CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

I'm sort of in a fight with my mom regarding teen driving safety.

I'm 17, and I've had my drivers license for 1 year. I've also had my car for that amount of time, so I am very farmiliar with my vehicle.
Keep that in mind.

So, I drove my boyfriend home the other day, because he needed a ride out of town. He lives about 20 minutes out of town, mostly highway driving with some gravel road driving.
I got home and my mother freaked out on me, talking about how statistics show that teen drivers are 90% more likely to get in a crash then anyone of any other age.
She then showed me photocopied article she had taken from a parenting magazine (yes, a parenting magazine. I'll remind you all, I am 17.) about teen driving and how it should be manditory for anyone under 18 to NOT be aloud to get a drivers license. I counterargued that then the 18 drivers would become the "dangerous" crowd, and, (I admit this was disresectful, but I was offended and angry) ripped the article in half.

Anyway, her arguments have no merit considering she was biased, using one source that was solely one persons opinion as opposed to actual numbers, but she insists that until I am 18, I cannot drive anyone but myself around.

I don't mind following her rules, and I always do. I don't drink, do drugs, have sex. I am an honours student, I maintain responsibility, I have a good paying job that earns respect, I participate in after school activities, and I'm active in the community. I'm generally a very good kid, and I don't ask for much, if anything at all. I buy all of my own clothes and things, and lots of the time purchase family groceries using my own money.

I think I deserve more resepect then this, and I think that if I'm going to moving out in a year, she should give me more freedoms.
Especially since I pay for my own gas, keep my car (which I payed for) clean and presentable, and always go anywhere they ask me to if I need to pick up siblings. (They do pay for my insurance, however, which I do respect and am thankful for.)

Anyway, I researched some statistics online, but I can't find too much in my defence, as all of the sites I come across are from biased parents who just want to set as many limits as they can. Unless I look into the information (such as 14% of all collisions are from the 21 under population, which looks bad on first glance, but when you really think about it, that means 86% of collisions are from the 21 over population, which is substancially higher.) I am having little luck doing this.

Thats the thing about arguing with my mom, because she uses her opinions in her defence, I usually prepare solid facts to dazzle her.

Any help I could recieve on this would be great. =]
Thanks ^^

I'm not asking to help take down my mom, I respect her greatly, I would just like to open her eyes a little so she can see that just because I'm a "teenager", she shouldn't be stereotyping me, and she should base what she says on who I am as a responsible individual.

Thank you =]

I don't actually have any official facts up my sleeve, but I can offer an opinion based on my own experience. I'm not bragging, no, I'm using this to make a point.

I got my Driving Permit at age fifteen with a score of 97 out of 100 on the actual driving test. Later got my license right after I turned 16, having made only one minor mistake on that test. I've never been in any accidents. The worst that has ever happened is that I busted the two left tires on my car thanks to a giant pothole that was unavoidable. The State later did a report on the poor condition of the road and agreed to pay for damages. Otherwise, I's been happy cruisin'.

My point though is that it does not rely on age. It relies on attentiveness. I pay nearly all of my attention to driving. Rarely do I mess with the radio or air conditioning or cell phone or food or whatever. I drive. Happily.

I can honestly see the reason for your mom's concern. I do disagree though that she looked towards statistics based on the age range group known as "teenagers" instead of examining your own personal driving ability. Not every teenager has the exact same mind and brain development.

It could be that's she's worried about other teen drivers and not you. Then again, there are many idiots on the road, young and old.

Encourage her to have trust that you will drive responsibly. Also, if there is one thing I've learned it's that the numbers can be massaged to say nearly anything you want them to. Be wary of statistics. Doesn't mean they might not be true, but don't ever take them at face value. Best thing I can say is prove that you're a safe driver through your actions. Be meticulously safe if you have to.

I've run into issues before where my parent(s) got biased information that had little to no place in reality. So I can imagine your frustration. My advice is this: You seem a very responsible person, so I doubt your mother is worried because of your lack of responsibility. It has to do with trusting a misrepresentation of driving accident statistics.

I'd hate to advise you to say "I'm gonna give my boyfriend rides if I want, and if you don't like, too bad!", so I'd advise you to tell her that her information is incorrect, that the real facts can be easily found, and that if she refuses to look at them, just say "Look, I'm a responsible person, and you're purposefully ignoring the facts. If you're going to act like this, then tell me why I should should cater to your paranoia as opposed to ignoring you and continuing to give my friends rides.".

