Inter-Denominational Love?

[Ashley]

I'm just wondering if anyone here has attempted/is attempting to date someone from a different denomination than yourself.

As it should be patently clear, I am currently in that awkward position. I am a Southern Baptist dating an LCMS Lutheran, and we have been happily together for over two years. Sadly, a good deal of my friends and the majority of my classmates find this utterly unthinkable. It doesn't matter that I've had a clear message of acceptance from God about this, or that we share such similar passions/goals in life, or that we have such great things happening in our lives; most people I know frown on this or outright call me out on the carpet for it.

I guess I'm just hoping for a little encouragement from some other people who have experienced this, and maybe how they dealt with the pressure/rejection. I'd especially love to hear some success stories!

[Ingemar]

My Mother (evangelical) is married to a Catholic (my father).

[Etoh*the*Greato]

Of course it's ok! I mean seriously, you're both Christians. Lutherans aren't da debil.

[LadyRushia]

That's a little ridiculous of your friends. Denominations shouldn't divide us like that since we're all part of Christ's Church.

[ChristianKitsune]

hmmm... No. I don't think it should matter at all. I mean I've always thought that unless a particular denomination is TOTALLY off base... and totally warp the Bible around that we should seriously STOP with the whole "Oooh I'm a Southern Baptist and you're a Methodist, guess we can't be friends anymore" schtick.

It's stupid and I don't think that's what God intended for us...

Personally, if God says it's OKAY for you and your boyfriend to be together than you should just ignore what others are telling you...

that said, I do have a slight issue with dating a non-believer, but that's a personal choice/interpretation of the Bible...(so I'm not condemning anyone who IS dating an unbeliever...sorry if it sounds like I am...)


*steps off soapbox and kicks it*

I do wonder though, if inter-denominational couples do end up marrying.. how do they go about finding a Church home for them and their families? ^^; I mean shoot, while I may not care if someone isn't the same denomination as me, there are things about other denominations that I don't agree with... and so I would like to stick to my Denomination or find a NON-Denomination church somewhere, or at the very least find a church that doesn't disagree TOO much with what I've been taught/believe ... ^^;

[ShiroiHikari]

Well, whose opinion matters more? Your friends' or the Lord's?

I'm with Rushiar on this one. Division in the church = epic fail.

The one thing I will say is that I think it might possibly maybe a little bit be asking for trouble if a Protestant and a Catholic date. It depends on the two individuals involved, but Catholicism and Protestantism are so different that it could cause problems. I am NOT saying that Catholics aren't Christians, though, so don't take it that way. Like I said, it really depends on the individuals in the relationship.

But a Protestant dating another denomination of Protestant? Psh. Knock yourself out. XD

[Raiden no Kishi]

"Do you think love can bloom, even on the doctrinal battlefield?"

These sorts of things are why I'm not big on the whole idea of denominations as a whole. Christians are Christians are Christians. I say your friends and classmates are being ridiculous and should frankly shut up until they grow up. If that sounded harsh towards them, that's sort of how it was supposed to come across. ^_^ I'm in full support of you on this one, Ashley. I don't see anything wrong with dating someone from another denomination. As long as doctrinal disagreements (if there even are any - views seem to vary within individual denominations) are taken from the perspective that one or both of you could be partially or completely wrong on said issues, and that you're both trying to find the truth, you should be fine. Raising kids might be a little sticky, but if you explain to them that there are differing interpretations of different issues and the importance of humility in dealing with those issues, it should work out. You're obviously not there yet, but it's at least something to file back, no?

rai//

[F.M Disciple]

I agree if you both are christians you should have nothing to worry about.
Blessings on your realationship.

[Doubleshadow]

Wow, Ash. I was thinking of something more extreme.

I have a friend who tells me he believes you shouldn't date outside your denomination because it is dating outside your "tribe". He told me the verses for this but I'm pulling a blank. He also says you shouldn't date outside your background or race, but there it is.

I don't buy any of that. We're all His church, and unless it is something you feel convicted about, either broadly or on any particulars, I think it is in fact ungodly to turn away from where He leads you based on a cultural or social bias born from non-biblical principles.

When you posted that, I was expecting something more problematic, like the Christian I know who is married to a Hindu. Different scenario. XD

[SailorDove]

Personally, I find no problems with that. But I would encourage you to continue to learn more about each other denominations & personal beliefs. Since there could be points in each other's beliefs that could enlighten or debunk your friends concerns. Not to mention to help you both understand each other's view points and avoid future conflicts.

