CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Backstory: There are lots of single Christians volunteering and working at CRASH headquarters.

Yesterday, I worked with one of them for only the third time in my life. We talked a bit. He doesn't speak English at all, so our conversations were limited. He taught me some Japanese. Fun times.

He is undeniably good-looking. This is a key point, I believe.

At the end of the day, two friends of mine who are also single and don't really talk to him at all started telling me vague things like, "Guard your heart!" and "Some people look great on the outside, they look like they're passionate about God, but you can tell from their fruit that they're immature."

They were very vague about everything. I asked them what the crap they were talking about, and from what I could gather, it was little more than "He's a flirt." I was irritated. First off, they don't appear to actually know the guy, really, and second, this is all assuming that I'll instantly fall for any good-looking guy, regardless of whether we can even have a fluid conversation.

I've noticed that good-looking guys who talk to a lot of girls (and vice versa) get labeled as flirts a lot, regardless of their intentions.

Anyway, all this comes back around to my reason for making this thread: I was thinking that "Guard your heart!" is both a very dramatic and very vague admonition, so I looked it up. It's Proverbs 4:23: "Above all, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

And then I looked at the whole chapter, and it was all about being wise and not letting yourself fall into evil behavior, but keeping wisdom and instruction in your heart.

Nothing whatsoever to do with romance.

I think this is a verse Christian culture has hijacked and turned into this weird, "Hey, little single Christian girl. You're a harmless little lamb, and men are like wolves who want to eat you up. If they aren't just like your daddy, with all his wisdom and maturity that he has gathered from being years and years older than you, they aren't worth your time. Guard your heart!

"PS it's totally okay for you to gossip about cute Christian guys. For your sister's sake."

Considering how I'm not even interested in the stress of dating, how can this post apply to me? Oh well, I'm just glad you are safe and posting on CAA again Yuki! God bless!

You're doing it wrong. You need to post something really long and passionate about how the admonition, "Guard your heart!" has protected you from so much heartbreak, and how I'm a heathen for thinking it means otherwise. Because that's how threads like this are supposed to roll.

/troll

Lol, anyway, thank you.

Honestly, I make it sound a little like CRASH is Bible college all over again (and in some ways it kind of feels like it) but it's really a great place. So many like-minded Christians working toward one goal, out of love for God and our fellow man... when I'm there, I can't help but think, "This is what the church is supposed to be."

That's interesting. I haven't heard that particular phrase much, but I'm glad to know the context and original meaning now rather than later.

Yuki-Anne wrote:"Hey, little single Christian girl. You're a harmless little lamb, and men are like wolves who want to eat you up. If they aren't just like your daddy, with all his wisdom and maturity that he has gathered from being years and years older than you, they aren't worth your time."

Ick. I've heard that kind of thing, though. >_< The conflicting messages surrounding love/dating/whatever you want to call it really stink.

On a side note, I'm also glad you're back, Yuki-Anne.

One thing that really irks me is Scripture (or...pieces of Scripture, in this case?) pulled and dissected and taken completely out of context. My Biology professor did this on our exam, asking us to prove or disprove a concept through two pieces of Scripture taken from Pre-History and the Prophets. O___O The Bible/Theology major in me FLIPPED and did a TL;DR page and a half rant on how this is not the way to handle and treat Scripture. I got full credit for the essay question. XD;

That being said, it's always somewhat difficult for me to walk into these kinds of situations. I'm celibate. I enjoy being able to freely hang out with my guy friends and work alongside them, etc. I hate HATE when people tell me to guard my heart (or whatever). Trust me, this I know. I struggled with lust for HOW long? Oh, you don't know? Exactly. I do. Trust me when I say I'm trusting God. And just let me have friends of the opposite sex. Just because I'm celibate doesn't make me some holed up, single, hermit of a young woman. I'm free to be the woman God has made me to be.

