the most part, that's simply not right. Your DAD is supposed to be the one that makes their own SON, into a MAN. But no, all my dad did was turn me into someone full of discontent with our family situation.
I think I actually love my own Pastor more than my dad. Many times I wish my father could have been like my Pastor (PK), instead of drunk and being lazy and whatnot. The way he spends time with his children and wife just makes my mind blow away. It's full of fun, love, and enjoyment. A father is supposed to be there when you need help, to give you guidance, to be there with you, to pray with you, and to support you. All my dad did was be there, and support me financially. Maybe a few laughs, but that's it. Not to mention a stupid language barrier complicates matters even more.

Neither my mother nor my father are capable of handling a relationship, evident by multiple divorces. I wouldn't be surprised if my dad frequently got laid with other women in wedlock. As for my mom, I dunno. She pretends to be all happy and whatever. But she's just whack. I think she might be filing for Bankruptcy or something.

Once a father, always a father? I disagree. I have no father.

Anyway. My entire family (Close and distant) are all just full of whack, and barely any of them have a stable marriage.

It's time to step up to the plate, and change things around. My pastor said I'll be an awesome husband and father in my future. He said I'm a man, and that I'm worth loving and being loved. He didn't just say it though, he prophesized it. And as for me? I believe what he says.

[ChristianKitsune]

Wow...thanks for sharing this, Ryan... I am sure it wasn't easy..

I am sorry about your dad...but you I think you pastor is right! And isn't God amazing that he can take something so negative and create such a positive outcome?

One thing you gotta remember is that you aren't your dad, you never have to be him. Be better than your dad, better than the dad you wish you had.

I'll be prayin for ya.

[Radical Dreamer]

That sounds pretty rough. :/ I'll be praying for you!

[Fish and Chips]

Anyone can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a "Dad."

I'll be praying.

[Tenshi no Ai]

You know, I can actually relate some with my own dad... Long story there, but praying for you...

[Puguni]

Maybe you can learn what not to be from your dad. It's good that you've been receiving guidance, though. Not many people are that lucky.

[rsnumber2]

I'll be praying for your situation. You pastor is right, the world would have people believe that the cycle cannot be broken. But the world itself is broken. You are a man after God's own heart, therefore, you have a wide world of possibilities ahead of you.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Maybe you can learn what not to be from your dad. It's good that you've been receiving guidance, though.

xD Obviously

And rsnumber, thank you for your response. I know you're a dad, so I know to take what you said into heart.

[rsnumber2]

I hurts me deeply to see fathers fail. I will keep you in my prayers. When I became a father, these things affected me much more. So your concerns are real and can be avoided, if you keep your eyes on God. PM me if you ever need anything.

[meboeck]

You may or may not know, but I've been praying for you, and of course I'll keep praying.

[Souba]

I'm glad your pastor has become a great mentor and father figure for you. I just hope that you will focus on God the Father, who will always fill in where others have failed you, because you are His child.
God Bless you dear brother,
Souba