CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Third Contest: Story!
Here are the rules and misc. info.


1. The story will be a comedy. Every type of humor you can think of that doesn't go against the forum rules.


2. A loose premise of the story is as follows,

I am on the east coast and I'm on my way to rent a bus. I'm renting the bus because I'm planning on spending the next week driving around the country, picking up fellow forum members, "you guys" so we can all attend a huge One Year Anniversary party on the west coast, somewhere in California.

Make everything that can be made funny, funny. Interactions with strangers such as the rental guys, weird forummer habits in the bus, strange sighting, rest breaks, falling asleep at the wheel, everything you can think of! When the story is finished the funniest chapter(s) will be voted upon and a winner(s) will be chosen. I'd like it to contain at least 25 chapters. So get to writing people!

P.S. You may write multiple chapters for the story! Just not in successive order. "not one after the other"


3. Each person to participate adds one chapter to the story at a time. A chapter being of at least 500 words in length and no longer than 1700 words. "give or take a few words "
4. For the post to count as part of the story please put the following: the Chapter title and number, Date and Location in the story, and…. finally optional: bold the forum member names.
5. Each chapter adds one new forum member. It can be you or anyone else registered at CAA.
6. Here’s a list of the cast (I will update this as the story progresses):

Link Antilles
Troll = represents the trolls that plagued CAA… the antagonist of the story.
The Cheat
bigsleepj
Rev. Doc.
Lightbringer
Jedisonic
Shatterheart
Samuraidragon

7. UC, Zilch, and myself will be judging the contest. A judge or two might be added during the contest.. but, that voids their chance of winning. Note: Judge can still post chapters, though. PM me if you are interested.







Get all that? Good.


Ready? Set? Go!

Chapter One: Kickin’ things off!
Date: DAY 1, 11:57 AM
Location: South Carolina

It was a beautiful day in suburbia Greenville, SC. A gentle breeze seemed to play tag with the leaves as the sunlight cast it's warmth on everything from the green lawns to the Jawa lawn ornaments outside Link's house. At first glance, Link seemed like your typical, average, red-blooded male. But that was at first glance. After that, it was apparent the only truth to that was the red-blooded male part. Of course Red-blooded was still only speculation.

Inside Link's bedroom, the golden silence was disturbed suddenly by the sound of RD-D2 beeping and whistling madly. A somewhat perturbed Link, finally stirred, reached up and promptly swatted the plastic droid. Sending it careening into the bedroom wall and shattering the alarm clock into a dozen pieces.

"Aww spoof! That's the tenth one this month!" cried a still half-asleep, Link.


Quickly forgetting about the R2-D2 alarm clocks smashed by his hands, he shut his eyes and fell back to sleep. In refusal, his eyes popped back open as he recalled he had work today. Springing out of bed, Link swiftly and clumsily prepared himself while avoiding the random bits of Star Wars novelty items in his room.

Link quickly raced down the stairs and glanced at the clock on the wall. "NOON! I didn't even get to sleep in!", cried a disgusted Link as he made his way out the front door.

Once outside, his neighbor Troll, a short angry man that is starved for attention, greeted Link. Troll wasted no time with morning pleasantries, "Link, you've gone too far this time!", the man said angrily.

"What now, Troll?", Link asked already dreading the answer.

"Your dog was in my trash again!", The neighbor yelled.

"What!? The Cheat? How do you even know it was him?" Link asked.

"It was him alright! He was wearing that stupid Wooly Mammoth get-up!", replied the angry neighbor.

"It's not a wooly mammoth it's a Bantha, and besides how bad could it be?", Link asked hoping for the best.

Troll quickly dashed those hopes as he answered, "He scattered it all over my front porch!". Troll was now in Link's face.

Already under enough stress, Link finally snapped, "So what you're saying is your front porch now matches the rest of your house?"

Link couldn't help but smile as Troll fumbled for something to come back with. Link continued, "Well, I'm sure we'll having more of these lovely morning chats of ours, and since I'm late..."

Troll could only stare as Link ran to his car, a 1974 El Camino with a license plate that read: "JED-EYE". Link turned the key, and after a few black clouds of smoke the engine roared to life. He quickly backed in to the street, but not before taking out Troll's trashcans at the curb.

Suddenly, the car stopped in the middle of the street and the car door opened. Within seconds a tiny Chihuahua wearing large curved horns a dark hairy cape that nearly covered his whole body, came from behind the house running at top speed, and carrying a newspaper.

As The Cheat, leaped into the car with Link, Troll protested loudly, "Hey, that's my newspaper!" Link quickly dropped the transmission into drive, and after a couple loud backfires, took off down the road towards the highway. Leaving both a black trail of smoke AND a flabbergasted Troll coughing and gagging in the lawn.

As Link raced down the highway in his El Camino the brunt of his situation hit him like a rock. No wait, that was a telephone pole. In his confusion he had driven off the side of the rode and right into the pole. "Drat!" He yelled as he pulled himself and The Cheat from the burning wreckage, "I gotta stop doing that." Link took a minute to ponder his next move and saw the Nuclear Power Plant over the horizon. He started trudging off down the highway with The Cheat scampering behind.

Finally, he arrived at the nuclear power plant. He checked his watch and then sprinted to the entrance as he noticed he would be late. When he reached his post, his boss was already waiting for him, and he didn't look happy. "Mr. Sanderson, as you know I’ve been watching you for some time now. This company has rules and regulations, and those regulations must be followed. This company relies on all of its employees to operate, and one an employee fails, the company fails. Now, this is 5th time this week you've been late, and if our janitor isn't here then the company cannot function. Now, Mr. Sanderson, you leave me without a choice. I regret to inform you that we are going to have burn you alive."