As for single people looking for relationships, yeah, go for it. Trust God and be open to whatever He has planned. He would never hurt us, only wanting to do us the greater good. (People forget this with the distribution of marriage and singleness gifts, though...makes me sad...both are equal gifts of self-sacrifice...) A woman can't know a man for herself unless she hangs out with him - not fifteen other people coming to tell her who he is. Y'know? People just need to let us explore our friendship/relationship possibilities for ourselves!~

Kids, this is why you need to read the Bible in context and not just pull out random verses to apply to modern situations.

First of all, good looking is subjective. So is flirtation. What might be flirty to one person is just friendliness to another.

Forming insta judgments about people isn't cool either, even though we all do it.

Also I think the whole idea, "Guard your heart" for women is just based on an old sexist idea that women are helpless and innocent and must protect themselves from the wicked men. As for men, they are not expected to control themselves, they'll clearly go after any women like a voracious animal.

I get labeled as a flirt a lot.

I'm just saying.

Well.... honestly, since I have a tendency to crush hard and fast on a guy, I do need to 'guard my heart' a bit more. I get heartbroken way too often like that (though I've been lucky enough to keep my wits about me and realize when I should back off and have yet to be taken advantage of.).

But that is taken out of context, it really doesn't apply, and Scripture isn't mean to be taken that way. There are other passages, I'm sure, that deal with it in a more rational and logical way.

Atria35 (post: 1471214) wrote:Well.... honestly, since I have a tendency to crush hard and fast on a guy, I do need to 'guard my heart' a bit more. I get heartbroken way too often like that (though I've been lucky enough to keep my wits about me and realize when I should back off and have yet to be taken advantage of.).

But that is taken out of context, it really doesn't apply, and Scripture isn't mean to be taken that way. There are other passages, I'm sure, that deal with it in a more rational and logical way.

That can me as well(save with girls). Most of the time, there are several girls I like, but I rarely pursue any of them, or I just pursue one. I eventually realize they don't like me that way, get depressed for a while and then move on.

Semi-relevant article on the subject, on how "Guard your heart!" and similar teachings can be emotionally damaging: http://darcysheartstirrings.blogspot.com/2011/01/how-teachings-of-emotional-purity-and.html

and I agree, the line between flirting and friendliness can be really thin. A friend of mine was teaching how to flirt with guys, basically "Smile and laugh at everything he says and act interested," and I was like, "But I only laugh when it's funny and I'm genuinely interested in what he has to say! D8" So I have flirted without ever knowing it. o_O

Maledicte (post: 1471230) wrote:Semi-relevant article on the subject, on how "Guard your heart!" and similar teachings can be emotionally damaging: http://darcysheartstirrings.blogspot.com/2011/01/how-teachings-of-emotional-purity-and.html

and I agree, the line between flirting and friendliness can be really thin. A friend of mine was teaching how to flirt with guys, basically "Smile and laugh at everything he says and act interested," and I was like, "But I only laugh when it's funny and I'm genuinely interested in what he has to say! D8" So I have flirted without ever knowing it. o_O

Little touches are also nice, as well as being willing to hug. Also simply trying to be around him, and making that extra effort is considered flirty behavior.

Of course, some girls are like this with everyone, thus making it frustrating for guys.

Yamamaya (post: 1471234) wrote:Little touches are also nice, as well as being willing to hug. Also simply trying to be around him, and making that extra effort is considered flirty behavior.

Of course, some girls are like this with everyone, thus making it frustrating for guys.

This is why I actually ask guys if they're okay with hugs, but then I realize that's awkward too, so usually I don't hug guys.

I read somewhere that girls who grew up with older brothers tend to smile a lot more and find it easier to talk to the opposite sex. I've been noticing that about myself. I smile a lot when I talk to guys, and I generally prefer to make new male friends, because that's who I'm more comfortable talking to. So I can definitely see how I would be perceived as a flirt.

