CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway." -Mother Teresa

I feel completely used. Again.

There was this 12 year old boy that lived close to my house that was all alone in the world. He had no friends, his parents were divorced so they had little time for him, and everyone else seemed to reject him. So I let him in my house and gave him my time and love in as a way to give him someone to be with, as I myself had no friends when I was his age.

It then turned out though, after a month, that he made a comment that told the real truth. My Wii had been gone for two weeks at the Nintendo shop for repairs, and he made a comment that the main reason he had come over was because I had a Wii. And then it all came together.

This boy lives a life with a very wrong viewpoint. And that is, if he is able to get something, he'll be loved. If not, he won't. People are just keys to help him obtain this happiness. And I was all too easy to manipulate. I love opening my heart to other people as it makes me happy, and doing this thusly made me happy as he was happy.

This isn't the first time I've been treated like this, and it won't be the last.

As for the boy I knew, I'm going to tell him that it's time we both separate and take different paths in our lives. To try and lesson the pain for him a little, I won't tell him the exact reason. But tell him that our interests were completely different, and I wasn't the right person to be with. Even though essentially, that's what it really became.

I'll feel terrible leaving him, but I refuse to be taken advantage of. For anyone's personal pleasure. But I do have one word of hope.

I'll forgive him. As I started with a quote. He doesn't know the value of people, and this will be a hard lesson for him. But I won't hold bitter feelings at him.

hmmm....there actually used to be a time where I was once that 12 yr old boy....thank God I've changed alot since then...

Are you sure you're going about this the right way...I mean, surely there's another way to go about this....Maybe you could ask him if he'd like to play a game of catch or something else that might give you another opprotunity to show Him love....

Good Alexander, thats exactly what you should have done (And you did!). Yes its important to forgive people no matter what they do to you. Because as Jesus has said "Lord forgive them for they know not what they do."

Ive been taken advantage before like similar to the one that happened to you. It feels really bad when you think you've found a cool friend and then they turn out to not even be interested in the actual person but in the object of his or hers possession. Like in kindergarten, it was during snack time. This kid was like "Hey I'll be your friend and hang out with you in afterschool care if you give me your cheetoes." And I was like sure. Then afterschool care came around, and he acted like he never even met me in the first place. That really ticked me off, and even more so now he's been at the same school Im at since.(Even in the same class.) Now adays he's a complete jerk and doesn't care much about anyone. He even cheated on a vocabulary test by writing answers on his shoe and looking at them during the test. Lukily though he got caught. But I forgive him for doing that to me in kindergarten.

Anyways what im saying is you should always forgive people no mattar what it is. But you already knew that didn't you? (Because you just stated it, even.)

Well im sorry about the kid, it would be nice if you could be friends with him later in life. Maybe tell him more about Jesus.

Man, that's tough. Maybe you should directly tell the kid what's wrong and explain to him why it's wrong.

But I guess it'd be tough for him to believe you given his situation. . .well, maybe what you've decided to do will make him think about it more.

It's a good thing to leave him for both yourself and him.. teach him that he shouldn't use people for their things

Kids do that "I'll be your friend IF..." thing all the time :/ My worst school memories came from Elementary, in fact. But I was a bad kid too and with bad things happening to me like that, I too, once did stuff like that. There was this one girl that I was kinda friends with, an only child spoiled brat (I was the same but she had ALOT more stuff than me even) and the only thing I wanted to do was play Super Nintendo cause I didn't have one :/ Did that to another friend once, but in that case we were moreso friends.

Yeah... childhood sucks sometimes :/

Truthfully, I've been guilty of coming over to a close firends house to focus on a video game when I was younger, but I didn't ultimately use him or her just for that. I learned to love them as a person too.

And as for all the suggestions you've given me, I've done them all. I tried getting him away from begging me to buy everything from my manga to my video game systems. I tried to advert his attention to something else, but after we were done, it was back to begging me again. When I gave an explanation, even begged him to stop, he would react for an hour or so and then come back to begging me.

I suppose a more throughly explanation is needed. You see, this boy basically lives a life of getting anything he wants and I'm not joking. He gets $200 a month from his mom (more then what I get paid from my own job) and buys the first thing that catches his eye. It doesn't matter if he even knows anything about it. If it's there, he wants it. And gets it. This wasn't new to me either as he's been living like this all his life. The second problem though, is he usually looses interest in what he buys in less then a week, sells it or trades it, and then goes on to the next thing he wants. It's never ending, and I'm one of the "business people" he tries to talk into buying or selling him something. I can usually go through about 12 video game systems and 40 games with him in one day. All of which I would answer, "No I'm not buying or selling you anything".

