Dating Non-Christians

[Fionn Fael]

Oh, dear... I'm afraid the title says it all.

One of my classmates and I really like each other, but I know that it's wrong to date him because he isn't a Christian. And it gets worse--he doesn't know that I have a thing for him. I mean, it's no secret that he likes me. Heck, just about everyone in the school knows that. He even asked me out once, but I lied (I know, big mistake) and told him that I didn't feel the same way. I just don't want him to know what's keeping us apart, because I'm afraid he'll think that my reasoning is inconsequential, and not understand why we can't be together.

It's not like I can't talk to him, though. We're best friends. We talk on the phone every day and hang out all the time. We even openly talk to each other about our "just friends" relationship and our religious beliefs. We get along so well, but I know that I can't keep up this charade forever. I pray for him constantly, that God will use me in any way possible to lead him to Christ. Still, I'm not going to try and force my beliefs on him, because ultimately, it's his choice.

I'm at my wit's end, here! What should I do?

[Puguni]

Maybe you could use this as an opportunity to give him a new view, but don't think that I'm saying only go out with him to convert. I think it's only a problem when he tries to force you to do things that go against Christian belief or doesn't respect your beliefs.

But there are others who feel strongly against this dating scene, which I think only serves to alienate Christians more from secular orientated people. That's just my two cents though.

[Shao Feng-Li]

Do your parents know? They can go along way to hold you back (in a good way)

[Raiden no Kishi]

I would definitely be a part of the group that would urge you not to enter anything but a friendship for now. One, because of my understanding of the "unequally yoked" passage. Two, because a romantic relationship at 16 is largely pointless. Take some time to grow up, settle into who you are, develop your relationship with God, and get your own life going before you worry about finding a guy. Right now, be his friend, pray for him, and shine your light. Wow, that last sentence sounded cheesy.

.rai//

[ChristianKitsune]

I agree with Raiden no Kishi...

In this world we are often fooled by our own deisre that we don't listen to what God wants us to do. It shouldn't about what WE think...it should be about what GOD thinks.

To date someone that isn't a Christian is like basically saying to Him, "Yeah I know what your word says...but I don't think that applies to me." You should basically just rip that passage that says not to date those who aren't Christians right out of the Bible. (not YOU a general you XD)

so I guess you shouldn't be askign just OUR advice, but rather, God's advice. If his word says "Don't do this!" DON't DO IT. It's for our own good. and missionary dating RARELY works...the good is always brought down by the bad...

again, yo uare only 16, wait a while, I am 18, and i have never dated and I am pretty well off! ^_^

In all things do what God says. Not what you want, or we want.

Good luck!

[Tenshi no Ai]

I hope I don't get any odd looks from anyone, but honestly, I myself am dating a non-Christian. It was something I never personally considered but, things you never expect come up and can happen.

Although some will probably disagree, for me, I read it and see a warning, like other verses Paul wrote (like one about a similarish warning against hanging around with Christians who don't act very "Christian-like" shall I say: a warning so you don't fall into their own bad habits) Interestingly enough, Paul earlier on says that if two are married and one becomes Christian, that it best to stay with them rather than leave. I can't remember which verse it was, but I was just reading it earlier today.

I know, in the choice I made, it is a risk, but I took it. In the warning, "Paul urges believers not to form binding relationships with nonbelievers, because this might weaken their Christian commitment, integrity, or standards" (so says my translation notes). It's... not always easy, but I'm going to keep trying my best to keep being myself, staying strong, and hold onto what I know and my morals and all. It's not exactly fun working most Sundays, but I still try to go to church when I can, and I'm SO glad I have CAA that I can log onto any day of the week...

This is just my own experience with it. I may mess up, no promises there, everyone does whether it involves being with a non-believer or not. But I just hope, that one day He may come to know what I do... I truly do.