I've seen my older sister have to speak to my Mom in firm manners such as this. And although it can be a frustrating experience, it does eventually work.

One source bias, huh?

"I told my coworker today that you like to watch anime, and she said that anime is all R-rated. You really should stop watching it.

The thing I really don't understand about your situation is the fact that you're seven-freaking-teen. 17 and 18 are NOT that far apart, and it's not like you suddenly gain maturity and wisdom out of nowhere on birthday number 18.

I guess if it's a matter of insurance rates, there's a difference.....

minakichan (post: 1225779) wrote:One source bias, huh?

"I told my coworker today that you like to watch anime, and she said that anime is all R-rated. You really should stop watching it.

The thing I really don't understand about your situation is the fact that you're seven-freaking-teen. 17 and 18 are NOT that far apart, and it's not like you suddenly gain maturity and wisdom out of nowhere on birthday number 18.

I guess if it's a matter of insurance rates, there's a difference.....

QFT. There are 18 year olds that couldn't drive to save their life while 16 year olds could drive like a pro.

Yeah, I'd say you sound like the responsible type. I would suggest sitting down with your mother and having an intelligent (calm, and polite) conversation with her about why she shouldn't be worrying about you on the road. If she starts freaking out or getting defensive, calmly and gently tell her to not get excited.

At least, I think this is what I would do if I had more guts...and a mom like the way you described your mother.

Make 'er drive with you!!


And please refrain from cackling with her in the car.

I have to disagree with you...I'm 20 and while there are a lot of responsible drivers out there at your age, there are also a lot of those who are not. Unfortunately everyone gets labeled a bad driver if you're that age, but I can't argue with what I have seen.
Now I'm not saying that I support the 18 driving age, but you won't be finding statistics to back up your argument (due to teen's brain not being fully developed and all that, we tend to be worse at things that involve risk taking). All you can do is show her how you are in driving situations, and be patient with her and show her you are mature and grown up.

CrimsonRyu17 (post: 1225755) wrote:My point though is that it does not rely on age. It relies on attentiveness.

VERY true. There is little I can add to that.

Actually, I think there's an advantage to drivers under 18--they're required by law to take driving lessons and pass the test. If you wait until you're 18, you can get a license without training or restrictions, and that can be dangerous. So there's a point in your favor.

I had my learner's permit (meaning I had to have a fully licenced driver in the passenger seat) for 6 months before I could drive by myself (at the age of 16.5). I had both parents seated beside me many times while I was learning. Thus, they were able to have a good idea of how my driving skills were. I'm quite surprised your mum isn't very familiar with your driving ability (well, it's implied from what you're saying).

On a side note, I was 17 once. I feel my driving ability did increase when I was 18. And a bit more when I was 19. The increases become less and less after that. But the point is that you still do learn things for a few more years.
Not to say that someone of that age is incapable of driving by themselves.

It seems your mother is being a tad over protective of you, but at least she is over-reacting out of a desire to protect you. So that's a good point.

If you want more freedom, I would recommend sitting down with your mother and have a real discussion about it. Statistics are useful for planning purposes and for dealing with large groups of people. They are nearly worthless when dealing with individuals. No one person will perfectly match and group of statistics.

Politely inform her you disagree with the limitations and lay out the facts. Show how you are responsible for your own self - you buy your own clothes, buy your own car, buy your own gas, and help out the family.

It's a matter of trust and it appears that your mother does not want to let go. It's not about driving statistics. It's about whether or not she trusts you to make good decisions.

You can hold down a job and buy your own things, but you can't be trusted to drive a car? Seems a little odd to me.

Statistically speaking, try to find out what percentage of all drivers are under the age of 21. If 14% of all collisions are caused by someone under 21 but more than 14% of all drivers are under 21, that actually means you are safer than the 21+ group. (Of course if less than 14% of all drivers are under 21, it doesn't help your cause at all - but I would tend to avoid statistics. You are an individual and not a statistic.)

Like I said. The numbers can be massaged.

Yeah, you should really talk to your mom about this. I mean, obviously you're responsible and have a good head on your shoulders (hey, you're way better than I was at 17, haha). So I don't see what her problem is. Yes, a lot of young people get into car accidents, but they're not the only ones. Every time you get on the road, teenager or not, you're taking a risk. The sooner she realizes that, the better.

I would suggest talking to your mom respectfully about your disagreement, but in the end it's probably going to make it easier on you to simply do what she says. It might make more of an impact on her to show her that you can handle the responsibility and respect what she has to say as your mother, but that's just me. Easier said than done, right? In my state, it's actually illegal to drive other people around for the first few months you have your license while you're under 18 (unless it's a family member, I think).

