Creed4 Poems

[creed4]

That was the orignal conclution there are still a couple more parts

Part 6
The Brother’s sulk


I just can’t
think anymore
or fathom,
the way he thinks.
Why accept the betrayer in,
why throw him a feast.
Why does he honor him
with the best he has.
Why does he...

For years I’ve been
the one to tend
and care for him.
For years I’ve worked
for very little.
But then he returns
That scandalous Brother.
For me not even a rind.
For him the best.
I’ve been here
all this time,
and worked and planted,
he ran and squandered.
Why do I get no honor.

[Rachel]

I really, really like your poems. I have to agree with the people who've said that they would be great set to music. As I was reading them I could really hear them as songs so that's really a cool thing about them.

[creed4]

Thank you

[Anna Mae]

Good. You said there were a couple more parts. I hope in one of them the sulking brother finds resolution?

[creed4]

This is the last part,

The Father’s reply

My son why do you say
about him “you wrenchâ€

[creed4]

I ussally don't post two poems so soon togather, but I just wrote this one and need some feed back about it. anything you can tell me will help.


Chose

I don't want
To chose my way right now.
I'm having to much fun.
I want to wonder
From here to there
To live it up.

My child I watch
And cry
As you take second best
I have so much to give,
And show.
I want to give you the best.
Please don't wait, until
Not to chose
Is your choice.

I heard about
How you died for me,
yet I've heard other stories too
I wonder which to believe
I have so much time
So I'm not going to chose
May later...

Yes, I died for you.
I know you've heard many tales
So often people make truth from lies,
Yet I was from before time,
I prove myself with my new Life
I love you
And want you to live,
Not dwell in misery.
Don't wait until
Not to Chose
Is your Choice

I waited so long
And my choice was made
Following the crowd.
Now I dwell in suffering
Because I refused to chose.
I thought I could get away
But now I realize to late,
You put salvation In my hands
All I had to do was accept.
In choosing not to chose
I didn't chose you.

[Anna Mae]

Good. One suggestion I would have is to maybe put Jesus' part in italics so that it is less confusing.

This poem actually hits kind of close to home for me. One of the kids from my youth group that went to Brazil with me is a lot like your main character. I can even hear his parents saying some of the things that God says in this poem. This is a very good poem.

[creed4]

thank you, I did put Jesus part in Italic on my type verison it just didn't tranfer when I cut and paste

[creed4]

Here's a new poem


Why Do They Say

Why do they say
There's no beauty, in the simple things
Why are they running around
Till they can't be contained.
Trying hard to be
What they aren't
Running Until their world is gone.

Stop for a minute
See the world around
Moving by
Don't miss it
Soon nothing will be left.

Losing your way
In the speed of things.
Stop and look!
The King wants you
To know He loves you.
He wants you to join
Him on His road.
But running around
You miss the turn
Yet he offers it again
For you to come.

Please slow down
The King has cried
The road your on
Leads to a cliff
Please take my road
Before you Fall
Never to return.

Running around at
The speed of Things.
In and out as time goes.
Don't miss the King
Who offers life indeed.
Only so many will turn
Will you.

[creed4]

Good. One suggestion I would have is to maybe put Jesus' part in italics so that it is less confusing.

This poem actually hits kind of close to home for me. One of the kids from my youth group that went to Brazil with me is a lot like your main character. I can even hear his parents saying some of the things that God says in this poem. This is a very good poem.

Sadly My Dad's like that Infact "You took my heart and smashed it" was written about one of the many things he did....

[Anna Mae]

Please slow down
The King has cried
The road your on
Leads to a cliff
Please take my road
Before you Fall
Never to return.

I would suggest changing it to this:
"Please slow down,"
The King has cried,
The road you're on
Leads to a cliff.
Please take my road
Before you Fall...
Never to return."

I also have a suggestion for this:
Only so many will turn
Will you.

Only so many will turn.
Will you?

