Postby termyt » Mon Feb 05, 2007 6:47 am
I would just support her in whatever decision she makes. You can't force someone to change their minds and trying to do so will only drive a wedge between you. I believe that any person in love should find out what friends and family think about anyone they are serious about. If there are a lot of objections, it could indicate they see something that love has blinded you to. But you can not tell some in love to do this. They need to seek this out on their own. (Remember this when it is you that is in love).
I would ask myself some questions before I got serious about risking friendship.
1. Is she in danger? While I tend to doubt assertions like "this proves God is on my side yadda yadda" as propaganda designed to convince people to do things they would not normally do, that does not automatically mean this guy is a vicious predator out to devour your friend. I would certainly say to her that that kind of rhetoric is suspicious, but as long as he is not asking her to do things she knows is wrong, then you do not have sufficient grounds to intervene. If she is in danger, then you have a duty as a friend to intervene even at the risk of the friendship itself.
2. Are your own feelings interfering with your ability to rationally look at this situation? Are you jealous of her relationship with the other guy? Are you in love with her? Please understand that I am not trying to accuse you of wrong doing, nor do I want you to answer these questions in open forum. I do not know you or your friend or the other guy, so I ask these questions for you to examine yourself. If your own emotions cloud your judgment then you are doing your friend and yourself a disservice.
Finally, an important note. Whenever you confront someone about a lifestyle choice, you automatically assume that you, yourself, are coming from position number one above. However, when you are confronted, you automatically assume the person confronting you is coming from position number 2. It is vital, then, and wholly the responsibility of the person doing the confronting, that he come from position number one.
Just as I said that the person in love should seek advice from their loved ones, so should the confronter seek advice from that person’s loved ones. If no one else objects to this boy, then are you sure you are doing this for the right reasons? If there is even a possibility that you are not, apologize, state why you felt strongly enough to risk friendship over this issue, and back off. If many of the other people important to her agree with you, then approach her together out of love and state clearly why you object.
If, even after all of this, she rejects your council and the council of her other friends, drop it. Support her, be her friend, but don’t hound her or you will loose her friendship forever.