My poetry reservoir

Unleash your creative writing skills here.

Postby Jaltus-bot » Wed Oct 06, 2004 5:32 pm

One Night Long Ago in July

There was beauty and simplicity
Magic filled that night so long ago
The stars began to shine
Bright fireworks filled the sky
We laughed and ran
Happy and free
Out on that grass
How we were filled with the innocence of youth
It tasted so sweet beneath the summer sky
Sometimes I wish that I could go back
Back under that perfect July sky

A Letter of Regret

I’m sorry Lord
For what I’ve done
What it’s brought
And where I’ve come
I make this weight
But won’t let go
To accept and have faith
And move on
Something I don’t want gone
I still hold on
This burden still not taken
Some how Your love forsaken
I clutch this weight
And won’t let go
Then something falls
I need You now
I quickly do regret
I never did let go
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Form me

Postby Jaltus-bot » Sat Oct 09, 2004 1:45 am

You're the gardener
I am a wild bush
Prune what's not of you
Reform me

You are the farmer
I am a poor tree
To have Your good fruit
Transform me

You're the master
I'm a useless tool
Use me in Your will
Conform me

You are the potter
And I am the clay
Into Your glory
Please form me
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Postby Icarus » Sat Oct 09, 2004 11:32 am

*claps*
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Postby Kura Ookami » Sat Oct 09, 2004 11:41 am

Wow your poems are very good and they rhyme as well. :) How do you do that? I've never really been able to write a good poem that actually rhymed. The pacing always turns out wrong. I work hard to get the pacing of my own poems just right and i can never find the right words to rhyme and still keep that pacing. Your poems have both good pacing and they rhyme too. Keep writing more poetry.
Absence is to love as wind is to a flame. It extinguishes the little, it ignites the great.

Life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been real life you would have have been instructed where to go and what to do.

When i argue with reality I lose.....But only 100% of the time.

Once you've decided on a course of action, only you can finish it. As long as you remember that, there's nothing you can't accomplish.
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Postby Esoteric » Sat Oct 09, 2004 2:09 pm

Yes, Form Me, is very nice!
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Postby Jasdero » Sat Oct 09, 2004 5:05 pm

Yeah... I second that.. Form Me is very good. Just curious.... what were you thinking about when you wrote that? If you want to tell, that is.
× s h i n i e s , y e s ? ×


does it not burn... LIKE THE SUN?!
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Midnight chats

Postby Jaltus-bot » Sun Oct 10, 2004 9:59 am

Now we get ready for bed
But before we part for sleep
We talk of dreams
And silly things
With each share, what we care
You with me, I with you
Melding our two hearts
In a world of dreams
And now at last
We go to sleep
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Postby Jasdero » Sun Oct 10, 2004 12:42 pm

^^ I like your poems.
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does it not burn... LIKE THE SUN?!
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The Meadow of Dreams

Postby Jaltus-bot » Mon Oct 11, 2004 5:45 pm

As children we ran and played
Out where the wild clover grew
A rolling green meadow
Cut off from the city
The smell of wild honey
Coming from the old woods
Our laughter and the sound of birds
Filled the air with quiet music

A garden of imagination
We planted our hopes and dreams
You were a great knight
I a future queen
We hid that there
Our dreams to grow
In our secret garden
Where they quietly grew

We swept away from our hearts and thoughts
All of the things that the meadow held
Now returning to the city
The things we call reality
Living lives conformed
To what they call real
Only the hope of what’s straight ahead
We have since thought to look and see

Life was not what we thought it would be
Without the riches we always could see
The shackles of life start to fade
And expectations fall away
We find dreams ready to harvest
Hope sprouted wings to fly away
Towards those dreams we now move
With nervous excitement
To see what the future holds
And dreams yet to unfold
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Postby true_noir_chloe » Mon Oct 11, 2004 8:24 pm

I abosolutely loved "Form Me" and then I read "Midnight Chats" and it was so perfect and the timing so clever. However, I came on here to comment on those and see "The Meadow of Dreams," and am ready to give you an award for my favorite poet on CAA. Icarus and Rachel had better start writing again, you're closing in on them.

You honestly get better with each poem. Are you studying poetry right now?

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Postby Jaltus-bot » Mon Oct 11, 2004 11:51 pm

Everyone, thank you. :P

Kura Ookami wrote:Wow your poems are very good and they rhyme as well. :) How do you do that? I've never really been able to write a good poem that actually rhymed. The pacing always turns out wrong. I work hard to get the pacing of my own poems just right and i can never find the right words to rhyme and still keep that pacing. Your poems have both good pacing and they rhyme too. Keep writing more poetry.

