Disabilities

[Photosoph]

Hey, it's been a while since I started a thread, but more importantly, I'd really like to know your experiences and how you feel about disabilities and the people who have them.

Myself, my Mum has suffered from a long-term illness for a long time. When she first got the strength to get out and about again, she needed to use a wheelchair. I felt really awkward and almost embarrassed to be seen with her. I still helped her and pushed her around (I was about 10, I think), but because it was the first time that I'd really known anyone in a wheelchair, it made me feel odd. Over time I got used to it, though, and I don't mind anymore. I don't even notice. But I guess until I knew someone in a wheelchair, I didn't really know how to act around people in them.

Not too long ago, I wasn't very well, and needed to use a wheelchair to get around myself. But for some reason I almost had a panic attack while a friend was pushing me around. I felt like I didn't belong in it; I felt a bit like an imposter, since I didn't have the things that usually put people in wheelchairs. Not sure why it affected me so much, but it was a really anxious experience for me.
I did notice some things, though: you generally can't get close enough to store shelves etc since the wheelchair wheels hit the stands, and so you can't really reach the stock. Also, you're really dependant, if you're not pushing the wheelchair itself, on the person pushing you.

When I encounter people with other disabilities, I find it a little easier now. Maybe because I know a little bit more about them, and know that I'm speaking to the person, not to the disability. But when I was younger I didn't really know what to think. It was hard to know how to act around people with disabilities.

Does anyone else have anything they'd like to share about the matter? How do you feel when you meet people with disabilities?

[Taliesin]

I know that people with disabililties are still just people but I still feel kinda uneasy around people without arms or legs. I'm fine with wheelchair people.

[Jingo Jaden]

Hmmm, I got both mental and physical disabilites, but however I do have mental and physical advantages as well. I am fine with it I would say.

[Photosoph]

I know that people with disabililties are still just people but I still feel kinda uneasy around people without arms or legs. I'm fine with wheelchair people.

I know what you mean. I feel more comfortable now around people with disabilities than I did before, but I still have trouble. Also with people without arms or legs I find it harder too.

Hmmm, I got both mental and physical disabilites, but however I do have mental and physical advantages as well. I am fine with it I would say.

I'm glad you're fine with it, and that you've got some advantages too. ^_^


I actually have a disability; which is part of the reason I posted this thread.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

For me, it's really all the choices XD

Well maybe not the third one... or maybe so XD

[Nate]

I don't mind people with physical disabilities so much.

I...really can't deal with people with mental disabilities though. -.-;;

[Doubleshadow]

I was raised to treat people the same no matter what, and that extended to people with disabilities. To me it was, and still is mostly, very literally, just something else about them that made them who they were. I had a friend who was in a crib fire and horrible burns, including half of his lower lip gone. I just thought of that as part of who he was, no different than if he had had blond hair or braces. That extended to everyone I knew. I didn't really become aware that people could be ostracized for being different until I moved to WV and people avoided the special ed. kids. Unfortunately, a lot of them were behavior disorder kids as well, and were just plain not safe.
As far as physical disabilities go, I really don't care, I just don't. Everyone has things they can and can't do. I've had friends who needed walkers, wheelchairs, and hearing aids. No matter. So? I wear glasses. Yeah and...? As far as mental disabilities, depends. I made friends with a girl who I thought was just painfully shy, only to found out later she didn't talk because it was very hard for her to speak. She was a great artist, and I think I was the only one who knew. Someone I went to church and school with was partially deaf and facial disfigurations. I noticed at a homecoming game, he was sitting with his mother when I knew for a fact he was trying to find friends to sit with. I went and got him and had come sit with me and our exchange student. When I saw his mother at church the next day, she was so happy I had done that it made me embarrassed. I get nervous around people with violent behavior disorders though, especially if it means they get carblanch to hurt or destroy whatever they want like it did at my high school. So long as they're aren't dangerous, its not a problem though. One of my friends has bipolar disorder so badly she had to drop out of school, but I don't hold it against her. It just is. We all have stuff to deal with.

[Photosoph]

That's really cool, Doubleshadow. I like the way you've grown up and accepted things like that. ^_^ It's really cool and I wish I felt more like you did and was more comfortable. Like I said, I find it easier now, but still have a little trouble with it.

Yeah, I find some mental disorders hard to deal with. But it depends on the disorder.