I'm realizing this is dangerous. If I am perceived to be interested in multiple people, then my chances with any one person go down. The problem is when I do see potential to be interested in multiple people. >_<

I do tend to fall fast, but I don't fall hard anymore. Even if I feel I have decent encouragement, I do everything in my power to dissuade myself from nursing a crush. Which is actually kind of why in some ways it was not so great for me to be around those particular girls a lot, because I would mention being slightly interested in a guy, and they would say, "Oh, yeah, he's definitely looking for a girlfriend, and I really think he's interested in you" and basically would not shut up about guys and dating. I love them, they're great girls, but I don't want to think about dating that much, you know? It's a struggle for me to not let my social life and interactions with guys be consumed by my desire for a relationship. I'm trying to teach myself to back off, be myself, get to know them, and let the friendship flow where it may.

*sigh* And now that they've told me to "guard my heart" and all that, I actually find I want to be MORE interested in that guy. /reverse psychology

Yuki-Anne (post: 1471241) wrote:This is why I actually ask guys if they're okay with hugs, but then I realize that's awkward too, so usually I don't hug guys.

But but..I love girl hugs....*kitten tears*

Yuki-Anne (post: 1471241) wrote:I read somewhere that girls who grew up with older brothers tend to smile a lot more and find it easier to talk to the opposite sex. I've been noticing that about myself. I smile a lot when I talk to guys, and I generally prefer to make new male friends, because that's who I'm more comfortable talking to. So I can definitely see how I would be perceived as a flirt.

If you grow up around the opposite gender you tend to be more comfortable with that gender. I grew up with doodz, hence I'm at a disadvantage. Luckily I have learned quite a lot just by talking with women. Don't trust "experts." They know absolutely nothing. You have to have a one on one conversation and relationship with someone of the opposite gender before you can begin to understand.

Yuki-Anne (post: 1471241) wrote:I'm realizing this is dangerous. If I am perceived to be interested in multiple people, then my chances with any one person go down. The problem is when I do see potential to be interested in multiple people. >_<

That's the problem with revealing your interest in multiple people or suggesting it. It's best to keep your cards hidden.

Yuki-Anne (post: 1471241) wrote:I do tend to fall fast, but I don't fall hard anymore. Even if I feel I have decent encouragement, I do everything in my power to dissuade myself from nursing a crush. Which is actually kind of why in some ways it was not so great for me to be around those particular girls a lot, because I would mention being slightly interested in a guy, and they would say, "Oh, yeah, he's definitely looking for a girlfriend, and I really think he's interested in you" and basically would not shut up about guys and dating. I love them, they're great girls, but I don't want to think about dating that much, you know? It's a struggle for me to not let my social life and interactions with guys be consumed by my desire for a relationship. I'm trying to teach myself to back off, be myself, get to know them, and let the friendship flow where it may.

See that's the nice thing about being a dude. We don't go on and on and on about dating and such. Sure we'll discuss our love interests, but we don't spend a massive amount of time obsessing over it. Guys who go on and on and on about their gfs or love interest(lol I love using that word) tend to be looked down upon by other guys, since it sounds like bragging.

Yuki-Anne (post: 1471241) wrote:*sigh* And now that they've told me to "guard my heart" and all that, I actually find I want to be MORE interested in that guy. /reverse psychology

Good old fashioned reverse psychology. It's kind of like how some girls I tend to dismiss as being shallow and arrogant actually end up becoming more attractive in my eyes. Freaking tsunderes.

Yuki-Anne (post: 1471176) wrote:At the end of the day, two friends of mine who are also single and don't really talk to him at all started telling me vague things like, "Guard your heart!" and "Some people look great on the outside, they look like they're passionate about God, but you can tell from their fruit that they're immature."

Trying to look from their perspective, it could be that they're warning you of the dangers love brings, if not checked. They're telling you to not only look out for him, but yourself too. Honor your relationship for God.

