What about the people who might never have a first kiss?

[Alexander]

(Sorry for the absence of any content at first! I pressed the wrong button accidentally.)

Like some people, I have gears and pulleys that are constantly working. And I'm in a thinking pattern right now.

Today I was watching an autisim video as I usually do, and the man who has a child with autisim started the video by saying, "4 out of every 5 people with Asperger's will either have a failed relationship or one that ends in divorce."

Now, this isn't an autisim or aspergers thread, but a topic for everyone in general.

The question I ask is: What about the people who never have gone on a date? The people whom never have had a successful or very few relationships? What about the people who are 30 or 40 and haven't been married? What about these people?

I myself am going to be 18 this August and I'll fully admit that, I've never had a first kiss. I've only admitted to two people in my life that I loved them, and both never developed beyond the words: "It won't work."

We live in a world, not just in a specific country, where relationships are considered normal and mostly necessary. However, listening to the world is an absolute not to do thing, and Paul himself instructed that people can survive without being married. Including that it's only out of weakness that we're dependent on it. So I suppose that in and of itself answers some of my questions.

But, I suppose, what I'm trying to ask is. What about the people who might or have to live without one in the world where such a thing is so normal? Or to those who might never have had one at all?

Second edit: Sorry for posting this in the wrong sub-thread! Could an MOD move this to general please? Thank you in advance.

[Tenshi no Ai]

Although you would like to think with the phrase "they is one perfect person for everyone", comes the sad reality... Now, for myself I was 17 when I had my first kiss, my first boyfriend. For some, it comes later. I've known people who were much older when they found their significant other. And it is sad that even during marriage, relationships fail. It's a sad sad thing that people in general... just, have a hard time getting along with each other :/

To look so far ahead in life though... Even for those who may be older might not be able to see what the future holds for them, and just, no one knows. How things are "meant to be" is quite an interesting thing. My only advice is don't think that just because you have a disorder and the statistics are against you, that things will always automatically fail. As I've stated in some of my topics, I'm with someone whose bi-polar/GAD and it can be tough at times, but not to say that he's hopeless himself because all his other relationships before me turned out not too well. The statistics say the same about people with his condition too, and well, nothing is impossible! Negativity sure is a hard thing to stop from dwelling on, I went through it because I couldn't see the future, nor picture myself in the position I am now. But, you just never know^^

I'd continue on but I think I'll stop there, I'm too tired to think at the moment^^

[kaji]

Hey Alexander. I apreciate your honest search for understanding in this area. A lot of people would either just go with the flow of the world and never stop to consider what the Bible has to teach us about relationships.

Lets stop for a moment and look at the verse you referanced from Paul. I assume that you are refering to Pauls first letter to the Corinthians. In this letter Paul spends considerable time rebuking the Church at Corinth for bringing their old ways of life into their new lives as Christians. From the beginning of chapter 7 its important to read in context what Paul is saying. "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman." 1Cor7:1
Here, Paul is not giving a command, but sighting the very question the Corinthians had asked him.

Paul goes on to honor marriage and set boundaries for its relationship. But its also important to note that he says that all of this advice is not a revelation from God (7:25), but his own personal experiance and his understanding of the Nature of God.

Paul does state that he wishes that all men were as himself (7:7), being a virgin. But he does not command one way or the other. Later, we find that the benefit of being single is found in being able to wholly serve the Lord. "But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord - how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world - how he may please his wife." 7:32-33

Remember though, in this letter, Paul is writing to correct the Corinthians. It is likely that they were confused about whether they were supposed to keep their wives or live celebate. This reality is apparent in verse 28 where Paul has to specificaly state that its not a sin to marry or not to marry.

My advice would echo Pauls in that if you are married, you shold not seek to be loosed to serve the Lord, and if you are not married you should not seek out a wife. Trust in the Lord and follow Him with all your heart, and if you end up getting married then it is a wonderful thing. If not, then you can freely continue to seek the Lord with your whole heart. ^_^

[EricTheFred]

On a less theological level (and that is not intended as any criticism to the thoughtful answer above), and a more personal one...

At your age I was an undiagnosed ADD'er and Dyslexic frustrated with himself and the world. I had a great deal of difficulty interacting with other people, much less developing relationships (a common problem for ADD sufferers). I had already convinced myself that I would end up lonely and was seeking ways to avoid ending up bitter as well, including studying the Bible. In some ways it worked, at least in the sense that I continued to find life in the relationships that I did have (my family and friends) and in others it might not have, since I lost interest in college and dropped out, and I was headed nowhere.

I did eventually have one romantic relationship, which included said first kiss (at least in the sense of someone to take out to the movies,etc) at 23, but that ended in confusion when she decided to cancel divorce proceedings and return to an estranged husband I hadn't known about. I suppose that's when I started taking advice along similar lines to Goshujin, above. I would stop worrying about my loneliness and concern myself with whatever tasks God was setting before me instead.

Two years later, I had become acquainted with a young woman whom I realized one day I wanted to marry. The realization was out of the blue. I hadn't even thought about her in such a way until it just dawned on me. This is one of the few moments in my life when I am certain the Holy Spirit spoke to me, because I am still married to her today, twenty years and two kids after we said our vows.

This isn't a 'you can do it too' testimonial as much as it is an example to go with the post above. Once I put my eyes on the path, I started traveling down the road God intended for me. As it turned out, he intended me to marry, but I discovered so while headed down the path, not while thrashing about and frustrating myself.

[K. Ayato]

Thanks for that extremely helpful clarification on I Corinthians 7, kaji. A lot of people (including myself at one point) struggle with what Paul is really saying in that chapter, usually because, as you said, they take it out of the context of the book.

Nice to see you again, prayer brother .

[EireWolf]

Moved to General, as requested.

I would second what the others are saying -- Follow God, and His blessings will follow you. I'm not saying "You will get married" or "You won't" -- just that if you are walking on God's path, His good plans for your life will come to fruition.

[K. Ayato]

Han Solo from The Empire Strikes Back put it this way. "Never tell me the odds."

[Destroyer2000]

You aren't weak if you fall in love. It's a natural thing...considering that everything revolves around love. It was because of love that Christ died for us. The Bible says God is love. So, love is pretty much the most important thing.

[Kamille]

I'm 27 and I've still never been on a date or been kissed (and the most I've ever had is plain old depression). But that's because God has shown me something to concentrate on (a novel) and I'm trying to put a lot of effort into it. I still get lonely sometimes, but it is insignifigant compared to the pain I felt before I found God and the things he has to show me.

[mitsuki lover]

I kiss my cat does that count?
But to be serious I think sex and such,including kissing,ought to wait until
you get into a serious committed relationship.I don't believe in 'kiss and tell'.
Rather you should just wait and bide your time and you may find the right person waiting at the end for you.
If not you can always read up on Sir Isaac Newton.