CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Awright chicas, I need advice! I REALLY want a BF. I've never had one. I pray constantly about it, and I trust God, but i was wondering if there was anything that I could do to speed up the process just a tad. I'm 15, and I've asked guys out on several occasions; turned down each time. PLEASE HELP!!!

God will send you a boyfriend when it's your time. It's hard, but you've got to remember that he times it for your benifit, even when we might not think so.

Unfortunately, I think I speak for all of us when I say you cannot do anything to speed up God's timing and still please Him. Let me explain: sure you could probably find some guy to fool around with, and if you wanted to get physical I am quite sure you'd have no troubles finding someone to mess with for a while. But I firmly believe that's not what God wants out of you, or anyone else. God has romance, love, marriage and sex all bound in His perfect plan for you. Can you go outside that plan? Well yes, we have free will after all. But that road is NEVER worth it. Above all, doesn't God want us to be obedient to Him and patient on Him?

In fact, a famous verse on love reminds us to "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" (Song of Solomon/Songs 2:7). God has spoken time and time again that He wants us young men and women alike to wait for our mates and not to rush things.

So if you can't rush God into putting someone into your life right now, have you tried praying for contentment? Asking God that He satisfy your longings and soothe that ache until He brings someone worthy of your time, emotions and energy into your life?

I know it ain't easy sister; I know what it's like to ache for a boyfriend and a companion. But just wait on God, I promise it's worth it.

[quote="GracefulRocker"]Awright chicas, I need advice! I REALLY want a BF. I've never had one. I pray constantly about it, and I trust God, but i was wondering if there was anything that I could do to speed up the process just a tad. I'm 15, and I've asked guys out on several occasions]

Okay, let me break it down and be on the level with you (isn't it great, I'm mixing my metaphors!) Girlfriend, you're just fifteen! A boy friend at this point in your life is probably just gonna further compound the difficulties of your life right now.

The desire for a boy friend is totally natural and completely God given. God made us to desire those relationships, but there's a time and a place for everything. There's a scripture in Song of Solomon (I know, it's everone's favorite devotional source, right? ) that says something along the lines of "daughts of zion, do not arrouse passion before its time." I have decided in my life that I'm not going to date until I'm ready to enter a relationship which is working towards marriage. I think that's what God would have me do. If I'm not ready to be married, I'm not ready to be dating. That's the general jist of my dating criteria.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should take this view. I believe that's what I should do. You might want to consider it; but it's by no way the black and white of relationships.

In short, if you're trusting God as you said and I believe you are-- then there's no hurrying the process along. Honestly, you don't want to rush it. God's got something better planned for you than some two bit date. There's someone he made just for you. The man God made for you is gonna be worth a the wait. I know, it's really hard. There are days when I'm driving around and I just shake the steering wheel and scream "I wish I had a boyfriend!". . . then I go and get some ice cream. For some reason it all seems okay after that. J/k. My advice is to just sit back and let God handle bringing the man of your dreams along. He's quite a matchmaker.


EDIT: I wrote this reply before I read Ashley's response. SNAP! She beat me to Song of Solomon.

Yes, waiting patiently is good.

Many people don't take dating seriously. The word has been twisted around so much the meaning has been quite lost. Dating is actually pre-mature courtship, meaning you guys are acting like you're interested in marriage when in reality the thought of marriage doesn't exsist or is barely there. I'd say just wait until you've found the correct guy. Don't bother with a b/f yet. He'll just distract you from things more important. Since you are fifteen, it is most likely you two aren't going to be steady all the way through high school to get married afterwards. There will be the pain of breaking up which always leaves a scar, even if you are the one to end the relationship. Also, I don't think you want to have your future husband know that he wasn't the only significant one in your life, nor do I think that you will want to know that you weren't the only significant one in his life.

Go read When God Writes Your Love Story: The Utlimate Approach to Guy/Girl Relationships.

Now. Really. Between that book and God, I've avoided more empty relationships then what I can ever count. It's a awesome read.

I'm not a girl but i think that theirs somthing you should know.

If you have a b/f at age fifteen, the chances are that you will not have them for marrage, a relationship won't last that long usually, and face it, you would be so let down if you had a b/f and then he dumped you, or somthing like that, you shoudl listen to Dougles Wilson on his tapes some time, they were helpfull to me

I agree with Zip... (sorry, I'm not a girl either) there is an element very necessary in all relationships called maturity. People develop it at different times. Both participants in the relationship need to have it, and even at 19, I dont think I'm mature enough. As tough as it sounds... wait, it'll be woth it.

besides, you dont want to go sharing kisses with other people and then go and marry somone else do you? I know i dont.

You know, as old as the "wait for God's time" might sound by now, it's true.