Of course, it's just a simple guess.

Hiryu (post: 1471247) wrote:Trying to look from their perspective, it could be that they're warning you of the dangers love brings, if not checked. They're telling you to not only look out for him, but yourself too. Honor your relationship for God.

Of course, it's just a simple guess.

I do understand their concern, but at the same time, I'm not entirely sure it's warranted. I've had maybe five conversations with the fellow, and while he is admittedly attractive, as I said, he can't speak English. There's only so much communication that can be accomplished with my Japanese.

I understand where one of them is coming from. I'm not going to share her whole story but the basic gist of it is that her fiancee abandoned her when times got hard. So she's very wary of men she perceives to be spiritually immature, and I don't blame her for that. But at the same time, both of them tend to fall prey to reading way too much into people's actions. I work very hard not to do that anymore. So where they might see flirting and think that I need to be protected, at the same time, I feel like I'm the flirt and maybe the guys need to be protected from me, rather than the other way around.

But anyway, the whole situation just makes me uncomfortable because as far as I can tell, their opinions aren't based on facts, but rather on their perception of his behavior. I know someone who knows him much better, so if things look at all like they're going in a beyond-friendship direction (which in my opinion is a huge, HUGE if for so many reasons, not least of which being the language barrier), I'll talk to her.

All this complexity makes me go....



Sometimes pursuing relationships just isn't worth it

Yamamaya (post: 1471234) wrote:Little touches are also nice, as well as being willing to hug. Also simply trying to be around him, and making that extra effort is considered flirty behavior.

Of course, some girls are like this with everyone, thus making it frustrating for guys.

Oh. Crap. >.> I can be quite a huggy person.

See and that's what I hate about all this weirdness. I'm just being my friendly self and then suddenly I have to worry about "Oh what if he's going to read this the wrong way?" grrrr. Though at the same time, I get very touchy if I think a guy expresses an interest in me that I don't want, and I get needlessly freaked out as in, "Oh no, he's really fallen for me what do I do" when in reality the guy wasn't all too invested and wouldn't have taken it badly.

Yuki-Anne wrote:I feel like I'm the flirt and maybe the guys need to be protected from me, rather than the other way around.

And it's not even intentional! Gah!

Interesting thread, Yuki. I don't think I've ever really looked a the context of that verse before (though I generally do when I read the Bible). Shows how careful we have to be. Don't want to colour anyone's views on what's appropriate/not appropriate within a relationship (within reason).

Maledicte, thanks for sharing that blog link. Even though it was aimed at females and written from their point of view, I thought it was refreshing to hear people speak out against such extremist views. Really, sometimes Christians place the worst expectations on people, that cripple them spiritually, mentally, emotionally etc. It's not healthy.

I love hugs but I always ask before I initiate one with anyone, guy or girl. If I'm offered a hug, most of the time I'd definitely accept one. I don't flirt but I love to talk, have fun and if I'm enjoying someone's company and the discussion etc. it'll be pretty obvious. Yes, again, the problem is people instantly assume you're romantically interested in that person (which isn't always the case). Very frustrating and more than a little shallow. Some Christian publications hold views that guys can't have close girl friends without them becoming girlfriends (which I think is a load of bunk) - thank you 'Boundless'.

Maledicte, that article is amazing, and articulates everything I've never been able to say about why I hate the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" singles culture.

It's good to hear from a fellow homeschool alumnus/survivor who had to deal with these teachings. I really do think they damage. I'm not less of a person because I fell in love and kissed a man when I was 19. That's not some kind of "checkered past." That was taking a risk and laying my heart on the line. Did I get hurt? Yes, very deeply. But I'm glad I took that risk, and if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't change taking the risk. I'd change some of the stupid things I did, but I don't regret taking that risk at all. And no, he doesn't have a "piece of my heart" because I kissed him. He doesn't have any part of me anymore. My heart is whole, and I will freely and generously give it to whoever I wish, because love is generous, and does not fear. "Love keeps no record of wrongs... it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Cor. 13)

It's not loving or healthy to watch a potential love interest like a hawk to determine if their flaws make them an unsuitable mate. Obviously, you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone whose character isn't godly, but everybody has flaws. The purity movement seems to encourage girls to look over their own flaws and wait for a man who more than likely won't exist for another twenty-five years, because the sort of qualities they want can only be achieved through maturity, and it's unrealistic to expect everybody our age to have those qualities.

