thanks everyone. It's funny how you guys are talking about the controll thing. Well, janet told me that when she talked to my parents before she asked them if they thought they had the right to control me after i got married...my dad said yes. I confronted my parents on this and got yelled at for believing her over them(and my mom still can't stand that I think of her as a liar because I lived with them all my life and I should know their personalities better than janet's. hence they see her as a wicked coniving woman who wants people to be afraid of her so she can manipulate them. my parent's blame her for not stopping the wedding cause she was the only "adult" who could. Janet is anything but that. She is one of the kindest women I know. She took on the whole wedding by herself. Her family helped out immensely. and when I didn't have a job, she took me to her work everyday and taught me how to paint houses. She paid off for our new car and it's insurance, and whatever else we needed. Right now her family is supporting us since I don't have a job yet and we have no money. I love this new family of mine.) *back on topic* And whenever I confront them about something like me telling them that they're pride is getting in the way or something else that I feel the need to confront them on* they tell me that's other people's words that are being put into my mouth. They never treated me like I had a mind of my own.
Also, I remember as I was growing up I did my best to please them and not be a bother. My mom loved me as a little kid. Never asked for anything, was polite, eas all around obedient. One day when we were in the car we were talking aout the past and what not. my mom said "You were such a good kid." Then I asked "Well, when did I not become a good kid?" mom: "Oh, about the age of 16." This comment totally crushed me. I had done nothing that I could think of to turn me into a bad kid. couple months later I asked her the same thing...her reply was always the same. I confronted her during our last conversation about it. She laughed and said that it wasn't meant to be mean, that all kids do that....I dunno...maybe I overreacted on that statement.
In all honesty I have told them that they weren't listening to God. They back themselves up with scripture to prove they are listening to God. *they quote the planting of the harvest thing and something about not harvesting till you planted or...gyah. I can't remember it...* So, pretty much it turns into a "You're wrong" "No, you're wrong" "No, you're wrong" We can never actually talk abotu it cause well, anytime I try we never get anywhere. My parents always want proof for everything. They want me to give them exact examples of what they said or what they did...with my memory being about as good as a sponge trying to soak up air
...I can never do it. =_= yeah I know...that was a bad example. basically...my memory sucks! so I never can give an example...And mostly the controlling one is my mom. My dad doesn't confront her when she says things or does things, cause he thinks that's what loving her is...letting her be.
They also tell me that I'm not being biblical by not going to church. Well, in all honesty I'm scared to death of church. They told me as I was growing up that I had to be a good example. I had to allways smile, even if I was in a bad mood, cause you never know who needs a smile that day. I had to have a good attitude during the sermon and worship time so just in case someone was watching they could see what a good christian was. I always had to wear a dress and nylons/tights (whatever), even though all the other girls got to wear jeans and t-shirts (my mom wanted me to show them how to properly dress). @_@ heck, I was so paranoid every sunday I mean I was afraid someone was like allways watching me and judging me. When I told my mom I was afraid to go to church she said "Oh!? So you'll teach your kids not to go to church because you're afraid." =_= geesh...no. I told her it was something I had to work through...but she didn't care. I told her that I went on CAA and talked with people from it. She said that you guys didn't count as fellowship cause it's not face to face with people. she said this was a backdoor baptist or something like that. well, in all honesty one reason we weren't going to church was because we couldn't find any good one's around here *sorry but if the church title was science in it's name...i get a bit freaked* anyway, a couple days later we found a church a few blocks away that we're gonna try. But I guess the thing that's different about my mom and janet...is that when I told Janet my fear, she tried to help me over come it...
Another thing that I forgot to mention was that my mom in the conversation said that she was hoping that I could break her curse. Basically her mom abondoned her when she was young, and because her dad had grown up an orphan and having the feeling of being abondoned, when his new wife left him, he went insane and had to be institutionalized. So my mom had to be put into foster homes. Foster homes that were quite abusive towards her. When she was seven she was able to go back to living with her dad. Later on she asked her sunday school teacher to be her mom. Well, later on her ss teacher married her dad, but she treated my mom like she wasn't anything special *still does* @_@. My mom prayed for me while i was growing up and prayed for the family that she'd gain when i got married. She wanted to be apart of a new loving family, but I ruined it for her by marrying micah. When I went back home to get my wedding dress and the other wedding things, my entire family was very dissappointed in me. My parents, and my grandma...except...my grandpa. (my mom's parents live in our house in their own apartment downstairs). My grandpa smiled and hugged me. Then he said "We'll be praying for you. May God bless you." Ya see, he has alzheimers or something close to it. we believe it's from the electrotherapy they used on him at the institution. But, in his state of mind, he was the kindest most supportive person I found at my house. I guess I'm hoping that my mom will get alzeihemers so she can be like him...heh heh.
but seriously, that was one of the things that got me through that day of packing and what not (oh yeah, micah wasn't allowed to set foot in their house during this time. Know why? cause he told them that he was afraid of them and didn't feel safe staying at their house. well, they were goign to have a second reception for us back at my parent's church...but since he told them that...that was the reason for taking away the reception, the car, and anything else that wasn't the ring...and the rule that he couldn't step foot in the house. however once we were married...he could again cause my parents were baffled as to why God didn't stop the marriage...ok...I better stop...I could go on and on about so many details...I'd hurt your head...=_=)
One last thing. At the wedding, I was wondering so much if what we were doing was the right thing. The only people that I knew who came was my ex-boyfriend and his mom, one of my best b-day buds *I call him that cause we have the same birthdate* and a friend of mine who I hadn't seen in almost a year. Those were the only people who came to support me *my best friend wanted to come but couldn't. One of my other friends wanted to come, but his parents made him stay cause my parents talked to them about it...* basically I was saddened to think that my parents had scared me so much that I couldn't invite more people, due to the fear that my entire church back home was against me. I say this because my parents had "Godly councelling" with someone who told them that what Micah and I were doing was wrong and that they needed to take away my car and various other things. I asked them who told them that they wouldn't tell me. then I asked if it was someone at the church, they said no and it wouldn't be anyone I knew...(btw. when my ex went back home, my parents say him and told him "the better man lost." my ex told me this because he and I are good friends, and in all honesty he approved of micah.)
basically all that had happened prior, was all I could think about in the wedding. I cried the whole time, not because I was happy, but because I was so heartbroken over my parents not comming. The pastor from thier church married us (my mom wanted one of her uncles to do it...who's a minister somewhere near leavenworth, WA)
. The thing that cheered me up a bit and cast away my dought was when he said "I can just feel the presence of the holy spirit covering this place" and he was right, there was a certain peace about it. They sang two worship songs at our wedding, it really was magical. (my mom said that micah and I got married in a time where God didn't exist. I'm assuming she was referring to our midieval theme, well cinderella theme, but more midieval....) anyway...I think I've talked enough for now. Thanks again for all your prayers.
I've had to live with this my whole life. I was hoping that I could find a family that we could get along with...but...I guess it just wasn't meant to be...They told me I forced micah to marry now, and that we were not hearing the holy spirit talk to us about getting married now, and that It was all my fault that our families hate each other. His family loves me, as does he...but...deep down...it hurts so much knowing that my parents will never accept me, or who God made me to be. When I was growing up, if I ever told them how I turthfully felt (living life through me, stressed out by demands, etc) it was taken as rebellion and I would be downright emotionally abused for it.
I miss my grandparents so much *my dad's parents* They were like how parents should be to kids. When they died, my world fell apart. I'm sorry for this long post...I just feel so lost right now...
I'm so sorry you're going through this, bakura_fan. I just wanna hug you right now.
:)
