Seeing as how i haven't contributed to this section in a while, i though i should grace you all with my presence!! j/k Anyways, I had a little blurb i thought i'd share with u guys. (sorry about and grammar mistakes, etc.) Comments and critiques are VERY welcome. And if anybody likes it there might be more to come.
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I suppose it was inevitable. Humanity has always tried to play God in one form or another. Is it really that surprising? We were so rebellious… But no one, not even those who knew we would be punished, expected this. And sometimes I wonder, could things have been different?
I still remember that day…
“Hey, kid. This is our turf, so get out!â€
My brain bubble!!!
9 posts •
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My brain bubble!!!
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v690/Kezzie_Kaiba/Image45.png</img>
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*Hope* - Posts: 213
- Joined: Mon Jun 09, 2003 8:27 pm
- Location: The Pirate-Ninja Moving Fortress
I love the name, Hope. I come from a long line of Hopes. Really. I even thought of using it for a pen name.
That being said I'll do the critique.... Nah, wait. I don't want to critique yet. I want to see what else you have to write. Would you mind adding some stuff? I'd like to see where this story goes first. I'll also go to your thread for choosing a name and put in my two cents. Is the name you're searching for, for the guy who's getting stabbed and kicked around in this story?
Sorry, I'm in a goofy mood right now. I do like your story so far.^_^ Please, write on.
That being said I'll do the critique.... Nah, wait. I don't want to critique yet. I want to see what else you have to write. Would you mind adding some stuff? I'd like to see where this story goes first. I'll also go to your thread for choosing a name and put in my two cents. Is the name you're searching for, for the guy who's getting stabbed and kicked around in this story?
Sorry, I'm in a goofy mood right now. I do like your story so far.^_^ Please, write on.
[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE
You see into the deepest part of me ---
beyond the fog I hide behind.
You cast your light upon the shadows
that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.
You ease the pain when I am hurting,
and morbid visions from my past
pierce into the realm of Reason
as though I danced on blades of glass.
You grant me strength when I have fallen
and, once again, I've lost my way.
You take my hand in Yours and lead me
into the promise of a brand new day.
You bring order to all my chaos,
yet set my well-laid plans awry.
You place me on a firm foundation ---
then give me wings so I can fly.
You sand away my roughened edges
and polish all the dullest parts
until I stand before Your presence...
a newly-sculpted work of art.
You see into the heart within me,
right through my motives and selfish will.
And yet, in spite of all You see
You say You love me even still.
~by D.M.~
[/color][/size]
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true_noir_chloe - Posts: 3091
- Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^
Thank you alll!! I'm in the process of writing more! ^_^ Yep, this is the guy, only he's younger here. I really appreciate the comments! Oh, and thank you about my name! I know a few other Hope's myself.
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v690/Kezzie_Kaiba/Image45.png</img>
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*Hope* - Posts: 213
- Joined: Mon Jun 09, 2003 8:27 pm
- Location: The Pirate-Ninja Moving Fortress
Sorry it took so long! OH and This is copyright to ************** 2004
In the year 2130 AD, we created our own down fall. Kind of ironic, isn’t it? We were trying to create the perfect human being. But stop right there, you see that word? Create? Whoa, the only thing that comes from us trying to do God’s work is complete and utter havoc. And that’s just what happened. Sydoneis, the perfect human being. But we have another word problem. Perfect human being? Definitely not possible. We flubbed and it cost over half the population their lives. Sydoneis is superior in mental aspects, physical aspects, heck, it’s just about perfect! But, it’s not. And that’s out problem. To top it off, because it produces asexually it has multiplied by the thousands. It is slower to reproduce then say, bacteria, but not slow enough to give us time to see what it was doing. We nuked our own cities to try to get rid of it but we only ended up destroying our own people. Finally, three years after this disaster began, some scientists came up with chemical that repelled the now numerous Sydoneis. Acoxylate would do them no harm, but it would at least repel them from wherever it was sprayed. One problem (isn’t there always one problem). The Sydonis are slowly developing an immunity to Acoxylate. The government is in too much of a frenzy over the Sydonis to deal with the violence and crime running rampant in the streets. My name is Riven Graey. I’ve lived my whole life in fear. Fear of the Sydonis and fear of someone finding out what I’ve so carefully tried to hide. This is my story.
“Riven, RIVEN!â€
In the year 2130 AD, we created our own down fall. Kind of ironic, isn’t it? We were trying to create the perfect human being. But stop right there, you see that word? Create? Whoa, the only thing that comes from us trying to do God’s work is complete and utter havoc. And that’s just what happened. Sydoneis, the perfect human being. But we have another word problem. Perfect human being? Definitely not possible. We flubbed and it cost over half the population their lives. Sydoneis is superior in mental aspects, physical aspects, heck, it’s just about perfect! But, it’s not. And that’s out problem. To top it off, because it produces asexually it has multiplied by the thousands. It is slower to reproduce then say, bacteria, but not slow enough to give us time to see what it was doing. We nuked our own cities to try to get rid of it but we only ended up destroying our own people. Finally, three years after this disaster began, some scientists came up with chemical that repelled the now numerous Sydoneis. Acoxylate would do them no harm, but it would at least repel them from wherever it was sprayed. One problem (isn’t there always one problem). The Sydonis are slowly developing an immunity to Acoxylate. The government is in too much of a frenzy over the Sydonis to deal with the violence and crime running rampant in the streets. My name is Riven Graey. I’ve lived my whole life in fear. Fear of the Sydonis and fear of someone finding out what I’ve so carefully tried to hide. This is my story.
“Riven, RIVEN!â€
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v690/Kezzie_Kaiba/Image45.png</img>
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*Hope* - Posts: 213
- Joined: Mon Jun 09, 2003 8:27 pm
- Location: The Pirate-Ninja Moving Fortress
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ShiroiHikari - Posts: 7564
- Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Somewhere between 1983 and 1989
I like it. ^_^
[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE
You see into the deepest part of me ---
beyond the fog I hide behind.
You cast your light upon the shadows
that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.
You ease the pain when I am hurting,
and morbid visions from my past
pierce into the realm of Reason
as though I danced on blades of glass.
You grant me strength when I have fallen
and, once again, I've lost my way.
You take my hand in Yours and lead me
into the promise of a brand new day.
You bring order to all my chaos,
yet set my well-laid plans awry.
You place me on a firm foundation ---
then give me wings so I can fly.
You sand away my roughened edges
and polish all the dullest parts
until I stand before Your presence...
a newly-sculpted work of art.
You see into the heart within me,
right through my motives and selfish will.
And yet, in spite of all You see
You say You love me even still.
~by D.M.~
[/color][/size]
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true_noir_chloe - Posts: 3091
- Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^
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