And honestly, really spiritually mature guys intimidate me, because I know that I myself am not spiritually mature. This is the problem with evaluating potential mates based on whether they are "worthy" of you or not. Because, for my part, I think I'm not worthy of most of the "worthy" young men. Whatever that means.

Maledicte (post: 1471230) wrote:and I agree, the line between flirting and friendliness can be really thin. A friend of mine was teaching how to flirt with guys, basically "Smile and laugh at everything he says and act interested," and I was like, "But I only laugh when it's funny and I'm genuinely interested in what he has to say! D8" So I have flirted without ever knowing it. o_O

See, that's the thing that really bugs me, every day behavior for some people is read as "flirting" with others! When I was in high school, one of my friends accused me of flirting with a guy friend of mine. I asked her how that was possible, I was just being me! And she said]Little touches are also nice, as well as being willing to hug. Also simply trying to be around him, and making that extra effort is considered flirty behavior.

Of course, some girls are like this with everyone, thus making it frustrating for guys.[/QUOTE]

...
I should stop waving 'hi' to the local worker at my grocery store. O__O I go over and say 'hi' and talk to him a lot. >> People probably read that wrong. But, I'm just being friendly!! >______< Mrrp. I really should be more aware.

Yuki-Anne (post: 1471241) wrote:This is why I actually ask guys if they're okay with hugs, but then I realize that's awkward too, so usually I don't hug guys.

Yeaaah, I only hug my really good guy friends. ^^ otherwise its weird.

I read somewhere that girls who grew up with older brothers tend to smile a lot more and find it easier to talk to the opposite sex. I've been noticing that about myself. I smile a lot when I talk to guys, and I generally prefer to make new male friends, because that's who I'm more comfortable talking to. So I can definitely see how I would be perceived as a flirt.

Well, that may be true, but I have no brothers and no male cousins. So why am I so friendly no matter what? O__O maybe because, when I talk to a guy, I'm not really thinking I'm a girl and he's a "potential" its just, well, I don't know maybe because in my family... I was sort've the "brother" as a girl O__O until I realized I was actually a girl. Wooopppsss. I like making any friends, guys apparently a lot more than girls, not because girls aren't fun, but I get along with guys easier. Everything is so complicated!

I'm realizing this is dangerous. If I am perceived to be interested in multiple people, then my chances with any one person go down. The problem is when I do see potential to be interested in multiple people. >_<

Ain't that the worst?

I do tend to fall fast, but I don't fall hard anymore. Even if I feel I have decent encouragement, I do everything in my power to dissuade myself from nursing a crush. Which is actually kind of why in some ways it was not so great for me to be around those particular girls a lot, because I would mention being slightly interested in a guy, and they would say, "Oh, yeah, he's definitely looking for a girlfriend, and I really think he's interested in you" and basically would not shut up about guys and dating. I love them, they're great girls, but I don't want to think about dating that much, you know? It's a struggle for me to not let my social life and interactions with guys be consumed by my desire for a relationship. I'm trying to teach myself to back off, be myself, get to know them, and let the friendship flow where it may.

*siiiigh* Yes, every single girl I know, when I mention a guy to them, a friend, they immediately assume "Oh you like him...blah blah blah." Arg, I have to end up saying]*sigh* And now that they've told me to "guard my heart" and all that, I actually find I want to be MORE interested in that guy. /reverse psychology[/QUOTE]

AHAHA! I hate that. It's terrible. But I've seen girls destroyed because they weren't careful about what guy they dated, (that's just bad choices and only has a bit to do with guarding your heart) If you are guided by God, that really shouldn't be an issue, alas, most girls aren't, they are guided by their "hearts" not their heads.