"What?!" Link exclaimed, practically jumping out his pants. At first Link thought he was teasing, but then he saw the imposing looking scientists in white jackets surrounding him and he knew this was no joke. "Look! Over there! Is that a electron microscope!" This time the scientists almost jumped out of their pants as they immediately turned to see. Link, taking advantage of the confusion, bolted for the door. Unfortunately, the door was also bolted, and Link ran smack into it with a loud thump. Link, never one for painful deaths, immediately got up, unlocked the door and ran out side.

Realizing he had nowhere to go, and furthermore, no way to get there he began to panic. And then, as he scanned the horizon, he saw it, his salvation. He ran to it, and it was not long before he arrived, kissing the sign that read what seemed like gospel to him at the time, "Bus Rental Station"

Link forced himself to calm down, but inside his mind he was conceiving a master plan, one worthy of the greatest minds of the generation. He muttered to himself as he thought, "Yes, I'll go on a tour of America....hmm....and maybe Canada, picking up all the entire forum as I go. And then, when I finally have everyone we can head to Japan and have a huge anniversary party! It's perfect!" Filled with new-found hope and excitement, Link marched straight into the office. Striding confidently. But alas, all was not well. No sooner had Link taken his first step than when a foot, protruding curiously into the aisle, reached out and grabbed Link's shin. Link tumbled with a mighty cry and soon found himself sprawled out on the cool tile floor of the office. "Hey man, watch where you put that thing!" he yelled at the person without looking. But when he turned around to see whom it was......

All right, folks it’s your turn pick it from where I left… continue the story… add any one victim or yourself to the next chapter!

Chapter 2: Chained
Date: Day 1: 13:15 pm.
Location: South Carolina, Bus Rental Station

"Hey man, watch where you put that thing!" he yelled at the person without looking. But when he turned around to see whom it was......

The person who had grabbed his ankle was a large, fat man with a beard and brown hair that was cut in an uninteresting fashion. It was not someone whom he had ever met.

“What’s your problem?” Link said.

“Sorry,” the man said with a strange accent. “Force of habit. I’m truly sorry.”

“Do you run this establishment?”

“No, but I suggest you run from it and get help!” the fat man said. It was just then that Link noticed that the man was chained around the neck like a dog. The Cheat came in and licked the fat man’s face.

“What’s going on here?” Link said.

“This is the headquarters for an International Terrorist Ring known as Black Footfungus. I’ve been kidnapped for ransom because they think I have rich parents.”

“Are they?” Link said, interested.

“Through strange coincidence I share the EXACT name of the son of the 2nd richest man in the world, him being the Duke Cognito Cagliostro.”

”So you’re name is Cognito Cagliostro?”

“No relation. My father, having an interest in Alchemy, liked the name Cagliostro and changed his last name to it. I do go by many other names on the Internet, though,” the fat man said.

“Such as?”

“BigsleepJ, although my friends call me Sleep,” he said.

“CAA!!” Link exclaimed. “I’m part of that! I’m Link!”

“What an odd twist of fate. Pleased to meet you in person. Now that the introductions and exposition are complete,” the BigsleepJ said, “CAN YOU PLEASE, forgive me for yelling, PLEASE GET HELP!!!”

“Sure!” Link said. He was about to turn when he heard running footsteps. Not knowing what to do he jumped in behind the desk. Before anything else he grabbed The Cheat and held its mouth shut. He could not see what was happening but he heard someone enter the room.

“Who are you talking to?” the man said.

“Myself,” BigsleepJ answered. “I was trying to cheer myself up by pretending I’m partaking in a play and performing a soliloquy to an audience.”

The terrorist seemed to have an interest in plays. “Soliloquies are unrealistic and obsolete and have no place in the modern stage. Why would anyone talk to himself?”

“My goodness, what a parrot! If a person does not talk to himself every now and then,” the Bigsleepj said, “then he’s not worth talking to.”

After a long, strange pause. “That makes no sense. Doesn’t matter anyway,” the terrorist said. “We have confirmed your story that you are not the Duke Cognito Cagliostro. You have wasted our time and our money. However you can join our cause or die a horrible, silly death.”

“What are you fighting for?” BigsleepJ asked, really interested.

“For Truth, Justice, Freedom and the Expansion of Fanservice in Anime.”

“I have nothing against the first three,” Sleep said to Link’s surprise, “but the forth one is unnecessary, considering that it only breaks the narrative…”

“So its death, then,” the leader said. After BigsleepJ said nothing, he repeated it. “Oh well, then its death by catapult!”

“Aw, nuts.”

Link could not control the Cheat anymore. His mouth poked out of his hands and barked. “Who’s there?!”

Link rose with The Cheat in his hands, staring vilely at the terrorist, who did not look very bright. In fact he looked downright dopey. Dopey or not, he had a pistol in his hands. “Who are you?”

“Who?” the BigsleepJ said.

”Him? Don’t you see him?”

“Who?” the BigsleepJ repeated.

Link decided to take a chance. Sleep called him a parrot, which means he’s not very bright but has a good memory. “I am your conscious.”

“Why would my conscious have an annoying dog?” the terrorist asked.

“Who are you talking to?” BigsleepJ said, but the terrorist ignored him.

Link did not like the fact that The Cheat was called annoying, but played along. “One’s conscious is supposed to annoy you,” Link tried. “What’s better than a lap dog? You’ve been a bad boy…”

He saw the BigsleepJ mouth the word “Jack” behind the terrorist’s back.

“…Jack. Joining terrorist organizations.”

“Shouldn’t you be a cricket?” Jack asked.

“I can be whatever I want to be,” Link said, realizing this is beginning to get complicated.

Jack approached only to be tripped by the BigsleepJ. “Sorry,” he said with a smile.

Link grabbed the gun and sat down on the bungling terrorist’s head. He began to tie him up by tearing off the formerly armed maniac’s shirt and using it as rope. In the pocket he found a key to the chain around the BigsleepJ’s neck. He released him from his bonds. In the one corner of the office laid a small back-back with something long wrapped in a white cloth. “Just need to get my things,” Sleep said.

Link shoved Jack the Terrorist behind the table. Then he saw a key to what he hoped was a bus. He picked it up and sighed. “Should we take this bus?”