But I wouldn't discount your friends concern, sometimes people outside of a relationship can see things a couple can't. But, its your heart and your choice.

There's a verse that says something like, "Man only sees the outward appearance, but God sees the heart."

[ADXC]

Yeah, I mean as long both of you are strong christians and your beliefs don't go to far from each other, then I don't see any problem with dating and marrying outside of your denomination.

But yeah as others have said, finding a church to go to will be difficult. If your beliefs and religious practices(That sounds too formal, I mean as in communion and the offering.) are somewhat the same, then you both should go to the biggest of both of your churches. He may also decide just to go to your's instead of finding a new one or vice verca. Or you guys just go to a different church entirely.

[Sheenar]

I agree with everyone else. Denominations should not divide people--we're all Christians --I go to a Baptist church, but my friends are not only Baptist --they're Methodist, Assembly of God, Church of Christ, Catholic, Lutheran, non-denominational, etc. What church you go to or what denomination you belong to should not be the determining factor --what matters is that you both are committed to Christ and have the Holy Spirit in you.
What's funny about your situation is that I have a friend from the Baptist Student Ministry (she's on the worship team) who is engaged to a Lutheran friend of mine from high school. So it's almost the same situation. XD

[Gabriel 9.0]

Not no at all. I'm Seventh Day Adventist, but have many great friends of different denominations that I feel I'll see in Heaven. Heck my future wife, whether I know her already or not might come from a different denomination than me.
My aunt also a Seventh Day Adventist. married my cool uncle , and he was brought in a totally different denomination. Besides at the very start, we all came from the same church. the Early Church , the one which God established and we all serve God.


I say continue to enjoy your relationship with him and let God guide and lead you both. And be happy.

[F.M Disciple]

whats ironic is it that our faith is based on God who came to earth as a Jewish carpentar. yet there is so many gentile believers arguing over some of the dumbest of things? Its true that for there to be unity it must be based on the truth of God's word. but do we need to argue over small diferences in rituals or creeds?

[Gabriel 9.0]

whats ironic is it that our faith is based on God who came to earth as a Jewish carpentar. yet there is so many gentile believers arguing over some of the dumbest of things? Its true that for there to be unity it must be based on the truth of God's word. but do we need to argue over small diferences in rituals or creeds?

Lol. I myself really think , its best to just let God guide a person to their special someone, whether its the same denom or not....

I mean God can overcome any difference and whatnot. Along with preserving a marriage of a man and woman who are truly in love with one another.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

There are the ultra-conservative ultra-fundamentals in nearly every sect of Christianity, which they all believe they are absolutely right.

Those people annoy me to death. If I HAD to label myself under a certain denomination, I would say that I'm an AG. However, I reject one of their major fundamental truths as well as have a number of criticisms towards them.

So here is my advice: Screw their opinions. =)

[Mithrandir]

I don't see a whole lot of "we did it" stories, so here goes.

Eirewolf and I did just fine. When we met, she was Foursquare and I was Nazarene. We are happily married for over 8 years now.

The only thing you must both seriously ask yourselves is, "Would I be willing to give up my *denomination* for this relationship." Note I didn't say join the other person's. If you are both strong willed people, you may have to find a separate church altogether. It's OK, really. God won't hate you, and neither of you will start out the marriage in suffering mode.

Heck, even churches within a denomination tend to have radically different feels as you change geographical location - that alone may be enough (it was for us). Ultimately, the people in the church make the difference. You may come to view denominational differences as more along the lines of personality traits than belief systems.

We ended up both joining a Nazarene church mostly because there aren't a lot of "must haves" from a doctrinal standpoint. Or as a friend of mine puts it, "there's a lot of wiggle room in the manual." (A "manual" of some kind - including a statement of beliefs - is required for a denomination to be a legally incorporated entity in the U.S.)

So, yeah. It can totally work. Leaving the town I grew up in was probably the best thing that ever happened to me - I was exposed to a lot of different beliefs in the world, and ended up realizing how little most of them mattered in the grand scheme of things. That helped us quite a bit.

YMMV, I guess.