I remember once when I was 13. It was after a wedding of a young couple at our church, and I was with a bunch of the other teens. They all paired off and I was suddenly by myself sitting on the front steps. Never had I felt so lonely in all of my life. I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16, and the reason that night stands out so clearly in my memory was because I distinctly remember thinking: "How am I ever going to wait 3 more years until I can have a boyfriend?" It wasn't that I desired the physical part of it, but I really wanted a warm companion - someone who thought I stood out from the other girls. I'd be special to him, and him to me, and we'd be a "couple." My heart ached for that kind of innocent relationship that night, but God knew what He was doing.

During that time of dull pain and aloneness, I started to learn more about myself and what kind of guy I desired. I began to draw up a set of standards of who I wanted him to be. I wasn't going to get desperate and settle for just anyone. I also watched many of my friends fall in and out of many pointless and hurtful relationships because of their early mindset of needing a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Obviously, I survived the 3 years until I turned 16. Then I made it to 18. I'm now 21. I had/have some wonderful friendships with guys that I wouldn't trade for the world. I know those friendships are worth more than any short-lived "going-together-then-breaking-up" track record.

Patience isn't a fun thing to grow, and God's still working on me in that area. But I've learned so many valuable lessons by not rushing into things. I am content to wait on God as He turns me into the person He wants me to be. I hope that eventually this process will include me falling in love with a man that God is also continually working on, and then we will grow in Him together. To me, this hope makes the wait worthwhile.

It's not wrong to want to be with someone and it's not wrong to feel lonely. What you do with these feelings is entirely up to you, but if you ask Him, God will use these times to turn you into the young woman that He created you to be.

I know none of us are saying what you want to hear... but this relationship stuff is far too important to rush.... even if you are not thinking of a permanent relationship.

There are so many ways that you can get hurt in a temporary relationship, and far worse if you get into the wrong permanent relationship.

Use this time to grow closer to God, and let Him shape you into the beautiful young woman you're meant to be. At the same time, He'll be working on the guy you're meant to be with. Don't settle for less than God's best. As others have said, it is well worth the wait... speaking from experience.

Hey sister,

Been there, done that. Had a boyfriend at 14 and nope, it didn't last. Actually, it ended in a pretty awkward way, we just ....stopped talking to each other. My heart was broken for months, I was terribly anxious about telling my mum about it (it was a secret relationship >_< oh no, everyone knows this now!) and it took me a year before I could deal with my bitterness and speak to him again.

In my case, I was a very lonely gal then. I thought a boyfriend would be the answer. But no, it hurt so much, I cried to God, "Please help me, I can't face him in school. What am I going to do now? I'm so miserable, I just want to die." And the next day, I found out he was transferred to another school. I knew from that day onwards, that God was taking care of me. I surrendered my "search" for my future mate to God.

So what did I learn from all that mess? Lots! I formed strong and secure friendships, got busy having fun with all sorts of activities, and learnt to enjoy all the good things in life that our Lord has provided. I no longer wanted a boyfriend...just for the sake of having one. I decided that I wanted a future husband (so, nuts to "dating" XD) and I rejoice that I need not look for one. God is going to settle that for me and He's got the right one lined up for me at the right time. Yes, I'm going to wait for him.

God's got it all worked out for you already, sister. Rejoice in our Lord while waiting. Like the words of wisdom from sister Eirewolf, it's worthed the wait.

God bless!

Thanks for all the advice! I know all of you said basically the same thing...and yeah, you're all right. I'm not looking for a physical relationship, that's for AFTER marriage ONLY, but it is still so excrutiatingly boring, and sometimes even painful to be patient. I know I should wait for God's time, but think about it, didn't he tell his disciples that he'd be back SOON?! Definately NOT my definition of the word 'soon,' but He IS da Boss, and I wanna please him. (Geez, sharing the Will of the All Powerful God can be kinda frustrating!!! ) So, thanks, and I'll keep that Song of Solomon thing in mind.

Oh, and thanks for the guy point of view too, fellas!!!

Hi, GracefulRocker. ^_^ I've enjoyed looking over all the great advice the young ladies here on CAA have given you. It's one of the reasons CAA is such a great place - the people. I wrote a little story about when I was dating and at what age I started dating in the Testimonial section a long while back called, "A Romantic Story." It's really a story of how the Lord blessed me and preserved me in my dating life until I met my husband. Here's the link if you would be interested in reading it. I hope it can be of some help:

http://www.christiananime.net/showthread.php?t=3960&highlight=Romantic+Story

You know that type of situation can be applied to both genders. And I am glad you are making the right choices Graceful Rocker. You know I have had that problem arise too---though maybe in a different fashion. Sometimes I yearn for a significant other because I get lonely I guess you could say. It also is a little disheartening while going out somewhere with friends and they all pretty much have girlfriends. Or if I am by myself somewhere, I stand alone in the 'singles' crowd. Some people who rely heavily on statistics claim that you don't find anyone by your late 20's you can pretty much count out having a relationship. Well, I'm 21 so I guess that leaves me with only a handful of years right ? Well I don't listen the people who say that and besides, I would rather just wait and meet someone who is really special and skip out on dating several people prior to marriage.