So well, to basically sum this up, I don't encourage it. It's definitely hard to be strong by yourself, especially for someone like me with the lack of church, and most Christian friends have moved away and stuff. But still, I try my best and pray alot^^ With it all honestly, I have no idea what His plans were/are with it all. It is true though, you never know who "That Person" may be. Who knows? Maybe I will be able to make a huge influence in his life. I'll never force him with everything, but it is nice having an understanding of how he views the world, and I'm always trying to share my views on things. I'll try my best^^

[Tenshi no Ai]

Accidental double post...

[Nate]

I agree with Tenshi on all points, especially the "not encouraging it" thing. You're 16, you've got plenty of time to date. While I'm not going to go so far as to say "never date a non-Christian," if you're going to do it you need to be insanely strong in your faith...and at 16 you're going to have to deal with SAT/ACT, college applications, scholarships, student loans, and so on. It's going to be stressful enough, and as you're still a teen and you're still growing, you've got the emotional stuff going on too.

It can really take a toll on your faith and having a non-Christian boyfriend wouldn't help matters. Just wait it out, and be friends for now, that's what I say. ^^

[termyt]

The passage about being unequally yoked is a warning, not a command. While it is certainly true that marrying (I know, I know, I am old and can’t seem to get it through my head that “datingâ€

[mitsuki lover]

The greater concern though is wheter or not you have honest motives in furthering this relationship.
Do you really like this boy or do you only see him as someone to add to your
'witnessing for Christ' notch on your belt buckle?
Your post seems to indicate mixed motives.So I would suggest you talk to your
minister,pastor or priest about the situation before going any farther.

[ChristianKitsune]

I thought I would go a ahead and post the scripture we are all refering to..

Do Not Be Yoked With Unbelievers
14Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15What harmony is there between Christ and Belial[b]? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people."[c]
17"Therefore come out from them
and be separate, says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing,
and I will receive you."[d]
18"I will be a Father to you,
and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.

I don't know this really doesn't sound like JUST a warning to me...but again, that's my take on the matter...

I will tell you, Fionn Fael that a lot of times, non-christian guys are really only after one thing... (NOT ALL THE TIME SO DON'T FLAME ME, It's just my observations.)

Without Christ in their lives, they really don't have a lot of...(how to say it) "road blocks" By that I mean they are only acting primarily on their desires. Guys, IF I am a completely off base tell, I know CHRISTIAN guys who struggle with this..

So I guess what I am saying is guys can persuade just as easily as girls can, and I wouldn't even let yourself get in a sitation like Termyt was talking about:

At all times be honest and if he is driving you to do things that lead to strife instead of harmony, let him know that both you and the Living God value him and yourself way too much to allow that kind of mess to come between the two of you.

You are on the verge of getting yourself in VERY dangerous territory... I wouldn't even set my foot on this path..I think you really should pray and Ask God what HE thinks..(Even though I realyl think his word is clear on this matter) Seriously....

[Jih]

WOW...going out with someone isn't marrying them...I don't think it's wrong to go out with a non-Christian. I think one should go after who it is they love and well, act on your emotions (within reason). Keep your morals and grow in maturity. It's all about experience.

[Nate]

The problem is that verse is very vague about what "yoked together" really means. Obviously, you're interpreting it to mean marriage, but does it mean marriage? The verse nowhere says anything that implies that it is.

I had a friend in the Navy who's an atheist. I hung out with him all the time. I mean ALL the time. He and I were never apart after liberty call. Was I unequally yoked with him? Should I have stopped hanging out with him? After all, he was atheist, I was Christian, and the verse says light has no fellowship with darkness. Should I have just ended our friendship?

The problem is a) the verse does not say that it refers to marriage. That is simply your interpretation, and b) Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:

Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife.

Yet no one here will say that's a command, and indeed, Paul even says "If you marry you haven't sinned." Simply because it says "DO NOT" does not make it a commandment, it can still be a warning. If I say "Hey, don't spend 600 dollars on a PS3," I'm not COMMANDING that person to not buy one, I'm simply giving friendly advice about what they should do.