We all have stuff to deal with.

I really, really agree with you there. That's something I believe quite strongly. We all have things we go through that are hard, whether it's family problems, a disability, or even just great anxiety or stress. We all have stuff to deal with, as you said.
I think we each try to get through them the best that we can. I mean, we all have hurts, and even if they're not the same I guess we should be able to empathise with each other.

[the_lizardqueen]

When I was eleven my Grandfather had a severe stroke, my uncle actually had to use CPR while waiting for the paramedics. It seemed to me that overnight he went from biking, camping and running around with the grandkids to living in a nursing home and being pushed around in a wheelchair. He frequently required a feeding tube and a trache, if he ever spoke it was garbled and more often than not you'd be lucky to have him open his eyes during visits. My mom would help him with his food and it was often like feeding a baby, bib and all.

I will admit that I was acutely uncomfortable. My mom would often leave me alone to try and carry one sided conversations with him while she talked with the nurses. My greatest fear was always that he was still the exact same man that he had been prior to the stroke, just trapped in his damaged body. I hated thinking that he was fully aware of the people bathing, feeding and changing him, and the way that the nurses would baby talk him.

I think that eventually I started to get used to it, though never entirely. I have to say that after the experience with severe physical disabilities, mental disabilities and dementia are definitely a bit easier to deal with, since they are so different. I guess my Grandpa's illness was a seven year crash course in watching a loved on deteriorate, and my mom was an amazing example in the way that she cared for and defended him. I'd like to think that hopefully I've learned enough by now to overlook disabilities and treat people the same, and if not, then it's my goal ^^

[Photosoph]

That's hard, but you seem to have learned a lot from it SA. I wish I could say more, but all I can say right now is that yes, it is really tough.

I was really young when my grandmother fell really ill. I didn't know her so well, and so while Dad visited her each day, taking myself and my siblings with him, I found it quite annoying to be made to go there, as she wasn't very mobile and of course, being young, I didn't have a large attention span.
But as I grew older, I realised that she was a person too and started actually sitting and talking with her with my Dad instead of running off to play. I wish I'd known her better, but I'm glad that I at least started to spend more time with her before she went.
And I'm really glad that she was a good Christian woman. I look forward to meeting her and knowing her better when I meet up with our heavenly Lord, whenever that will be.

[K. Ayato]

I work with people who have developmental disabilities. It all comes down to remembering that they are still fellow human beings, and should be treated as such.

[Radical Dreamer]

I tend to lean toward the "uncomfortable" side, but I do try to treat them as nicely as possible. I think my main issue is whether or not I'll offend them. By that, I mean if I were to talk someone who was paralyzed from the waist down, and I absentmindedly mentioned doing something that they weren't able to do. It might depend on the person, though. I'd be more comfortable around a physically disabled person than a mentally disabled (autism, mental redardation, etc.) one, though.

[EireWolf]

I'm slightly uncomfortable around physically challenged people mostly because I'm not certain of what would be appropriate behavior on my part. For example, I don't know if it's appropriate for me to try to help them do things. Some people get really offended by that, and want to do things themselves (and usually can, though it may take them longer). Or I don't know if I should hold out my hand to shake hands when I meet someone with cerebral palsy, for another example. But I usually don't have much problem interacting with them otherwise.

I am more uncomfortable with mentally challenged people, again because I don't know quite how to interact... and also because some of them might behave unpredictably. Some mentally retarded people, for example, lash out with random violence (and I've almost been smacked before).

What is most awkward for me is when I don't know if a physically challenged person also has mental challenges. Some people (think Stephen Hawking) look like they might be mentally retarded, but their brains are perfectly fine.

It must be terribly lonely.

[Esoteric]

It depends on the disability. People with physical deformities I don't mind being around, however I do sometimes feel self-concious about not trying to stare. I've had conversations with people who have difficulty talking. It was hard at first, but it doesn't bother me anymore. The converations are just very...slow. I think the one thing which bothers me the most is being around a person with schizophrenia. Even on meds, they can act weird and you get this unnerving sense of unpredictability....

[K. Ayato]

You'd also be suprised at how smart some people with developmental disabilities are, in spite of lower IQ scores and lower levels of functioning. My job involves working with the higher-functioning individuals. For the most part, because of what and how much they're good at, you can't really tell (unless you look hard enough) that they have a disability.