SirThinks2Much (post: 1225841) wrote:Actually, I think there's an advantage to drivers under 18--they're required by law to take driving lessons and pass the test. If you wait until you're 18, you can get a license without training or restrictions, and that can be dangerous. So there's a point in your favor.

What?! What?! [SIZE="4"]What?![/SIZE] Are you seriously saying that if you wait till you are 18 you don't need to take any tests?! Wow that's unfair! I wished I lived where you do! In South Africa you can only get your licence once you're 18 and you wait FOREVER for a booking.

On topic though, like everyone has said, try talking to your mom calmly, but if it doesn't work you'll have to decide whether you are going to respect her wishes or not.

Yeah

Well, see, my mom was the one who drove with me when I got my learners permit when I was 14, and then till I was 16, so she is very farmiliar with my driving abilities, which are good.
Shes told me I'm a good driver.

And she even needed a ride home from work today, so I picked her up, and when we got home she told me that was the best she'd ever seen me drive. I thanked her and reminded her it was probably because I've had my license for a year, and she hasn't driven with me since I was 16.

I live in Alberta, so we have a probationary program, where you have to take one learners test, and two drivers tests, one two years after the first (I don't know if thats how it works in the U.S.).
Not to mention its not winter anymore. I could see her concern about me driving in winter, but its not... and hasn't been for months now, so... ya.

I will just need to talk to her about it, because I'm very offended by how over protecting she is.
I'm not aloud to stay over at anyones house unless she has met both, yes both, the parents of the person. And in the case that the persons parents are divorced, she'll need to know why, and where the other parent now resides... yeah.
And me and my boyfriend were out for a walk one day, and she sent my brother and my sister to spy on us to make sure we weren't doing horrible nasty things.

I don't know, I'm just getting sick of it.
I know I only have to put up with it for another year, but I really would like to make the most out of my "freedom" years before I need to move out and all that...

-sigh-

I just really need to talk to her I guess?

I think that, yes, it would be good for you to talk to her if this is something that genuinely upsets you. The only thing is, I don't think the way for you to go about proving yourself to be a responsible individual is by tearing an article in half that she gives you. I know you already acknowledged that was disrespectful, but doing things like that in a heated moment can do a lot to hurt your case. The best to prove to her that you're adult enough to have more driving privileges is by relating to her in an adult way on a regular basis.

Also, as much as this is no fun to hear, you also have to be prepared to respect her disagreeing with you and not giving you more freedom. I disagree with the person who told you earlier to tell her she's being unreasonable, therefore you're going to ignore her. She's your authority for now, and as such, you gotta respect her decisions.

After saying all the hard stuff, I'll add that I totally know where you're coming from, because I had the same issue with my parents when I was your age, so I know exactly what it's like. Looking back, I see ways that I wish I'd handled it differently-- more respectfully and maturely. So, I hope you make the right decisions here! Definitely seek the Lord's guidance before going into this, and let him prompt you. Keep a level head! Good luck!

GeneD (post: 1225921) wrote:What?! What?! [SIZE="4"]What?![/SIZE] Are you seriously saying that if you wait till you are 18 you don't need to take any tests?! Wow that's unfair! I wished I lived where you do! In South Africa you can only get your licence once you're 18 and you wait FOREVER for a booking.

You do have to take a test, but it's a written one. But you don't need to go through the agony of taking the test with someone docking you off on a notepad.

(someone please correct me if I'm wrong about this)

I just had to take a driving test to get my license. I went to the DPS office early in the morning and took the test. I was kind of nervous though--especially when I thought my examiner was going to die from an asthma attack (she was wheezing like crazy). But I passed.

Anyway, I agree with Yumie. Respond respectfully to your mom and that will show her that you are able to handle things in an adult manner. Then she may loosen the reigns a little. Even if she doesn't, it'll make your relationship with your mom less strained to follow what she says and show her you respect her.

SirThinks2Much (post: 1226038) wrote:You do have to take a test, but it's a written one. But you don't need to go through the agony of taking the test with someone docking you off on a notepad.

(someone please correct me if I'm wrong about this)

Laws vary bye state, but I'm pretty sure most, if not all, states require both a written test and a driving test to get your first license.

Some states have higher requirements for minors - like the requirement to take a training course or get a probationary license or some such.

If you have a license and move to a new state, sometimes you only need to take a written exam to transfer your license to the new state. That also varies by state.