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I have a problem. The girl I like has a boy friend, and she doesn't know me that well. I try to talk to her but it is hard. Help me. --matx.

p.s. No bad comments, please! ^_^

Matx wrote:ps:no bad comments please!^_^

Well, we can offer advice on this sort of thing, but it may not always be what you want to hear...

As far as I'm concerned personally, I would have a hard time liking a person who is already taken. It's almost like, going after someone married almost in my mind (well, not quite, but like coveting something you know you can't have at the moment). With the word "love" in the title is, well, ... The way I see it, if it is love you have for her, then you will want her to be happy, right? So then if she is in fact happy with the guy she is with, then should that not be what's right? I know, it's crushing on someone so there's jealousy and stuff, but one of those "if you actually love her, you'll have to let her be" sort of thing. I mean, if she did become single, then that might be a whole other story...

Relationships at this age aren't worth your time. Don't worry about it.

.rai//

I have to agree with Tenshi. It's fine to admire someone and be friendly, but it's not really kosher to pursue a girl who has a boyfriend.

I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear... and I know it's difficult when you want to be with someone that you can't. My advice would be to try to put her out of your mind.

I second what EireWolf is saying. I'm sorry it doesn't make you feel any better, Matx. But right now is not time for a relationship. Best you can do is accept the fact that this girl is taken and move on without wishing it were you she was with. *Hugs* You'll be all right.

I'd recommend just giving it up. She already has a boyfriend, so what else can you do?

Having had a friend who was in a similafr situation, here's the advice a very Godly mentor gave him:

1) You can wait silently in the wings, knowing you might be waiting forever. This takes for granted that if she and her boyfriend stay together, you'll accept that quietly, without seeking her out.

2) You can move on.

I know they're not fun options, but they're the only options you have right now if you care about her feelings and care to be a Godly man.

Mangafanatic wrote:Having had a friend who was in a similafr situation, here's the advice a very Godly mentor gave him:

1) You can wait silently in the wings, knowing you might be waiting forever. This takes for granted that if she and her boyfriend stay together, you'll accept that quietly, without seeking her out.

2) You can move on.

I know they're not fun options, but they're the only options you have right now if you care about her feelings and care to be a Godly man.

These are both terribly, terribly wise and you should listen to Osaka, Matx. She's like one of the five greatest currently living people in the world, so her advice carries weight.

Raiden no Kishi wrote:Relationships at this age aren't worth your time. Don't worry about it.

.rai//

Ditto to that. Wait until you're in college to worry about relationships like those.

Radical Dreamer wrote:Ditto to that. Wait until you're in college to worry about relationships like those.

see, i dont know if shes happy with him or not, so im trying to get know her, and even if she is happy i might just get a new friend. ^_^

Your intentions are good. Keep 'em that way as you get to know her. Might even want to make it clear to her and her boyfriend that you'd just like to be friends with them.

Kkun wrote:She's like one of the five greatest currently living people in the world, so her advice carries weight.

Wow. That one's going on my resume when I submit my application to become Empress of the World. Thanks, Jamie.

Mangafanatic wrote:Wow. That one's going on my resume when I submit my application to become Empress of the World. Thanks, Jamie.

and hes not the guy 4 her, ill be there. well..this is my last entry 4 the weekend , d-now and everything. well wish me luck, but more importantly, pray 4 me XD

Matx wrote:and hes not the guy 4 her, ill be there. well..this is my last entry 4 the weekend , d-now and everything. well wish me luck, but more importantly, pray 4 me XD

d-now was great! and now she knows my name! there is also a rumor that she likes me, but im not one believe rumors.....

I wouldnt worry about it, like many others have said, relationships arent worth it at that age

While I agree that relationships cause very little good, and much more trouble, remember this: he is seventeen. He has those emotional urges that you all did at that age. While I am the same age and I have somewhat learned to control my emotions, he may not have. He may not have made the oath to date only who you will marry, and to me, that sounds impossible, even though I once told myself I would do it. Telling him that they aren't much good at this age won't help much. Even I, who has maintained the coldness and dsitance required to avoid relationshisp, often has those urges for companionship. They become stronger as time passes. I also think some of you get dating and courting mixed up, but that is another topic. Nonetheless, as to the original poster...if she has a boyfriend, accept it and move on. You don't love her, though you make think you do. In the EXTREMELY RARE cases where a young couple actually WAS in love (and I stress the rarity of it ten fold), things worked out like a fairy tale. But just think about it; teenagers are hormone driven animals, yes? What they feel as emotion cannot be taken seriously.

Relationships at this age aren't worth your time. Don't worry about it.

.rai//

You're only 19 Raiden , aren't you a little close to Matx's age to declare such things? it's funny how the dating age keeps going up in people's minds... Anyways, I’m about to be 21… and haven’t had a girlfriend yet, thus Raiden, you too shall now wait till you’ve at least acquired a bachelors degree and in your first year of work towards a masters degree, like I appear to be doing. Oh well, here's my two cents...

