i've got this girl i like who (heaven forbid) lives in a different state

Postby **seventh circle** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:18 pm

Ok its almost self explanitory. I met this girl online in this 3d chatroom kind of thing except it had avitars instead of actual pics of us. well eventualy we figured out that we both have the same instant messanger. She had a cam and sends live feed so to test how trust worthy she is i asked questions and watched the physical reactions as well as what she wrote. She's trustworthy. We are both in love with eachother. Now down to the problem. She has a boyfriend. This "boyfriend" of hers is a really bad guy and she knows it, but because of how nice she is she's unwilling to dump him. I need help to convince her to dump him and be my girlfriend, which once she dumps him she has said she would be my girlfriend.

Postby **K. Ayato** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:23 pm

Stay friends. Even though she has a webcam, you still haven't really met in person.

Postby **seventh circle** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:25 pm

i know thats what i should do, but even if thats what in the end happens i still need to get her to dump this guy. He isn't even worthy of being called a guy.

Postby **K. Ayato** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:27 pm

I understand. However, getting in a relationship with her right after she's free from this guy isn't always a good idea. I'm speaking from experience.

Postby **heero yuy 95** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:30 pm

Yeah, dude, just stay friends. no offense, but how can you say you're in love when you just met her online. Stay friends. You need to see her face-to-face. As for this bad boyfriend, well, it's all good you want to get him out of her life if he's a jerk, but it almost sounds like you're trying to pull a coup de'tat(sp?). It's wrong of me to judge your motives, cuz i don't know anything about you. But please don't mix up infatuation with love. it can have disastrous consequences.

Postby **seventh circle** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:31 pm

i've also thought of that. I'm actualy not talking about getting her to dump him nescesarily for my own benefit. He's a very bad guy and needs to be dumped.

Postby **Nate** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:34 pm

First of all, you don't need to get involved in the relationships of those you just met online. Telling her to dump her current boyfriend makes you just as controlling of her as you claim that he is.

Second, if she does dump him, she should not (I would say MUST not) date you. That's called "being on the rebound." People make HORRIBLE decisions when they're on the rebound. You do not want this to happen.

Finally, love takes time to cultivate. You don't just automatically love someone. You may feel a strong attraction, but it isn't love, at least not immediately. It takes weeks, months, sometimes even years.

And don't try to get her to dump this guy. Instead, do what you should do as a Christian. Pray. Don't pray for her to dump this guy. Pray that God will help her to learn how to deal with him. If that means her breaking up with him, fine. If that means him coming to his senses and staying with her, that's it. But ask God. Don't be selfish.

Postby **heero yuy 95** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:36 pm

It's all good you want this jerk out of her life. And sometimes we all need a reality check, but i mean, are you truly in love? how long have you known her? Sorry i'm being such a killjoy, but beleive me, thinking you're in love when you're just infatuated hurts. But for all I know you really could be in love. Couples have met that way before. Just be sure to keep a clear head, talk to God, and don't let emotions cloud your judgement

Postby **heero yuy 95** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:37 pm

First of all, you don't need to get involved in the relationships of those you just met online. Telling her to dump her current boyfriend makes you just as controlling of her as you claim that he is.

Second, if she does dump him, she should not (I would say MUST not) date you. That's called "being on the rebound." People make HORRIBLE decisions when they're on the rebound. You do not want this to happen.

Finally, love takes time to cultivate. You don't just automatically love someone. You may feel a strong attraction, but it isn't love, at least not immediately. It takes weeks, months, sometimes even years.

And don't try to get her to dump this guy. Instead, do what you should do as a Christian. Pray. Don't pray for her to dump this guy. Pray that God will help her to learn how to deal with him. If that means her breaking up with him, fine. If that means him coming to his senses and staying with her, that's it. But ask God. Don't be selfish.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Postby **K. Ayato** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:39 pm

Hooah! Infatuation and love are two completely different things.

Postby **seventh circle** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:44 pm

first of all. I never said he was controling her so either u r him or u automaticaly jump to conclusions both of which are very bad in themselves.

second i know she probly shouldn't go out with me emidiately.

thirdly there is such a thing as love at first site and we have know each other for a couple of months.

fourthly its my duty as her best friend and as a christian to do what i can to save her from this freak that gets to call himself her boy friend.

Postby **seventh circle** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:47 pm

that was to kearmite

Postby **K. Ayato** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:48 pm

Hey, no need for the third degree.

You've got a clear head so far, which is good. But are you sure you can't wait 'til after high school? You've a better chance then at keeping a relationship alive.

Postby **heero yuy 95** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:49 pm

Edit: i was being a smart-aleck. but yeah, you should really think this through. DON'T get love and infatuation confused

Postby **seventh circle** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:51 pm

Ayato: My fealings are that if ur actualy in love not to let it pass you by and take action

heero: I know what ur saying, but there are situations in which some one can actualy know what needs to be done and it doesn't mean they think that they are always right.

Postby **heero yuy 95** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:53 pm

It sounds to me like you've got the right motives. You want to encourage this girl to make a decision which would seem beneficial to her. It sounds to me like you care about her. But, if you truly care about her(which i beleive you do), you CAN'T jump the gun and get into a relationship with her on the rebound based on infatuation. that would hurt both of you. pray about it, be a friend, talk to her when she needs it, but please don't make
snap decisions.

