CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Oh maaaan. I hate to have to add more teen angst to the general board, but I have an issue I've been ignoring for a while and I need the advice of my friends in Christ.

I have a guy friend who goes to a different school and he asked me to go to his homecoming. Coming to mine was part of the bargain, and since mine happened first, he came to my school. Nothing bad happened but it got awkward really fast due to his attitude and I really didn't want to be around him anymore. It was even worse when I went to his homecoming; I left two hours into the dance just because it was boring and I just didn't want to be there. He told me he liked me and I told him once at my homecoming and once at his firmly that I only considered him a friend. He understood, but I really don't think so.

I take a class at his school, so it's not like it's over; I see him time to time. I tolerate him now, but our friendship is definitely not the same. I don't like being near him, or him standing near me on purpose or even seeing him, but I'm still friendly to him.

Today, I went to my school's first tennis match, because I play tennis and enjoy watching. His school and my school were against each other and he was there. He left me alone after pestering me but when I tried to go home, he was 'playfully' shoving me back to prevent me from leaving. I'm so tired of it now that when I next see him, I just want to tell him to leave me alone and go away.

Should I maintain the friendship, or be very curt around him, only barely acknowledging him? I really don't want to see him again, but I can't be selfish, can I?

P.S. If his actions sound cute, they weren't to me. :<

I'll tell it to you straight. He's a guy. He won't pick up on any of your signals. Unfortunately, he will not understand nor will he "get it" until you tell him directly. This will cause an uncomfortable situation, but if you do not the angst and frustration between you two will continue on for a good long while.

That's my advice, based on how I know guys tend to behave. I am willing to bet that there will be better advice given throughout this thread, however this is my 2 cents.

You're right on the money, ikimasu. We men need to be told things up front.

If that fails, I've just been looking at some nice Mossberg shotguns . . . but I kid.

.rai//

We're not masters of subtltey.
Edit: Nor of spelling, apparently. >.>

I agree: you should spell things out. If you don't, you could just keep getting more upset, and maybe blow up at him later.

My sis is in the same situation with several guys...it's annoying for her...and for me, since one of the guys that liked her in High School happened to be in MY class and I had a crush on HIM. Ugh...it's difficult but she wound up ignoring them...she hasn't been brave enough to tell them off...which is causing a few problems for her.

Lovely clouds. Yes, yes, lovely clouds.

Which is to say, I kinda know what you're going through, from the other side. Just tell the guy that his attentions have become irritating to the point where you can't stomach his presence. If that doesn't bring him up short, well, you heard Rai.

That may be a little harsh. Don't get me wrong. Generally if someone has a problem with me, I'm all for the truth but recently I've been in a situation where I think there may be an irrevocable misunderstanding on all parties that may have caused other parties to not want to stomache my presence. Not but fifteen minutes ago I said to myself, "Well I wish they'd just out and tell me!" Then it occured to me... No. No wouldn't Honestly, I'd rather just shuffle on with my life and learn from the mistake.

Addressing him is probably healthy, but don't be blunt and please for his sake don't be mean about it. ... unless he ignores the direct approach. Then you can be mean.

Put your hands up in the "back up a bit" position, take a deep breath, and say "Whoa, wait just a second." Lay out as plainly as you can how you feel and that he's been bothering you.

Etoh*the*Greato wrote:Addressing him is probably healthy, but don't be blunt and please for his sake don't be mean about it. ... unless he ignores the direct approach. Then you can be mean.

It's not about being mean, it's about having a mature (as mature as drama can be, anyways) conversation about what is going on. If I don't enjoy someone's company, it's no one's fault. It has to do with conflicting interests or personality types.

This guy sounds alot like me when I was 17 and was infatuated/obsessed with a girl.

"Sounding like me" means that on his forehead written in bold, black letters are the words "Warning: Thicker Than Rock."

That means that, as nice as you have been, you're probably going to have to be upfront with him and tell him that you do not like him like that and that his actions have forced you to cut off all contact with him.

