A Short (painfully so) Story

[Debitt]

[Author's note: I recieved a challenge a little while back to write a short story in 250 words or under, so this is what I got. ^^ Tell me what you think!]

At The Window - by Kokoro Daisuke
Looking out the window, the sky seems so grey and unfriendly. I wonder, would you still be walking home in this weather? Would you keep walking just to reach me? I wonder out loud and the people who hear me tell me you aren't walking home at all. They say you're no coming back, but I know you will. I know you'd never leave me. I know you'd never leave me alone. Sometimes they beg me to come away from the window. But don't worry, I won't leave. I'll sit here and wait for you. I'll be the first to run to you and greet you.

On days like this I like to light a candle for you and sit beside it in the window. Sometimes the first flame isn't bright enough, so I take my fingers, snuff it out, and light it again. And again. And again.

I take pictures of you and me and set them on the window sill. Just so you know it's me up here. And I hope when you finally come to this street, when finally you see my candle you'll tell yourself, "He was waiting for me. He never lost hope."

Sometimes they beg me to put out the candle and come away from the window. But I don't want to go. Sometimes they tell me they put flowers at your grave today. But I know you'd never leave.

[Icarus]

I like it.

[blueraven]

I've never been one to beable to tell others what I think but I love this. Love the ending, how it sort of repeats itself

[Aka-chan]

That's way, way awesome. Beautifully to the point, almost to the level of being poetry. I especially like the detail of lighting and relighting the candle.

[Emanku]

I agree with Aka-chan. I'm a bit of a poetry enthusiest and that, if formatted slightly differently, would make a great poem. Well done!

[ShiroiHikari]

I was thinking it sounds a little like a poem too ^^

[Debitt]

=D Sankyuu for all your nice comments!

I never thought about it sounding poem-ish...heh, heh, cool!

[Mave]

so sad! But I consider any literature that invokes feelings or gets me thinking as great

[true_noir_chloe]

Kokoro, that's fantastic! *jumps up* Can you tell I don't want to go to advanced? 0_o

It's got a beautiful melody when you read it - a very rhythmic piece. I was thinking of an anime when I was reading, "Voices of a Distant Star." I don't know if anyone else got that feeling; but, I did. Very, very nice. ^_^