Story-Unknown

Unleash your creative writing skills here.

Story-Unknown

Postby girlninja » Mon Feb 14, 2005 11:37 am

hey all i'm trying this out on ya let me know what ya think please? ^^

Prologue

"Master."

"Yes, Hiko," the scratcy voice resounded off the dojo walls. The moon's glow illuminated the kneeled body, revealing long tedons and hard muscles rippling out of the ghi.

"They are here, master."

"Very well, we shall begin."

The man stood. The long katana strapped to his belt slipped easily out of its hilt. The blade flashed, freshly sharpened.

Two bodies knelt before him, their ghi's stripped revealing flesh-torn backs; bruised and broken. ONe of the boy's shoulders heaved. He was crying.

The weeping boy looked up, no more then the age of 15, "Please Master. Please."

"Be quiet Kona," the other boy whispered quietly, "Bear this with honor."

The man looked, a small smile crossing his lips, "Good pupil. Die with honor."

He gazed at his blade, disgust changing his face, "You are weak and i have no need for the weak. Therefore, i will free you from your weakness."

He lifted his blade, and let it drop. The thunk of the blade sounded hollow and soft within the dojo walls. The only remnant being the blood that spilled forth over the floor.
"If not now then when? If not me then who?-anonymous

and of course now i must instill the Dancing BANANA'S!
:dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance:

WHY AM I CRYING IN FRENCH-Vash the Stampede

ORORORORORO!-Himura Kenshin

:jump: :lol: :thumb:

"It is not weak to value human life!"-Raiden, Mortal Combat II

98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.

*ADOPTED BY* ..yea i know scary I got a adopted ~_^

Nami
User avatar
girlninja
 
Posts: 388
Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2004 3:03 pm
Location: On the rooftops *ninja poofing*

Postby Magekind » Mon Feb 14, 2005 2:09 pm

Dark and evil. I can only hope there's a good purpose for this later on in the story.
Take it like you gave it; what else matters in the end? To be honest, it's all a one-shot test; that leaves plenty of places to go wrong, but how will you ever know? There's a pointer, I will admit. Turn it on, listen to it, feel it burn.

At-Close Paren-Right inclusive bracket-Tilde. Thanks to CAA mods. Taken from Jaden Mental's sig.
Magekind
 
Posts: 292
Joined: Mon Aug 02, 2004 6:55 pm
Location: Lost somewhere between here and reality. Help?

Postby girlninja » Mon Feb 14, 2005 7:29 pm

yes very good purpose this story/book will have a lot of symbolism...good vs. evil and the nature of man plus i think all martial art lovers will come to enjoy it ^^
"If not now then when? If not me then who?-anonymous

and of course now i must instill the Dancing BANANA'S!
:dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance:

WHY AM I CRYING IN FRENCH-Vash the Stampede

ORORORORORO!-Himura Kenshin

:jump: :lol: :thumb:

"It is not weak to value human life!"-Raiden, Mortal Combat II

98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.

*ADOPTED BY* ..yea i know scary I got a adopted ~_^

Nami
User avatar
girlninja
 
Posts: 388
Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2004 3:03 pm
Location: On the rooftops *ninja poofing*

Postby Esoteric » Mon Feb 14, 2005 8:45 pm

"Gaa! Move cat, I'm reading!!" <Esoteric's cat has jumped up on desk, blocking computer screen to get attention. Tries to see around cat; can't. Gruffly scoops up cat and plops it on floor. Cat pouts. Finishes reading...>

Hmmmm. Sadistic. That's what it is.
User avatar
Esoteric
 
Posts: 1603
Joined: Sun Aug 22, 2004 1:12 pm
Location: The Lost Room.

Postby SereneDolphin » Mon Feb 14, 2005 10:26 pm

I have to say, it's got me attention. I need to read a bit more before I get any real impressions over the story. Sounds about as dark as my friend's writings.
I am unique, just like everyone else.


[size=84]"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant, filled with odd waitors who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like"- Lemony Snicket[/SIZE]
User avatar
SereneDolphin
 
Posts: 79
Joined: Tue Jan 25, 2005 10:31 am
Location: Duh. The ocean with all the other dolphins.

