Immaculation

[Felix]

This is an idea I have been toying around with, and I finally got around to writing it. This here is just the prologue, but I want to know what you think. I'm a little worried about taking it to spiritual grounds, but the gist is that mankind has developed it's own 'perfect' system of existence and believes that it doesn't need God anymore. Obviously, this idea would develop more in the actual story. *shrugs* Well anyway, here you go.


Immaculation

Chirp, chirp.

The frothy sea churned against the white cliff face, its voice a simple and melancholy monotone. A gull detached itself from the marbled stone and flitted across the darkened sky. Two hooded figures walked abreast of each other in the growing gloom. They picked their way along the cliff top, seemingly without destination.

Chirp, chirp.

The taller of the two was an elderly man, by every mortal definition of the word. A coarse grey beard flowed from beneath his hood, and his tawny eyes shone wisely from behind narrow spectacles. In contrast to his wearied features, his poise was that of one with infinite reserves of vigor and vivacity.

The second was quite young, and carried about him an air of inexperience and vernal dependency. Long charcoal hair intruded on his physiognomy as it danced before his eyes, mocking gravity’s persuasion with his every step. His visage reflected a brooding darkness that seemed to absorb even the fading light.

Chirp, chirp, chirp.

The former came to a stop and barred the other’s path with his arm. Behind them, a lighthouse gleamed softly in the distance.
“Listen,â€

[Photosoph]

Very good. I like the idea... personally, just from what you've explained I don't see any spiritual problems; more an idea that would show people how life without God would actually be (-not perfect, but a hell, as you've implied in this prologue).
Is that what you meant by 'worried about taking it to spiritual grounds'?

Very good use of language as well; even from the last story I read from you (the one that was based on the RP we were doing a year ago... argh! Sorry, I can't believe I forgot its title. >_< I'm sure it'll come back to me though...) I can see the improvement in your writing. The other story was great, but in this one I think you've got the writing flowing better; seems more edited or something. ^_^
Anyway, I think it's a good premise for a story. The prologue is definitely intriguing.

<Edit>Oh, and just a sidenote.... GAH!!! I love your av! =^_^= Too cute. Did you draw it, or find it? And if you found it, where? The eyes and style seem similar to my drawing style... I'd be interested to see more work by the artist.

[Felix]

Thanks very much! Yeah, that's what I meant. I see what you mean though, thanks ^^
And thank you! I've been trying to increase my vocabulary and use new and interesting words in my writing. (it was called Psychotic Exile, by the way. No sweat ^^; I still ought to get around to finishing that one)
Okay, I'll work on getting an actual story going, then ^^/

Oh, thanks! I didn't make it no, and gosh, I really can't remember where I found it, sorry -_-\ I think I saw it on some japanese forum I accidentally stumbled on and I liked it so I stole it :3 You're right, it is like your style! How about that. ^_~