Of course, your interpretation may vary, but I see it as a warning, a warning that very much needs to be heeded and taken seriously, but not a straight out command.

[ChristianKitsune]

[I]I guess I just believe that you date to find a mate..^^; I never want to be guilty of dating so many men thatI can't think straight..

You are correct, it's all up to interpretation.. But the verse you posted is a bit out of context. If I remember correctly thats a verse that talks about putting God first, and even spouses can distract. (I have bolded areas where I am backing up my statement) Also, I think that a situation such as this is a bit different.

Also, this is Paul's advice, but he is a man of God, and I believe that he was inspired by God to write down this stuff for us (God's Word is GOD BREATHED) after all...

1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.[a] 2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
8Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

17Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. 18Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. 19Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God's commands is what counts. 20Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him. 21Were you a slave when you were called? Don't let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. 22For he who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is the Lord's freedman; similarly, he who was a free man when he was called is Christ's slave. 23You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. 24Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to.

25Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. 26Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. 27Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

29What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; 30those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.

I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

36If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. 38So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better.

[B]39A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. 40In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

For one thing God says taht Marriage is OKAY. He created us for it. But Every time we see the Bible talk about "Light and Darkness" We always see it as Light conquering the darkness, or light shining through it, We NEVER see Light and Darkness working together mutually. (and that is what RELATIONSHIPS are for!) It is a mutual thing...Again to date means to look for a husband or wife, not to just say "OMGOSH! I HAVE A BOY FRIEND! OR I HAVE A GIRL FRIEND!" Thats why EVERYONE needs to be careful, and that's probably why we see so many divorce rates.

Also, when Paul says that it's a bit complicated to be Married he is really right! I mean think about it, how often does your parents fight? Not a BAD fight, or anything but they don't always see EYE to EYE right?

Right now a very close friend of mine has a dad who, for a while got really busy with work and he wasn't able to go to church with his family, this really upset her mom...and it sort of divided them. (temporarilly, all is really okay now) But still.. wouldn't it have been easier if her mom had just gone church before she was married? She didn't have to worry about her husband and all that stuff. (Not that it's a bad thing to worry about your spouse...)

All paul is saying is that IT IS EASIER to be to a Christian without a spouse...because you can place all your focus on God.

It is EASIER and WISER to stay true to God's word and not date a Non-Christian. Missionary dating RARELY works. And the Good will be affected, whether you see it or not.

Pay attention guys, these verses say to NOT divorce somenoe just because they don't believe the way you do, so once you marry these guys, you are stuck!! (unless you WANT a divorce...:/ )

[Tenshi no Ai]

. But Every time we see the Bible talk about "Light and Darkness" We always see it as Light conquering the darkness, or light shining through it, We NEVER see Light and Darkness working together mutually. (and that is what RELATIONSHIPS are for!)

Maybe sometimes the light can positively help be a strong influence though. Of course, for me I don't consider myself to be "missionary dating", but who knows what might come from it? Maybe something amazing will come out of it all, maybe not. I have no idea what He has planned. I do know that it took ALOT of thinking and considering for me to do and yeah for a while I thought it was a bad idea, but, I went for it for my reasons.


With "but if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion", it's an iffy thing especially amongst Christians. I mean, some marry VERY soon and TOO early just so they can practically and well, in the end things don't always work out... It's a hard temptation to work with, and the whole thing with commitment and everything. I know for me, I've had talks (and continuing on) about the whole issue on marriage, commitment, etc. It's interesting seeing 2 different views on it all.

[ChristianKitsune]

Maybe sometimes the light can positively help be a strong influence though. Of course, for me I don't consider myself to be "missionary dating", but who knows what might come from it? Maybe something amazing will come out of it all, maybe not. I have no idea what He has planned. I do know that it took ALOT of thinking and considering for me to do and yeah for a while I thought it was a bad idea, but, I went for it for my reasons.


