Losing a family member...

[dyzzispell]

I'm not sure, but I think this is the right place to post this...

I was just wondering if anyone else here has lost a family member, whether to a disease, cancer, natural causes, whatever. I wanted to know how you've dealt with it, because I'm having a little trouble figuring this thing out.

I'm 31 years old, and this is the first time I've dealt with the loss of someone close to me. My father died last week of Alzheimers. He was 66, and had only been diagnosed 5 years ago. I know my father is sharing paradise with Jesus now - God confirmed that to me - but I am still dealing with missing him.

It's sort of a double loss. First I lost the person who I knew all my life as my father, as the disease progressed and more of him disappeared. But then I began to connect with the other person that emerged from underneath, and I got attached to him. Now I'm feeling the loss of that too, which in some ways resembles the loss of a younger sibling, because he was so helpless and couldn't do anything at all himself.

God gave my mother this incredible strength and courage to take care of him herself all this time. When all was said and done, she had made it possible for the most unique thing to happen. My father passed away in the very same room that he was born in, in the very same house.

Anyway, I was just wondering if anyone else had any thoughts, or experiences to share. I'm just trying to figure out where to go from here, and I'm wondering how you managed. Or of course if any of you have had any experience with someone who had Alzheimers. It sure is one misunderstood disease.

[LittleTokyo91]

I lost my great grandmother last year. Though I didn't really know her, it hurt me to see my grandmother sad. My grandmother is better now, because she knows that her mother is in heaven, and shes not suffering anymore pain. I'm sorry about your father. I 'll pray for you.

[Armored_Saint]

My aunt passed away about a month ago. She'd already had a stroke three times and then this last time it was just to strong for her to take. It was really sad for me because it was a day after my birthday when she died.
Probably the best thing I ever read in the Bible dealing with death was the book of Job were he said "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away". Those words made me realize that life is truly a gift from God and that we should be grateful for the time we had to know the person.

[EireWolf]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your father.

I lost my sister a few years ago, to a sudden accident. She was 29 years old.

Of course the nature of our losses is very different, but I hope this helps. One thing that really helped me was something my father told me. He said that everyone grieves differently, and I shouldn't feel "wrong" if my grieving doesn't look the same as someone else's, or if I don't heal at the same rate as someone else.

Another thing that helps me is the knowledge that this life is just a wink compared to eternity. We will be with our loved ones again; they'll be there to help welcome us home.

[Mithrandir]

I lost my mother to cancer about 15 years ago (over a 3-4 year period). It was one of the hardest things that I've ever been through. As a result, I had very little exposure to "good relationships" when I needed it the most. I guess I was fortunate - I ruined a lot of relationships while I was in high school and college, but finally figured a few things out by the time I got married.

I dealt with my pain by walling it up inside; I have the hardest time remebering anything about my mother anymore. It took me 6 or more years to get completely over it. After all that work, it's very difficult for me to acknowledge and express any kind of emotion.

The best advice I got was, don't ignore your pain; experience it. I didn't listen; I don't recommend going that route.

[Nate]

Hmm. This is a hard question for me to answer. In September of 2004, my dad died while riding his bike. He was on the shoulder of the road, and a car tried to get over to give him more room, but didn't notice a car in the lane next to it, and ended up overcompensating and hitting him, killing him instantly. So we had no time to "prepare" knowing that he had a disease that would eventually claim him or the like, and the shock hit all of us pretty hard.

It's difficult to readjust, because the repercussions are still present. My youngest brother has become obsessive compulsive, and my mother has become depressed and suicidal, and tried to make up for this by marrying a drug addict (who also cheated on her repeatedly only a month after marrying her), and nearly shutting the rest of her family out of her life.

I really don't know how to deal with this, except to leave my mom to her own devices. I can't help my brother because he refuses to get help, and so I'm just kind of lost...in my case, I've just kind of given up on my family, because they won't listen to anyone. I just really wish my dad was still around, because none of this would've happened if he was.

So uh...what was I trying to answer again? o.O;;