Mistakes We Make When Arguing A Point
PostPosted: Sun Sep 13, 2009 1:10 pm
Recently I got in an argument after posting a statement regarding my beliefs about a certain matter. After looking back on my post and the general response I received, I recognized several mistakes I made when dealing with the issue. 
I thought this would be a good discussion topic, because I think we've all had times when we wish we could take back something we said, and if we share our thoughts and experiences with this struggle we might help each other learn how to tactfully and responsibly approach an argument. So, if in the heat of the moment you've ever said something you didn't mean, or something you did mean that you just wish you'd phrased better, please share what you gleaned from the experience, and hopefully we can learn from each other's mistakes as well as our own. 
I'll start with my particular case, since that's what inspired this thread...
I came across a topic where several people raised complaints about a character who I really, really like (most of us can relate to this, right?
). I retaliated by posting a Biblical argument for why I thought they were wrong to condemn this character and I allowed myself to get rather bold. I won't go into detail (mostly because I don't want to resurrect that argument) but here are the mistakes I think I made:
1. I let it get too personal
Anything we consider worth arguing over is likely something we feel strongly about, but if you're trying to present a convincing argument, people will find it easier to take you seriously if you handle yourself objectively. Your position will be all the better for some passion, but it's best not to speak as though you're defending yourself and not your point.
2. I spliced subjects
I was trying to support my opinion with scripture, but after speaking to several people about it and carefully rereading my post, I realized that my point regarding the character and my point regarding the Bible weren't strongly connected enough that they made sense paired together. This caused my words regarding both my points to seem vague and unreliable, and as a result my meaning was not properly conveyed and many readers misunderstood what I was trying to say. You can use several examples to support a single point, but it's not usually a good idea to use a single example to argue two separate points at once, because it causes confusion as to what exactly you're trying to prove. I made this mistake because both my points connected in my own mind and I didn't consider that this wouldn't be the case with a third person.
3. I went overboard
It's good to be honest, but sometimes the feelings in the deepest reaches of your heart are best left there. Some of my statements were too brash for anyone who didn't already agree with me to feel inclined to consider my point. It's a fine line between a reasonable argument and an outburst, but one we must walk if we want ourselves to be heard.
I don't regret saying something, but I think I could have handled the situation better and I hope this experience will help me to improve in the long run.
The last thing I feel I should mention is that I'm not trying to endorse arguing. Arguments should generally be avoided, but they happen sometimes, and once in a while they even spur growth in people who are open-minded enough to consider other points of view. So what I'm getting at with this thread is not that we should argue a certain way, but rather that when we must argue, we should approach it so that we make progress without making enemies. 
I thought this would be a good discussion topic, because I think we've all had times when we wish we could take back something we said, and if we share our thoughts and experiences with this struggle we might help each other learn how to tactfully and responsibly approach an argument. So, if in the heat of the moment you've ever said something you didn't mean, or something you did mean that you just wish you'd phrased better, please share what you gleaned from the experience, and hopefully we can learn from each other's mistakes as well as our own. I'll start with my particular case, since that's what inspired this thread...
I came across a topic where several people raised complaints about a character who I really, really like (most of us can relate to this, right?
). I retaliated by posting a Biblical argument for why I thought they were wrong to condemn this character and I allowed myself to get rather bold. I won't go into detail (mostly because I don't want to resurrect that argument) but here are the mistakes I think I made:
1. I let it get too personal
Anything we consider worth arguing over is likely something we feel strongly about, but if you're trying to present a convincing argument, people will find it easier to take you seriously if you handle yourself objectively. Your position will be all the better for some passion, but it's best not to speak as though you're defending yourself and not your point.
2. I spliced subjects
I was trying to support my opinion with scripture, but after speaking to several people about it and carefully rereading my post, I realized that my point regarding the character and my point regarding the Bible weren't strongly connected enough that they made sense paired together. This caused my words regarding both my points to seem vague and unreliable, and as a result my meaning was not properly conveyed and many readers misunderstood what I was trying to say. You can use several examples to support a single point, but it's not usually a good idea to use a single example to argue two separate points at once, because it causes confusion as to what exactly you're trying to prove. I made this mistake because both my points connected in my own mind and I didn't consider that this wouldn't be the case with a third person.
3. I went overboard
It's good to be honest, but sometimes the feelings in the deepest reaches of your heart are best left there. Some of my statements were too brash for anyone who didn't already agree with me to feel inclined to consider my point. It's a fine line between a reasonable argument and an outburst, but one we must walk if we want ourselves to be heard.
I don't regret saying something, but I think I could have handled the situation better and I hope this experience will help me to improve in the long run.
The last thing I feel I should mention is that I'm not trying to endorse arguing. Arguments should generally be avoided, but they happen sometimes, and once in a while they even spur growth in people who are open-minded enough to consider other points of view. So what I'm getting at with this thread is not that we should argue a certain way, but rather that when we must argue, we should approach it so that we make progress without making enemies. 
You really have a thing for cake and cookies, huh? ^-^
.