“What have you in mind?” The BigsleepJ said, putting on his fedora hat.

“I wanted to rent a bus and collect all the Forum Members then take them to Japan for the One Year Anniversary”

The BigsleepJ frowned, then smiled. “Count me in! I love it when a ludicrous plan comes together! But we must do it legally or else they’ll put the police on our tail!”

Link sighed.

“We’re still out to make a profit here,” Jack said from underneath the table. “Just fill in the forms and leave it here.”

Link was not so sure if it was a good idea, but they quickly began filling in the forms and left some money (enough). With that they ran out of the place, grabbed the first bus and drove off. But this was only the beginning…

Bigsleepj that was great! You caught me off guard... "This is the headquarters for an International Terrorist Ring known as Black Footfungus"

...and now the roadtrip has begun!!!!

O'yeah...I was thinking... we need to work out an order because of the length it may take to wirte a chapter. If you just sit down and type it whenever then someone may post before you and then you've wasted your entire time with that chapter. So, If anyone wants to write a chapter, just post saying that your doing the next one If the story get's stuck somewhere, I'll post a chapter. Also, you'll have a reasonable time to write the chapter... then it's up for grab for someone else...

Feel free to comment about each others writting here! Gives the writers more fuel and bumps this thread up

Chapter 3: FedExman
Date: Day 1, 3:57 AM
Location: South California,

___________________________________
Link yawned as he and BigSleepJ exited the
hotel that they had spent the night at.

"Ah, today is the day that we begin our journey." Link began.

"The day that we make our way in this world!" BigSleepJ fineshed.

"HEY YOU!!"

Link and BigSleepJ[B] both turned in surprise at the voice.
To their complete horror there stood in the midst of a dark shadow...
(Cue dark and dreadful music) The FedEx-Man

"AIEEE!" Link screamed as he scrambled for a taxi. Sleep shoved Link out of the way and scurried into the taxi first.

The FedEx-Man growled and climbed into his Fed-ExMobile and cranked up the engine.

"Go go go!!" Sleep urgently yelled at the taxi man.

"Where to?" The taxi man asked over started the car and zooming down the street with speed.

"Bus station," [B]Link said.

The passengers turned to see the FedEx-Man gaining on them with glaring evil eyes.

"I WILL GET YOU!" He screamed waving his arms madly.

The taxi pulled into the bus station parking area just as a big boom sounded and they glanced behind them.

The Fed-ExMobile had crashed into a telephone pole.

"Ouch." [/B]Sleep muttered.

Link and BigSleepJ aproched the wreckage with caution. Suddenly they heard sobbing coming from the steering wheel.

To their astonishment the FedEx-Man was crying and wringing his hands with his lips in a strange sad sort of pout that made him look like road-kill.

"Uh, dude. Whats your problem?" Link[/B] asked.

"I'm gonna get fired!" The FedEx-Man wailed.

"Why?" [/B]Link

The FedEx-Man stopped crying for a second to give Link a annoyed look that only FedEx people can give.

"You never even told us why you were chasing us!" BigSleepJ pointed out.

The FedEx-Man sighed.

"The names Frankie. I've been working with the FedEx-Alliance for five years. We work endlessly for honour, power, and the occasional dounut in-between work hours..."

Link raised his eyebrows.

"How does that have anything to do with my questine?"

There was a long pause before Frankie spoke up.

"I have no idea what so ever, I was just after you guys to return your dog."

At that moment Link remembered The Cheat as the happy dog bounded out of the wreckage and began licking Link's face.

And so Link[B] and BigSleepJ turned towards their destination, (the bus station) and went off on the enterence to their bright future...

(Cue happy music)

Btw, I didn’t notice this at first… umm… we’re in South Carolina… not South Cali… Also, you don’t have to bold, if you don’t want to….

Chapter 4: Truckin'
Day 2, 4 am
Location: South Carolina


"Come on Bigsheepj and The Cheat, let's get this boat on the road. It's time for some seriously reckless driving! Hey, Bigsheepj, run down to that 7-11 over there and pick us up a few high caffeinated drinks. I drive better when I have a little buzz. Oh! And get me one of those bumper stickers that says, " We B Truckin' " I love those things!â€

Link Antilles wrote:Bigsleepj that was great! You caught me off guard... "This is the headquarters for an International Terrorist Ring known as Black Footfungus"

Thanks! Just a joke on fictional terrorist organisations. Usually they're called something like "Black December" or "The Black Scorpions"]x[/I] or something similar). Just give me chance to type it up.

Thanks for starting this fun thread!! haha, we'll have fun with this yet!

Rain_drop wrote:Link and [B]BigSleepJ[B] both turned in surprise at the voice.
To their complete horror there stood in the midst of a dark shadow...
(Cue dark and dreadful music) The FedEx-Man

Hillarious! Wonderful!

awe thankies. my inspiration was bad expirences with fed-ex ppl.

I call next chapter. Will paste it into this post within the next four hours.

Okay, I wrote it. It's not so much funny just as plain weird. Makes little sense. Oh well. There are funnier people than me on this board and they should post a chapter. It's fun! (might bold all the names later!)

Chapter 5: The Zone
Time: 9:32 am
Location: South Carolina, The Zone

Rev_Doc, Bigsleepj, Link and The Cheat made their way through South Carolina under the cover of darkness. Actually the sun should have been up already but for some reason it remained dark.

Bigsleepj, who was not a native of South Caralonia, walked over to Link, who was suspiciously eyeing The Cheat, not really trusting the poor dog's driving ability. "Er, Link," he said. "Shouldn't the sun be up by this time?"

"We have passed into…" Link stopped, his voice quivering, "the Zone." At the uttering of the word, the Cheat howled and Rev Doc jumped underneath a seat.

Their fears did not spill over towards Bigsleepj who did not know any better. "And what, pray tell, is the Zone?"