The bad news: Not a good idea to be chasing after a girl that already has a boyfriend, think baseball bat... and pain... but mostly pain. Us men are particularly well know for our cave-man like behavior when it comes to other guys trying to pick up on our girls... Generally our behavior tends to make the girl hate both guys, but one of the two involved (The guys), are left with arms bent in ways they weren't designed to and teeth embedded into one another's skulls. Do I need to give any more advice??? And no I will not teach you kung fu.

Bad News #2: Let's see, "Hi, I don't know you too well, and you don't know me... well in the internet post I didn't say that I didn't know you too well, but if I DID say such a thing that means I know everything about you and you don't know anything about me!" Girl:"Post? Who are you and why are you posting about me on the internet?! AHHHHH!!!! STALKER" : Raises Pepper Spray and inserts spray directly into Matx's eye:

Let's see... from 1 and 2 this results in Pain^2... congratulations, no use going to the doctor, not even he can help you now... my advice, lay on the ground and just scream... if you have the energy to do so.

The Good News #1: I just saved a ton of money by switching over to Geeko for my car insurance (Just had to add that).

The Good News #2: Take the phrase "there are many starfish in the sea" and run with it! Guess what!

I have a problem. The girl I like has a boy friend, and she doesn't know me that well. I try to talk to her but it is hard. Help me. --matx.

YOU DON'T KNOW HER THAT WELL! Even if you THINK you do, YOU don't! You only know her public figure. At heart she may be a feminazi with a bent love of housecleaning, breaking men’s hearts and credit cards... her husband’s future credit cards...

This is why God made women, (plural)... there are many and there is bound to be more than one that you find attractive. My advice… go to



Thats right, thanks to the human population explosion, Girlmart can now be found on every corner, every mall… darn, they are even more popular than Starbucks or Walgreens. In fact, you can find one IN most Starbucks and Walgreens! Seeing as how you know none of these fine young ladies, you’re just about as good as you were considering, this so-called “special oneâ€

Cookies for you, Pascal, for hitting the nail on the head (Bad News #2 especially). XD

Pascal wrote:You're only 19 Raiden , aren't you a little close to Matx's age to declare such things? it's funny how the dating age keeps going up in people's minds... Anyways, I’m about to be 21… and haven’t had a girlfriend yet, thus Raiden, you too shall now wait till you’ve at least acquired a bachelors degree and in your first year of work towards a masters degree, like I appear to be doing. Oh well, here's my two cents...

19 is plenty old enough to analyze the data and think through both it and the advice of others older and wiser than myself and come to a conclusion, thanks. ^_~ I've had my best friend to watch through his failed relationships, I've felt the sting of being completely ignored by a lovestruck friend, and I see how much time and effort such young relationships waste.

I also plan to wait until I'm out of college and have a home, career, etc. before looking for a mate. That's only fair to her. ^_^

.rai//

Raiden no Kishi wrote:19 is plenty old enough to analyze the data and think through both it and the advice of others older and wiser than myself and come to a conclusion, thanks. ^_~ I've had my best friend to watch through his failed relationships, I've felt the sting of being completely ignored by a lovestruck friend, and I see how much time and effort such young relationships waste.

I also plan to wait until I'm out of college and have a home, career, etc. before looking for a mate. That's only fair to her. ^_^

.rai//

I agree. XD I'm 17, and I realize that dating isn't the best thing to do right now. Finishing high school, finding a job, and working on college is far more important, not to mention forming friendships, keeping old friendships, etc. I don't think there's a "magic age" where you suddenly know what's best. Wisdom doesn't always come with age, after all. XD

When I was in the seventh grade, there was a girl in our eighth grade whose son was going on TWO. At that time, I realized relationships have very real consequences and should be taken seriously. Thus, it is possible to be mature about relationships at a young age, but I'd say that is unusual and requires enough humility to realize you don't know half of what you think you do and humbly listen to those who know better than you. Our culture and teenage hormones don't lend themselves to that kind of quiet spirit or teachableness.

19 is plenty old enough to analyze the data and think through both it and the advice of others older and wiser than myself and come to a conclusion, thanks. ^_~ I've had my best friend to watch through his failed relationships, I've felt the sting of being completely ignored by a lovestruck friend, and I see how much time and effort such young relationships waste.

I also plan to wait until I'm out of college and have a home, career, etc. before looking for a mate. That's only fair to her. ^_^

.rai//

I'm just laughing at how you define yourself as old enough and someone else two years younger than you to be too young. At what point DOES one change from young to old in your book? Two years makes THAT much of a difference , no don't think so... But out of curiosity (and to torture your mind) define old enough and too young in your mind based off age alone and give a REAL good reason for it.

-Is Ebil-
Pascal

Pascal wrote:I'm just laughing at how you define yourself as old enough and someone else two years younger than you to be too young.

