God's love
PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2005 9:09 am
Ok, this is Steelbeliever's story, do not laugh and/or talk about this in a bad way, OK?
I have several guy friends I hang out with, and they're all really great, but this one guy Thaine. He was like my best friend. It was in high school that he found out he was bipolar. He started to hurt people and try to hurt me even. It really hurt me to seem him like this. Anyway, he committed suicide a few years ago and I am still very sad...It was only a few months ago that I took up cutting to ease this pain in my heart. I never told anyone until my mom found the knife I keep under my mattress. She saw my arms and legs too. It was just more than I could bear you know? Well, my folks tried to get me help and supported me however they could, but it just wasn't working out. By the way, I've been a Christian my whole life (not that this affects anything or makes me a better person). I started doubting God's wonderful love and getting really depressed. I was gonna shove some pills down my throat one night when God literally talked to me. I don't know if anyone will believe this, but I could hear his voice. He told me that nothing would ever make him love me less...I mean, wow you know? I said, "God, how could you let this happen to me?"
He said, "I never let this happen, you strayed away, but I have always been waiting."
I said, "How can anyone ever love me?"
He said, "I can."
I said, "What have I done to deserve this?"
He said, "Oh my child, you have done nothing. You cannot put a price on my love."
I said finally, "God, take me back."
He said, "I already have."
Anyway, that's my story and I'm stickin with it. I am still in need of some major support, so please pray for me.
I have several guy friends I hang out with, and they're all really great, but this one guy Thaine. He was like my best friend. It was in high school that he found out he was bipolar. He started to hurt people and try to hurt me even. It really hurt me to seem him like this. Anyway, he committed suicide a few years ago and I am still very sad...It was only a few months ago that I took up cutting to ease this pain in my heart. I never told anyone until my mom found the knife I keep under my mattress. She saw my arms and legs too. It was just more than I could bear you know? Well, my folks tried to get me help and supported me however they could, but it just wasn't working out. By the way, I've been a Christian my whole life (not that this affects anything or makes me a better person). I started doubting God's wonderful love and getting really depressed. I was gonna shove some pills down my throat one night when God literally talked to me. I don't know if anyone will believe this, but I could hear his voice. He told me that nothing would ever make him love me less...I mean, wow you know? I said, "God, how could you let this happen to me?"
He said, "I never let this happen, you strayed away, but I have always been waiting."
I said, "How can anyone ever love me?"
He said, "I can."
I said, "What have I done to deserve this?"
He said, "Oh my child, you have done nothing. You cannot put a price on my love."
I said finally, "God, take me back."
He said, "I already have."
Anyway, that's my story and I'm stickin with it. I am still in need of some major support, so please pray for me.
That, while a very sad testimony, is one full of God's love and hence is awesome (in the truest sense of the word).