Angel37:The Legacy

[Zarn Ishtare]

These are all poems from perhaps the finest writer on CAA, Angel37. They were posted in this section long ago, and I think it fitting that a new generation of CAAers witness the elegance, the beauty, the unknowable sorrow that was and is the writings of Angel.

Here's to you angel.

Zarn.



"Wings" (aka 'Tai Arashi Lang Nova')

My eyes are like the fire,
From which my soul burns,
Disconsolate wreckage,
And the bleeding of hearts gone astray.

I fly amongst them all,
Illsayers, do-nayers,
And this is my alibie,
That yet can I fly.

My emotions rise at sight,
Wings pierced from within,
I'm a speckled dove,
Made imperfect by sin.

Take me higher, God!
I am falling low,
And this is my reasoning,
For here I must go.

I reach out to touch,
Something not there,
And this is despair,
That I've flown nowhere.

These wings do not help me.
I cannot get by.
Here I stand alone.
Alone 'til I die.

But there are people without wings,
Who sing of remorse,
My job is to help them,
Holding out my hand to one.

And, taking it, I did see,
In eyes of misery, strife,
Desertion, Betrayal destroying,
And this is the norm for her.

She asked me what t was like to fly.
I couldn't lie; she never tried,
And I showed her what lies within,
My lonliness, my sin.

She touched my wound and I felt,
Like nothing before, a pain within.
She'd seen my heart, corrupted,
Then, turning inside out, showed me hers.

'Give me your wings,
So I might fly.'
But it is lonely in the sky!
I know for there I;ve been.

'Yet such lies my sin,
That I cannot walk,
Flying, it seems, for me,
Impossible. Cannot be.'

But you never tried!
'Within me, I've died.'
I touched her back and felt,
Her wounds seeming to melt...

And seeing with fiery eyes,
A new love for skies,
I picked her up and we fly,
Together, not alone.

This is my alibie,
I will fly in the sky,
With love 'til we die,
For my name is Tai.
-Written for Tai

"Reinassance"

Silence.
Feel the heat, it's coming.
Penetration, ressurection.
A new dawn, a new flow.

Rejection.
Absolute, Destiny.
Mokushiroku, unmei.
He's coming, feel the burn.

Ashes.Ashes.
I've fallen onto you.
This Eden, this Shangri-La
This hell on Hell's Island.


Rose, my rose.
My blue, blue rose.
Kill me, thrill me, make me cry.
Hate me, sedate me, make me die.

Catalyst.
It's begun. It's come.
Can't hide blue eyes.
Say goodbye to my LOVE.

To my HATE.
Retreat, regroup, flow back.
Find red on white.
Ah, the fight.

To this
This time, thyme, adeilweiss.
Sing me a song, my dearest.
Watch the notes destroy.

Oniisama
The fallen, the Raven
Blackfeathered dove, my goki.
Forever is not too long.

Sayonara
I weep, I reap my dues
My dearest, my only
Fall not into my grave.

-Crash Metallium 4-20-05


"An Acronymn for Nothing"

I cannot help but feel it
Lonliness wraps itself around
A python squeezing life from me
I cannot help but cry his name.

Ah, blue eyes. The first. The true.
Brown, curly hair, short, soft.
A whisper in the night and a laugh.
His strong arms around me once more.

I yearn for him again, my love.
My true love, my first love, mine.
Nights in ectasy, days in passion.
I fight for you, by you, forever.

I cannot help but remember it,
The touch of his skin, his lips
The laugh in his eyes, shining in glee
The way he spoke as he moved through me.

Oh solitude! Thy sting! The hated,
The vile emotion of my suffering!
My angel in his glories was taken
From me, for me, and I cry alone.

An unwanted acronymn tries to take
The place of that perfect love I had
It is but a scar on a heart of egg shells.
It is but a wish for the past.

Oh take me back to my shire,
My rose garden, the chamber of our union.
Lead me not unto an empty graveyard,
Remind me not of love's absence!