Postby girlninja » Tue Feb 15, 2005 3:21 am

lol i'll post more tonight trust me the sadism is necessary ^^
"If not now then when? If not me then who?-anonymous

and of course now i must instill the Dancing BANANA'S!
:dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance:

WHY AM I CRYING IN FRENCH-Vash the Stampede

ORORORORORO!-Himura Kenshin

:jump: :lol: :thumb:

"It is not weak to value human life!"-Raiden, Mortal Combat II

98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.

*ADOPTED BY* ..yea i know scary I got a adopted ~_^

Nami
User avatar
girlninja
 
Posts: 388
Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2004 3:03 pm
Location: On the rooftops *ninja poofing*

Postby Magekind » Tue Feb 15, 2005 2:09 pm

Just so long as it doesn't end up like some of the Terry Goodkind writings, where because some innocent person dies, all is well. I so despise that.
Take it like you gave it; what else matters in the end? To be honest, it's all a one-shot test; that leaves plenty of places to go wrong, but how will you ever know? There's a pointer, I will admit. Turn it on, listen to it, feel it burn.

At-Close Paren-Right inclusive bracket-Tilde. Thanks to CAA mods. Taken from Jaden Mental's sig.
Magekind
 
Posts: 292
Joined: Mon Aug 02, 2004 6:55 pm
Location: Lost somewhere between here and reality. Help?

Postby girlninja » Wed Feb 16, 2005 7:40 pm

Part of Chapter 1

"I'm going where?" Kianna asked again, her face showing practiced calm but her innards swirled inside her.

"The Maji dojo in the countryside, Fujirisan," the government official driving the vehicle explained.

"What purpose does this serve, other then to isolate me and stop me from my vengenance?" Kianna glared.

The man nodded,"To protect you. Whoever killed your parents will come after you as well."

Kianna shook her head. Impossible. THis week has become simply impossible. One week since the murder of her parents, both which had owned the Karin style of fighting in Kyoto. Supposedly a band of robbers attacked the unsuspected couple on their excursion home.

NOne of this made since to 17 yr old Kianna, who still did not buy the story. No whoever killed her parents, were trained and good.

Kianna studied the art as well, a mix between Shaolin Kempo Karate, Kung fu, Jiu jitsu and kenjutsu. It was well rounded trying to train the individual both in the art of battle with swords as well as hands and feet.

Her parents were strict masters, that was no doubt but they were fair and compassionate often training younger kids who could not afford as such. Now those children were left with nothing but to settle for lesser schools.

Kianna was able to take over the style and in fact inherited but the government felt it too risky. They had, afterall< killed both her parents.

Kianna sighed, strands of her hair falling out of the bun and slipping over her kimono. The year is 2005. Wishing to get out of the modern civilization too much, her parents remained traditional strongholds in the heart of Kyoto. Looked down upon by beucrats who distasted teh old ways, none of the students seemed to complain and rather embraced such culture.

Kianna did as well, though it became a bit harder as she grew to her teen years, her friends had found it quaint and she loved it as well. Technology may be able to offer many things but true art was always sought by hands.

MOre later ^_^ hoep you are intrigued so far ^^
"If not now then when? If not me then who?-anonymous

and of course now i must instill the Dancing BANANA'S!
:dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance:

WHY AM I CRYING IN FRENCH-Vash the Stampede

ORORORORORO!-Himura Kenshin

:jump: :lol: :thumb:

"It is not weak to value human life!"-Raiden, Mortal Combat II

98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.

*ADOPTED BY* ..yea i know scary I got a adopted ~_^

Nami
User avatar
girlninja
 
Posts: 388
Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2004 3:03 pm
Location: On the rooftops *ninja poofing*

Postby SereneDolphin » Thu Feb 17, 2005 4:58 am

I don't see the link between the prologue and Chapter 1, but I suppose it will come later in the story.

