Yet another poem. More comments?

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Yet another poem. More comments?

Postby Gekkeiju » Wed Jul 21, 2004 4:47 pm

Upon request, I have posted another poem I wrote. This one is about struggles with the end of a really close friendship.

Fallen Tears

There is nothing that you can do
That will stop my falling tears.
I have been holding all of them back
For far too many years.

I can see you turn your head
'Cause you hate to see me cry.
The lost connections between each other
Are what made our relationship die.

I'm crying over what I've gained
Instead of what I've lost.
I feel so unworthy from my gains -
Could all this guilt be the cost?

From all the times that I have snapped
When nothing seemed to be right;
I guess whenever I'd say "I'm sorry,"
The phrase just seemed too trite.

It feels that my sins are so extreme
That the only one who can forgive
Is the Lord Himself; but for everyone else,
The sins get caught in their sieves.

So now in public I'm by myself
With only the Lord at my side.
I feel so alone from those boring eyes
That make me just want to hide.

Oh, what I'd give for another friend
Who'd for me be always there.
But I feel like a stranger in these lands
Where nobody seems to care.

Alone at heart, I cry to myself,
Wishing that someone would come.
But I guess no one will dare to approach
So now I'm without a chum.

I guess now I must correct myself
And say that I was wrong;
I'm crying because we won't speak
While we could be getting along.
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Read my poems in the Writing section of the forums and at my website
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Postby shadowblade » Fri Sep 24, 2004 11:49 am

Very sad piece. :( Writing is a good way to get all your emotions out though; it helps a lot. Anyway, I think you did a good job; your piece flowed very well. :)

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Life is not about us using God for our purposes, but about Him using us for His purposes.

Faith is not creating a false reality, but acknowledging God's promises for us.

The dreams I dream for you
Are deeper than the ones your clinging to
Let the old dreams die
Like stars that fade from view
And take the cup I offer
And drink deeply of the dreams I dream for you
-Avalon


[color=Navy]Bill: Ted, you and I have witnessed many things, but nothing as bodacious as what just happened.
Besides, we told ourselves to listen to this guy...
Ted: But what if we were lying?
Bill: Why would we lie to ourselves?
-Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
[/color]
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Postby Ssjjvash » Sat Sep 25, 2004 3:25 pm

yup, I've been there. *sigh*
Good poem, I really like it.
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing left in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' ...you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling


Satan, bite the dust!Image

"You are not who your mistakes say you are; you are not the sum of your failures!"---Rev. Billy Miller

Proverbs 18:24
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Postby Jaltus-bot » Tue Sep 28, 2004 7:49 am

Please continue writing poems. :) You really captured the emotions beautifully.
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Postby ice122985 » Thu Sep 30, 2004 5:24 am

i liked it. keep it up.
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Before honor is humility
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Postby Kanrad » Sat Oct 09, 2004 10:13 am

Very good. A tantalizing visual, extensive emotional, which I will say seem to dominate your works, and a healthy dose of the philosophical.
-Self control is the greatest power posessed by mankind-

BE EMPOWERED!
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