Do you count the syllables as you write each line? I have been doing that ever since it was suggested to me and I think it helps. If I am writing poetry that rhymes, I sometimes just think about what I am saying and find words that rhyme to sort of build the lines around.
Sunako wrote:Yeah... I second that.. Form Me is very good. Just curious.... what were you thinking about when you wrote that? If you want to tell, that is.

I was thinking, I should write a poem. What can I write about? Thinks, form, reform, transform… There is a song that I remember singing at our old church amd part of it goes, “You are the potter/I am the clay/mold me and make me/this is what I pray. So then what other analogies, especially Biblical ones can I think of to use?
true_noir_chloe wrote:I abosolutely loved "Form Me" and then I read "Midnight Chats" and it was so perfect and the timing so clever. However, I came on here to comment on those and see "The Meadow of Dreams," and am ready to give you an award for my favorite poet on CAA. Icarus and Rachel had better start writing again, you're closing in on them.

:P :jump:
You honestly get better with each poem. Are you studying poetry right now?


I am only studying it through CAA.
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Postby c.t.,girl » Mon Oct 11, 2004 11:53 pm

well you are very talented! keep up the good work! :thumb:
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby ice122985 » Tue Oct 12, 2004 12:19 pm

i like them. your style reminds me of my brother.
undefined

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Postby Jaltus-bot » Tue Oct 12, 2004 1:00 pm

ice122985 wrote:i like them. your style reminds me of my brother.

Thank you. Cool. Does your brother post on CAA? *curious about his poems*
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Postby merrick » Wed Oct 13, 2004 10:13 am

beautiful! keep it up
[color=Blue]tomorrow is a brand new day


if it doesn't kill you it'll make you stronger"[/color]

"When you come to the edge of all you know and are about to step into the unknown, faith is knowing that there will be something firm to step on or you will be taught how to fly"

"though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i shall fear no evil for thou art with me" psalms 23
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Postby Jaltus-bot » Thu Oct 14, 2004 11:53 am

Thanks everyone. :)
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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The Vase That Broke

Postby Jaltus-bot » Thu Oct 14, 2004 11:57 am

A vase broke one day
Many years ago
Shards of broken glass
Stayed swept out of view
A thing of beauty
Painfully undone
Hidden off in the dark
Though life went all around
None that did not see it break
Knew a broken vase was there
Its form smashed beneath the carpet
Though people went by and by
The vase once beautiful
Now worn and dirty shards

One day a cleaner came
And found the vase that broke
Out from the rug
He swept the dust
Cleared off the dirt from the glass
And thought it was beautiful
Although he was a cleaner by trade
By hobby he made puzzles and art
He took the glass home to glue and make
A lovely display of line and light
The vase that once lost its value
Now held a beautiful bouquet
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Postby Esoteric » Thu Oct 14, 2004 5:13 pm

Wow. Very nice poem. The pacing in the first paragraph is excellent!

None that did not see it break
Knew a broken vase was there


The 'double negative' threw me off a little.

I really like where the second paragraph goes, and the descriptive words you use for the cleaner. But the pacing wasn't as refined.

First paragraph: 5,5,5,5,5,5,6,6,7,7,8,7,6,6

Second paragraph: 6,6,4,4,7,7,9,9,9,9,8,8

Despite all of this, this is one of my favorite poems so far! Maybe it's because I'm fond of good visual description.
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Postby Jaltus-bot » Thu Oct 14, 2004 6:17 pm

Thank you. I like visual description too. What makes for good pacing?
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Postby Icarus » Thu Oct 14, 2004 9:50 pm

true_noir_chloe wrote:... and am ready to give you an award for my favorite poet on CAA. Icarus and Rachel had better start writing again, you're closing in on them.

Honestly, I wonder that you have held off this long.

Sher, have I mentioned the levels of swing to you? There are several, and you poetry is on all of them, oscillating in myriad directions.

*translation: Good rot. Very, very good rot.

