CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Gang,

Well, I talked with my mentor and he approved me posting his speech on dating in this forum. He only required that I keep his identity a secret and his email. (Security reasons)

And by the way, I still have yet to master this. ;-)

Also, I have edited the speech to make it appropriate for the general age group here.

His speech was written for when he takes guys up to the Gorge, where he and other Godly men talk to young guys about what it takes to become Godly men.



"The Dating Box


The Dating Box, a global guide to dating for Christian men.
These are all my opinions, heavily researched, but my opinions just the same. I'd always encourage you to read The Book for yourself (the Bible) to check my research. Also, this is a global guide. There's so much detail below, it would take several weeks or years, to discuss it all. Therefore, should anyone ever wish to have more specific discussion, please feel free to get my e-mail address. I have this entire discussion and tomorrow's in Word and will be happy to e-mail it to anyone who asks, and, I would also be more than happy even to e-mail back-and-forth for a while.
Did you know that the statistics for Christians, well the bad statistics that is, are just about the same, or worse, Y than for non-Christians? One of the most glaring and startling to me is, divorce. Over 50% of those who marry and call themselves Christians, will get divorced. In the churches where I've attended, many have divorced or been divorced. For those that don't know this, divorce is NOT a Biblical option, except in the case where a spouse commits adultery. Let me repeat that, divorce is NOT a Biblical option, except in the case where a spouse commits adultery.
9Unfortunately, the stats on adultery are also about the same. Again, virtually all of the bad stats for those who call themselves Christians are the same, or worse as compared to those who say they are not Christians.
Wonder why? Maybe I can shed some light by throwing out some other statistics. I'm told that by the time an average child has reached 18 years of age, they will have spent 22,000 hours watching TV and movies (many showing lots of soft porn and graphic violence, and a very skewed role for men and women). Surely it's clear to you that well over 90% of TV is not pleasing to God.
11. In addition to the 22,000 hours of watching TV and movies, the average 18 year old will have spent another 12,000 hours in our public schools (a place that opposes Christianity, and whether or not you know, a place that is run by our Federal Government and who actively pushes their social engineering agenda). Some of the most liberal agendas in America are taught in our public schools. These 12,000 hours by the way, don't include time in our public colleges, which in my opinion are some of the most liberal places in America.
12. These are astonishing statistics!
13. Want to hear an even more astonishing statistic? The average 18 year old in America will have only spent, less than a handful of hours reading the Bible, and less than 1,000 hours in meaningful interaction with their father. A father may spend more time with each child, but not in meaningful interaction.

14. In addition to the 22,000 hours of watching TV and movies, and the 12,000 hours in our public schools, the less than five hours spent reading the Bible and the 1,000 hours in meaningful interaction with their fathers, although the stats aren't yet available, my best guess is, another 5-10,000 hours will be logged on the Internet (but I'm sure it's only on Christian websites [Doc's Note: I believe this is meant to be sarcastic.]).
15. Another alarming statistic, also not yet formal, is the absence of Moms, even stay-at-home Moms, even stay-at-home Christian Moms. Many of my friends in ministry agree that Moms have been quite absent from the day-to-day lives of their children. Even though the average stay-at-home Mom spends an amazing amount of time driving their kids around, there is little meaningful interaction, little instruction, and little training from our Moms and ESPECIALLY from our Dads, ESPECIALLY for us men.
16. So, guess where the average 18 year old in America is receiving the VAST majority of their instruction? From TV, movies, our public schools, the Internet and from their friends and peers. Only a tiny fraction of an average 18 year olds instruction comes from Moms and Dads, and even less from reading the Bible. And Im not talking about a few people in America, I'm talking about the VAST majority of Americans, Christian and non-Christian.
17. Do you think that any of the instruction they've received, has been wrong or against God? When it comes to being a man (especially a Christian man), when it comes to marriage, when it comes to dating, I believe our society gives you a prescription for disaster, a recipe for How NOT to please God.
18. Let me ask you a few questions. All of you are in a different class than the average 18 year old. All of you have statistically had a great upbringing. Yet, have any of you received specific instruction on how to be a responsible Christian husband? How about a responsible Christian father? How about specific instruction on the subject of Christian dating? Any specific guidelines on how choose a great mate? Any specific guidelines on how to present yourself to a potential mate? Statistically, probably not.