I cannot forget that day of white,
I took his hand and made him mine.
"Until death do you part."
So Aeron said, so it shall be.

And then in the small church
On the highlands, church of blue,
I sit with him, and another blue eyes
Small, sandy-haired, on my lap, my new love.

As one soul, one family, with God,
Such a Sunday shall never be again.
I see ghosts of them in my memory,
My loves, my life, my sanctuary.

Shall yet a new blue take you too?
Oh sweet acronymn of nothing!
Calloused, I lay on that grave!
The day blue eyes closed forever!

Shall not even a whisper of his name be left?
Oh my dearest love, whitest rose.
I meant so well to bury my dead,
Somewhere I buried my blue heart instead.

I screamed out his name in remorse
They cannot bury my child or my love!
Take not my angels from me! They have not died!
Oh God, must I too watch my son be crucified?

Come darkness, destroy me again.
Then I watch as it took what I held most dear.
I sat alone in a cornor, surrounded by blood
My white rose has been plucked, it is bleeding!

Cupping red in my hands, of my love,
I write with his blood on walls, something
A distress call for my hellship is sinking.
H-S-O-S, an acronymn for nothing.

Hear now I'm mourning
By the dew on an Easter day
Write down an acronymn, hiding its meaning
See in my graveyard- a name for my nothing.
Solitude.

-Crash Metallium 4-10-05

"Bittersweet Memories"

A glimpse of majesty beholds your eyes,
I couldn't help but fall in love with the sky's
Reflection in a deep, blue window of the soul.
The soul...the blue eyes to the soul...

And suddenly I'm not talking about him anymore,
No I'm remembering nights of utmost beauty,
Feeling safe in the arms of a blue-eyed lover,
Laughing in the rose garden, silk white dresses cast aside.

No I'm not talking about him anymore,
I'm not talking about what I see before me everyday,
No, I'm remembering what I'll never see again.
A whispered "I love you", late for the Council, laughing...

A glimpse of heaven is captured in your stare,
I see within the hollow smiles, a hardened spirit,
A different person lies within your central self,
A different person...a younger person...

And suddenly I'm not talking about him anymore,
I'm remembering a child's voice calling out to me,
A desire to see him grow, see happiness, not death
In those big blue eyes that have beheld much pain.

No I'm not talking about him anymore,
I'm not talking about the innocence I see in him everyday,
No, I'm remembering a child I'll never hold again,
An innocent slain for the destruction of my entire world.

You know, I could say your eyes are like the sky,
In Pennsylvania covered with snow on a Christmas birthday,
Or like the sea you nearly drowned in, as a child long ago,
Or like the tears that fell when Cloud was taken away from us,

But I'm not talking about you anymore,
No, you can't be this nightmare I see before me.
Marks on a wrist, blue eyes staring down at me,
A muffled scream, a struggle ending in vain...

No, I'm not talking about him anymore,
I'm screaming for him in a place no one hears me,
I'm wishing for every soul I'd ever touched to save me,
As these blue eyes tear away everything from my body....

I'm standing at the docks in Alexandria again,
And no, I'm still not talking about him.
I'm remembering my dearest love with the blue stare
The red hair, the cry of a spirit who has given up hope.

I'm remembering everything we fought for,
How those blue pools of twilight glare at the sun
And scream out to God for a change in the weather
"It's too hot in this hellish place we roam...."

I'll take his hand dilligently on a plane not ours,
Lead him to my house with no swords forever
I'm still not talking about him, no I'm missing
The blue-eyed brother I scarcely see any more in my dreams...

A glimpse of myself can be seen within you,
I can see everything I try to hide in your aura,
Sometimes I wonder if you see the same thing in me...
In me......do you see....yourself?

No, I'm not talking about oniikun anymore...
But it's about time I did.
These memories are all I have,
And I want desperately to give them
A happy ending....

-Crash Metallium 3-20-05
“Too Short a Goodbyeâ€

[Anna Mae]

Eloquent indeed. Thank you for sharing those, Zarn.