My Story Part 2
PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2005 6:40 pm
During this camp, one day, a lady preacher gave a sermon on exactly the topic of what I had done when I was eight. I knew I was being spoken to, and I went to the altar where I finally surrendered, now shattered. I didn't know who I was without the pain of the memory since I had built who I was around hiding it. The lady I prayed with and the lady preacher both said they would still pray for me. I went home and went to therapy and told my therapist the whole story (my folks sent me to a Christian counselor because they were afraid a secular one would have me committed, dead serious). I told my counselor exactly what happened, the whole story, going back to that summer. The devil was losing his abilty to manipulate me with that memory in light of God's grace. It was a month short of my 17th birthday. I finally told my Mom about what happened after six months of counseling and after discussing it thoroughly with my counselor. They both told me it wasn't a big deal. I had cultivated this memory of a not-that-unusual childhood occurence into a horrible thing. Maybe I was just trying to keep something between myself and God.
I went back to school and told no one about what had happened, but the changes were almost immediate. I fixed my bad hygiene habits, I began to try to fix my hair, I became interested in dressing nicely. The full effect didn't take place until I got out of high school. I promised Christ I would not try to kill myself again, and started to run to Him rather than from Him.
I am still growing. I had to start from scratch after church camp to redefine who I was to myself. I spent lots of time listening to Christian music and hung around my Christian (second) friend all the time and began going to an awesome youth group with her. I began to find things about myself I could be happy about. Like I said though, the process is ongoing. I am still nervous about being touched, I am still getting over my fear of romantic relationships. But I so am better now with Christ in control. In fact, I might even be able to face the first girl and forgive her, that is if she is out of prison (her place of residence for violent crimes at just 16 years old).
Anyway, I want to end this with hope and joy, because that is what I have now, irregardless of anything at all.
Abba, Father, keep me close, because that is where I want to be. Hallelujah.
I went back to school and told no one about what had happened, but the changes were almost immediate. I fixed my bad hygiene habits, I began to try to fix my hair, I became interested in dressing nicely. The full effect didn't take place until I got out of high school. I promised Christ I would not try to kill myself again, and started to run to Him rather than from Him.
I am still growing. I had to start from scratch after church camp to redefine who I was to myself. I spent lots of time listening to Christian music and hung around my Christian (second) friend all the time and began going to an awesome youth group with her. I began to find things about myself I could be happy about. Like I said though, the process is ongoing. I am still nervous about being touched, I am still getting over my fear of romantic relationships. But I so am better now with Christ in control. In fact, I might even be able to face the first girl and forgive her, that is if she is out of prison (her place of residence for violent crimes at just 16 years old).
Anyway, I want to end this with hope and joy, because that is what I have now, irregardless of anything at all.
Abba, Father, keep me close, because that is where I want to be. Hallelujah.