[creed4]

Here is another poem, It's a different take from "When the Heart Quakes"

I am a simple Instrument

I am a simple Instrument
With no rhythm and rhyme.
I can't even play
A beautiful note.
That is until the King
Came to Play
And Change my noise
To symphony.

Now no Longer a resounding gong.
For the King plays here
Now a reflection
of his Glorious notes.
No other purpose
In life is so grand,
Then to be played
By the masterful hand
Of the king who rules
Love in all the lands.

Oh lonely instrument.
Do you want to be still,
Or be play randomly by the blow of the wind.
Then open to the King
For it is only when He plays
Will music be heard.
For only He can make us instruments sing.
With a life of purpose
Of joy and glee.

A song in Him
Is never the same.
A song in Him
Will never end.
So let Him play
Let the music begin.

[creed4]

Here's another poem


Land That Can't Be Imagined / Jesus We Love You

Land that can't be imagined
Created beyond time and space
Land held in the arms
Of the Father
Prepared for those who call His name.

Jesus we love You
Jesus we adore
You are at the right hand of the Father
Praise forevermore.

Mansion prepared for those who love You.
Those called by your name.
The glory of God the Father
Open to the Saints
The redeemed.

Jesus we love You
Holy is your name
You opened the door to God the Father
Thank you God the Son
Oh how we love You
Oh Holy One.

Lord I can't wait
To see the land
You've prepared.
Even more
I can't wait to see your face
You are the only thing
In Heaven for me.

Jesus we love You
And cry
Holy, Holy, Holy,
Holy is the lamb
Holy, Holy, Holy
Forever glory
To the lamb, Who was slain
Holy, Holy, Holy
Unending praise
To you forever!
Holy, Holy, Holy,
Are You
The Lamb.

[Anna Mae]

I am a simple Instrument

I am a simple Instrument
With no rhythm and rhyme.
I can't even play
A beautiful note.
That is until the King
Came to Play
And Change my noise
To symphony.
I would suggest changing some of your tenses in this stanza. They don't quite progress logically.

Now no Longer a resounding gong.I would consider a gong to be a beautiful note.
For the King plays here
Now a reflection
of his Glorious notes.I fyou capitalize King, you should probably capitalize "his" also.
No other purpose
In life is so grand,
Then to be played
By the masterful handMore capitalization here would be nice also.
Of the king who rules
Love in all the lands.

Oh lonely instrument.
Do you want to be still,
Or be play randomly by the blow of the wind.
Then open to the KingI would eliminate the "then."
For it is only when He plays
Will music be heard. I would change this line to "that music will be heard." Change the period to a comma since the sentence continues onto the next line.
For only He can make us instruments sing.
With a life of purpose
Of joy and glee.

A song in Him
Is never the same.
A song in Him
Will never end.
So let Him play
Let the music begin.

Good message.

[Anna Mae]

Land That Can't Be Imagined / Jesus We Love You

Good psalm. Very worshipful.

[creed4]

Thank you

[creed4]

What Did I Hear

What did I hear?
Is that you coming near
What did I see
A blast from east to west
You coming for me.

I look to the sky
Dwelling on that moment
When the sky opens
And you step through
Taking men home

What did I hear?
Is that you coming near
What did I see
A blast from east to west
You coming for me.

Ever sense the day
You died, hand nailed wide
And you rose again
You set a place
For me and all I bring
I look for you to come


What did I hear?
Is that you coming near
What did I see
A blast from east to west
You coming for me.

I wait for you
Expecting heart, for you to come.
And take me there
I look to the sky
And be gone in a twinkling of the eye
Forever by you side.

[Anna Mae]

Ever sense the day
You died, hand nailed wide
And you rose again
You set a place
For me and all I bring
I look for you to come
I believe you mean 'since' instead of 'sense.'

I wait for you
Expecting heart, for you to come.
And take me there
I look to the sky
And be gone in a twinkling of the eye
Forever by you side.
You probably mean 'your' instead of 'you.'

