CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

No idea if this is in the right place or not...but I need some advice xD;

But all right, recently a person decided they wanted to be my boyfriend. I said fine, being that he was an all right guy, etc... but then later I realize, he's extremely childish...I mean not even in a cute way, just a really stupid way >_>... it's all very hard to explain. In short though, I would really like to break it off. When he's not serious, he's like a 5 year old, and when he's serious, all he cares about is the..more physical part of relationships...erm, lets just say, the physical part that I would hope would wait until I'm married and 25.

Problematically, this guy is really sort of...devoted. Erm...hard to explain, again. ..and at the same time, I just can't stand him >>. On the other hand, he's so childish and 'innocent' (half of the time anyway) that its hard to say anything wrong to him...so really the only two options with that are 1) I'm playing into some trap to be taken advantage of 2) I'm just being stupid and mean.

I just don't know what to do. He's a nice guy, but I just can't love anyone like him in 'that way'...certainly, CERTAINLY not serious relationship/marriage material...



help me out PLEASE?

sucks for you, just tell him off about the way he acts

Take my advice with a grain of salt if you wish, as I have never been in a relationship.

But this guy does not sound right for you. It sounds like he's causing you more grief than happiness. You're more mature than this guy(in several ways) from what I can tell. If you already know he's not marriage/relationship material, then you are causing yourself more pain and wasting your time by being with him.

And you're very smart for waiting until marriage for sexual intamacy. Don't let any guy stray you from that.

KBMaster wrote:Take my advice with a grain of salt if you wish, as I have never been in a relationship.

But this guy does not sound right for you. It sounds like he's causing you more grief than happiness. You're more mature than this guy(in several ways) from what I can tell. If you already know he's not marriage/relationship material, then you are causing yourself more pain and wasting your time by being with him.

And you're very smart for waiting until marriage for sexual intimacy. Don't let any guy stray you from that.

I never would...and that's really a main worry for me, because he's so...physical.

Have you told him your boundaries?

KBMaster wrote:Have you told him your boundaries?

Yes, and he backs off for awhile...then comes back at it full strength. Eventually I just said, "Listen, I'm not like other girls, I don't do things like that," and he just said, 'Fine," but still continued to make very perverse comments and jokes around his friends and other people...

While I generally don't care what people think...I don't want anyone I know, who knows me to be rather chaste, to think I'm doing stuff like THAT.

Then I would urge you to dump this guy, or at least tell him you want to be friends(if you want to). This guy does not seem to care about your feelings, or at least, not for very long. I honestly think you would be happier without him. Sometimes, people outgrow each other. Looks like you passed that point a long time ago. It might be time to move on. Hope what I said helped.

It did.

Now I just need to really figure out how to dump him without looking like...really mean, because after all, he is rather childish and sweet. >-<

I'll pray for you. Hope it goes well(well, as well as it CAN go).

[quote="KBMaster"]I'll pray for you. Hope it goes well(well, as well as it CAN go). ]

thanks

I agree: you need to dump him. The best way to ease this delicate situation, I think, is to separate the person from the problem. Never attack him directly, but mention that his behavior, his attitudes, his actions, are the problem. Even if he screams and throws a fit at the moment, hold your ground. Eventually, I think he'll see it was the right thing to do.

Here's some legit advice for you: You want someone that is complete and mature.

Break off with him ASAP if you don't like him. All I can say. Move on, and find more quality fish to fry. Why go for the McDonald's Fish Fillet when you can have the Cajun-Style Tilapia later on?

Fiore teh Duck wrote:I just don't know what to do. He's a nice guy, but I just can't love anyone like him in 'that way'...certainly, CERTAINLY not serious relationship/marriage material...



help me out PLEASE?

if you KNOW you can't love him in 'that way', then why waste time continuing your relationship? you'll achieve nothing, and get nowhere if you, yourself, admit that he's not the right type of guy for you.

Thank you so much for your help guys.

I wasn't expecting a serious relationship in the first place... I'd much rather finish high school before I even considered serious dating. Looking back on it, I don't even know what I was thinking by saying yes in the first place!

Wow sounds so similar to what I just got out of. Glad you dumped him and all. I'm glad I ended it and nice to know I'm not alone in this kind of thing. ^_^

It's funny I was listening to KLTY, (Christian radio station) one nite and a caller had called in to say that she was getting married. Well, her father had told her when she was little to make sure that she picked a man that had "fatherly" qualities. And she said that she was marrying a man that had her father's qualities....cause that is who she based the person she was going to be with too.

Maybe you should do the same thing?

Notice the radio station said "fatherly qualities", not "like your father".

Not everyone's dad has the qualities one should look for in a boyfriend or husband, and that's why I've always found that advice to be problematic when people say "Marry someone like your dad". Not everyone has a dad that is a Christian or is a stable person. It seems like some of the people who have 'perfect' dads can't understand that not everyone does.

Hello Fiore! I think it's great that you're looking out for the feelings of this boy. But, don't let that get in the way of what has to be done. Breaking up is hard, especially when the people involved aren't total monsters. It's that shred of good that makes it so hard to do. But, that shred of good is also what makes it possible for you to become friends again over time.

So, don't sweat it if there's some fighting or bad feelings at first. These things happen and it doesn't make you or him bad people. Give it time and you may even be friends again.

If you're worried about hurting his feelings, don't worry he'll forget what your last name is a week later. Don't be going out with people you can't stand. Just tell him you're flattered, but you feel the relationship is doomed to failure. be blunt! I probably sound cynical and all, but at this age most guys(AND girls) are heavily influenced by their hormones, and he's probably just throwing this stuff at you at the top of his head. ANd if he wants to get physical, that's a hardcore red light and your cue to make great haste the other way. It's very commendable of you to care about his feelings, and I applaud that, but dag yo, don't let that get in the way of keeping yourself out of trouble.