With "but if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion", it's an iffy thing especially amongst Christians. I mean, some marry VERY soon and TOO early just so they can practically and well, in the end things don't always work out... It's a hard temptation to work with, and the whole thing with commitment and everything. I know for me, I've had talks (and continuing on) about the whole issue on marriage, commitment, etc. It's interesting seeing 2 different views on it all.

I see your side, Tenshi...and I am not necassarilly saying that just because you date a non-christian you are sinning. I just would really not recommend it.. ^^;


You're right Light can influence, but ultimately that's where light SHINES through the DARKNESS..

Again, a relationship is mutual... haveing a relationship with a non christian (be it friend, romance etc..) is still saying that someone has to give up something. IE I have an athiest art friend, we arent BEST friends, but we do get along...but we also have our little debates.

I don't understand how a healthy relationship can survive like that forever...:/

My Great aunt is married to a non-christian, and she was a very "good" christian before. (I put quotes beacuse she did go to churhc and do all the stuff Christians are "supposed" to do) but since she married her husband, she has not been involved in church...

[Tenshi no Ai]

I see your side, Tenshi...and I am not necassarilly saying that just because you date a non-christian you are sinning. I just would really not recommend it.. ^^]

Oh no I understand^^ And like I said, I don't recommend it myself either, but nor am I condemning it exactly.

I don't understand how a healthy relationship can survive like that forever...:/

I don't see it being impossible. We do have our different views, but we do have different discussions on things sometimes. Respect is a HUGE thing there and... can be a little hard to do when you think otherwise with beliefs. And like I said, it is quite interesting to hear their perspective on everything. It gets me thinking on alot of stuff too, and let's me know how/why they believe what they do.

My Great aunt is married to a non-christian, and she was a very "good" christian before. (I put quotes beacuse she did go to churhc and do all the stuff Christians are "supposed" to do) but since she married her husband, she has not been involved in church...

As I said before too, hard for me with work to be involved anymore really since I can't really commit to anything. Anything can take you away from church, and actually I remember when 2 Christian friends I know got together and slowly slipped away. Well, that was more a matter of they are the type of people who would rather go to youth and stuff and lots of friends left, but anyways...
This is an area I'm trying to work on: just staying strong in general. Everytime I get a chance I want to go to church, still reading some Bible when I get a chance and remember (which can be hard sometimes, even before I knew him :/), and just... yeah still trying to keep it together^^ Once again, it won't be easy, no. But I took the risk...

[ChristianKitsune]

I think we all need to work on our Dedication..^^; It's like...many times we put God in the Passenger seat, but really he HE should be driving! :/

[Tenshi no Ai]

[quote="ChristianKitsune"]I think we all need to work on our Dedication..^^]

Although in many cases it's hard to know where He is headed and wants to take us...

[ChristianKitsune]

Although in many cases it's hard to know where He is headed and wants to take us...

I think that's an area A LOT of Christians deal with... (including me)
however...

coudl it be that we don't know what he wants for us, because we aren't LISTENING? I mean...I can pray all I want...but maybe all he wants me to do is be quiet and let HIM talk for a change.

Like marriage a relationship with Christ is almost mutual, (in a sense) We always need to communicate with our Father. Otherwise he really is just whatever we make him out to be.

I think to many times we make God out to be this wishmaker, or this old Grandpa sitting up there watching us play in this big ol' sandbox we call earth.

But God is MORE than that! He is BIGGER than that. he is AWESOMER than that! He is our Daddy! (No offence to anyone who hates people calling God such an affectionate term, I mean no blasphame by saying it) He LOVES us, and he wants what is BEST for us. He doesn't want to see us hurt, which is why His word says "DON't Be yoked with unbelievers," or "Dont Kill," or "Don't do all the other stuff that you know will ultimately harm you."

It's not because they are just RULES it's because he wants whats best for us, and whats best for OUR RELATIONSHIP with HIM.