I like Chapter 1, I'm still interested, but I'm a little confused about where this story will go. Perhaps if I read more, it'll come to me. Update as soon as possible to help clear me of my confusion. ;)
I am unique, just like everyone else.


[size=84]"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant, filled with odd waitors who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like"- Lemony Snicket[/SIZE]
User avatar
SereneDolphin
 
Posts: 79
Joined: Tue Jan 25, 2005 10:31 am
Location: Duh. The ocean with all the other dolphins.

Postby girlninja » Thu Feb 17, 2005 7:56 pm

all will come to pass....do not worry ^^ ill post as much as possible however school does take up much of my time as well as training heh but i will clear confusion as soon as possible ^^ teh confusion is supposed to add suspense ^^
"If not now then when? If not me then who?-anonymous

and of course now i must instill the Dancing BANANA'S!
:dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance:

WHY AM I CRYING IN FRENCH-Vash the Stampede

ORORORORORO!-Himura Kenshin

:jump: :lol: :thumb:

"It is not weak to value human life!"-Raiden, Mortal Combat II

98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.

*ADOPTED BY* ..yea i know scary I got a adopted ~_^

Nami
User avatar
girlninja
 
Posts: 388
Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2004 3:03 pm
Location: On the rooftops *ninja poofing*

Postby Esoteric » Fri Feb 18, 2005 7:34 am

Uh huh, uh huh....hmmm. <goes off to ponder the connection>
User avatar
Esoteric
 
Posts: 1603
Joined: Sun Aug 22, 2004 1:12 pm
Location: The Lost Room.

Postby Magekind » Sat Feb 19, 2005 12:45 am

Getting better. Oh, and I do see the connection.
Take it like you gave it; what else matters in the end? To be honest, it's all a one-shot test; that leaves plenty of places to go wrong, but how will you ever know? There's a pointer, I will admit. Turn it on, listen to it, feel it burn.

At-Close Paren-Right inclusive bracket-Tilde. Thanks to CAA mods. Taken from Jaden Mental's sig.
Magekind
 
Posts: 292
Joined: Mon Aug 02, 2004 6:55 pm
Location: Lost somewhere between here and reality. Help?

Postby Magekind » Sat Feb 19, 2005 12:46 am

Stupid double post. I only hit the button once.
Take it like you gave it; what else matters in the end? To be honest, it's all a one-shot test; that leaves plenty of places to go wrong, but how will you ever know? There's a pointer, I will admit. Turn it on, listen to it, feel it burn.

At-Close Paren-Right inclusive bracket-Tilde. Thanks to CAA mods. Taken from Jaden Mental's sig.
Magekind
 
Posts: 292
Joined: Mon Aug 02, 2004 6:55 pm
Location: Lost somewhere between here and reality. Help?

Postby SereneDolphin » Sun Feb 20, 2005 8:19 pm

Getting better. Oh, and I do see the connection.


You do? Could you fill me in?

Anyway, confusion is creating suspense. Good writing skills will inspire this reader, no matter how confusing.
I am unique, just like everyone else.


[size=84]"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant, filled with odd waitors who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like"- Lemony Snicket[/SIZE]
User avatar
SereneDolphin
 
Posts: 79
Joined: Tue Jan 25, 2005 10:31 am
Location: Duh. The ocean with all the other dolphins.

Postby girlninja » Mon Feb 21, 2005 8:37 pm

more of Chapter 1


Kianna fingered her wazakashi blade that lay in her kimono sleeve. No telling what danger awaited, even here: The land of Secrets.

"We are here, miss," the driver announced, pulling the unmarked van into the gravel driveway.

Kianna stepped out, shielding her eyes from the sun. Two wooden doors greeted her vision. Kianna quickly calculated the perimeter. It seemed to stretch for at least 3 miles length and she knew that it went back quite a ways.

The driver placed her duffel bag full of workout ghi's and kimono's beside her. He also brought her wide range of weapons: Two heavy bowstaffs, one wood, the other metal, a katana, tanto's, wooden shinai's, kama's, escrima's, and the list went on. Half her things were training gear.

The Meji dojo, she thought to herself, this Master shoudl be interesting. He will find me an interesting student.

