I probably should have posted about this sooner, but I'm a prideful person, okay!? XD No, it's not really that big a request, but, here's the deal:
Well, I'm in my first semester of college. Fun stuff. As a part of my major, I'm required to take calculus. Not fun stuff. Anways, I've been struggling through all semester, trying to do well in this class. I'm not a math person. I hate math. The only way I scored highly on the ACT was by having exceptionally high scores in the other sections and letting my math score weight the whole thing down. Moving on, my aversion to math has finally come back to get me. I'm taking my Cal. final right now (it's take home), and I'm completely confused. I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm just pretty darn frustrated. I wrote this to Yumie in a PM a few minutes ago:
I'm 99% sure that I failed it. And I don't mean "fail" in the metaphorical sense, like, "Oh, man, I failed that test. I probably got like an 83, or something." I mean, fail, as in "Congratulations, you got a 51." I almost don't even care, though. I'm so sick of dealing with it.
I know this sounds vain, but I've never failed anything in my life. Not in high school, grade school, or elementary school (that I can remember.) Furthermore, I've never had a subject in school that I couldn't excel at if I just gave it enough work. Calculus is the first class I've ever been in that I felt my best wasn't enough to get me an A or a B, and that really scares/frustrates me.
I know it might not be a big deal to some people to get a "C" in a class, and, were I not in the position that I am, I wouldn't care either. But, you see, I'm on a very large academic scholarship that is awarded by the school. Along with this scholarship comes all this pressure to be the example of academic excellence within you major, and my keeping that scholarship is contingent upon my GPA.
So, that all goes to say: I'd appreciate you guy's prayers. I feel sick from worrying about it, bronchitis is going around school, I'll be kicked out of some of my classes for next semester if I can't keep my GPA up, and I'm just ready to go home and sleep.