The reason I gave him my time and love was simply because I felt sorry for him. I felt sorry that he didn't have friends, and while I couldn't be a close friend for him, I gave him what I could. (There was a six year difference in age and very different interests with us both). It was more of a very light friendship.

So, when it came to the situation of me just being "the person who had a lot of neat stuff" I immediately became defensive, and rightfully so. I still have to give him a detailed and honest talk about all this, but I believe ultimately he'll leave me and go to the next person to beg for something.

Actually, what I feel the most sorry for is I can't do anything to advert his behavior. I know very well that taking from people without giving anything back will lead to a very sad and hard life, especially when his parents decide to stop giving to him. If I could, I would try to at least control his behavior. But my no's mean nothing when he has 12 other people he can go to to beg for more things.

And no, this isn't the most saddening moment of me being used. The worst time was when I prayed for a girl who was in a bad situation with her parents, and I gave her as much as I could. It turns out I was nothing but dirt to her as she swore me into the ground after I had to expose her "boyfriend" to the MOD's for doing something very improper to me on a forum almost a year ago. I can't even remember how much it hurt as I made myself forget many of the feelings I had when she betrayed me in person.

He's just a kid. A kid in a rough spot, but a kid. As you noted above, you've done it too. I did it as well. I became friends with the guy that would become my very best of friends because he had the biggest freakin' Lego collection I'd seen in all my ten years. We really did end up growing a deeper bond over that, though. Maybe you should let the kid go and maybe he'll learn something. I can't say anything on that subject, but what he's doing isn't particularly rare. I think that there is not a kid on this planet who has not done that for better or for worse. Maybe that'll help you forgive him a little (forgiveness can be a tough one for me. I was raised by my peers to hold a grudge).

200$ a month???!!! Ok, now I see what you mean....

....Well, seeing that you've tried everything you could, there's really only one thing left that you can do....Just keep him in your prayers....No one's too hopeless for Jesus to turn around...

I think, at the end of the day, he's just a 12 year old kid. It appears he doesn't relate well to others and doesn't have a whole lot of experience with genuine friendship. Saying he only comes over for the Wii is his way of trying to stay detached so that he won’t feel so bad when you eventually tell him to get lost – which seems inevitable to him since he’s likely not experienced the kind of stability a lasting friendship brings.

I was a pretty selfish kid, myself. Being selfish is not rare – we all tend to think of ourselves first. Thankfully, I had some unselfish examples to draw from and I eventually figured it out.

When you wrote, “This isn't the first time I've been treated like this, and it won't be the last,“ you demonstrated that you are looking at this situation only from your own point of view as well. I’m not saying you are being selfish or that you have done anything wrong. Please don’t take it that way. If the kid is just too annoying for you, it is certainly better to break ties with him. I’m just saying that what you’ve described is pretty much in line with what I would expect from a child who doesn’t have much in the way of social skills.

If you decide to keep hanging with him, set boundaries. He will test them, you must re-affirm them. It’s a game we all played growing up and will be more valuable to him than any Wii game. So will the time you spend with him. Believe me, he’ll remember you a lot more than he will remember any game he played.

If you're going to stop hanging around this kid [or rather, stop him hanging around you], you have to tell him why. If he doesn't know what the problem is, he has no hope of fixing it. You have to tell him that other people have wants and needs and desires and dreams just like he does [though hopefully not exactly like he does], and thus it isn't fair to use people merely for what they have or can do for you, when their needs are as important as yours. Ask him if he would like it if he had lots of "friends" who only came to his house to play with his stuff and completely ignored him. Would he want them in his house? Would he want to associate with them? Then explain that he is like those people, and he needs to learn to take others' needs into account.

.rai//

Raiden no Kishi wrote:If you're going to stop hanging around this kid [or rather, stop him hanging around you], you have to tell him why. If he doesn't know what the problem is, he has no hope of fixing it. You have to tell him that other people have wants and needs and desires and dreams just like he does [though hopefully not exactly like he does], and thus it isn't fair to use people merely for what they have or can do for you, when their needs are as important as yours. Ask him if he would like it if he had lots of "friends" who only came to his house to play with his stuff and completely ignored him. Would he want them in his house? Would he want to associate with them? Then explain that he is like those people, and he needs to learn to take others' needs into account.

.rai//

I'd have to agree with with what Rai said, because that's how God feels as well. Would He really let someone in when they don't love Him?