"It is a cursed land," Rev Doc said, his eyes wide with terror and his lips stiff. "It is the land where the ruins of Mordor lay, a cursed land where both Morgoth and Sauron used to rule, now filled with and curses and evil and darkness. Did I mention it was cursed?"

"Your words convey no impression on me other than the obtrusive fact that obnoxious rural superstition have taken hold of your simple mind," the Bigsleepj said. "Obviously you are not a very well educated person and has not yet reached the enlightenment that a University Education(TM) and the study of Kierkegaard (TM) can bring."

"I'm the President of MENSA and a chemical and structural engineer at NASA," Rev Doc said. "I've also invented a car that runs on peanut butter and old plastic Coca-Cola bottles. What have you done that's impressive?"

"I've finished Grim Fandango (TM) without a walkthrough in one week," Bigsleepj boasted.

"You're hardly out of kindergarten, then," Rev Doc said. "On the age of seven, after learning to read and divide by two I constructed a capsule and orbited around the earth for two days before oxygen ran out."

"Well, I designed the TransAtlantic Train-Bridge that connects Liverpool with Nova Scotia…"

"Arooof!" the Cheat said, meaning "We don't care!"

"Back to the point," Rev Doc said, trying to fight the desire to punch Bigsleepj in the face, "the Zone is a cursed, evil realm…"

"Want to go explore it?" The BigsleepJ said, rubbing his hands together. "I DARE you."

Rev Doc bit his lip. As child he always wanted to go explore space, but could not invent a rocket propulsion system to carry him beyond Saturn by the time he was 89, so in the area of Explorer Extraordinaire his life ambitions were left unfulfilled. But still the nagging, gnawing dream of going where no Anime Fan has gone before bubbled in his chest, but his common sense overruled the Bigsleepj's dare. He could remember, at the age of seven, how he gazed down onto that dark patch where The Zone rested, it's cold darkness tugging at his poor childish heart.

"It's suicide…" Rev Doc began, but they were interupted by the bus suddenly coming to a standstill. Both the BigsleepJ and Rev Doc saw that, for some reason, The Cheat and Link had vanished.

"On second thought," BigsleepJ said, his "enlightenment" running away from odd notion of the fantastic, "maybe it would have been stupid. Where are Link and The Cheat?"

To be Continued in two minutes...this is two chapters.

To their astonishment the FedEx-Man was crying and wringing his hands with his lips in a strange sad sort of pout that made him look like road-kill.

lolololol

Chapter 6: Two White Clouds
Time: 9:57 am
Location: South Carolina, The Zone

"The bus did not stop," Rev Doc said, "and the door and none of the windows are open. They've gone!"

"Maybe they're outside," Bigsleepj said, peering into the darkness outside. "We…" he hesitated. "We must do something."

"Go and look for them outside the bus," Rev Doc said. "Got a flashlight?"

"Yes, I think," Bigsleepj said. "I've also got a dueling sabre and a sakabato with which we can protect ourselves…that is to say IF there is something, ah, dangerous out there."

"Sakabato," Rev Doc said.

They armed themselves and left the bus, going forth into the darkness. The hills they were crossing were bare with no grass of houses or anything. It was not long until they reached two sheep looking rather lost on the slope of the a mountain. From a distance they looked like small clouds in a dark night, but on closer inspection they looked quite ordinary.

"See," BigsleepJ said. "Nothing but ordinary sheep. And you thought they were fog! Haha!"

The one sheep lifted its head. "Arrrwooof?" (Who you calling ordinary?)

"Well said, Cheat," the other sheep said in Link's voice.

Bigsleepj passed out. Rev Doc was hysterical. "What happened to you two?"

"Funny thing," Link said. "We were driving down the road when suddenly we blacked out and woke up here. Quite odd, in fact. I told the Cheat NOT to take shortcut through the Zone, but would he listen? Oh no, he said he knew the way….!"

"What should we do now!?!?!?!?!?!?!" Rev Doc yelled.

"Whatever it is," the Bigsleepj said behind him, "we better do it fast because things just ain't getting better. Whoop!"

Rev Doc turned and saw that Bigsleepj was now a furry white whooping llama who, thanks to the rules of universal humor, still had his hat on his head. Quickly he looked himself over and saw that he was, at least, still human.

Suddenly, from behind a rock, walked a steer with a blue coat of hair, carrying a lit lantern on one horn. "Better get out of here," he said. "Before you turn into an animal too. Oh, too late!"

And so Rev Doc turned into an ostrich. "Just great!" he said.

"Oh let's just get back to the bus," Bigsleepj. "Why on earth would they make a road through a cursed land?"

"Ah, somebody must have swiped the sign warning people to turn right," the steer said. "They do that. That's how I ended up here."

"Who's steeling the signs?" Rev Doc asked.

Suddenly the steer jumped back. "Why, he does! Run!"

Everybody turned and saw, in the fading light of the running steer's lantern, a man with a goofy look in his eye. In the one hand he was carrying a lantern that gave off a red glow and in the other hand a large cleaving knife. On his T-shirt was a slogan that said it all. "Butch the Butcher." He laughed out loud and said "Beef burgers! Ostrich steaks! Lamb chops and, oh, Llama mince-meat!"

"Whoop! RUN!!!" the Bigsleepj whooped, only to see that the others had run already. Quickly he turned and galloped after them towards the bus.

"How come he remains human?" Rev Doc the Ostrich asked, running out in front of them (the ostrich is the 2nd fastest land animal, by the way)

"Dunno!" the steer said, lagging behind.

Suddenly from behind them came a deafening roar. Butch the Butcher had turned into a leopard (the fastest land animal, by the way).

Rev Doc stopped and turned around. "I'll handle him! You fellas get on the bus!"

"Isn't that a Spike Lee movie?" Bigsleepj asked as he ran past. "Whoop! Whoop! Aw, why am I whooping!"

The Steer stopped, turned around and lowered his horns. "I'll fight with you. The other's are not fit for figthing being sheep and llamas."

