What I've Learned About Suffering
PostPosted: Wed Mar 10, 2004 4:25 pm
Four or five months ago, I am not afraid to say, could probably count as one of the darkest spiritual states I have ever found myself in. I was stressed out, having problems with communicating civilly with my family and friends, and I started developing some expectations of myself that were far beyond the reach of any human being. I started to have problems (I still do, admittedly) with handling guilt and doing things that I deemed "selfish" like asking friends or teachers for help with schoolwork. There was even a short period that I can remember where I had sunk so low into a depression that I couldn't even bring myself to pray or go to the Word.
Needless to say, I was not doing so well. February rolled around and I found myself crying at night about people I feel had wronged, or just because I always felt so low and depressed and...need I say, hopeless. It was even a struggle for me to haul my hide over to my friend's 16th birthday party, but I'm glad I did. There was a girl there that both my friend and I had met through a Bible study group at school, who ended up talking to me about her faith and her life once everyone else ended up going to sleep. I think without her, I would never have pulled myself out of the hole I had dug for myself, because one of the things she told me was "When the Romans [I'm pretty sure it was the Romans, correct me if I'm wrong] turned from Him, God punished them by staying out of their lives."
This stayed in my mind for the net couple weeks, until one day I found myself lying on my bed crying (I can't even remember why I was upset in the first place anymore), but not just shedding tears, but calling out to Him, "Lord, please help me, I need You in my life!" I started praying again and asking God for strength and the courage to finally bring myself to talk to someone about my problems.
God answered my prayers by bringing me first to my dad, who was gracious enough to spend several hous of his time talking to me and spending time with me, and to the CAA where I was sincerely inspired by the attitude of the people here. Then He brought me to my boyfriend, who gave me a hug (I love hugs. ^^;) and who came with me to see the Passion and told me while pointing to Jesus on the screen, "See that guy? He saved our lives." And now most recently He gave me the courage to talk to my best friend who in turn told me, "You can always talk to me. Even if you feel alone, there's still always someone who cares for you."
What's the point of all this, you're probably asking yourself. My point is that God can take any suffering you're experiencing, turn it inside out, and use it to bring you closer to Him if only you ask Him. He is never too busy, and He never feels like you're asking too much or burdening Him with your prayers. He was the one who said "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)
Needless to say, I was not doing so well. February rolled around and I found myself crying at night about people I feel had wronged, or just because I always felt so low and depressed and...need I say, hopeless. It was even a struggle for me to haul my hide over to my friend's 16th birthday party, but I'm glad I did. There was a girl there that both my friend and I had met through a Bible study group at school, who ended up talking to me about her faith and her life once everyone else ended up going to sleep. I think without her, I would never have pulled myself out of the hole I had dug for myself, because one of the things she told me was "When the Romans [I'm pretty sure it was the Romans, correct me if I'm wrong] turned from Him, God punished them by staying out of their lives."
This stayed in my mind for the net couple weeks, until one day I found myself lying on my bed crying (I can't even remember why I was upset in the first place anymore), but not just shedding tears, but calling out to Him, "Lord, please help me, I need You in my life!" I started praying again and asking God for strength and the courage to finally bring myself to talk to someone about my problems.
God answered my prayers by bringing me first to my dad, who was gracious enough to spend several hous of his time talking to me and spending time with me, and to the CAA where I was sincerely inspired by the attitude of the people here. Then He brought me to my boyfriend, who gave me a hug (I love hugs. ^^;) and who came with me to see the Passion and told me while pointing to Jesus on the screen, "See that guy? He saved our lives." And now most recently He gave me the courage to talk to my best friend who in turn told me, "You can always talk to me. Even if you feel alone, there's still always someone who cares for you."
What's the point of all this, you're probably asking yourself. My point is that God can take any suffering you're experiencing, turn it inside out, and use it to bring you closer to Him if only you ask Him. He is never too busy, and He never feels like you're asking too much or burdening Him with your prayers. He was the one who said "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)
The verse in Matthew was perfect. I'm glad you're doing better and I hope and pray your walk will continue moving forward. 