[Kaligraphic]

In Christ there is no Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, yet we're drawing a line a Lutheran and Baptist? As Paul said to the Corinthians, as there is among you envy, strife, and division, are you not carnal, and walk as men? For while one says "I am of Paul", and another "I am of Apollos", and another "I am of LCMS", and another "I am Southern Baptist", are you not carnal? Who then is Paul, and who is Apollos, but ministers by whom you believed, even as the Lord gave every man. What is the LCMS, and what is the Southern Baptist Convention, but organizations behind the ministers by whom you believed, even as the Lord gave every man.

Okay, I'm going to quit mangling 1 Corinthians 3 here, but the point is the same. We are followers of Christ, not of denominations. It is the blood of Jesus, not Martin Luther, not Roger Williams, and not John Clarke, nor John Wesley, nor any other, that saves us. It is God Himself to whom we owe our first devotion. If I am a Lutheran and you a Baptist, and another a Catholic, and another a Methodist, is that our relationship, or are we not first and foremost brothers and sisters in the Lord? As God has given us new identities in Christ, does it not follow that we should regard one another in God as fellow-members in the Body of Christ? That as sons and daughters of God we are indeed siblings, brothers and sisters by the second birth, even if not by the first? Or shall we judge still carnally, after the flesh and denominational affiliation?

Surely, such division is naive, and we must embrace the unity of the Body, seeking to forge new bonds of fellowship wherever the Lord gives us opportunity. Surely, just as it is painful and damaging to split apart the pieces of our physical bodies, is it not so for the Body of Christ? Shall one arm seek to amputate another, for being a different limb? Shall one leg seek to sever the other? This would be absurd! Likewise, it is absurd to throw away in our hearts an entire limb of the body, an entire branch of the vine, simply because we are connected in different places. We are all members of Body of Christ, first and foremost, and we must not allow denominations or any other divisions to obscure that fact.

Know that the Lord sees nothing wrong with your dating outside your denomination, and He's pleased that you're sticking to it and not allowing the opposition to drive you to either hide your relationship or to abandon your freedom in Him.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

I've never dated but I know from observation that a Protestant and Catholic couple will struggle more than others of other denominations.
But if you can work it all out I don't believe it matters what denomination you belong to, as long as you both put God first in your relationship (and life).

[Prince Asbel]

I've never personally gone through this experience myself. Oh wait, when I was just barely a teenager I noticed a pretty girl in our church. She's grown up since and now she's..... enchanting. I used to be sweet on her, but not anymore. Partly because I've grown up and matured , partly because now my personal denomination is so radically different from our church's, and partly because it's a sixty mile drive to our church and she doesn't live anywhere near my nieghborhood, so I don't even have any real opportunities to know her well anyway.

The biggest thing is denomination, though. I'm a reformed baptist. (You might be more familiar with the term Calvinist.) Yes, I realize that there are girls in denominations that- while different, they would be biblically permissible for me to date and marry. The thing is that I'm a very serious apologist, and I don't see how I could ever get into a deep, loving relationship with someone I could always see was misinterpeting the bible. Maybe I could if the differences were smaller, but... I think that if we ended up married, I would make my wife miserable. I know I would try to correct her biblical misapprehensions even if she didn't try to correct mine. It's sort of like the biblical command to not marry un-believers. Because un-believers will try to lead us away from God. (Which IS a command. I don't wish to get into a debate on this thread, but it's no personal interpetation. The Bible does say not to marry unbelievers, and I'll discuss this with anyone via PM.)

As for you Ashley, if you think you and your boyfriend can live together with your differences, I would say go ahead and get married. But this is something I can say only given the information you've given us right now. There may be other reasons your friends deny a marriage commitment that you haven't posted. Plus, if you wish to have a family (You don't have to, but if you do), you must admit that instances may occur where you would teach your children one thing and your husband may teach against it later. And then all sorts of problems over the years could occur.

But again, marry if you think you can live together. That's my recommendation. Take it for what it's worth. Your friends may object, but if you've told them you feel you have permission from God, then they need to back off now.

I have a question though. When you say unthinkable, do you mean your friends think your salvation hangs upon your marriage to this person?

[ich1990]

I personally don't think that there is anything wrong with inter-denominational marrying. My own parent's were Lutheren and Baptist, so I know it can work. (My mother changed over to a Baptist shortly after marriage.)