Well enough about me, glad to hear you are respecting yourself. Sadly in society these days, particuarly girls your age. That just doesn't happen anymore.

I am not a girl but Listen, I know exactly how you feel, I am also 15 and really want a girlfriend, but I have really low self esteem I can't understand why a girl would want to be with me when there are so many other guys out there. anyway I hope I can find a girlfriend, I have to say I am a gentleman and I treat girls with all the respect they deserve, but I still can't find a girlfriend. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone, well good luck to you.

Don't worry about it! You still have plenty of time and God has one waiting just for you! All you can do is pray that he is making th eright choices and waiting for you as well! I am a good few years older than you, but I am not worried, I am just waitiing for God's perfect timing becuase then it and he will be better that anyone I could have chosen! ^_^ Stay strong and trust God! He will not let you down!

Just be really good friends with some one. Act like you would around a normal friend. Do not act like a love sick puppy. And wait for SOME ONE TO ASK YOU!

LOL...yeah I agree with the stuff most of the previous posters said. ^_^ It's really best to wait a while until you're really thinking about marriage...because at this point in life...we're all trying to find ourselves because our teen years are our most crucial growing up times...so our feelings are constantly changing...which is why so many teen couples end up breaking up before they're seriously ready to get married. I do recommend getting to know some guys...and having at least a couple of guy friends in order to get to know them and see what you want to have in a future husband. Plus...guys are fun. They amuse me silly. ^_~

My first boyfriend...was at 15...and believe me...I wish I could take it back...basically because I ended up breaking up with him...and breaking his heart...and he ended up dropping out of school. (Yeah...I still feel guilty.) So it's best to wait...and know what you're looking for in a guy... Also...before really seriously dating...I really would recommend getting to know the guy a while before going out as an official "couple." That way...it keeps most fragile emotions out of it if you decide you don't like the guy.

I say don't fall for the first jerk that comes along. Keep your expectations high. If you lower your expectations, you'll be unhappy. Realistically, you'll probably lower them just a little. I think it's important to date people to get an idea of WHAT you want in a relationship. So for a while, your dating is really just practice for a serious relationship. That's my opinion.

Marie-Novelle wrote:Yes, waiting patiently is good.

Yes it is, I was asked out and I said no(And I am only 14) I still know the guy too, we are good friends, And he is still wanting to be around me. So if you play hard to get then maybe, boys will want you insdet of you wanting boys. I tryed to help....I hope I did.


Rock On!

My first girlfriend was when i was 12 years old, and unlike some here i have no regrets, i have wonderful memories of the time we shared and it just ended. sure it hurt but that's part of life. i understand how you feel because i too don't have a girlfriend i actually haven't had one since i was 12, so i know it's frustrating, but i don't think you're too young having a boyfriend or a girlfriend is a fun part in a person's life no matter the age, if and when the relationship ends it hurts but time moves on and so do you, you don't have to date to get married, you just have fun with a person which you like as more than a friend nothing more. so i wish you all the luck in the world for a boyfriend.

AnimePriest, what may not be a stumbling block for you might be for someone else. Please be sure of the ramifications of your advice.

I know what it's like to want a relationship, but one way I think about it is that God already has the right guy picked out for me somewhere, so in a way, I'm already promised to someone. That means that the last thing I want is to take these matters lightly and possibly do something that will hurt the beautiful marriage my Heavenly Father has lovingly planned out.

I also want the relationship to be one where I'm focused both on serving God and the man he's given me. Right now, I don't think I've reached a level of maturity where I can put the guy's best interests first instead of using a "serious" relationship to make me temporarily "happy."

That's my 20 yen, anyway.

I'll pray for you too. ^__^

Aka-chan wrote:I know what it's like to want a relationship, but one way I think about it is that God already has the right guy picked out for me somewhere, so in a way, I'm already promised to someone. That means that the last thing I want is to take these matters lightly and possibly do something that will hurt the beautiful marriage my Heavenly Father has lovingly planned out.

I also want the relationship to be one where I'm focused both on serving God and the man he's given me. Right now, I don't think I've reached a level of maturity where I can put the guy's best interests first instead of using a "serious" relationship to make me temporarily "happy."

That's my 20 yen, anyway.

I'll pray for you too. ^__^

I totally agree! You said that good!