So I guess if a Christian is CLOSE to God then we should know what he would want us to do.. here is something, a test if you will taht I ahve heard said if you want to do something, how you find out if it's from God or just yourself, the world or even Satan lying to you.

1. Does your action contradict with God's or His Word?
2. How or will it Glorify God? Beacuse that's our REAL purpose for being here.
3. Will it hurt your OWN spiritual Growth?


I think that's a reall good test... :/ but again this is just my stance on this issue, and I am not condemning anyone for going out with or marrying a non-Christian, that's simply between you and God.

I just wont reccomend this to someone who isn't already going out with someone like that...:/

[Souba]

Awesome of you Kit to share with us God's word on this subject! After all the Bible is what we put our trust in to guide us through life. He tells us to follow these rules for a reason, for obedience and mainly because He wants to steer us away from a lot of hurtful situations.
Personally I want some one who will encourage my faith who will have the same value system, and put God first in his life just I am learning to do the same, and doesn't hurt if he's a cutie too. But someone who not saved can be a become a stumbling block in your life and lead you into compromise if you are not steadfast in your faith. I've seen this happen to people around me, but I've also heard testimonies of people who came to Christ when dating a Christian. So while it's not forbidden to evangelize date it's not going to make your walk with Christ any easier either.
God Bless,
Souba

[Mave]

Let's see, in general, we'll counting on two outcomes.

OUTCOME 1: Your partner eventually becomes Christian

Yeah! Lucky! Celebration time!


OUTCOME 2: Your partner doesn't eventually become Christian

Uh-oh. What now?

When that happens, now you have two risks to deal with.

Risk 1) Conflicting values for the rest of your lives
Life on its own is pretty darn complicated already, relationship-wise. We all have to deal with a whole load of conflicting values and interests with our family members, work colleagues, teachers, leaders, friends and many more affliliates. It is already difficult to grow in faith in the given daily circumstances. Having a life partner who shares the same belief and value system seems like a wiser choice especially when you two will be making important decisions together (i.e. finances, career choices, kids etc). I think it's really going to be difficult to include God in this decision-making process if your partner doesn't believe in God/doesn't follow His ways.

With irreconciliable differences, you may choose to divorce or to stick to each other and take on Risk #2.

Risk 2) Your faith takes second priority
I'm not saying that a fall is certain but the temptation and tendency sure is high. I say this based on King Solomon's account. He was the wisest man in the world and God give him EVERYTHING he ever needed. But yet, he chose to marry foreign women against God's command, and you know what happened to him in the end. If you think you're stronger in faith and wiser than King Solomon, by all means, we'll pray and hope for the best. But at least, consider the risks: Compromising on the small things tend to lead on bigger compromises. I'm quite skeptical of such relationships because from observation, all my Christian friends who dated/married non-Christians eventually lessened in their faith. They're still Christian, mind you, but they don't really go to church, don't fellowship with the rest of us and have lost their passion for Christ because they simply cannot share it with the most important person in their life. It's really sad.

It's not their partners' fault. It was their choice and they should take responsibility for it. One shouldn't date someone, hoping that they will change their beliefs and therefore, I don't believe in date-evangelizing. It isn't fair to impress your hopes onto your partner.

********************************
Maybe I haven't seen enough successful christian/non-christian relationships. There is this possibility of living in harmony with your non-believing partner but I highly suspect that something had to be sacrificed and we all will sit down and wonder......"Did we settle for second best? Could it have been better? Is this the best that God wanted for me?"

.
.
.
.
.

Now in all fairness, who can say that dating and marrying a Christian will ensure a happy life? My ex-bf is Christian but he changed spiritually throughout our relationship due to this job (for the worse IMO). I also have a friend who started dating non-Christians because her previous relationships with Christian guys turned out really bad (I sympathize too because I watched how awful the whole thing broke down).

But I still strongly believe that there is a very good reason why the Bible discourages us from dating non-Christians. It's really for our own good but we're given the freedom to take the advice or leave it.

