CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

I can't seem to... get into this social loop at my co-op... or church?

I have friends... well.... they're sorta friends. We only talk during study hall...

anyway, my friends all seem to be in a social loop at my co-op that I can't seem to break into...

I'm always hearing about these big parties that happen not too long ago that was "Soooooooo Awesome!" that I wasn't invited to.

And every one of my friends was invited except me.

It's a social loop that I can't seem to break into, no matter how hard I try...

I've tried talking. In fact, last year, I decided to get over my shyness.

That didn't work either, I'm still not in the loop, and I talk every week.

Usually, I just hide feelings like these... but it's just starting to get ridiculous. I've been going there ever since I was like... 3. My other friends who came at the same time have a lot of friends, their just as well known, and seem to be almost the center of this loop...

Could anybody PLEASE tell me what I'm doing wrong?

Why can't I get into the social loop?

If you could just help me with this problem in the slightest bit... I'd appreciate it so much. I hate being left out.

I can't think of anything that you are doing wrong.

I have some friends at church, but not everyone in my Yg is my friend, it's sad seeing everyone with their own little 'groups' I try to talk to everyone who will talk to me, and invite new people to things that im doing with friends, so they don't feel left out.

But, just don't worry about it, they are missing out on having an awesome friend if they ignore you like that, you shouldnt have to change to get them to like you, though overcoming shyness does help. (I had to do that too)

Maybe talk to your friends, try inviting them to go do something together.

I sorta have this problem in my church. They're always going out every week night, conveniently forgetting about me. And I was hurt for a little while, but then I decided to take things in my own hands really. I'm not about to invite myself on their trips or ask to be invited, that's just not me. I make my own plans though. Every other week or so, I go around the church and invite everyone, including the people in the popular crowd to go out (to the movies, bowling, whatever). It usually ends up just being my group of friends, but reaching out to them has really helped. I don't mean to say that I've suddenly entered into the popular crowd, but they do invite me to join them sometimes. I personally don't care one way or the other; I'm perfectly happy going out with just my group of friends. If they care to join me, that's cool too. ^^
I think that maybe you should make your own plans really, and try not to rely on them. It's not really good if you try to get yourself invited; I've found that pushing my way into a crowd only makes others ignore me more. I hope things work out for you though.

I think the ladies are on to something there... the problem is definitely not you, but what I would do is invite those friends out to do something. Have a small get-together, go to the mall, see a movie, organize a ministry... do something that requires a group. The key word is YOU invite THEM as a group to do something.

Oh, and don't get discouraged if noone or very few people show up for your first lil shindig. All it takes is one person to talk about how much fun they had, and there you go.

I felt (and to an extent still feel) much the same way as you do. Making friends is difficult for me, and even at church and in church groups, I feel left out of the social loop , no matter what I do to change that. I think the best thing to do is to follow the above advice, try to get involved with people by organizing things.

Also, realize that these things change a lot over time. Not to denigrate high-schoolers (and from your age, I assume you are one), but much of their social scene is shallow, and many people I know also felt left out in high school. It may take time (and I hated hearing this from my parents) but people mature over time, and this stuff changes. I find as I get older I get to know more people and become more involved socially (not that I'm old, mind, I'm still in college). So I would suggest trying to organize the activities you can, remembering the friends you have and enjoying their company, and realizing that the social scene changes alot as people mature.

Get closer to them. That's all the advice I have for you. Invite them to something so you can get to know them better, and then maybe they'll start to like you more. But be yourself!!! People can usually tell when someone's faking.

Being as anti-social as I am, I'm probably not a big help...

Actually, not being in a "cliche" sometimes proves to be a good thing. I find my self getting along with people on accident I never thought I would. O.o

Hey, I know exactly how you feel. I used to be REALLY shy, and stuff... And then I'd try to talk to people, and get them to notice me, and it never worked. I hardly had any friends, and the ones I did have didn't really know me. And I also tried to make everyone happy, and make everyone like me, which really doesn't work. And, it actually made me more shy.
But, if you just be yourself, and try to make a few close friends, get to know them really well and let them get to know you, it's much better. And I found that when I let myself actually get close to a few people, it was actually a lot easier to talk to more people.