**note: I use "rot" and "stuff" interchangeably.
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Postby Jaltus-bot » Fri Oct 15, 2004 2:33 am

A world apart
Sometimes you see
My secret heart
My heart world

Exploring the secrets within us
Only tender love and honesty
What can I say but you grew on me

I miss your eyes and face
A candid expression
Your playful sincerity
But your hand I’ll never hold
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Postby Anna Mae » Fri Oct 15, 2004 5:28 am

Wow, your poems are really good! I'd like to post a few poems if I can get around to it, but they'd probably pale in comparison to yours :) ! Anyway, I hope to get around to it sometime. Is there ANYONE else on CAA who writes poetry? No one else is posting any (except Estoric, who posted one)!
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]

[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Postby Esoteric » Fri Oct 15, 2004 9:01 am

Pacing?
Um well <runs and grabs a book on poetry> Okay, I guess the word I should be using is 'meter' ('pacing' would be used in non-poetic writing)

To quote from, Creative Writer's Handbook 2nd edition:

Rhythm, loosely defined as the recurrence of stressed (accented) syllables, is not a device, but a given. Poets pay special attention to this natural dimension of language: heightening it, systematizing it, and using it expressively....Traditionally, line length in English poetry is defined by a system of measurement called meter. There are three basic conventions of measurement in English poetry: the counting of stressed syllables, the counting of total syllables, and the counting of units comprised of some combination of stressed and unstressed syllables.

Most poets, like yourself, have a natural feel for these meter rhythms, even if they don't understand fully what they're doing. By exploring the rules of meter, one begins to understand how to manipulate words and make them do just what you want.

For instance, the second paragraph of your vase poem.

Out from the rug
He swept the dust
Cleared off the dirt from the glass
And thought it was beautiful


This jumps from two 4 syllable lines, to two 7 syllable lines. Not only does it jump from an even to odd syllable count, the stressed syllables (I put itallics where the words seemed naturally stressed), aren't very consistent. It made me as the reader, stop mid-paragraph notice the changed meter.
This could be used by a poet intentionally in certain situations.

To quote again:

Many free verse poets use line break as a strategy for surprise and suspense--or even for multiple meanings. Consider the various ways of reading the following lines:

When she cried
Wolf
Tears down her face
Ran


By the way, sorry I talk so much. Sometimes, I can't help it. :hits_self
<forces self away from computer>
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To my friend

Postby Jaltus-bot » Sat Oct 16, 2004 3:05 pm

My friend who lost someone
I'm sorry for your loss
I'ld have told you sooner
If I had seen before
I don't know what to say
Words can't make it better
Life's cruel joke seems so cold
And this is so unfair

Maybe it can still show
What's truly important
Giving us perspective
Small comfort though that is
One thing that you have is
My deepest sympathy
I'll be a better friend
You're important to me
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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A life too short

Postby Jaltus-bot » Sat Oct 16, 2004 3:37 pm

When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Postby Kura Ookami » Sat Oct 16, 2004 4:16 pm

sheherazade wrote:Do you count the syllables as you write each line? I have been doing that ever since it was suggested to me and I think it helps. If I am writing poetry that rhymes, I sometimes just think about what I am saying and find words that rhyme to sort of build the lines around.


Yeah. i do count the syllables as i write poetry. It's a very good way of getting the pacing just right. I'm going to have to try to write a poem that does rhyme sometime and just see how it ruens out. Maybe my next poem will rhyme. I guess it will depend on what i feel like ehwn i write it. I cant just write a poem if i dont feel like it. Are you like that?
Absence is to love as wind is to a flame. It extinguishes the little, it ignites the great.

Life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been real life you would have have been instructed where to go and what to do.

When i argue with reality I lose.....But only 100% of the time.

Once you've decided on a course of action, only you can finish it. As long as you remember that, there's nothing you can't accomplish.
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Postby c.t.,girl » Sun Oct 17, 2004 2:05 am

wow you write lots!
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Random Rhyming Given Reason

Postby Jaltus-bot » Mon Oct 18, 2004 12:48 am

How we ran and fought
To live as we ought
And never get caught

Now turn to God we must
Only Him can we trust
Because it’s Him or bust

What is it we got?
God has given us a lot
More than money could have bought
More than I ever have though

Out from the darkest of nights
Up from the farthest of plights
Finishing the hardest fights
Into the brightest of lights

Now life goes on from here
Everything seems so near
But we’ve nothing to fear
The end God will steer
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Postby Anna Mae » Mon Oct 18, 2004 5:19 am

Beautiful.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]

[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Faith to act, God and not our own

Postby Jaltus-bot » Mon Oct 18, 2004 2:53 pm

To act on faith
To change a life
Rely on God
And not yourself

Fear of failure
What’s still unknown
Things that matter
Are not our own

Nothing we do has worth
But what God does through us
We know the future is God’s own
It’s time to act on faith alone
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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