[Alice]

My sister has Down's Syndrome so it's no problem for me. Also, she's very friendly and people usually like her instantly. Interestingly, she is always drawn to people with any kind of handicap and sort of comes alive and wants to talk to them - especially people in wheelchairs. She's very friendly. ^^

Me, I'm not as good as she is with people most of the time, but I only feel uncomfortable around handicapped people if I feel like I have to talk to them or do something special. I feel uncomfortable around "regular" people that way too so I guess I'd have to say "no." I'm just not a very outgoing person much of the time.

The question, however, is somewhat more complicated for me, because as I get older, I'm starting to realize that I may have a permanent disability myself. I've had debilitating exhaustion for several years now - enough so that I can't hold down a job, or even do very much, or I practically collapse with exhaustion.

I feel ashamed of this. Even though I realize it's probably not my fault, I always feel like I should be doing something to fix it. And I don't want people to know. Needless to say, this isn't an easy post for me to make. ^^;

Actually, sometimes I feel more comfortable around handicapped people than people who seem super-successful or perfect-looking. I guess because I understand being disabled (because of myself, and my sister) better than I undertand being super-successful. Handicapped people, IMO, are often more humble and realistic than sucessful people, who seem to not tolerate anything but perfection from themselves and others. Again, that's just my opinion, but it's the impression I get. ^^'

[KBMaster]

I used to be uncomfortable around people with disablities, especially those with mental disabilities. But then I met someone at my church who was mentally handicapped. He's 19, but my pastor told me he only has the brain capacity of a 7 year old. I was a little uncomfortable at first, but I realized he's the same as everyone else. He might not be as smart, but he's kind and he loves to play with the kids at church. I haven't seen him in a while because he hasn't been coming to church but i miss him. He really made me appreciate all of God's creatures, no matter how smart they might be, no matter how beautiful they might be, no matter what. People are people.

[FarmGirl]

As long as I know how to avoid harming them further (mainly with those with mental handicaps), being with and enjoying the company of those with disabilities is no problem.
As a matter of fact, I find some of the sweetest souls behind the eyes of the mentally retarded. It's a blessing to speak with them, to listen to their views. Most of the time, they've got it straighter than I do- with beautiful, sweet simplicity. These precious people never fail to amaze me.
With physical handicaps, I tend to be very delicate as far as embracing or other forms of touching goes if that can in some way cause pain or discomfort to the person, or even if I imagine it to be so (somewhat paranoid on this point). Having immobilized myself a couple of times, I know how frustrating coddling can be. So if a person is capable of completing the task, I'll let them do it.
Conversation is no different than with others.
All in all... I probably overthink these things.

[meboeck]

I've worked with people with disabilities, and I am a Sunday school teacher for children with devopmental disabilities at my church. So obviously, I'm comfortable with people with disabilities. But when I first meet someone, it can be a bit uncomfortable because I don't know what to expect.

What is most awkward for me is when I don't know if a physically challenged person also has mental challenges. Some people (think Stephen Hawking) look like they might be mentally retarded, but their brains are perfectly fine.

This is definitely difficult. For example, people with CP (cerebral palsy) are often at least somewhat mentally disabled, but not all of them are. I used to work in a class with two people with CP; one could walk some, and the other was in an electric chair and had very limited mobility. The one with less mobility was actually higher level mentally, but most people automatically want to treat her as if she is severely mentally disabled.

I think a lot of being comfortable with people with disabilities has to do with how much interaction you have with them when you are younger. When I was in elementary school, my mom started working as a personal assistant for a student who was quadruplegic (counld't really move his arms or legs.) He was also mentally disabled and had difficulty speaking clearly because of his physical disability. I met him and his family, and I hung out with his family sometimes. It never really occured to me until later that people like him are often not accepted by people. He's a really fun, outgoing guy, so it's especially hard to imagine with him.

I worked at a camp for people with disabilities one summer and I ended working with a lot of very low level people. I think rather than being uncomfortable it was more frustrating sometimes because it was hard to tell if they didn't understand me or if they were just ignoring me because they knew they could get away with it. And it frustrated me to see how many of them had behavior issues due to bad parenting.

So no, I really don't get uncomfortable.