However, in your private time, REMEMBER him in your prayers. You HAVE to do it this way because his emotions are so screwed up and focused on you that he's really not going to believe you when you say no because he wants to believe too much that you are going to say yes. He's going to be hurt when you do this, that's why you remember him in your prayers. That God will show him that only He, and not romance, can fulfill him and that this young man will turn to God to heal his heart instead of other girls.

That's the sad thing about these situations. If a guy likes a girl, and the girl doesn't like him back, MERELY mentioning it will destroy the friendship. I don't know why it works that way. Innocent and naive guys who have no experience (or game, as the world calls it) with girls cannot mention their interest in a girl unless they strongly believe there is a future (which you should do anyway). Innocent and naive guys who ignore this rule end up destroying the friendship with said girl because girls have a self-defense mechanism that immediately changes her attitude towards you.

The correct response for a guy to make after being told that we are not liked in that way is to give the girl appropriate space. Probably have nothing to do with her for a good month or so. That way she'll feel assured that you're not out to date her still and hopefully you've worked out your own emotions, providing she's still interested in rekindling the friendship.

Romance is such a tricky thing. The rule for guys when you like a girl is to ask God to make it ABSOLUTELY PAINFULLY OBVIOUS what His will is in the situation, whether you should go or not. And to be patient. DO NOT RUSH THINGS.

Yes, the abhorrent jerks who move faster than the speed of light do appear to get all the girls all the time (even, especially, the one YOU like), but one day he's going to wake up old and alone. Forget him.
You do not want to be a heartbreaker who uses girls for personal gain. Be like Christ. Besides, who wants girls that go for the arrogant jerks who have "flavors of the week", even if they are Christians and go to your church? You can do better than that.

And above all, trust in God. If it is His will for you to marry, He SHALL guide you and bring the right one to you in HIS time. And don't worry if you miss "the one" meant for you. God will send another one, and another, and another, and another and however many times more He needs to until you learn whatever lesson you have to in order to finally meet rather than miss your "one".

So the lesson of romance is to pray, seek God's face, trust in Him, and do His will.
The lesson for girls in situations like this is to be blunt and honest, but pray for wisdom and for the guy you just broke it to, that God would minister and pursue him.
And for guys, the lesson is to trust in God, don't rush things, and ask for His guidance and trust in His timing as you continue following His will.

To sum up: FOCUS ON GOD! He's a great God who loves you and doesn't get ticked off when you tell Him you like a girl. Nor does He sit up in Heaven with a swizel stick seeing what evildoers He can smack around today.

He's probably picking up on your signals, but he will not stop "courting" you as long as there is an ambiguity in your feelings. As long as it is not directly made clear, he will hold out hope.

A direct conversation with him is best. Layout exactly how you feel. Let him know you have no interest in dating him. After that, you should always be kind and courteous to everyone regardless whether you think that person is a good person or not. Showing love for others is the Second Greatest Commandment. Showing that love also includes letting him know how you feel.

The Doctor wrote:That's the sad thing about these situations. If a guy likes a girl, and the girl doesn't like him back, MERELY mentioning it will destroy the friendship. I don't know why it works that way. Innocent and naive guys who have no experience (or game, as the world calls it) with girls cannot mention their interest in a girl unless they strongly believe there is a future (which you should do anyway). Innocent and naive guys who ignore this rule end up destroying the friendship with said girl because girls have a self-defense mechanism that immediately changes her attitude towards you.

There is a trust issue that is violated there. In platonic relationships there is a sense of, "nobody here but us chickens." You're both on the same page, seeking nothing more than frienship, and because of that you can relax around this person (as opposed to thebeginning of a romantic relationship) and can voice your frustrations in your romantic experience to that person. When someone confesses love it changes the dynamic of that. You no longer have that same trust because you'll always see things that that person does in light of them trying to "get" you.