Good. I like the blend between the future and present.

[creed4]

Thank You,

[creed4]

Here Is one, It is a rewrite of a poem I Lost

Here I come
I heard you.
Crying in the Dark
And have never left your side.
I Love You
My Bride.
I see as the Onslaught comes.
Do not fear
The enemy is strong
I Am here to help you stand.
Before me the Golam crumbles.
I am here to deliver.
I will never let you
Have more then you can stand.
Soon I will carry you away
To Love's land.
---------------------------------------------------
I haven't made a title yet, what do yall think

[Anna Mae]

Nice. Your punctuation seemed a tad quirky to me, though.

As to a title, what if you just used "I Am"?

[creed4]

Thank you, but I think I have another poem by that name
Here is another poem

God in a Box

I placed my idea who He is
A god of love
Simply
My little box I place
What I think he should be
Always giving to let me be happy

Mind Shake
Heart break
Not what the world seem
To be
Why do we place the King
In a mold of our own design
It brakes my heart to see
Such travesty.

I place my idea who He is
A god of Judgment
Simply
One who condemns those who don't agree
My hammer to shame
Always to Judge

Mind Shake
Heart break
Not what the world seem
To be
Why do we place the King
In a mold of our own design
It brakes my heart to see
Such travesty.

Not what we have seem
Beyond all we can conceive
Is this King who rules me
Judge and Love
And more
Awesome King
Who seeks to save
Not in a box for us reign
But to rule over all

Not what I conceived
But who is
Revealed by his own hand
Not the dream of man

[Anna Mae]

Overall, your grammar in this poem made reading it a bit blocky, so I have offered some suggestions for clarity.

God in a Box

I placed my idea of who He is
A god of love
Simply
In my little box I place
What I think he should be
Always giving to let me be happy

Mind Shake
Heart break
Not what the world seems
To be
Why do we place the King
In a mold of our own design?
It brakes my heart to see
Such travesty.

I place my idea of who He is
A god of Judgment
Simply
One who condemns those who don't agree
My hammer to shame
Always to Judge

Not what we have seen
Beyond all we can conceive
Is this King who rules me
Judge and Love
And more
Awesome King
Who seeks to save
Not in a box for us reign
But to rule over all

Not what I conceived
But who is
Revealed by his own hand
Not the dream of man

Good message.

[creed4]

Thanks, I think I need to reread them more, but there are so many on my computer now its hard to go over them

[creed4]

Love Can't Be a Feeling

Love can't be a feeling
Cause mine change all the time
Love has to be more tangible
Something that underlines the substance
That's shone by the actions.

Love can't be a thought
For thoughts can be random and uncontrolled
Though it can affect them
Love can focus then into
A heart devoted.

Love can't just happen
Cause it's an ongoing thing
It starts as a choice
And grows
It changes the substance
Of who we are
Turn our desire outward
To others.

Love can not be stopped
Though He did die
To pay a debt
Owed by me
He rose and gives live
Love is the substance of his being.

[creed4]

Massage From a Savior

Look me at the cross
And you will see my heart.
Broken, as I died for you.
Look me at the cross
And you will see my love.
As I took your place,
Dying, The worst death In history.

So often, people bare my name
Given examples, not fit for truth.
Leading people away
From my Love
I died your death
For the Love I have
Sin separated us
Sin required a price
I payed it
So we could be reunited.

The choices that were made
Put you in rebellion...
A wage had to be paid.
Forever away from Me
Hurt my Heart.
So I paid the debt.
Then to give hope
I rose again.
Conquering death
Your worst enemy.
If You chose me
And take me in
I will take you
To the Father

For freedom. I want to set you free,
From the life wondering
To the pit.
I want you to know
Life abundantly
Come to me.
I will never turn you away.
I am called Salvation,
I want you to come
Turn away from your rebellion
Come to me.