Btw: sorry for my last post, i was being a smart-alleck

Postby **Nate** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:55 pm

And there's also a situation called "trying to rush love." By trying to move too fast you doom the relationship. I know from PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.

But by all means, if you think you know what you're doing, I can only hope things work out for you by random chance. You've made up your mind already, so apparently the only thing this thread is for is for you to publicly disagree with anyone who tries to give you good advice. So good luck, because you will certainly need it.

EDIT: Sorry if I come off as rude, but as I said, I know from personal experience how to destroy a relationship, and jumping the gun after knowing each other for a couple of months is how I ruined mine. I don't want to see you get hurt like I did, that's why I'm telling you that you're doing things all wrong.

Postby **Mr. SmartyPants** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:55 pm

seventh circle wrote:thirdly there is such a thing as love at first site and we have know each other for a couple of months.

There is no such thing as love at first sight. It's called hormonal infatuation, and infatuation is not love.

I would highly recommend against pursuing this girl, mainly the fact that you're being too quick to say you love her. I think you're being rather foolish to yourself.

Simply having the same interests and ideologies does not mean you are fully compatible with someone, especially for somebody you met on the internet for such a short amount of time. And for all you know, this girl can be a fake. Not everyone is stupid, and and people are exceptionally good at lying.

Postby **seventh circle** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:57 pm

heero: I'm not trying to get to be her boyfriend emidiatly after her dumping this character, but i am trying to get her to dump him for her benefit. as far as snap desicions go. thats how i make my best descisions.

Postby **heero yuy 95** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:57 pm

There is no such thing as love at first sight. It's called hormonal infatuation, and infatuation is not love.

True 'dat. Love at first sight only applies to your first car. XD

Postby **heero yuy 95** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:59 pm

as far as snap desicions go. thats how i make my best descisions

That doesn't always work with love. Sometimes you need to keep a level head and think things through. If you make snap decisions while juggling some young girl's emotions, you both are bound to get hurt

Postby **K. Ayato** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:59 pm

MSP is right. I barely knew the guy I went out with, aside from the fact that he attended the same community college I went to. We had a relationship that soured pretty badly and I had to wade through the pain of my first breakup. Although the scars healed and we both matured and are on good speaking terms (aka we're friends again), the scars and bad memories are still there.

If you pursue this thing, you'll end up like kae and me.

Postby **Raiden no Kishi** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 5:00 pm

Yes ~ "love at first sight"/"falling in love" is most related to being high on drugs. Seriously. Release of brain chemicals that make you happy and cloud your judgment. Give it time. Plenty of time. And lots of prayer.

.rai//

Postby **Mr. SmartyPants** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 5:01 pm

seventh circle wrote:heero: I'm not trying to get to be her boyfriend emidiatly after her dumping this character, but i am trying to get her to dump

You need to realize we are trying to give you advice for YOUR benefit. Look at Kaemmerite's age. He is 26! He's almost a decade older than you, and certainly more wiser than you or I.

If you still disagree with us, you are acting just like this girl you presumably love. You give her advice right? And she tries to disagree with you? Am I correct? Sound familiar? That's also you right there, ignoring our advice to you because you don't think it will benefit you. However there are people more mature on these forums who say these things to benefit you. And if you disagree, well you'll probably realize the truth later after heartbreak.

Postby **seventh circle** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 5:01 pm

kermit: I'm not trying to rush anything. and i'm not trying to disagree with everyone. I started this thread to see if anyone would help me help her

smarty: U r wrong. there is such this as love at first site. you may not believe it because it hasn't happened to you, but i know of many people who are still happily married for multiple years because of love at first site.

Postby **Nate** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 5:02 pm

heero yuy 95 wrote:If you make snap decisions while juggling some young girl's emotions, you both are bound to get hurt

Bingo. Making snap decisions about where to eat and when to do your homework and what game to buy are one thing. But when you have another person, another living person with feelings and emotions, and you make snap decisions regarding that person, it is not only rude, it is painful, and it is a VERY bad way to run a relationship, let alone start one.

If you think you can make snap decisions with love, you are in for a world of hurt. You think being alone is painful? You ain't seen nothin' yet.

Postby **K. Ayato** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 5:02 pm

Very good point. Are you stepping in, having prayed this through in the past, or are you going with what your emotions are screaming?

And no, there is no such thing as love at first site. Read I Corinthians 13. No where in that chapter is there anything that can be linked to such a thing.

Postby **heero yuy 95** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 5:03 pm

smarty: U r wrong. there is such this as love at first site. you may not believe it because it hasn't happened to you, but i know of many people who are still happily married for multiple years because of love at first site.

No, you're wrong. You're just being a love-sick teenager who think he's got love down. I've walked down that path. If you pursue this, that's what's gonna happen. pain.

Postby **Raiden no Kishi** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 5:03 pm

Consider those couples lucky. And foolish. Sure, they hit it right, but going on infatuation is playing Russian roulette.

.rai//

Postby **Mr. SmartyPants** » Sun Dec 31, 2006 5:04 pm

Raiden no Kishi wrote:Consider those couples lucky. And foolish. Sure, they hit it right, but going on infatuation is playing Russian roulette.

.rai//

A more correct analogy would be Russian Roulette with five bullets and only one blank.

i've got this girl i like who (heaven forbid) lives in a different state

i've got this girl i like who (heaven forbid) lives in a different state

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