The driver bowed to her and got into the van. THe tires squealed as they flew dirt up from the path.

Kianna waited, scanning her enviroment, counting her options. Okay, she thought, we have a large complex, devoid of anything but this master as instructor. WHat is his purpose for doing so?

"THe purpose of this dojo, Miss Kianna, is to teach martial artists, the true art of the ninja. The true path and teh warrior spirit," a voice echoed her thoughts.

She turned, facing a young man in a white ghi. The man had long black hair tied in a traditional top knot. Brown eyes, asian descent. He had a gentle smile and piercing eyes. He held her duffel bag and her bowstaffs slung over his shoulder.

"When did?" she began to ask.

The man winked, "IT is the sort of things you will be learning in this dojo Miss."

Kianna laughed nervously, "Oh of course."

"Now are you going to help me with your insane amount of weapons or do i just poof them into your room?"

Kianna laughed and started to gather her things. Well now it begins, she looked at the wooden doors gravely, my life in teh Meji dojo.
"If not now then when? If not me then who?-anonymous

and of course now i must instill the Dancing BANANA'S!
:dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance:

WHY AM I CRYING IN FRENCH-Vash the Stampede

ORORORORORO!-Himura Kenshin

:jump: :lol: :thumb:

"It is not weak to value human life!"-Raiden, Mortal Combat II

98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.

*ADOPTED BY* ..yea i know scary I got a adopted ~_^

Nami
User avatar
girlninja
 
Posts: 388
Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2004 3:03 pm
Location: On the rooftops *ninja poofing*

Postby girlninja » Fri Feb 25, 2005 10:53 am

Chapter II

Kianna walked in, dropping her mouth open in awe. The boy saw her stop and he chuckled, "Impressed i see."

Kianna nodded and continued to follow him past the gate. The dojo, he explained, was 3 miles in width and 3 miles in length. The main training area stayed at teh center. It broke off into three different areas: weapons training, beginner training area, and advanced training area. The Master resided in the dojo. The dojo itself is a mile in width and mile in length. Towards the left are teh barracks. Seperated for girls and boys.

Kianna stopped pointing a large building behind the dojo, " and what's that?"

He stopped, "Oh that? NOthing, just some storage area." Kianna peered curiously at him but did not say anything. Seems a bit large for a storage facility.

Towards the right lay the eating area, he continued as they walked towards the center dojo. All meals were held at a certain time and at three times a day, unless the Master was disciplining you or issued a fast. Also showers and baths were in the barracks.

They stopped at a mahogany wooden door. It bore the symbol Power the top, Loyalty on the right, Honor towards the bottom and Strenghth on the left. Before she could question him, however he raised his hand.

"Now for some ground rules, " his expression turned serious, " There is no fighting outside the dojo. We don't want casualties. All fighting is monitored on cameras by the Master himself or , if he is teaching, by a instructor. There is no going out at night. Unless summoned, you are not permitted to enter the Master's household. DO you understand?"

Kianna nodded. The boy smiled, "I have not given you my name yet, have I miss kianna?"

Kianna shook her head.

He bowed, "Yorohiko, or HIko for my friends," he added witha smile.

Kianna bowed back.

Hiko begin taking her things, "Now, you must present yourself to the master."

Kianna begin to protest. But he ignored her and opened the dojo, "Master, i have come."

Kianna straightened her Kimono and checked her hair, she stepped behind Hiko into the room wich gave off the aura of incense and power.


more later hope you like ^^
"If not now then when? If not me then who?-anonymous

and of course now i must instill the Dancing BANANA'S!
:dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance:

WHY AM I CRYING IN FRENCH-Vash the Stampede

ORORORORORO!-Himura Kenshin

:jump: :lol: :thumb:

"It is not weak to value human life!"-Raiden, Mortal Combat II

98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.

*ADOPTED BY* ..yea i know scary I got a adopted ~_^

Nami
User avatar
girlninja
 
Posts: 388
Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2004 3:03 pm
Location: On the rooftops *ninja poofing*


Return to Writing

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 163 guests