Yamamaya (post: 1471244) wrote:If you grow up around the opposite gender you tend to be more comfortable with that gender. I grew up with doodz, hence I'm at a disadvantage. Luckily I have learned quite a lot just by talking with women. Don't trust "experts." They know absolutely nothing. You have to have a one on one conversation and relationship with someone of the opposite gender before you can begin to understand.

O__o experts are fakes. They only know what they learned and that's extremely limited a lot of the time. Which is why when my friends say]
See that's the nice thing about being a dude. We don't go on and on and on about dating and such. Sure we'll discuss our love interests, but we don't spend a massive amount of time obsessing over it. Guys who go on and on and on about their gfs or love interest(lol I love using that word) tend to be looked down upon by other guys, since it sounds like bragging. [/QUOTE]

Thanks for that insight into men. But strangely enough... o_O I already knew that. XDDD

Yuki-Anne (post: 1471275) wrote:It's not loving or healthy to watch a potential love interest like a hawk to determine if their flaws make them an unsuitable mate. Obviously, you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone whose character isn't godly, but everybody has flaws. The purity movement seems to encourage girls to look over their own flaws and wait for a man who more than likely won't exist for another twenty-five years, because the sort of qualities they want can only be achieved through maturity, and it's unrealistic to expect everybody our age to have those qualities.

And honestly, really spiritually mature guys intimidate me, because I know that I myself am not spiritually mature. This is the problem with evaluating potential mates based on whether they are "worthy" of you or not. Because, for my part, I think I'm not worthy of most of the "worthy" young men. Whatever that means.

Amen to that sistah.

Now on the actual topic of this thread, that "guard your heart." Doesn't always apply to every situation, but it helps to do so anyway. Though, from my own experience, I've guarded my heart so closely, I can't let people in. I'm afraid. And that's got to change, so Guard your heart, but don't be so protective that you won't even let your friends in. Its been a real struggle for me to let people see me how I see myself (which is a flawed human being) and when it comes to love, be careful, but if you are to careful, you'll miss a moment and a choice. Trust God, He knows whats best.

Ah, church: the place where women tell you all men are rapists, and the men tell you all women are seductresses! Nice to know sexism is still alive and well in the Christian community.

Seriously, this crap irritates the bejeezus out of me, too. "Guard your heart!" What does that even MEAN? Sure, don't rush into things, and don't be stupid, but don't let the parade pass you by because you're too busy "guarding your heart" or whatever. Relationships are a normal, healthy, necessary part of life. They fulfill us and we learn from them. It's also difficult to show people the love of Christ if we don't have SOME kind of relationship with them.

The truth is-- and I can speak from personal experience --every relationship is going to have some kind of problem, and every potential partner is going to have some kind of flaw. There is no such thing as a "perfect match". You are not going to have a marriage in which you never ever fight and the other party does everything right every time. Unless you marry a robot or something, and I don't think robotics are that advanced just yet. (Maybe in like 50 years.)

Also, as for being a naturally "flirty" person: I think that's a good thing. It means you are friendly and likely means you don't struggle with severe social anxiety. Don't let people shame you out of your friendly nature. Just use common sense. If someone thinks you're interested in "that way" when you're not, then you may just have to tell them so.

A good point Shiro.

All I know is, one should protect (guard) themselves from sinful things as best they can. That's actually a verse that is in my bathroom, and it reminds me every single day, to be careful what I allow into my heart/mind. That's how I perceive it, though with relationships, I would take it as; be careful who you date. (Hey world, ever heard of being friends first?! DUUUH!)