At the same time, however, expect your different religious upbringings to bring up their own set of conflicts. Even if you have talked with your boyfriend and he agrees to respect your religious views, chances are you will still have problems. The thing about religion is that it is an entire-life changing set of principles, some things that do not even seem to relate to religion could, in essence, be religious disputes.

My recommendation, then, is to keep an eye out for potential disputes (particularly religous ones) and try to head them off now, before you are irrevocably tied to this individual. Try to get your "discussions" out of the way now. You will have them sooner or later, you might as well deal with them while you are still "in love". Good luck.

[Mave]

I have a mix of a non-success and success story between Guy A (a family member of mine) and Girl B.

Bad news: A lot of hearbreak, stress and misery between Guy A and Girl B due to Girl B's mum who were super insistent that their faith system MUST be followed. Guy A who found that spiritually stifling, had his own set of values and ended up waging battles with "future mom-in-law."

Nope, it didn't work out in the end. The girl was not worthed the fights Guy A was having with her mum.

Good news: After the breakup, Guy A found much happiness with a Girl C who comes from a different denomination but did not made a huge deal about going to the church they both now attend together and in fact, got married into.

Personally, I don't think it had anything to do with the denomination itself but rather the attitude of the parties involved. Maybe if your friends had a better understanding of other denominations, they wouldn't be so skeptical or seemed narrow-minded.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Prince Asbel, good grief mate! Just because there are so many denominations doesn't mean that the others are misinterpreting the Bible.
Marrying a non-Christian is extremely different to this situation.

[JesusFreak84]

I've never dated but I know from observation that a Protestant and Catholic couple will struggle more than others of other denominations.

That's on account of Canon Law requirements regarding Protestants and Catholics marrying. To not start flamewars, I'll say no more. (PM me if you REALLY are curious or whatever.)

[Tsukuyomi]

I honestly don't see what the problem is.. >_> You two love another right?

Every relationship has its ups an downs, but... I don't know.. That just seems kinda weird to me u_u

[Puguni]

Well, whose opinion matters more? Your friends' or the Lord's?

I'm with Rushiar on this one. Division in the church = epic fail.

The one thing I will say is that I think it might possibly maybe a little bit be asking for trouble if a Protestant and a Catholic date. It depends on the two individuals involved, but Catholicism and Protestantism are so different that it could cause problems. I am NOT saying that Catholics aren't Christians, though, so don't take it that way. Like I said, it really depends on the individuals in the relationship.

But a Protestant dating another denomination of Protestant? Psh. Knock yourself out. XD

QFT.

I don't think I could stand it if my spouse's relations kept calling me a idol worshiper. In ignorance. Seriously, Catholics don't do that.

I feel that it would be totally kosher if a Greek Orthodox and Catholic married though. Maaaaybe Presbyterian.

[Stephen]

I think what really should be said, is the danger of dating a Texan.


*snicker*

[Sakaki Onsei]

Kaligraphic is correct.

My dad is a Free Evangelical, my stepmom is UCC. He's conservative, she's liberal. But they love each other and are both in obedience to God in their faith. That is all that matters.

And Ashley, as long as you and your boyfriend are in obedience to God, there is nothing to worry about.

[Prince Asbel]

Prince Asbel, good grief mate! Just because there are so many denominations doesn't mean that the others are misinterpreting the Bible.

...so why did I say that there are other denominations I could marry into according to the Bible? I know there are a lot of denominations out there, Warrior. Many of them hit the mark most of the time, like the church I go to now. But like I said, I'm a very serious apologist, and I would probably stress my wife out because I wouldn't be able to leave her alone if, say, she set up statues of Saints in or outside our house. The whole reason people choose a particular denomination is mostly because they think that denomination has got it right, so logically speaking, the others are living based on a misinterpetation of scripture. Not intentionally, but unintentionally.

Marrying a non-Christian is extremely different to this situation.

I know. I was simply saying my personal reasons were sort of like the reasons God tells us not to marry unbelievers. I didn't mean to sound at all like the same principle applied here.

[AsianBlossom]

My dad became Catholic after he started dating my mom; he was previously Lutheran.

Frankly, unless God wants me to date someone of another denomination, I'd prefer that he's already Catholic...It'd probably make things a lot easier. Relationships are already complicated as it is.

But if the two denominations in question are really similar anyways, what's to stop you guys from dating?