With that said, these are merely my thoughts on the subject matter. Take it or leave it. *nods*

[Warrior4Christ]

I also agree with what Mave said, and strong suggest against it. The purpose of dating is to find a suitable marriage partner, and if they don't change (likely), it will lead to the two risks mentioned. What if there's conflict of interest in getting the children baptised? In spending time at church? Giving money to the church? How sad will it be when they don't share your hope for eternity?
In the words of a pastor who I respect: "No guy/girl is worth it" if you end up losing your faith because of your relationship with them.

Err, yeah. So there's my thoughts.

[Doubleshadow]

I thought about why God would suggest through Paul that dating a non-Christian is a bad idea. Most of my thoughts have already been added by others, but I need to add one more.

If you really love this person, how could you deal with, day in and day out, the knowledge that is person how means so much to you is going to Hell if they die that day?

I asked a Christian who married a non-believer that once. I had never seen an expression of dreading horror and pain like that, and I haven't seen one since. I'll never forget that face, and I hope you never wear an expression like that.

[termyt]

I think marrying a non-believer is dangerous and, under most circumstances, a bad idea. I would also say dating is not marriage.

But I would urge caution in interpreting scriptures. If the “do not be yokedâ€

[Tenshi no Ai]

I think marrying a non-believer is dangerous and, under most circumstances, a bad idea. I would also say dating is not marriage.

Of course, in dating and if you're someone who's SERIOUS about dating and not just doing it for fun, of a "fling", or for experience or whatever, it is of course considered.

Do you work for or with non-Christians in a secular environment?
Do you invest you money in secular banks or stocks or mutual funds?
Do you have non-Christian friends or hang out in secular environments?
Do you line under a secular government?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are yoked to non-believers.

If this is indeed a command, we should quickly quit our jobs, withdraw our money and move to someplace where only Christians are, in direct violation of the Great Commission to go into all the world preaching and baptizing.

My point, if you do note want to read the entire post:
Indeed, reading the rest of the chapter shows us Paul’s true concern. It is not about marriage, it is about purity. It is about remaining true to our calling and being holy as our Lord is holy. It is about strengthening each other instead of causing each other to stumble. In everything we do, we must work to advance Good over Evil and never must we enter into a pact where we work toward injustice or darkness. This is what Paul means about being yoked with nonbelievers. It is not a passage in marriage.

It's interesting because in my translation notes, it DOES narrow in on a marriage-type relationship. Maybe the choice of words used in the translation can vary and moreso make it sound as such sometimes?

Another thing to note, is although we are warned against being yoked with non-believers, is that at the same time as Christians, we are encouraged to be around them, to try and be good witnesses and all that. "Stepping out of the Christian bubble" I remember one speaker giving a sermon on. Although once again, although we are asked to walk amongst them and do that, to watch out for holes we may slip into, and try to have some Christian support, weather it be good friends, church, on even places like CAA. We can't just be stuck in bubbles all our lives^^ But if we feel we must, to stay away from places that may be too hard...

[Nate]

termyt said it better than I ever could.

[Tenshi no Ai]

Another thought on the idea of marriage: at least some non-believers are still WANTING to be married. More and more I'm hearing of people that think of common law as just as good as marriage, because marriage to them is just considered a thing of expense and just 'writing papers' to make it official. Even some of my Christian friends who aren't leading the same lives they used to were thinking along those lines... If only it were easy as saying "we are married!" and have that be done and then be committed in that way. People are just scared of divorce and all that other stuff... *sigh* things seem to be more complex with this issue than they used to be so long ago :/


To Fionn Fael:
Well, now you see some different views on it. I hope this helps in the decision you make with it, and I'll pray for you with it all.