I remember when I used to tag along with a street team that was part of a church. I really appreciated how we all showed up in street clothes and went out to the malls and places where people were, but I bristled at the rules. Guys could only talk to guys and vice versa. When I asked why I couldn't go up and talk to a guy (something that is very natural for me to do), they said "Well, the guy's probably gonna take it to mean you're flirting". Their reason for why guys couldn't talk to girls was "The girls will get intimidated."

Puh-LEEZE! Needless to say, I quit going with them due to a few reasons. Back on the topic of the thread, I believe Solomon was trying to say we should be mindful of what we allow to come into our hearts, so to speak. Other verses in both Proverbs and Matthew show that a lot of things we end up doing have a root in whatever emotions are stewing in our hearts. One can apply this in regards to relationships as well, but it's not the only place where we should be on the alert.

And sad to say, even the most careful are gonna get hurt. As some have already said, we're not perfect.

K. Ayato (post: 1471363) wrote:I remember when I used to tag along with a street team that was part of a church. I really appreciated how we all showed up in street clothes and went out to the malls and places where people were, but I bristled at the rules. Guys could only talk to guys and vice versa. When I asked why I couldn't go up and talk to a guy (something that is very natural for me to do), they said "Well, the guy's probably gonna take it to mean you're flirting". Their reason for why guys couldn't talk to girls was "The girls will get intimidated."

Wow. That's...really stupid. XD How are young Christians supposed to meet potential Christian spouses if they're not even allowed to speak to the opposite sex? Criminy.

Guess I forgot to add that this street team was for "evangelizing".

Oh. I see.

I don't really have a problem with using those verses in regards to romance. They apply to all aspects of life anyway. Don't be rash and stupid. Don't just fall in love with every guy you see. Be wise in who you choose to marry, etc. Obviously, people have taken them to ridiculous extremes.

I blame a lot of this crap on that idiotic book I Kissed Dating Goodbye and the author.

His ideas are just downright...ugh...
ONLY GROUP DATES FOR REST OF YOUR LIFE. YOU BETTER BE LOOKING FOR A SPOUSE. OH YEAH, KISSING YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS MAKING HER CHEAT ON HER FUTURE HUSBAND AND YOUR FUTURE WIFE. IT ISN'T ABOUT LOVE AT ALL. NO ALONE TIME AT ALL.

It almost feels like Christian culture has turned dating and singleness into cults or something. I know people are well-meaning and these books mean well....but I still want to have awesome friends, including guys. Seriously. I'm an extreme introvert but I'm not a hermit. xD; I want to be free to hang out with people - single, dating, married. I want to be with people and commune with them. People forget that I'm only six months into this whole celibacy thing. I know what it feels like to look around and want a boyfriend like so-and-so. I've got a whole list of qualities and traits I wanted in a marital partner. Just because I've accepted this call doesn't mean all those old things up and went away. I think people just get scared and start to assume without asking questions.

Yamamaya (post: 1471380) wrote:I blame a lot of this crap on that idiotic book I Kissed Dating Goodbye and the author.

His ideas are just downright...ugh...
ONLY GROUP DATES FOR REST OF YOUR LIFE. YOU BETTER BE LOOKING FOR A SPOUSE. OH YEAH, KISSING YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS MAKING HER CHEAT ON HER FUTURE HUSBAND AND YOUR FUTURE WIFE. IT ISN'T ABOUT LOVE AT ALL. NO ALONE TIME AT ALL.

I'm going to be honest, I don't get this either. How is kissing your current boyfriend/girlfriend cheating? You probably don't even know your future husband/wife yet and what if you DO end up marrying this person? It's automatically not cheating then because you married them? People use that argument for pre-marital sex to. Saying you are comitting adultery because it's not with your future spouse who you are not even married to yet is just stupid and I don't get the logic behind it at all. I'm not saying pre-marital sex is ok, (despite my own views on the matter) just saying it's a strange argument against it.