But I'd have to add this. That when this is all said and done, and this kid is a lot older, he'll remember you. This'll stick out in his mind when he looks back on his life. Saying, "Man, I really did have someone who tried to be my friend", wither at high school, college, or his death bed. Let's pray it's the latter. XD

Anyways, I'll pray about this matter for you. Hope it all goes according to God's plan.
God bless!

I bet I'll get a lot more friends once I get Rock Band. I see nothing wrong with bribing people into friendship, and if they stab you in the back, you just pull the knife out, say "My, that knife was pointy" then throw it at the nearest picture of Jack Thompson or Peter mo... Um... I mean... Heh

Hmm... The kid sounds like he needs a bit of reshaping... Pretty messed up for him to spit on you after you showed him you cared for him... Of course, he's probably all screwed up in the head from the stuff that happened, so perhaps it's just gonna take more time.

Alexander wrote:"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway." -Mother Teresa

I feel completely used. Again.

There was this 12 year old boy that lived close to my house that was all alone in the world. He had no friends, his parents were divorced so they had little time for him, and everyone else seemed to reject him. So I let him in my house and gave him my time and love in as a way to give him someone to be with, as I myself had no friends when I was his age.

It then turned out though, after a month, that he made a comment that told the real truth. My Wii had been gone for two weeks at the Nintendo shop for repairs, and he made a comment that the main reason he had come over was because I had a Wii. And then it all came together.

This boy lives a life with a very wrong viewpoint. And that is, if he is able to get something, he'll be loved. If not, he won't. People are just keys to help him obtain this happiness. And I was all too easy to manipulate. I love opening my heart to other people as it makes me happy, and doing this thusly made me happy as he was happy.

This isn't the first time I've been treated like this, and it won't be the last.

As for the boy I knew, I'm going to tell him that it's time we both separate and take different paths in our lives. To try and lesson the pain for him a little, I won't tell him the exact reason. But tell him that our interests were completely different, and I wasn't the right person to be with. Even though essentially, that's what it really became.

I'll feel terrible leaving him, but I refuse to be taken advantage of. For anyone's personal pleasure. But I do have one word of hope.

I'll forgive him. As I started with a quote. He doesn't know the value of people, and this will be a hard lesson for him. But I won't hold bitter feelings at him.

The best thing to do is forgive him, but also pray for him. I understand how you feel on not wanting to be taken advantage by someone. Leave him into God's hands.

Aww, that's rough. :/ This little boy definitely needs to learn that relationships are more important than "getting things" out of life. I would definitely suggest telling him why, though--he can't learn what he did wrong unless he's told.

Thanks for all the advice everyone. And I apologize if I made it seem like this was an "end of the world" situation. It wasn't, and I was half-expecting this to happen anyways.

I plan to give him the full story on why this is all happening, and we'll see what he decides to do. However, I do feel he'll naturally go to someone more near his own age, and I feel that's best for both of us. He needs people like himself. (For the good qualities, not the bad).

I agree with what the others have said, and perhaps the wisest decision might be to stay around this kid for a little while longer and teach him that using people is wrong. It sounds to me like this kid hasn't heard much of that, and maybe he's never heard it at all; maybe you'll be the one to show him these things. Even if he goes about his same ways after you two have separated, he will definitly remember the impact you had on his life, even if it's twenty years from now.

But, if it's an absolute burden to be around him, then it may be best for you to separate. For now, ask God to give you guidance and show you which direction to take.

[color="Plum"]I agree with LadyRushia.^^ You should point out what's wrong here...[/color]

Having to confront people and tell the truth is something I'm NOT good at doing. Even if I have to.

I gave him the explanation, and gave him a comparison of how he would feel. I said I wasn't mad with him, but I was a little disappointed in his actions, especially how I had tried very hard to care for him to the best of my abilities.

I automatically forgave him before he could apologize (this was hard enough for me), and decided to tell him it was best that he goes to find some friends who are more compatible with him. And I even admitted that the very best I could give him was very little to what a real friend could give (I have a habit of blaming myself that I need to stop). He then left, with a slightly somber tone. I couldn't tell if he was sad, disappointed, or just unconcerned. He might come back to talk to me, possibly saying he wants to change, or he might not. I can't be certain.

Sounds like a good resolution to me. At least you gave him something to think about. We often can not be certain how our actions affect other people. Many tend to move on before they grow at all. But by confronting him and being willing to still interact with him, I think you gave a powerful example of how relationships should be.

Hopefully it will be a starting point for some maturity for him.