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Postby Swordguy » Sat Jul 23, 2005 10:25 pm

This is part of a story i am writing, the main charictor is having a dream sequace.

~Where am I? What is this place? Tiffany thinks as she looks around and down at the rags she is in. “A chain gang?â€
I used to "Follow" Him because i had to....now i would give everything to follow Him.

Me check it out!

Quest for the True Grail

rei wrote:"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."


[quote="The forgoten"] .â€
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Postby Photosoph » Sun Jul 24, 2005 9:09 pm

That's very cool -I like the story idea. It's an interesting dream sequence -I wonder what the rest of the story is about? I like the message you're bringing through so far as well.
I do have a few suggestions... would you mind if I suggested them?
(0)>
((_\//
mm

[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD

\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times. :pinned:
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Postby Swordguy » Sun Jul 24, 2005 10:54 pm

sure go ahead..it is an alagorical story. the main char was once a sevent to the "Great Lord" (lucifer) as those who are refer to him...she actully his second in command, but then is double crossed by another general and left for dead when perseing a "Rebal." She chaces him acrossed a river that divideds the land and the contreys. well the "Rebal" saves her from death and is leading her to Christ. that is the story so far...
I used to "Follow" Him because i had to....now i would give everything to follow Him.

Me check it out!

Quest for the True Grail

rei wrote:"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."


[quote="The forgoten"] .â€
User avatar
Swordguy
 
Posts: 834
Joined: Mon Jul 05, 2004 3:00 pm
Location: The Largest chunk of concrete these united states know.

Postby Photosoph » Mon Jul 25, 2005 2:57 pm

That sounds good; the allegory, as far as you've told it, sounds like it'll work very well.
One of the things I thought I'd mention would be that if you start a new line each time someone new speaks, it would make it a little easier to read. The other thing is just that there are quite a few spelling errors -if you have Microsoft Word, you could run a spell check; otherwise I could run one for you, if you like. You'll just have to tell me whether you want to use American English (I'm guessing that it's this), or British English (like me! ;) )

As I said before, very cool; I really like the idea for your allegory; I'm sure it'll keep going into a great story.
(0)>
((_\//
mm

[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD

\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times. :pinned:
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Photosoph
 
Posts: 1528
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Kiwiland... fighting for mankind in the battle of human vs. sheep.

Postby Swordguy » Tue Jul 26, 2005 2:01 pm

sorry about that i forgot to give the warning of it being unedited, and i am not the best speller if that not aparent. and normally i don't seperate the line os speach while i write becasue it is easyer on me, but i guess i should befoer placing it for others to read, well thanks
I used to "Follow" Him because i had to....now i would give everything to follow Him.

Me check it out!

Quest for the True Grail

rei wrote:"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."


[quote="The forgoten"] .â€
User avatar
Swordguy
 
Posts: 834
Joined: Mon Jul 05, 2004 3:00 pm
Location: The Largest chunk of concrete these united states know.

Postby Photosoph » Tue Jul 26, 2005 2:17 pm

No problem; yeah, that's okay; I wasn't sure if it was edited or not. ^_^"
(0)>
((_\//
mm

[Quote=Photosoph]Well, t'was a good deduction, Mr. Holmes! *salutes Mr. Myoti Sherlock Homes* [/QUOTE]
Myoti wrote:Elementary, my dear Watsoph. XD

\(^_^)/
Still in rest and recovery mode. Posting may be sporadic at times. :pinned:
User avatar
Photosoph
 
Posts: 1528
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Kiwiland... fighting for mankind in the battle of human vs. sheep.


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