[Tenshi no Ai]

I think it can be difficult at times. I was working and had a girl that was deaf came in and it took me a while to figure out why she had to write on paper >_< Eventually I understood what she was trying to ask me and could help her out. Felt bad that it was hard to understand and everything though :/

With me, yeah it can be hard and it is something else to see someone different than you or the usual "norm" of things. With me though, I get a very uneasy feeling by simply viewing pictures of deformities/defigurements... I guess it's just because it's different than what the regular person would look like. Not that I'm trying to be mean with it, but it can honestly creep me out. :/

[Hakaii]

I agree that people with disabilities should be treated equally. I had a friend who has hands but no arms and very short legs. But he was my friend for over 4 years and their were times that I found myself trying to keep up with him! The guy could drive his wheel chair like it was NASCAR. He's a brilliant artist too! I had no problem getting things for him and putting stuff away for him between classes. I had no problem with it because it is no big deal that he has a disability. The subject only came up as a matter of fact. I like people who have disabilities but see it as something to overcome and not as an excuse. I commend you Jaden Mental, you have a good attitude about your whole situation. The only problem I have is when someone has an ATTITUDE about themselves. Like I said, they should be treated equally. If they have an attitude with me and somehow think that their situation means that they can boss me around for the sake of morality, then they can go and find someone else to con. Seriously, the other day, I was going into the bathroom at school and a guy in a wheelchair was right behind me. I was just about to hold the door open for him when he barked out "Hey a******! Keep that door open! Can't you see that I'm in a wheelchair?!" ... ... Yea, I could obviously see him in a wheelchair, but I could also see that he was a jerk. So I let go of the door that I would have held open for him without his asking. Samething at my work. I am supposed to walk around helping people with their computer problems. But some students just sit there, acting like they can't speak very well (even though I overheard one of them talking very fluently about their favorite show) and wait for me to DO their work for them! After a while, I just ignore them. So long story short, I have no problem with anyone with a disability, as long as their not a jerk about it.

[Tenshi no Ai]

With that wheelchair story, it sort of reminds me of the opposite: people who HATE it when you're trying to help them out :/ I guess it's a little understandable if you're constantly being doted over and they know they can do some things on their own and probably get annoyed. But still... Ok, never witnessed these people myself but I do watch too many movies :/ Still, people like that might be around.

[Nate]

Yeah, I find some mental disorders hard to deal with. But it depends on the disorder.

I think it does for me too, a bit. I guess I shouldn't say I'm put off by all mental disorders, because I don't think I am. But, well...

Geez, I am probably going to get so flamed for this, but...I gotta say it. -.-

Everyone here knows I don't like kids. I have a lot of reasons, but a big one, probably the second biggest one, is that I can't do well if I can't have an intelligent conversation with someone. Now I don't mean the other person has to be a genius, or even as smart as me. I've had intelligent conversations with 9 or 10 year olds (though some would argue that that IS someone as smart as me XP). But I've had to babysit kids, that were like 6. I was frustrated beyond belief because I could not have an intelligent conversation with them.

I'm not calling kids stupid. In all likelihood, they were probably smart kids. But still, they could not converse with me on a level acceptable to me.

So to that end, any mental condition that would be characterized by mental retardation, I could not deal with it. At all. Again, I'm not saying they're stupid, because they're not. But without a way of having an intelligent conversation with them, I can't handle it. It only serves to frustrate and annoy me. I know they can't help it, and I don't hate them, I'm not really annoyed at them personally, because it isn't their fault and they can't change. Still, that doesn't help how I feel.

Anyway...just had to put that out there. :\

[Jingo Jaden]

Hey thanks Hakaii, I try to take the posetives from the current situasion that I am in.

Personaly I feel that some mental disorders can really take its toll on others. Like I have heard of disorders that make you say pretty much whatever you think, now, that sounds pretty horrible in certain cases. Like I personaly am often bombared with thoughts I am happy I don't speak of publicly and wish I diden't get. *Its among the diagnostics that are harder to control* However, for those who have the disorder that makes them say pretty much what's on their minds, even if they don't mean it. They will have quite a hard time with that. So that's where understanding others should come in. Mental diagnostics should most defidently come in consideration of the person in question. However the attitude of the person also in question is a important factor, does he or does he not try to keep a nice attitude, or eventualy change it if it has to. *and if able.*

My diagnostics have varied to socialy acceptable to some very serius matters, however development was one of my main targets, a posetive and quick development. *This was pretty much that attitude I had when I encountered a severe depression* So yes I may not have been born with all understandings, however that can be worked around at a number of instances. So there we got a possibility for a posetive development. Much the same with my physical condition. I had both fine tone, standhard tone and co-ordination failures. *something I was born with* So what did I do? Stared working out, regulary. Now, I got a quite fast hands who works well co-ordenatively. Martial arts, balance, hand to eye co-ordenation works very well now.