To everyone else:
It's a little tough being the one to pray for both people, especially when the other doesn't understand nor believe in the power of prayer. I won't stop praying for him, nor will I give up on him. But... more prayer would be SO appreciated with it all. I hope, that even with this decision made, although warned by it, God can still help us out through it all for my strength, and... that he may come to know Him one day, hopefully... I know nothing is EVER impossible for Him... So please, if you guys can help out too, that would be SO awsome^^

[Fionn Fael]

Oh, wow... Sorry it's been so long since I replied, everyone. You all gave great advice, and have given me some insight on the matter from outside points of view. So thanks a lot!

ChristianKitsune:
Thanks so much for supporting your views with scripture! That really drives points home for me when I'm trying to make a decision, since I'm looking for God's opinion of what's best.

Tenshi no Ai:
I can totally see where you're coming from. The funny thing is, I never thought I could fall for someone who's not a Christian, but now, here I am. I think I'm all right with that because he respects my beliefs so much, but I still wish he felt the same way about God as I do. I want so badly for my guy to come to know Christ, but I don't feel like I'm making any progress in that direction. Have you tried to talk to your boyfriend about that kind of thing? I mean, I know he respects your beliefs, but was there ever a time when you tried to change his mind on what he thought?

Mave:
See, that's just it: I have the same opinions as you do of the risks and outcomes of dating non-Christians, and I know that dating this guy could probably never work for me unless he ends up becoming a Christian. My faith--my God--is of too high a priority in my life to cheapen it by making a mistake like dating someone who doesn't share my beliefs. Like many of you have commented on, I think that dating is a precursor to marriage, and that you shouldn't date someone unless you can consider them a possible marriage partner. Still... I can't just cut all ties with this guy. Telling myself over and over that I can't have him doesn't lessen my feelings for him in the least. If anything, that only makes him more desirable.

termyt:
You offer some truly awesome insight.

Warrior4Christ:
I totally agree with you, but... like I said to Mave, I've tried to give up on dating this guy, but it's hard when you're best friends and you hang out constantly. And I can't see myself giving that up, as selfish as that may be. (...I'm terrible. ) And, to mention the "don't be yoked with non-believers" thing, I suppose, considering the fact that he's not a Christian, I shouldn't spend tons of time with him, but he's as good a friend to me as any that I have, and he hasn't dragged me down (faith-wise) in the least since we became friends.

Overall, I do agree with the majority of you all who say that dating him right now would be a bad idea. I honestly believe that, even though he is, without a doubt, one of the best non-Christian guys around that I could date. (I mean, he's definitely classified as a "good kid". Straight A's, AP classes, plays sports, doesn't curse, doesn't drink/smoke, great manners, really sweet, the whole deal.) And I am that girl at my school who NEVER dates, under absolutely no circumstances, because she thinks high school relationships are trivial and pointless. But I am completely at a loss in this case. I've never been this close with a guy before, and definitely haven't felt so strongly about someone like this. I feel like I've finally fallen into that idiotic trap of teenage romance drama that I always mentally laughed at others about. I guess that was a little cynical of me.

Thanks so much, you guys! You really have helped me a lot. I'm grateful for any and every kind of advice about this. (Prayer is also great, of course. Thanks again!

[Tenshi no Ai]

I want so badly for my guy to come to know Christ, but I don't feel like I'm making any progress in that direction. Have you tried to talk to your boyfriend about that kind of thing? I mean, I know he respects your beliefs, but was there ever a time when you tried to change his mind on what he thought?

Well, it's a hard thing with the "change his mind" thing. I mean he has his views, and although he respects my beliefs, but to say something to "change his ways" might almost... push him away. I mean, we do have talks and all, but I try to talk as respectful as I can to his ideas too. On some things I agree with, on some things I'll try and explain my say on it. It's... such a difficult thing, when someone hasn't experienced the same things you have to know. for my it's not about "progress" with the conversion thing. He may never change. I just hope... that one day he may understand some of my views, maybe through me or one of our talks. I'm a HORRIBLE debater in the sense that one one ever likes agreeing with me :/ But, I have hope in Him...