"I concur," Rev Doc said.

The leopard jumped forward but Rev Doc the ostrich jumped up in the air, lifted his foot and knocked the predator through the air. The leopard fell backwards into a ditch. "You're not supposed to fight back!"

The Steer, his lantern hung around his horn, said "We should be running now, while he's unconscious."

"I concur," Rev Doc said and both ran. The bus was not far off and the sheep the Cheat was already behind the wheel with Link holding the door open for them. Both jumped into it just as Butch the Leopard jumped onto the roof. They drove only about half a mile before they all turned into humans again, including the steer which was now a slightly confused looking fellow holding a lantern, which was unnecessary now because light was returning to the atmosphere.

"That was weird," he said.

"Hmmm. The anthropomorphic anomaly seems to be regional to that specific area," Rev Doc said. "But what was with that Butch the Butcher thing?"

"I don't know," Bigsleepj said, "but I'm not whooping anymore, so thanks! If you did not stop to fight him, I'd be llama mince right now."

"Bark! Bark! Woof!" the cheat said, behind the wheel. Everybody saw that they had turned onto government road, next to which stood a little shop. On it was pasted a small sign.

"Butch the Butcher's Butcher Shop,

opening soon.

Cheap meat."

Everybody screamed. Just then the butcher jumped off the roof, ran through the door, still holding the meat-cleaver. He came to a standstill next to the Cheat, who was still behind the steering wheel.

"So, you discovered my little plot," he said, holding the meat-cleaver next to Link's head. "You were my first batch, so I wish I could have been successful, but now you'll…"

TONK!

The Cheat had ripped off the steering wheel and knocked over the butcher who was lying in the floor, lights out.

The man with the lantern looked at him. "Good thing no one died before us. There should be sheriffs station here somewhere and I bet they'd believe our story."

"Let's just not hope they're 'enlightened'," Bigsleepj said bitterly.

The man with the lantern looked at it. It was still lit and was filled with kerosene. "All in favor of burning this store to the ground?"

"We are in favor, but it's arson," Rev Doc pointed out. "He might just be a tenant, so we might not be burning his store."

"True," the lantern fellow said. He raised the lantern and blew out the flame. "Who are all of you?"

"Oh, we're members of the CAA," Link said while he was tying Butch up. "We're collecting members for the anniversary party and flying them, how I do not know, to Japan."

The man smiled. "Well, what an odd coincidence. I'm also part of that forum! I'm known as Lightbringer…aka Aaron!"

"You don't say," Link Antilles said, not surprised but rather amused. "Well, welcome onboard. Now, let's drop Butch off at the police station and get on our way."

Dude this story is awesome! I dont think I have time to write a chapter right now though XD Maybe I'll call one tomorrow if there is still room for writing. One question: how is the bus gonna get to japan? Oh.. plot device. riiight.

JediSonic wrote:Dude this story is awesome! I dont think I have time to write a chapter right now though XD Maybe I'll call one tomorrow if there is still room for writing. One question: how is the bus gonna get to japan? Oh.. plot device. riiight.

Thanks. Actually, I thought it was just to darn weird for its own good. I mean, Butch the Butcher? The Zone?

As for the Japan question; unless Link has a better idea, I suggest we just go with Space-Time Wormhole or loading the bus on a Zeppelin. I love Zeppelins. Besides, you can have fun with blimps.

Yay4Blimps!
I reserve this spot for the next chapter now... if I'm not back in 2 hours, i guess cancel it since I have a friend coming over lol

OK here it is!

Chapter 6: Spindash
Time: 10:05 am
Location: Leaving South Carolina, The Zone


After backtracking to drop Butch off at the police station, our heroes had to drive by the Zone one last time. As they were driving away from it, Link began looking out the rear window with a look of puzzlement on his face.
“Hey, bigsheepj!â€

<_<
>_>

sorry didnt mean to scare everyone off

I regret being unable to properly read this or post at the moment, but I am marking it to remind myself and express my sincerity in participating.

JediSonic wrote:<_<
>_>

sorry didnt mean to scare everyone off

I think that "The Zone" nonsense of mine scared everybody. Oh well, their loss for not participating.

I finally got a chance to read all of this. Pretty funny stuff. I'll do a chapter relatively soon (though I find this type of writing terribly difficult), though I do not reserve the next chapter. I do, however, reserve the right to write the chapter where I appear, that is, when we get to Kansas.

As for the future story, I favor going to the Midwest, then heading down to Texas. From there we go to Canada and then toward California.

Funny stuff folks... a few things were a little odd... but, it makes for good comedy. Anyways, I'll do the next chapter and get us moving out to the midwest..


BTW, I'm updating the cast.. tell me if I miss someone...

Chapter 7: Cows a Plenty
Day: Unknown
Time: 3:00pm
Location: Entering Kansas


[I]After several hours of driving, three more visits to the “zoneâ€

I wish to cough at this point and note that I did want to write the chapter in which I appeared...

But no matter. I can still utilize my plot gimick. The next chapter is reserved by myself, and should be posted here within twenty four hours...

uc pseudonym wrote:I wish to cough at this point and note that I did want to write the chapter in which I appeared...

But no matter. I can still utilize my plot gimick. The next chapter is reserved by myself, and should be posted here within twenty four hours...

My bad, I just wanted to move us outta' SC and I had a funny idea to trip you up. Anyways, plot devices can easily change someone's personallity, also. Hey, feel free to get back at me. I asked for it, you know.

That shant be necessary. Fear, however, the plot device.

I am breaking the word count rule because I am generally more descript than those who have written the story up to
this point. We haven't been following the rules too closely, so I doubt this matters highly. Forgive the formatting, the disk transfer did some strange stuff to it.

Chapter 8: Stupid Plot Device
Day: Yes
Time: False
Location: Central Kansas

Current Cast: Link, the Cheat, bigsheepj, Rev. Doc, Jedisonic, Lightbringer, Shatterheart, samuraidragon, UC.

