The Cyborg Lady! Need feed before next week!

[Inferno]

This is another one of my picture writings. I would like feed back on grammer, spelling, also on how you liked the story it's self. please and thank you

The Cyborg Lady!
By Zen
In the old cottage, while her pets look on the cyborg lady washes her hands in oil and thinks “ I’m going to buy some ammo for my nucular cannons.â€

[Inferno]

I really need feed back on this story please read!:(

[JediSonic]

That was hilarious! I think the fight scene could use some less-choppy sentences though.

[Inferno]

ok thanks

[churchgirl111]

I like the story..i do have some suggestions...

when you are going to a flashback...try to make either the nanny thinking about the flash back or put that part in the beginning as part of the story: but make it present tense like it is just happening..that will provide for a better flow to the story...I agree with jedi less choppy sentencing..short sentences with commas, periods, etc. to how fast you want the pace to be...

but i absolutely love the story...the plot is hilarious and the vampire/werewolf idea gives it fantasy with the cyborg gives it a fantasy/sci-fi feel...awesome!!!
Keep it up!!

[uc pseudonym]

A word of general advice: paragraph. That alone will make it far more likely people will read your story. Try to skip a line and continue whenever you have a new subject, a new person begins speaking, or a new phase of a fight begins. If you're seriously interested in readers, this will help enormously.

[Zilch]

(laughs) keep working. You've already been critiqued, so I won't say anything else.

[Inferno]

ok thanks, I will keep on working.