Personaly I feelt that if my brain did not take understanding in things others would find understandable, then I should try to also listen to the heart. That is a part of where christianity comes into the image concerning me. How important we all are. What do I want to do? I want to be a pluss in my life, a posetive influence for some. Both financialy and in how I act. Sure, I can make mistakes, however the future goals are pretty much set. It is up to me to reach it, and hopefuly with help from God I can make a posetive difference in the world. I hope that I will be able to serve well in that matter, however my education is far from finished, and I still have a long way to go.

So I hope my path will be filled with a great lot of experiense.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I'm sure for any parent, having a kid with a mental disorder would be one of the hardest things for them. My friend's parents is a testimony to that. But you would be surprised how they end up seeing it as a blessing in disguise.

Now in 10, 15 years, if I have a child with Autism or some other disorder. I'm sure I'd feel distressed. However I would do my best to love him or her (Kind of like my relationship with Final Fantasy VII). I'm sure that, in the end, I'd be happy with the way they are. It would take some time as well.

But who knows, maybe God wills that sort of thing. Trusting God isn't exactly a stroll in a warm and sunny day at the park.

[skylender]

I have no problem with disabled people...i have ADD..and aspergers sydrom..but nothing serious compared to people lacking limbs, i try to understand their condition..rather then act all freaky and judge them.

[meboeck]

So to that end, any mental condition that would be characterized by mental retardation, I could not deal with it. At all.

I do understand where you're coming from, but don't be so quick to say "any." You said you could have intelligent conversations with 9 and 10 years olds, and if that's true there are certainly mentally retarded people you could talk to. I know a couple people with mental disabilities who have actually gotten jobs working with lower level people. I've had some real interesting conversations with people at my old job about social issues. Granted, there were people in the class who wouldn't be involved in those conversations, but generalizing will get you in trouble. Just because someone has mental retardation doesn't mean they are at the mental level of a six year old. Many of the higher level ones more at a fourth to sixth grade level. So while it's understandably difficult, try not to automatically judge, because you may be surprised.

[the_lizardqueen]

I once ended up on a choir tour with a mentally disabled fellow that kept bringing up completely inappropriate topics (i.e. strip clubs, prostitutes-) and picking up the Playboy magazines at the reststops, all the while crowding me and checking my underage friends out despite being in his twenties. I pretty much spent the entire time attempting to keep the guy at a distance from our group. To make matters worse, he was behaving like this on a church choir tour. I also frequently encounter a guy on the bus that will storm up and down the aisles if a little old lady asks to sit down in the handicap area. Despite these experiences I'm still pretty understanding about mental disabilities.

The mentally disabled are just like anyone else, there are difficult people, scary people, kind people and people that are a joy to be around. To make matters worse, they didn't have much choice in how they would turn out due to their disabilities.

I also happen to have two coworkers at the store that are somewhat mentally disabled. The one is pretty much the most insanely efficient worker I have ever seen, he's constantly running back and forth and helping anyone in sight. The other fellow is very high functioning and incredibly sweet natured and soft spoken. I can probably think of about five or six other relatives/friends/acquaintances with mental disabilities that I've loved being around, possibly because of their childlike enthusiasm.

I think it's important not to judge the whole lot by a few bad eggs. I can definitely understand giving the scary ones some space, but there are just as many high functioning perfectly civil people with slight disabilities, and understanding is key in all cases.

[K. Ayato]

I agree with Hakaii in that people with disabilities should be allowed to exert independence. However, like with that wheelchair incident, some people with disabilities interpret help as treating them like babies, which I don't like. As far as my job goes, I'm there to help when they tell me they need it. I can't force it on them.

[mitsuki lover]

I have epilepsy myself and take depakote three times a day for seizure prevention.
The last time I had a seizure was in 1983.That said I have never considered myself disabled,although I know there are people who would think that way.
Disability has nothing to do with what you can or cannot do but with rather the frame of mind.