Psychotic Exile v2.0
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Psychotic Exile v2.0
Okay well, I decided to have another go at this and redo this story. I don't know if anyone is still interested in reading it, but i've been trying to revamp the story a bit and improve it and make it, well, work for me better. I would love some constructive criticism and all that ^^; I hope you all like it! I'm quite busy, but I'm going to try to keep updating this as soon as possible '-' I attached the word file of it, since it's much easier than posting the whole thing right here (which I may do later)
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Felix - Posts: 2098
- Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 10:00 am
- Location: Unemployed in Greenland
The Prologue captured my interest immediately, enough to make me read the rest. The world has an interesting mix of creatures and such. Please keep posting your story (in smaller, chunks, though!).
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
Hehe; I agree with Anna Mae. ^_^ Maybe in smaller chunks -though I did really enjoy being able to read such a lot at once. ^_^
I really liked it -I remember reading this before (though you've changed some things), and was really pleased that you'd advanced the story past the point it was last at when I read it. Your descriptions and the whole world is very interesting; you're doing great so far, and I'd love to read more.
A few spelling/grammar errors (exoskeleton is one word, for example), and I think you might want to take out the 'prophesied one' just to keep things a little mysterious about why Anji is there, but that's basically all the suggestions I can offer.
I loved it so far -you're really an excellent writer, Felix. And I really love this story. ^^
I really liked it -I remember reading this before (though you've changed some things), and was really pleased that you'd advanced the story past the point it was last at when I read it. Your descriptions and the whole world is very interesting; you're doing great so far, and I'd love to read more.
A few spelling/grammar errors (exoskeleton is one word, for example), and I think you might want to take out the 'prophesied one' just to keep things a little mysterious about why Anji is there, but that's basically all the suggestions I can offer.
I loved it so far -you're really an excellent writer, Felix. And I really love this story. ^^
(0)>
((_\//
mm
[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times.
((_\//
mm
[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD
\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times.
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Photosoph - Posts: 1528
- Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:32 pm
- Location: Kiwiland... fighting for mankind in the battle of human vs. sheep.
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