CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

I guess I

No one has greater love than this, that one should lay down his life for his friends.
Personally, I don't think it's strange that you should desire to take pain away from others, even if it means taking it upon yourself. Christ himself died for us so we wouldn't have to.

Now, as for prefering physical abuse to emotional and psychological... I think that physical abuse would be preferable, and I believe you summed it up rather well when you said:

Physical Abuse to me is so much better, because in a fit of rage, a person does things they don't always mean, but to say things to someone... words come from the heart, and hurt a lot more.

This doesn't mean that physical abuse is good; Any kind of abuse is bad!

For a while I wondered what was wrong with me when I almost enjoyed being persecuted. Then I found 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Volt wrote:subconsiously I'm addicted to it, and every once in a while just have these wierd day dreams of getting beat the crap up. Like I deserve it.

I sometimes dream of getting the stuffing beat out of me... Well in a boxing/fighting sense seeing how far I could go or how much I can take and whether I can win or not. There are also millions of people who enjoy watching boxing, fighting etc... I think people enjoy pain on some level, either watching it or recieving it. There are so many people who like to see how strong they are or wonder how far they can go, and I can relate to that. As odd as it sounds, pain is a way of knowing we are still alive. But, I wouldn't go as far to say anyone deserves it. When we feed ourselves that stuff we only tell ourselves we are worthless and I don't believe anyone is.

I doubt during the time a parent is beating the stuffing out of ya your thinking, "oh this is awesome!" No, we curse them and despise them. When people are so used to that growing up, they feel for it as a routine. And since they are no longer in that routine it feels odd to them]I guess it's a mental thing, the desire to take pain for others. To put others above yourself, I don't know if that's good?[/quote]
It somewhat is, and I feel that way many times; wanting to take the pain for them because I know I can take it or fight back. And to want for others to be safe is a commendable thing that many can't do.

I've wanted to take away the pain of those I care about too, Volt. I believe it is a good thing, but you have to understand that as badly as you may want to help someone, sometimes it's not in your power to do so. I had to learn that a couple of years ago. I'm glad that seeing someone hurting another person bothers you, since you've had experience in that kind of situation. It shows you care. I can't see how it would show that you hate yourself.

I don't see how two motivations are mutually exclusive.

Volt, it sounds like you've had a negative self-image worked into you - particularly from the "like I deserve it" line. The kind of treatment you describe could easily produce such a result.

This does not have to mean that you aren't a caring person - simply that you have believed what you were told. The thing is, you have to recognize that you are not worthless, and you are not stupid. You are not a moron; you are not an imbecile, you are not an idiot. Rather, the Bible says that, as the Father gave to us Jesus, will he not with him freely give all things? I other words, God's found you so desirable that you're easily worth something so big that everything else is negligible in comparison.

As for putting yourself between others and harm, I don't think that has to be a bad thing, as long as you trust God for your protection. In fact, some people who are called as intercessors will find themselves basically standing at the border of hell itself to keep someone else from going in. (of course, the standard warnings apply - trained professionals only, do NOT try this at home, and all that)