Sorry if that sounded really stupid and didn't help at all. >_>

I honesly am not big on "parties".
I would rather have one good friend who I could trust with my life than party with a bunch of people who just might stab me in the back at any given moment.

Not sure if that helps at all.. I just think that not fitting into groups isn't that bad of a thing.

I think you're doing nothing wrong.

Sometimes people don't like making new friends, and I think that's a shame.

I guess you could try talking to them and asking about what they like doing and see if things can get better from that point onwards. If they are not keen, well I guess it's their loss.

Uriah wrote:I honesly am not big on "parties".
I would rather have one good friend who I could trust with my life than party with a bunch of people who just might stab me in the back at any given moment.

Not sure if that helps at all.. I just think that not fitting into groups isn't that bad of a thing.

Word...

I know how it is. I was always out of the loop at youth group. I guess that's why I started going to regular church services with my parents instead. :\

Yeah, those seem like good suggestions... They sound like they could actually work.

Its kinda the right time. Ya know, with my birthday coming up and everything.

OK, I should try that. Thanks for the advice. ^_^

You know, I get "left out" from drinking parties/bar trips. In fact, I'm glad these colleagues (of my age group) respect my dislike of getting drunk and smoky dance clubs.

Strangely enough, I almost always enjoy the company of my older colleagues (those 35+ and with children). Heh.

It may also be that you are on a different level than those who are in your youth groupp. Maybe you just like different things and maybe are more mature. If you have any outside friends, I also suggest that you bring them. Maybe you can start from there and do what the others suggested.

The only advice I can give you is this...Try taking the initiative. Ask your friends to go places. Be the instigator, and maybe you'll be invited to more parties and what.

Word...

Indeed...

Strangely enough, I almost always enjoy the company of my older colleagues (those 35+ and with children). Heh.

You too? :p

Well, that are kids younger than me (they believe what I say XD ).

I was activley tortured by my youth group when I was the newbie, pouring Pepsi on my sleeping bag when I was asleep, venting their group frustrations on me, being left out and such. Ahhhh... Being the outcast. In my situation, they grew out of it and apologized to me as we got older or they stayed away from me. Guilty conscience perhaps? One of them who apologized is my closest friend. I just had to tough it out. The ones who, then and now, want to be my friends, in the true sense with respect, consideration, and trust on both sides, are. Those who do not I have not spoken to in years.

Sometimes, there are just inconsiderate groups of people in this world who aren't willing to make an effort to reach out to others. It's sad, but it's true. I was a member on a swim team for about 5 years, and it was basically intense torture to be there. It made me feel worthless that no one wanted to come over and talk to me, or invite me to do things with them, or at least be nice to me when I chose to talk to them. And these were kids who claimed to be Christians too, so they had no excuse. And finally I just left the pool altogether and never looked back. Now, don't get me wrong, I am in NO way suggesting you leave your youth group. I firmly believe that you should stick with a church through thick and thin. But, there are other places that you can find friends who very well could be MUCH nicer than the kids in your youth group. And it's sad that of all places the place you feel rejected is a church, because the church is supposed to be the place where everyone can come and find acceptance, but, we're all human and we all fail. I'm sure though that you could find people who appreciate how cool you are, even if it's not with those kids. Just don't let them get you down. And one suggestion-- if there are any other kids who you sense feel the same way as you do in the group, or new kids who come in, try befriending them first. You never know, there might be some kids in your group who want a friend as bad as you do.

Everything I've seen here about not necessarily needing to fit into a group, about perhaps being in better shape not being part of the group, etc. is true... but is also useless advice falling on the ears of a teenager. I remember that time very painfully. I also have realized since then that there were things I was doing wrong, and things THEY were doing wrong. What I was doing wrong was thinking the world owed me friends. What THEY were doing wrong, was not telling me whatever it was they didn't like about me. Since then, I've lightened up,and others have become much nicer. Don't know if the two are related, but probably, they are.

The best advice I can give you is something the Lord said: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. The rest of the advice I can give you is stuff your parents probably say already. And you don't want to hear it, if you are anything like I was. Stuff like,have a positive attitude, bathe and change your clothes everyday, brush your teeth so you don't have bad breathe. Smells and appearance influence others a lot more than they would ever realize, or admit.