What's so wrong about that? A person who is 22 is old enough to drink alcohol. Someone who is two years younger than them is not. It's not fallacious reasoning to say that someone two years younger than yourself is too young to do something.

Two years makes THAT much of a difference , no don't think so...

I think so. Two years after I got out of the Navy, I was almost a completely different person, because I started taking my faith and my life seriously. Two short years completely changed me, and one of the big reasons was the death of my father. Now not everyone has to have a life-changing occurrence such as that happen, but two years can change a lot of people.

But out of curiosity (and to torture your mind) define old enough and too young in your mind based off age alone and give a REAL good reason for it.

A high school student is too young, since there is a lot of changes that occur after the end of high school. For one, in your high school years you're going through puberty, and while your hormones don't control you, they ARE quite influential and can lead to poor decision making. Second, SAT and dealing with college and scholarships, is a large handful and should be focused on rather than pushed to the side, and if you're given a choice between going on a date and writing a scholarship essay, which are you going to pick? Most guys dating at that age are going to pick the date...which is bad. Besides, then you have to start planning your college career around the other person. Let's say I'm a girl who wants a nuclear engineering degree; my boyfriend is going to college in Nebraska. Well, if I want to stay with him, I'll probably have to give up my goal because there aren't any colleges in Nebraska that offer nuclear engineering (that I know of at least). You see what I mean? Once you're already in college, things are more or less settled...not completely, there's always going to be compromise and changing of plans, but not as much as if you're still in high school.

I may not be Rai, but I hope I did well. Will that suffice? :p

Let's say I'm a girl who wants a nuclear engineering degree; my boyfriend is going to college in Nebraska. Well, if I want to stay with him, I'll probably have to give up my goal because there aren't any colleges in Nebraska that offer nuclear engineering (that I know of at least). You see what I mean? Once you're already in college, things are more or less settled...not completely, there's always going to be compromise and changing of plans, but not as much as if you're still in high school.

O_O Nate is a girl?! Oh, wait, this is a hypothetical situation... what does a girl wanting an nuclear engineering degree have to do with this? Meh...

But 21 being old enough to drink and 20 not being old enough to drink is only a legal solid line. That's to make things nice an organized, in reality if I were to drink today (about two months before turning 21) it wouldn't make a difference biological or psychologicaly... only legally... in which case I should just head down to Mexico where I can recieve alchohol at a younger age if I were so obsessively inclined.

Granted, dramatic events CAN have a major influence on you in as short as a day or less. However, without a day life-changing event, I doubt it. College freshmen and High School seniors are just as immature as one another (perhaps college freshmen are worse). Puberty doesn't pop into and out of existance, it fades into and out of existance over periods of time. Once your in college, don't think that suddenly you can start dating. In your own example, if said girl wants to get a nuclear engineering degree, or any degree for that matter, the battle isn't done once they've ENTERED college. Rather, it's only begun, homework heaping out doors, non-stop work, deadlines. No time at all, and a girlfriend can transform you into just another drop out (now with college debt + wasted time + nothing gained). Thus, yes, until you've achieved where you want to be for a while in life, this states that one should not get a girl friend... for the average male, that would be about age 25-30 . Thus Nate congratulations, you may date!

You make some valid points, Pascal, but in Raiden's defense, he is old enough to say, "Relationships at this age aren't worth your time. Don't worry about it" because he realizes that relationships at that age aren't worth the time, and he presumably doesn't worry about it. He seems to have the wisdom to see that, so I wouldn't discount what he said just because he's fairly close to Matx's age.

And on that note... let's all have the wisdom to not bicker about this. Shake hands, be friends, have a cup o' tea, share some laughs.

Doubleshadow wrote:When I was in the seventh grade, there was a girl in our eighth grade whose son was going on TWO.

Oh wow... that's really sad! Sad enough that our high school in town has a day care right next door :/ Not that it's trying to be encouraging or anything, but at least it can help out these people who still go to high school :/ Yeah... that's also what we get for being formally know as "The Teen Pregnant Capital of British Columbia" :/

People are just... too young to take such thigns seriously :/

Guzzles a diet Coke, smack's Raiden over the head, and kackles ebilly. Since when was this a battle, when I do battle ZPEBs go off and Mr. T pities da foos I go afta . Or maybe that's Zarn.

'twas just a preemptive peacemaking tea party.

The thing I see here is that many people seem to think relationships = looking for a marriage partner and sex. Not necessarily. Courting is dating for marriage purposes, and dating is just that; dating. What teenagers do. While anyone you date should be someone you could consider for marriage, you must also reallize that marriage at 17 or 18, or at any age that could interfere with your future, is foolish. Just having a boyfriend or a girlfriend...I'm not sure that it is that big of a deal.

My two cents is simply my own personal experience, which was that all my relationships that I pursued ended in crap, and as soon as I stopped looking, I found someone who wasn't looking either.

I think you know how that ended. ;p

Honestly, I know how you feel, man, but everyone's hit it on the head. For the most part it's not worth it.