Marriage anyone? Anyone at all?

[kyoto]

I myself am not married are single so I don't know how it is , but I'll like to congratulate everyone that are getting married or that just got married and I'll pray for the ceremonys.

[EireWolf]

We sort of had a low-budget wedding, and it was still nice.

The cake was made for free by a friend's mother.
The site (on the lawn of a beautiful college campus) was cheap because we were alumni.
The preacher was a relative.
We didn't serve luncheon or dinner -- just a simple reception with Martinelli's, light snacks, and cake. (It was an afternoon wedding.)
The photographer was a friend who gave us a big discount.
My grandmother made my wedding dress.
We made our own centerpieces.

The most we spent was on flowers (I didn't want to skimp on that).

[MorwenLaicoriel]

ooh, gosh, I know what you mean with trying to collect support since you're planning on being missionaries. My parents are missionaries to India (although they've never been able to go long-term, only short-term), and support is always one of the most stressful aspects of the job. God knows what he's doing, though. He'll give you everything you need.

I can't offer much advice on the wedding, since I'm still a bit young for that. ^^; But I hope everything goes well!

[Evangeline-San]

Cool, that's my little brother's birthday. ^_^
I bet it's a pain to set up a wedding. I'm thinking of a nice small wedding, when I get married. It's too stressful otherwise. lol

[Wind]

congrats on the wedding I will be praying fo you and also your missionary endeavors in Japan I too, a want to be a missionary in Japan as a japanese bible translator tranlating the whole bible into japanese

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Um... not to break up the party, but I believe the Bible has been translated into Japanese already. Still it's a country in dire need of salvation.

[Ashley]

I believe the Bible has been translated into Japanese already.

True, but which dialect? There may be others that have yet to be translated; the Wesley Bible Institute is the best resource for that. And even then, just like English, the language changes...they may be overdue for a new NIV or something.

[Azier the Swordsman]

It's been a while since I read about this so things may have changed, but last time I checked most of the Bible in Japan were language-wise quite out-of-date.

[Bobtheduck]

Sometimes I'm glad this is a stress I won't have to deal with... XP

Hmm...

You keep thinking that.

That would be a stress I'd love to have... Because it would have the backing of something good happening...

[Azier the Swordsman]

Hmm...

You keep thinking that.

That would be a stress I'd love to have... Because it would have the backing of something good happening...

Seriously.

[FadedOne]

LoL. I believe I shouldn't have caught up on this thread - it made me feel all sappy.

[Hitokiri]

Not even close to planning it but we've discussed it a couple times. We are just letting God take care of it.

[Ashley]

You know, I hate to rant and rave at anyone, but I'm seeing a trend here. Seems like most people have this "if only I were in a relationship, my life would be perfect!" attitude. That's simply not true!

Relationships are hard. People get hurt, and sometimes it doesn't work out. Personally, I've felt worse after a relationship has fallen apart than I ever did when I was lonely. It's a whole new kind of rejection, and unfortunately, because you're dealing with another person, you can't control the outcome. Long-distances, military services, school, miscommunication...there are all sorts of things that can make a relationship very difficult.

Weddings are no better! A very dear friend of mine nearly called off her wedding 3 times because of the stress she and her groom underwent. Dealing with your own family and parents--not to mention your fiance's--alone can be the challenge, as is money, location, timing, etc.

All I'm saying is that relationships are not the end-all, beat-all cure to life.

[indyrocker]

Ashly you are so right in a sence. The Regection that you end up getting to know as if it were a close friend when thigs end is sooo painfull. I personaly think the "urge" to find a relashinship and thinking that it will cause all of our problems to go away is partly from the want of that perfect person for us along with the nudge of God telling you that he has someone in mind for you. While I don't think that most of us will find them as quick as we hope and think we will I know I've grown up so much because of the hurt that i have felt because of the regection.

Anywho back on topic congrats again to all engaged coples. I am getting to see fist hand in my own family this year how stressfull wedding can be with my little sister getting hitched this year so koodos to all who are attempting it!

[knivesmominlaw]

I agree with Ashley's comments about relationships/marriage:

-Think giving, not getting.
- He/she'll be happy, not I'll be happy.
- Choose wisely, though, for the sake of all.