Far from the heros of the story, deep in the heart of California, there was heartburn. This heartburn doesn't really apply,
our story is actually more around the spleen, where oldphilosopher was calmly sitting and drinking egg nog en masse.
He was looking to finish yet another carton when shooraijin approached from a side doorway.

"Phil?" he asked hesitantly. Not hesitantly because he was afraid, but because the author was setting up a subtle
reference to another show. This is called an "allusion" (Latin for "Egads! Ye fish trousers have been set afire!").

"What?" oldphilosopher responded, raising an eyebrow.

"These members all coming here for the First Anniversary of CAA..."

"Yes?"

"Wouldn't it be easier to just take them here by divine means, err, aircraft?"

"It would be," oldphilosopher admitted sagely, chugging another carton of egg nog, "but they have developed neither the
strength nor the skills necessary to accomplish their task. Their journey is not merely to a physical location, but to a
spiritual destination."

"Ah. I should not have doubted your wisdom."

"I was just kidding. It's just a lot more interesting this way."

"Interesting?" shooraijin exploded. "They're driving through the center of Kansas for crying out loud! What could
possibly be interesting about that?"

"Was I the one who decided to do the allusion? Nooooo! But did they ask me? Nooooo! Does anyone ever ask
poor oldphilosopher? Noooooooo!"

"Oh, shut up."



Meanwhile, on the bus...

"This is, by far, the most boring thing I have ever done," Lightbringer commented amiably. He was wedged in between
two bus seats, eyelids drooping and lantern dangling precariously from one finger. "We get into Kansas, run over a
cow, get UC, but then everything from there is flat. Flat flat. Flat flat flat. Flat flat flat flat fried eggs and flat-"

"She'll hear you!" Rev. Doc burst out. "Silence him!"

There was a long pause, as no one moved to do anything of the sort.

"Flat flat flat flat flat flat-" BONG! Multiple municipal appliances struck Lightbringer on the head, knocking him out. All
the members continued doing whatever they were doing: sleeping, driving, eating, l33t, eating l33t while driving and
sleeping, etc. It was, indeed, one of the more boring things any of them had ever done. For a while they amused
themselves by pulling UC's Amish-style beard, taking his hat and laughing at his formal clothes, but eventually he pulled
a pitchfork and everything settled down again, which meant everything was boring.

"Hey, does anyone want to see Mount Sunflower?" UC abruptly asked. The mere fact that he spoke and broke the
monotony was so welcome that several members gave him a hug, despite his best efforts to the contrary.

"Mount Sunflower?" Jedisonic asked, when the glompage had subsided. "I thought there weren't any mountains in
Kansas!"

"Ah, that's just propaganda. Mount Sunflower's the highest point in all of Kansas!

"Do we really have anything better to do?" samuraidragon asked. The only person sitting near him was the Cheat, who
was still driving and refused to get off the wheel.

"Ruff! Bow wow!"

"What's that, girl? You say Jimmy's stuck down a well?"

"Arf arf! Grrr..."

"You say he needs help quick, girl?"

"Bark ruff arf!"

"You say we need thirty three and a half feet of steel cable, girl?"

"Uh, samuraidragon?" Link tapped the member in question. "He actually just said that we have nothing better to do."

"Oh."

"Ruf arfity growf!" the Cheat pointed out helpfully. Link frowned at him.

"I don't care what it smells like down there!"

They continued in (relative) silence for a few unidentified increments of time, when eventually a figure was seen at the
side of the road. For a moment it looked like a scarecrow and within the time of three minutes 4391 Wizard of Oz
jokes were made at UC's expense. Then they realized that it was a real person, a farmer in a broad straw hat sitting on
a cow.

"I think we're lost," bigsheepj pointed out. "Besides, this was where the big city was supposed to be according to that
other farmer. Let's pull over and ask this guy for directions."

Taking this advice, the Cheat pulled the bus over to the side of the road, where the farmer continued to look at them
complacently, working a long piece of straw from one corner of his mouth to the other.

"Hey there!" bigsheepj called out the door. "Is the city around here?"

"We'ums be from Kansas, mates! Rassle them on down there!"

"Uh, what?"

"I'll get you, my pretty! And yer little dog, too!"

"Don't hurt the Cheat!" Link roared. UC laid a pacifying hand on his shoulder.

"It's no use. He's speaking the Kansas dialect of English. I'll translate."

Seeing that they weren't going anywhere soon, the members all piled out of the bus and began randomly standing
around by the massive field of corn. They looked like tourists going into a big city and gawking at the tall buildings, but a
good deal dumber because they were just standing around staring at a bunch of corn. Meanwhile, Link and UC stood
by the farmer and attempted to ask for directions.

"Is... this... the... city?" Link asked, slowly and too loud.

"Get them there hogs, boys!" The farmer spoke and UC immediately translated. "Yes, the city is over yonder field of
corn."

"Why... can't... we... see... it?"

"Farmer's in the dell!" "He said: the proportional size is not equivalent to most states, and it is hidden by the Universal
Dimension Generator."

"Are... there... bathrooms... there?"

"Shuckydarn!" "That was: Mary, I trow not. But forsooth, there shalt most definitely be a fresher of some sort that shall
indubitably fulfill thine expectations."

"BATHROOM!" Shatterheart bellowed. Abruptly he exploded from the bus, sending the members of CAA flying and
ripping a swath through the cornfield. The force of his leap pushed the bus a bit too far, and it fell over onto its side.

Near the bus, samuraidragon groaned heavily. "Now how are we going to get this back on its wheels? There's probably
not a real town within leagues... we could starve out here unless we want to eat corn... the others are all going crazy.
Man, I wanted to see California and have a good time with all the others. This is such a bummer!"

"She's coming!" Rev. Doc roared, tackling samuraidragon to the ground.

Longer than 10,000 characters. Hence, the second half:

-

Meanwhile, by the cow...

"Where... is... Mount... Sunflower?"

