Dominating the conversation: Are you talkative?

[Mave]

Just wondering whether anyone is similar to me:

I've received comments from friends/ex/family/those close to me that I talk too much sometimes.

I find this a bit depressing and discouraging because it makes me feel that it's a terrible flaw in my personality.

At occasional times I get upset with that comment. Reasons I use to justify myself:

1) I generally reserve all my talking/ranting/rambling to a selective group of ppl. I don't talk that much to the rest of the world. And frankly, I'm talkative when I'm happy to meet that person I'm talking to.

2) I usually wait for the other party to talk but after sensing that there isn't much to say, I naturally inject something into the conversation. In other words, if someone more dominating in conversing joins in the group, I'll back off immediately.

3) I am not talkative all the time. There are times when I'm pensive and don't feel like talking. But when I'm quiet, everyone immediately thinks that something is wrong or I'm angry (i.e. cold treatment). But I'm NOT. I just want to keep it to myself. Then, they comment that if there's nothing, then I could talk a bit more. What the.....ARGH!?

4) I don't meet the ppl I talk to alot that often. We don't meet everyday. Sometimes, it's at least 3 months before I get to meet them so isn't it natural to talk alot, catching up with all the news that has accumulated since then?

5) When I'm emotional or excited about something, I go like a "steam train." Yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda......Ok I'm done. It's not like I dominate the whole conversation for an hour or more.

What makes me worried and upset with myself is I've gotten the impression that this talkative character is a cardinal sin because it indicates that you are: 1) a lousy listener 2) self-centered 3) inconsiderate 4) "must-fix-this" bad

Is it?

Now, I feel obligated to hold back on talking a bit more and give others more space and time to talk. But sometimes, I wonder why can't others just accept you for who you are. I mean, there are far worse traits out there, this is just.....talking.

[Raiden no Kishi]

Eh, I wouldn't worry about it. I can be that way too. I usually don't say much, but if I'm excited about something, I can go on for a while. I never really "dominate" a conversation [I don't have enough interesting things to say], but I do tend to rant a bit.

You're awesome. Don't sweat it. ^_^

.rai//

[andi]

I don't think that's a flaw. Some people are just more open and talkative. Sometimes I wish I could be more talkative--because I am very quiet and don't share things with 'just anybody'. But that's just how people are--they have different ways of relating to people! It's not a flaw--people who talk a lot can also be unselfish and good listeners just as much as quiet people. :-)

[Danderson]

You're not alone....

I've been told before that I talk alot. I don't see it as a flaw, yet (as with any trait) it could easily become one...How so?

There is a time for everything...there is a time to talk and there is a time to be silent.....and it is being able to discern when to do which that makes alot of talking not a flaw....

However....

There's a guy I know who really likes to talk (a lot), but the problem is often it seems like he feels he has to make some sort of comment about everything that is said and really doesn't give anyone else a chance to speak....that's when it can become a flaw....

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

I often talk too much - not about myself, but I do get excitable a lot. I need to listen more. I don't dominate conversations but I'm sure I have a few times before and I'm trying to change that.
I'm extroverted but I also have introverted moments.

[K. Ayato]

Overall, I can't keep my mouth shut, but there are times when I don't say anything and just listen to the conversation going on around me.

When I'm on the phone, I usually start the conversation some, then I say "Well, that's enough about me. What about you?" and take it from there.

I will say that one of my flaws is that when I get excited, I have to interject right away.

[mitsuki lover]

I find that people who talk too much tend to be annoying.Not only because they tend to hog the conversation but mostly because they won't let you alone when you want to be alone.

[uc pseudonym]

For whatever it's worth, you didn't strike me as talkative. Or quiet, either. From what I remember of our conversations you seemed to be fairly balanced in this regard.

As for myself, I'm not really sure. I can talk a great deal on subjects that matter to me, though I try to do so only when warranted. But if the conversation drifts in such a way that I feel I have little to say I will be quiet for long periods of time. Overall I'm not sure how I come off to other people.

[Esoteric]

Huh, I'm rather surprised as well. I'd be rather curious by what your friends/family mean by the comments, since 'talking too much' is somewhat vague. For instance, they might mean that you talk too much about yourself, and that could be bad. But if you just like to talk in general, that isn't necessarily bad. Whether it's a criticism or merely an observation depends on what they mean.
But for my two cent's worth, you don't seem like a selfish or dominating person to me at all!

[Shinja]

im only really talkative around people i know well or am comforatble with, otherwise ive often been told im really stoic. i just never really know what to say.

[Alexander]

I'm a very interesting mixture myself.

I'm extremely introverted in the real world. So much so that only about 10 or 20 percent of what I think in my mind is verbally spoken to anyone.

Yet when I'm online, I'm almost completely open with anyone and everyone. And I usually write full paragraphs of my thoughts in almost every post I make such as this one.

Either way, being talkative isn't bad at all. The most I would suggest for anyone who tends to talk a lot is to just learn when to take turns with the other person during a conversation.

[Fiore teh Duck]

>> For what it's worth, I'm told I don't talk enough; perhaps we should balance each other out sometime?

[Mave]

LOL Thanks for your input, including those of you whom I interact with regularly (you know who you are ).

I felt more at peace after going to church today. The Holy Spirit reassured me that I'm loved no matter how talkative I am (hahaha!) and that, I should let go many of my unnecessary anxieties, including being obsessed over what ppl think of me.

Perhaps the dominating comment is directed at my habit of speed-ranting. When I'm upset/worried/annoyed at something, I would yadda yadda yaddadadadadadada for a few minutes. Until I'm at the recipient's end, I'll probably never understand how annoying it is. I suppose I could try to rant *slowly* but why drag it on and on? I'll bore ppl! I'd rather rant quickly, get it over with and then, move on to more interesting topics (e.g. someone's else rant )

If you tell me NOT to rant at all, that's quite difficult. It's my natural way of dealing with stress although I know the Bible tells us not to complain (hopefully I interpreted that in the right context). But then again, I sometimes wheh I recall that Proverbs has some sayings, which seem to indicate that the wise say a few words while the fools talk a lot. All ye avid Bible students, pls don't go crazy gung-ho on the last 2 statements. I understand that it's not so much how much you talk (quantity), but what you talk about of (quality/value).

But at least, I can say that I'm comfortable with friends who do the same to me (speed-rant to me) and I really have no problem if someone else wants to dominate the conversation.

Maybe allow a bit longer of a silence to let others interject before you do? Some people may just take a little while longer to form a response or speak up after something has been said. And when you seem to start talking at the same time as someone else, let them (get them to) speak first. Or just prod someone into talking... "Hey you, TALK!">:D

Good points! I told my friend that I'll increase the Let-Others-Talk waiting period before trying to get the conversation going. I'm exactly like that counsellor of yours, I can't stand silence for too long. XD

And "Hey you. Talk!" sounds like fun! *prods ppl to talk and lashes whip* j/k XD

Thanks for the feedback, it has helped me to think through this topic better.

[Fish and Chips]

If you bring up the right (or wrong) subject, I can easily dominate the conversation. Otherwise, though, I'm fairly reserved and quiet.

[Phantom_Sorano]

Dear, there isn't a thing wrong with you and being talkative. It's can even be a good thing! I have many friends that get the same way when the become upset or excited. Personally, I see no fault, as long as they are not bragging about themselves....then I just become frustrated. But yeah, I think you are just fine.^^