Regarding weddings, I'm rather pragmatic:

- Keep the focus on the vows, not the fluff.
- Perhaps the money could be better spent on the couple getting a good financial start in life.
- While the stress of planning a big wedding might show how each one holds up under pressure, I think it would show wisdom (and character) to be more restrained and avoid stessing altogether.

These kinds of decisions are a predictor of how future decisions will be handled. It's worth giving them a bit of analysis.

Anyhow, don't think I'm totally down on big weddings. If you can truly afford it and can manage it without stressing out...enjoy!

Congrats and blessings to all of you soon-to-be-marrieds (and to the recently-marrieds and long-time-marrieds, as well)!

[K. Ayato]

Any kind of relationship is meant to be reciprocal, meaning it goes both ways. If only one side of the relationship was giving, and the other one was only getting, I'd seriously consider that it end then and there, no matter what. No one deserves the heartache (and possible heartbreak) in getting into a relationship if only one person is giving their all to keep it alive.

[mitsuki lover]

The main problem is that people aren't willing to wait for the right person to come by.Everyone is so much in a hurry to get married before they hit 50.The usual thing is go to college and get a job and get married.A lot of times for many people this doesn't work out.
Sometimes you simply have to wait a bit longer before the right person comes your way.
Certainly this was a bit truer in the olden days then it is now.Then again people were more patient than today.
What helps me whenever I get down about not being in a relationship is knowing that for now I am in the right place I ought to be and that when the time is right
I will be ready.

[That Dude]

Another thing is when people do get married to the other person they don't truely love them and bail out once the novelty wears off and it's time for love to be applied.

[jon_jinn]

well, i would like to say congradulations to all who got engaged. as for me, no way! but my brother is engaged, and so is my cousin. so i'm gonna be in two big weddings this summer. i can tell it's gonna be pretty crazy. especially since my brother wants me to play violin for his wedding. XD

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Oh, I realise that Ashley. But it is still a blessing (I'm guessing) to have someone in your life like that!

[Kuro-Mizu]

WOW... congratulations everyone!

You know, I hate to rant and rave at anyone, but I'm seeing a trend here. Seems like most people have this "if only I were in a relationship, my life would be perfect!" attitude. That's simply not true!

Relationships are hard. People get hurt, and sometimes it doesn't work out. Personally, I've felt worse after a relationship has fallen apart than I ever did when I was lonely. It's a whole new kind of rejection, and unfortunately, because you're dealing with another person, you can't control the outcome. Long-distances, military services, school, miscommunication...there are all sorts of things that can make a relationship very difficult.

Weddings are no better! A very dear friend of mine nearly called off her wedding 3 times because of the stress she and her groom underwent. Dealing with your own family and parents--not to mention your fiance's--alone can be the challenge, as is money, location, timing, etc.

All I'm saying is that relationships are not the end-all, beat-all cure to life.

I couldnt agree more...

I guess Im a little young to be dating anyway (I dunno... I think 16 is too young)

but alot of poeple at my school think Im wierd cuz I tell them I dont feel ready to date..

why is everyone in such a hurry to get in relationships?

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Because most are looking for sex without comittment.

[K. Ayato]

Sad but true.

[Ashley]

I think a great deal of it might be culture and peer pressure. Think about the things that our culture tells us that women are supposed to want: a perfect body, popularity, and a boyfriend head over heels in love with her at 16. I suppose part of it too is that most girls I know spent their childhood dreaming about being a wife/mom/etc ., even if they didn't know exactly what it meant. I know I spent my fair share of time with a towel on my head pretending to get married to my teddy bear.

I think the other big factor is peer pressure. I'm 20 years old, and by this July 14 of my friends will be married. Some of them are even younger than I am! That's a lot of pressure to have to deal with, and I know the cycle just repeats itself when babies start coming, too. I think most people feel an intense pressure to get married before ending college, as if to not do so instantly marks them as an outcast.

You know, interestingly enough my roommate (who is from Arizona) said that in the more liberal states she's been to no one gets married. Ever. She said it's a trend of the more conservative states to get married early, if at all. I'm not sure how widespread that is, but I thought it was an interesting facet of this discussion.

[Tenshi no Ai]

You know, interestingly enough my roommate (who is from Arizona) said that in the more liberal states she's been to no one gets married. Ever.

I guess in other words, many of them just live common law their whole lives? Which of course, is really sad as well... Because as they say, it's "like" marriage :/ But no, not really. If it's like marriage, then they might as well marry and stuff, but I know alot of those people look at the costs of weddings and all that and go "meh".