"Quit foolin around with them corns!" "Nary a mile from here, fair sir. Turn to the right."

"Is... it... really... a... mountain?"

"Do not go to Mount Sunflower!" "Um, yes, it is a great mountain."

"Why... can't... we... see... it?"

"Monsters! Beware, to enter Mount Sunflower is Doom!" "Uh... Universal Dimension Generator again."

Just then Shatterheart came back, looking significantly relieved. He stopped beside the fallen bus and stared.

"Who knocked the bus over?" he demanded.

"You," the others chorused.

"Oh."

"Blast it," UC cursed. "How can we drive with the van like that? My plans... my plans are ruined!" Abruptly he turned,
pointing aimlessly toward the cornfield. "Get them, my minions! Destroy them!"

Abruptly several zombies staggered from the cornfields, moving toward the CAA members with their arms extended for
no apparent reason. Shatterheart knocked off one's head, and it just kept coming regardless. With a mutter of 'well,
that's not good,' he retreated to the bus, where the others were likewise cowering.

"Hyah!"

Something flew in from the side, a mere black blur against the cornfield. There were several silver slashes, and abruptly
the zombies shattered apart. Turning easily on a heel, the figure darted toward UC, and the others saw for the first time
he was wielding a long quarterstaff. UC gaped in horror, and then the figure was upon him.

Sweeping low with one end, the figure knocked UC off his feet, then smashed the other end directly into him, sending
him hurtling over the horizon. Within seconds he had vanished completely, possibly in more than one piece.

GUIOPRKLNFIOPXXXXX!

"What the purgatory was that?" Lightbringer demanded.

"The plot shifting without a clutch," Shatterheart answered him.

Before anyone could think of anything witty or at least stupid to say, the figure moved over to the bus and jacked it
back up to its wheels by lengthening his quarterstaff.

"So......... who are you again?" Jedisonic asked. The figure turned to them, his quarterstaff shrinking down to a much
smaller size. He was clad in a black trenchcoat and dark sunglasses, and brushed a stray lock of black hair out of his
face before answering with a slight smile on his face.

"My name is uncreative pseudonym. Glad to meet you in person, members of CAA. The earlier UC was just a fake,
basically a glorified zombie. I'm glad I caught up to you in time."

"So........." Jedisonic repeated, "What's with the trenchcoat and stuff?"

"Hey, it wasn't my choice," UC answered him, shrugging. "I was minding my own business when I was abruptly
attacked by a plot device."

"Why'd it do that to you?" bigsheepj asked.

"It's an allusion, you see. All of us are heading to California, which means we travel west... like the Chinese legend
Journey to the West. The stupid plot device went and turned me into the character Monkey, who traditionally has
carried a quarterstaff. I have no clue what the trenchcoat has to do with anything."

"Say, you're not mad about your cow, are you?"

"Cow?" UC asked, eyebrows twitching.

"Yeah, we ran over your pet cow quite a few miles back. The fake UC was pretty unhappy. I'm glad that you don't
mind we crunched the cow, though."

"Nah, don't worry abou-" Abruptly UC's eyes flamed and a dark aura burst up around him. "YOU RAN OVER
BESSIE?"

"Rrrrf! Bow arf!"

"That's right, Cheat," samuraidragon nodded thoughtfully. "We should get going." All the CAA members and the
real UC clambered back into the bus and they were soon off.

"Oh, and don't go to Mount Sunflower," UC told Shatterheart, who had wrested the wheel from the Cheat.

"Why... shouldn't... we... go... there?" Link asked.

"Cut it out!" bigsheepj ordered, slapping him upside the head.

"It's just a joke. It's the geographically highest point in Kansas, but its just part of a prairie. Boring stuff. Plus, with the
Journey to the West plot arc around, it's completely filled with Japanese oni who like to eat human flesh."

"Left it is!" Shatterheart announced. UC moved nearer the back of the bus and sat down in the seat opposite
Lightbringer.

"You seem pretty ticked off about this," Lightbringer observed. "Why? Being Monkey isn't so bad. You have a
size-changing quarterstaff and you can kill things!"

"Do you not get it?" UC asked. He leapt up, grabbing Lightbringer by the scruff of his shirt and pushing him against a
wall. "I. Am. Monkey. That means I'm hungry all the time, can't stop myself from acting randomly stupid, yell 'Hyah!'
too much and get the urge to smack everything in sight with my quarterstaff!"

"Hey, has anyone seen my-"

"Hyah!"

uc pseudonym wrote:"Get them, my minions! Destroy them!"

Hahahaahahaahaaaa! Wheee!

This is the funniest posts so far! Hilarious! When the fake UC yelled "Get them" and the Zombies appeared I burst out laughing and laughed for quite some time, tears streaming down my eyes! Hahahaa! Good job!

I call next chapter!!

I'll post it by Midnight on Thursday, Eastern Standard Time. Maybe sooner. Thank you.

Well, the contest idea is pretty much out the window... the rules are more of guidelines now, so this doesn't become a goof off thread. Just for fun, we'll have a poll in the goof off section for favorite chapter or something after the 25th chapter or so... Anyways...

Awesome chapter UC!!!

I will ensure this thread is not moved to the Goof Off section. There is too much quality writing in this thread for it to deserve that fate.

Link Antilles wrote:Awesome chapter UC!!!

Thank you. I was wondering if anyone would find my style funny]:lol: Hahahaahahaahaaaa! Wheee!

This is the funniest posts so far! Hilarious! When the fake UC yelled "Get them" and the Zombies appeared I burst out laughing and laughed for quite some time, tears streaming down my eyes! Hahahaa! Good job![/QUOTE]

I'm glad you laughed so much, but I must express a bit of surprise. I had never really intended it to be a critical funny moment of the story... but to each his own, and I'm glad it worked.

