CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Oooooh kay i have a serious question for you guys...
There is this girl her name is Brittany, we are supposedly friends.
Yeah i know it doesnt sound to interesting huh?
Well when we become friends she expects me to be with her 24 7 and do everything with her and everything she wants me to do.
Yeah i know friends usually want to be together all that they can but im not used to it and i dont like being forced to do it... and yes i have told her about her clingyness and that i didnt appretiate it but she keeps it up.
Even though we keep on becoming friends she always blows up on me and blames me for everything that goes wrong in her life.
When she doesnt get her way she practucally cusses me out and says i dont care for her when i dont do waht she wants me to do.
Even though she knows that i have been there for her for longer than anything when she was cutting i was there for her i was the one who got her help and alot of other things.
She was like "do i have to bleed to make you love me and make you be near to me because i will" im like oooooh my Jesus help me.
What should i do when i become friends with her again she abuses me...

I'm actually... not sure what I would do myself if I was in that situation. :/ I really do hate it when people try and control others, especially in ways like that >_< So sorry I have no advice here, but I'll definately be praying.

It sounds like your friend must have a lot more going on in her life than just the problems you're describing. It's really unfortunate that she can't be a better friend to you when (by what you say) you have been there for her through difficult times. I'm reminded of this verse:

Romans 12:18
If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.

This is a good admonition because it asks us to do everything possible to get along with others, but we're only limited to doing what is possible. Sometimes it's not possible to live peaceably with people -- we just have to make sure we're doing everything possible to promote peace and good relationship. It's a challenge, and I'm sure the Lord will give you wisdom in this situation if you ask Him for it.

As far as the cutting goes, it's a very scary and selfish threat to make. I don't know you or your friend, so I could be wrong, but it seems like she could be the kind of person that uses self-pity to get what she wants. If you consider all the other factors that might be contributing to make her behave like this, it might help you to understand her more completely. That's a very serious threat for someone to make. It would be a good idea to take this issue to a youth pastor or senior pastor (preferably someone who knows you both) and see what they have to say about it.

just pray and do whatever you feel will do the least damage and most good... or just do whatever God tells you to... don't let her use the cutting as a threat...

friendship:
You <---> Friend

Psychiatrist:
You <--- Friend

Sounds like she just doesn't want to feel alone, but doesn't want to accept input from others either. That ain't friendship.

I would firstly encourage you to be patient, my brother. God may have put you in her life for a very special reason, and who knows? When she matures a little and becomes an adult, she may really look back on you and remember you as the one who got her through some really nasty times. So, here's my list of suggestions for you:

1. Be patient with her. Realize her immaturity, but don't be condescending to her about it. Is she a believer? If so, pray with her about it. If she isn't, then you have all the MORE reason to stay friends with her and model for her Christian love.

2. Going back on what I ended with earlier, be Christ-like to her. Christ's friends must have been a real drag, too; they were the dregs of society! But He saw them as lost, confused, lonely...as "sheep without a shepherd" and was thus "moved with compassion for them." (Matt. 9:28). I would encourage you to look at her the same way, and ask God for help seeing her as He sees her.

3. Be gentle, but firm. Don't give in to her all the time, yet try to be gentle about it even when she's screaming at you or abusing you as such. Try to remember that you may be the only Christ she sees.

4. As others have suggested, ask your youth pastor, senior pastor, or just a good Christian friend on what to do.

I know this friendship isn't easy on you, but I would encourage you to keep at it for her sake, even if you don't get anything out of it. We'll be praying!

um orginally I would say jump in your car and drive far away say something came up 2nd uncle got his spleen injected with ketchup and he needs me to pump it out or something but then I noticed your 16 and I relized that you really cant do that but you also dont deserve to be taking this sort of stuff I had to deal with the same thing when I was your age and it wasnt fun or good for you ether yet the only good advise I can give you is dont give in to negitiveness now you should stand up for youself and tell your friend how you feel but dont lash out without thinking what you need to say first and dont use your fists unless you absolutly have to.

In contrast to everyone elses opinion, I am saying get out. Tell her one last time she has to shape or you are not having anything else to do with her then leave. Hopefully, she'll come around, but you being her emotional punching bag hurts both of you.

If she's treating you like that she honestly isn't a friend. A good cristian friendship is where both parties are mutually self surrendering and looking out for the other's best interest. She is using you. I would advise you to take a step back from this relationship and do some hardcore praying on whether or not you should be so close to her. Your freindships reflect who you are and if you keep a bad friend even if you don't comprimise you will be cought up in their mess. So I'd advise you to take quite a few steps back with the friendship. I could hook you up with some good teachings dealing with what you are going through if you want. Just PM me.

Yeah tonight she was at church for like 5 mins and left she just ignored me and acted like ... idk im the type of person who tries to get along with everyone and if i cant then i feel guilty because well idk that is how God made me all my friends say im to nice but i cant help it i dont want people hurting and now that me and her arent hanging out she is hanging out with this one girl named April who drinks, smokes, and sleeps around... and she used to hang out with her and she started cutting and she was reeeeeeeeally bad so that is another reason i feel its my fault that she is hangin out with her again...
is it my fault?

Artist4Jesus89 wrote: i feel its my fault that she is hangin out with her again...
is it my fault?

Did you make/convince/force her into making that decision? If not, it is not you're fault at all... She's just making her own decisions, whether it's a good one or a bad one, sadly enough. I'll continue praying...

Like Tenshi said...If you didn't force her to make the decision than you aren't at fault at all. She's using you and you need to realize that.

It's not your fault. It may be that she truly needs you as a friend to be a good example for her, though it may take sacrifice on your part because it's obvious she doesn't want to BE your friend, she just wants you to be HER friend. I understand what you're going through because I have a friend like that, who often carries incredibly long "conversations" with me where I get to say nothing because she just wants me to listen to her, but doesn't want to take the time to listen to anything I have to say. It's really frustrating because it feels like it's pointless to be friends with someone who doesn't care about you and could easily find someone else to listen to them talk about themselves all the time-- but then I have to realize that, when I do get to say something, it may be exactly what she needs to hear. I realize that I could be affecting her positively more than I realize. So, even if your friend is using you, as painful as that is, you may have no idea how much good you're doing her just by being there for her (even if she wants you there a little too often.) So, like Ashley said, just try to keep it up and do the best you can, asking God for strength when you don't think you have enough to handle her. You never know how God may use you in her life.

well today she said i was stressing her life out and was like so its up to you do you still want to be friends basically i said well after what you just said since i stress out your life SO much then i guess not so yeah we arent friends anymore i mean i know God could be using me in her life but God knows i cant put up with her i have done it enough with the fact that ... i have put up with her for 2 years now maybe 3 and i cant do it anymore all she has done is make me cry... when i saw her cut herself in class... when she has been saying all of this junk... and everything i just cant do it i mean im 16 and if i have to deal with her i might have an emotional breakdown but i WILL hang out with her again... when she gets delivered from her past and all the clingyness i know its the devil because she cant let go of her past but thanks for the prayers and suggestions please keep the prayers coming and tell me if you think what i did is ok.

I'm glad that you stood up to her A4J. Just remember to keep her in your prayers constantly. It's also good to see that you are willing to be there for her when she realizes that she needs to shape up. I think that you did the right thing.

Just keep in mind that we are fallible so you need to rely on God and not your peers for direction. Though it is ok to ask some Godly peers for advice than pray about it.

I agree with DoubleShadow. And good for you that you are setting some boundaries. I'm sure you know this already, but the cutting isn't your fault, it is all about her trying to get control. She probably needs to get some professional help, although it doesn't sound like she's really ready to change yet. Hang in there!