[mitsuki lover]

I live in Washington State which is as Blue as you can get and there are just as many people that get married here as across the border in Idaho which is one of the Reddest States in the Union.

[Doubleshadow]

I know I spent my fair share of time with a towel on my head pretending to get married to my teddy bear.

I think the other big factor is peer pressure. I'm 20 years old, and by this July 14 of my friends will be married. Some of them are even younger than I am!

Huh, really? I never felt pressure to get married or even gave marriage a passing thought until I became a teen and started hearing about devotionals entitled things such as, "How to be Satisfied in Your Singleness". My response was, "Huh? What? Isn't everybody happy in their singleness? Why would you want to be any different?" To me, marriage was a concept that simply didn't apply to me... like a jockstrap. I have given marriage token thought simply because my mother insists I do, to quote her, in the off chance I actually do find somebody I like. But then again I've always been an odd bird.
And I think who your friends are determines a lot. I know some engaged people, but by and large my friends are either single, or date sporadically. I do not have any reason to think bout so much as dating, let alone marriage.

[kaji]

I think a great deal of it might be culture and peer pressure. Think about the things that our culture tells us that women are supposed to want: a perfect body, popularity, and a boyfriend head over heels in love with her at 16. I suppose part of it too is that most girls I know spent their childhood dreaming about being a wife/mom/etc ., even if they didn't know exactly what it meant. I know I spent my fair share of time with a towel on my head pretending to get married to my teddy bear.

I think the other big factor is peer pressure. I'm 20 years old, and by this July 14 of my friends will be married. Some of them are even younger than I am! That's a lot of pressure to have to deal with, and I know the cycle just repeats itself when babies start coming, too. I think most people feel an intense pressure to get married before ending college, as if to not do so instantly marks them as an outcast.

You know, interestingly enough my roommate (who is from Arizona) said that in the more liberal states she's been to no one gets married. Ever. She said it's a trend of the more conservative states to get married early, if at all. I'm not sure how widespread that is, but I thought it was an interesting facet of this discussion.

I would agree with the first part of this, that the media certainly does make young woman feel like they need to have a perfect body, popularity, and a boyfriend less they be branded as abnormal. In manyways this is done through marketing to young male audiances who then pass the pressure on to females.

But on the other hand, I think you would find far fewer of these young woman (to young adults) feeling great pressure toward being a wife or mother. Infact the media today promotes a lack of marital commitment. In the secular world (which is a lot bigger then the Christian world for those who dont get out much) Marraige is portrayed as a hinderance to ones 'freedom.' Much like marriage, having children is also often portrayed as a 'life inconvienance' (Hence over 50% of abortions being from people who were too young, irresponsible, or thought having the child would change thier life too much)...

While peer pressure might be somthing some of us have trouble dealing with it is not a legitimate reason to get married. Also, setting standards such as 'by the end of college' or 'within the next 3 years' doesnt say much for waiting on the Lords timming. There is no reason why God couldnt wait to have any of us married when we are over 30 and still greatly bless our marriages.

[himura_KAORU]

Another thing is when people do get married to the other person they don't truely love them and bail out once the novelty wears off and it's time for love to be applied.

I heartily agree that once the newlywed fuzzy feelings fade its time for TRUE love to be shown and grow strong.

My hubby and I will have been married 10 yrs in May 2007 and we have learned that true love is unconditional and a CHOICE you make, not a feeling. Thats why I can be upset at my husband yet still love him deeply ^.^

I highly suggest reading the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman if u have not already. It will give you great insight on how you and your mate (or future mate) tend to show and like to receive love in different ways. It also discusses the "in love experience" and what true love looks like^^

Congrats to all you engaged and newly married couples! It's an exciting experience!

My husband and I are also raising support to be missionaries in Japan thru our Missions board, SEND International. I would love to get together and talk with the other people who mentioned they were also striving to be missionaries to Japan! Contact me thru email, Yahoo, PM, wtvr^^

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Doubleshadow, you comparing marriage to a jockstrap is an uh ...interesting analogy! (lol)

I have some friends (not really close) that have been married/recently got married. Yes, there are times where I get all down on myself, but for now I'm content in my singleness. That said, I would love to be married and have kids one day.