poem of love

Unleash your creative writing skills here.

poem of love

Postby Guardianking500 » Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:20 pm

this is a poem i hope will help people
-----------------------------------------------------------------

in the time
a heart
was broken
even though i was hurt
forgiveness flowed
through my heart and soul
i fought through
what other want to accept
to blame others
for what happens
but then a light
shining in the distance
guides me to
enlightenment
and then i feel
what is always there
the love i feel
for the one
i cannot hate
she means so much
that i calm
the storm within
and make peace
with heart of love
so i may once again
be complete
in this time.
User avatar
Guardianking500
 
Posts: 40
Joined: Wed Dec 27, 2006 11:41 pm
Location: wenatchee, washington

Postby [GMOD]Vedicardi » Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:53 pm

Though lacking the use of a shift key, it's not half bad. =D
Come quietly to the camp
You'd look nice as a drawstring lamp
Don't you worry, it's only a shower
For your clothes here's a pretty flower.
User avatar
[GMOD]Vedicardi
 
Posts: 59
Joined: Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:56 pm
Location: Wisconsin

Postby Mr. SmartyPants » Fri Jan 12, 2007 3:22 am

I would recommend combining certain stanzas into one.

Example: instead of
"in the time
a heart
was broken"

Make it
"In a time a heart was broken"
or
"In a time that a heart was broken"
User avatar
Mr. SmartyPants
 
Posts: 12541
Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 9:00 am

Postby Dunedan » Fri Jan 12, 2007 11:42 pm

This poem intrigues me because it reminds me of my own poems... not in style, but in cause and theme. Except yours responds to the dilemma with hope and faith and mine only with cyicism, bitterness and resignation.

But hey, I gotta be me.

I liked it by the way... and I agree with Mr. Smartypants and Vedicardi... combining stanzas and capitalizing would make it flow a lot better visually.
The reflections of light are everywhere
Only a gilded age of forgetfulness
A drunken slumber, goodnight but no kiss.

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and to be loved in return."-Christian and later Toulouse, Moulin Rouge
User avatar
Dunedan
 
Posts: 128
Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2005 9:44 pm
Location: In a tunnel of hoboes...


Return to Writing

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 291 guests