Time is running out
Soon the day will come
When the offer is gone
I don't want to lose you!
But I honor your choice.
I want to give you Joy.
I want to give you Peace.
That can not be fathom.
Come to me, and Know.
Taste and see, what I offer.
Seek me now, for
Soon the end will come

[Anna Mae]

I like "Love Can't Be a Feeling." Your message of love having more substance than mush is appreciated.

Look me at the cross This phrase doesn't make sense.
And you will see my heart.
Broken, as I died for you.
Look me at the cross
And you will see my love.
As I took your place,
Dying, The worst death In history. I would suggest writing this line like this, "Dying the worst death in history."

So often, people bare my name Are you sure that you don't mean 'bear?'
Given examples, not fit for truth.This line does not quite make sense.
Leading people away
From my Love
I died your death
For the Love I have
Sin separated us
Sin required a price
I payed it
So we could be reunited.More punctuation in this stanza would make your meaning more clear.

The choices that were made
Put you in rebellion...
A wage had to be paid. This sentence sounds odd.
Forever away from Me
Hurt my Heart.This sentence could be clarified.
So I paid the debt.
Then to give hopeI would change this to, "Then, to give hope,"
I rose again.
Conquering death
Your worst enemy.In general, your punctuation in this stanza is more distracting than helpful. I would suggest revising it.
If You chose me 'Chose' should be 'choose.'
And take me in I would add, 'to your heart.'
I will take you
To the Father

For freedom. I want to set you free,
From the life wondering
To the pit.This sentence is awkward. Also, do you mean 'wandering' instead of 'wondering?'
I want you to know
Life abundantly
Come to me.
I will never turn you away.
I am called is Salvation,[b]This line is unclear.
I want you to come
Turn away from your rebellion
Come to me.

Time is running out
Soon the day will come
When the offer is gone
I don't want to lose you!
But I honor your choice.
I want to give you Joy.
I want to give you Peace. Take out this period.
That can not be fathom.Add an 'ed' after fathom.
Come to me, and Know.
Taste and see, what I offer.
Seek me now, for
Soon the end will come

[creed4]

The look me at the cross line was a play at look at my heart, Pointing out that Christ showed his love by what he did. Thank you for you coments

[creed4]

Flow Your River Again

I Hear a thunderous
rolling
Echoing in the old bed
And rushing here.

Father Flow
Your river again
Hold me down and wash me
Till the rock hard dirt
Is taken away
With the river’s flow
Till I’m clean and
This temple is washed
Forgive me
Wash me
Let me be
Consecrated Again.

My heart a diamond
encased in rock
my sin so hard
it put me into a lock.

Lord let Your river
Erode the rock,
Clean me.
Make me holy.

Clean me with
your scrubbing
love
I will be whole
again.
I no longer
Wish to be that
Sulk of a man.

So Lord send Your
River.
Clean me out
Til only You are
there
Fill me with You
Til that is what’s there
Immerse me down
Leave me in
You.
Till I have You
soaked and penetrated
To my bone.

My Love Lord
is Yours,
Jesus my King
And will grow
When You place your water
Around my roots.

[creed4]

Crying Heart Come to me,
Lord Help me.

Heart in pain
Come back to life.
Heart is sorrow
Live again
Let his Love flow through you
Heal the sore that consumes you.
Heart healed back.
Let him make you trust again.

Lord I’m here
I feel so lost
Held down again
Crying out for mercy,
Love and peace.
I hurt so bad
From the pain that brought me here
I’m your child
But I lost my trust.
Crying from the pain
That hurt me

Child I hear you
Listen to me
I want to take you through
just listen to me
I want you to know
I’ll be there
Give Up!
Let me Heal you!

Father its hard to listen
When all You see pain.
It’s Hard to hear.
When your in desperation.
My eyes pour out
I can’t stand
My heart feel faint
Take me out.

You believe I can heal others
You believe others can have my gift.
Why not you,
You are my child.

Lord my strength is dry.
My life dim
My knowledge gone.
Take my hand walk me on.
I want to go home.