Chapter 9: The Plot Sickens
Day: Uh…I lost track
Time: 2:32pm
Location: Near the outskirts Bickerville, Kansas

Current Cast: Link, the Cheat, bigsheepj, Rev. Doc, Jedisonic, Lightbringer, Shatterheart, samuraidragon, UC Pseudonym

Link, Bigsleepj, Shatterheart, UC Pseudonym and Rev Doc were all sitting at the back of the bus, talking about the attack of the Zombies and the Fake UC. Link was busy fidgeting with his digital camera, but was actually listening to what the others said. Shatterheart was listening also, occasionally offering pearls of wisdom. Rev.Doc was busy, using a mobile phone and a laptop, to track the whereabouts of his wife, making sure she's not listening or worse, following (he was worried, because she nowhere to be seen). Samuraidragon was marking their progress on a giant map he got with a subscription to National Geographic. BigsleepJ was busy cutting pieces from a large wheel of cheese, his cutting instrument being a cavalry sabre that looked surprisingly sharp.

"Now, where do you suppose the fake UC came from," Shatterheart asked, eventually.

"Black Footfungus, maybe," Bigleepj said as he handed a piece of cheese to UC (it had a bite out of it….eeeeew!). "Not only did Link and I break a lot of their busses, but we also embarrassed them. They might be pet…" Before he could finish it, UC retaliated for him having taken a bite from his cheese.

"Hyah!"

BONK! Zap! Clunk!

Bigsleepj fell over, unconscious. Link began cutting the cheese, but used a knife rather than a sabre.

"I don't think it's Black Footfungus," he said as he handed a new piece to UC, who had thrown the bitten piece out the window. "They don't seem smart to tell the truth."

UC, after taking a bite, and fighting the urge to cram himself into the overhead suitcase compartment (he's Monkey, after all), nodded. "I've crossed paths and swords with them before. They're loonies, but they don't deal with the undead."

"I suspect dark forces at work here," Rev.Doc said. "Dark and terrible forces that want to stop us from reaching our destination and will stop at nothing to stop our trek."

Link blinked. "You mean your wife?"

"No, but not much scarier." Rev.Doc said.

Jedisonic came towards the back and sat down. "Dudes, I sensed a dark disturbance in the Force. A dark presence has been awakened from its dark slumber by one of us and its coming to get us. I sense, quite badly, dudes, that this force of evil and destruction is coming towards us at a slow but steady pace. Did I mention it was a dark presence?"

"Ah," Link said. "I KNEW it was Rev.Doc's wife!"

At that point he was knocked on the head by UC, who was agreeing with Jedisconic. "Yes, I felt it when I confronted the plot device. But who's fault is it? And what being did he awaken?"

Aaron Lightbringer came to them. "I think I know," he said. "My Lantern-Senses have been tingling ever since I laid eyes on a certain sheep who turned out to be…Link Antilles."

UC looked at the poor initiator of the adventure. "Well, I stole someone's paper."

"Who?"

"My neighbour, Troll."

"Hyah!"

UC bonked Link hard on the head. "Don't you know who troll is?"

"Uh, he's Troll," Link managed after rubbing his head. "My grumpy neighbor."

"Hyah!" BONK! "He's General Maximus Troll, one of the Five Black Dragons of Leng who attempted to destroy the world a thousand years ago, now retired. You have unleashed the darkest, most terrible of the Five Dragons of Leng. Certainly they will come to the aide of the their general, and your goof is threatening the very existance of the CAA and all its members!"

"Who are the other four Dragons then?" Link said, unimpressed.

Samuraidragon spoke. "There is Zati, who used to command and army of fire-breathing dragons but now dubs Anime for the Cartoon Network, badly I might ad. But we should fear nothing from him, because he likes his job and wont leave it. Then there's Nihsnek who controlled Atlantis and the waterfolk, but now draws hentai. He's in jail in Japan for littering, so we should not expect him either. Then there's Friedrich, who commanded the element of Earth but now is buying up all the international licenses for manga and not does not release them, making them unobtainable for people who don't read Japanese. But he's not coming, thank goodness, because he's currently stuck in legal proceeding in Singapore and was jailed as a flight risk. These three have lost their powers anyway, so they would not be able to help anyway. Bu that leaves only one; lastly there is Peach Blossom. Do not be fooled by his name, for he is, next to General Troll, the most deadly of the Dragons. He commanded the element of air, but now he clubs seals in Canada. He can't command the air anymore, but still he can infect people's minds, like a disease, making them think and act and share his thoughts, making them part of his collective. "

"What's a collective?" Link asked.

"It's when the pastor comes to your house for donations," Bigsleepj answered, who had regained consciousness with all the talking. "Where's my cheese?"

"No. It means all their minds are one," UC said. "General Troll is now on our trail and is going to destroy the CAA thanks to Link!"

"Just my luck," Link said bitterly, as he dodged another BONK! from UC. "How can we work against Peach Blossom infecting our minds?"

"Erm, I don't know," UC said. He turned to all the others, who shook their heads, not knowing the answer.

"Well," said Bigsleepj, rattling his cheese-smeared sabre, "Link saved me from Blackfootfungus, so I wont abandon him!"

"Troll can turn you into cheese-dip," UC said, and shook his head when the prospect seemed to only make BigsleepJ happy.

"Aah, to be cheese dip…" he said, and began reciting a poem on the wonder of cheese. Meanwhile, Link walked to the front of the bus, where The Cheat was still driving the bus.

"Rowr, awroof?" (Feeling bad?)

"I think I may have killed us all when I upset Troll the other day." Link said, depressed.

"Rowr, yap-rowr, waugh, yipe." (Give him what he wants, and we'll be fine.)

"What do you mean?"

"Rowr," the Cheat said and continued driving. What he said translated as "think about it."

Before Link could, the Bigsleepj tapped him on the shoulder. "Can we pull over in Bickerville? I need to go to the restroom. Too much wine with the cheese, you know."

"Uh, thanks, for giving more than you needed to," Link said, not really knowing if he could have said anything else. "Just be quick."

(continue next post)