2nd part of speech:19. Before I wander into the solutions, let me first address some of the problems to dating in a manner that will be pleasing to God:
a. One challenge is, we live in whole new world! From the beginning of time, up until about 100 years ago, no one needed to train his or her children. All one had to do was to say, Come with me son, or Come with me daughter, watch, learn and help.
b. Further, dating as we know it today, was near non-existent, then and in Biblical times. In those days, you lived in a small, little community. Your choice of mates was, well limited. Virtually everyone was your neighbor. There was a lot of accountability.
c. As compared to 100 years ago, we now live a world that is so different and has changed so fast, that few Christians have taken the time to really think through how to train our children, how to be great spouses, how to pick great spouses, and how to create the oneness in our marriage that God intended, especially us men, although the girls are loosing ground fast too.
d. Another challenge to Christian dating is, the supple notion of what Christian husbandry is, and, what we're taught to believe to be our roles as future husbands. The non-Christian, and the Christian world for that matter, tells us men to provide for our families. Basically, though, that means, to make money. And for the sake of money, it is OK to take a job, even though there is 80% travel, 65-hour workweeks, and periodic relocation. I've been leading FATHERS groups, off and on for the last 10+ years. I end every 8th session with a challenge to men. It goes like this: After leading FATHERS groups for the last 10 years, I've tried to figure out how to teach men to be excellent Christian husbands and fathers, while traveling 80%, working 65 hours a week, and subjecting their families to periodic relocation, and here's my conclusion: I CANT! But, this is what we're taught supplely. Rarely does anyone say to do this so directly. It's just assumed. Virtually every man I know my age, is focused primarily on his career. But this part of the conversation is in different boxes, the Husband, Father & Career Boxes. We will touch on these a bit more tomorrow.

e. Another challenge is, although there are a lot of books on being a wife & mother, there aren't a lot of books for being a husband & father. Well, there are some books, but what I've read usually says stuff like To be a good husband, don't commit adultery, or, If you like the way the secretary looks, don't go by her desk. They might say, To be a good dad means, you should spend time with your kids in meaningful interaction. Well, I knew that already. I was looking for a little more detail.
f. I've yet to find a step-by-step instruction guide for parents or spouses, Christian or non-Christian. I don't think it exists.
g. Or does it? The real problem with our Christian community, the real reason our stats are a lot like the non-Christian stats, is, we're not doing it God's way. Christians are doing the same thing as non-Christians.
h. Let me give you a specific example as it relates to dating. God's idea of dating is NOT what most people think. Although its hard to pin down what is Biblical dating, (there is little specific instruction in Scripture), it isn't hard to discuss what isn=t Biblical dating. For example, Y the way we date in America, including most Christians, is to make it a romantic adventure. You take a girl on a date, and your primary goal is to make it an exciting date. You're there to impress her. You're given lots of rules, but have virtually no accountability. You may try your best, but if there's a mutual interest, there's bound to be handholding, or some hugging, or a little kiss, or a lot of big kisses, a little touching, a lot of touching, sometimes more. Since hardly anyone marries his or her 1st, 2nd, 3rd or even 4th date, we eventually break up, usually someone, often both, get hurt. Then we continue this process until one day someone sticks! Let me ask you a question, Does this sound like training on how to be married or how to be divorced? Divorced! The dating model we use in America is a prescription for divorce!

20. Well then, when it comes to dating, what are we Christians supposed to do? How are we to behave? How should we present ourselves to a woman? And, not only do many of us need this information regarding ourselves, it would be extremely useful to know what the qualities of a good wife really are? Let me tell you a few stories of Godly men who didn't pick good wives.
21. One of my Christian friends, is now divorced. His wife left him for another man. She said she did it in the name of Christ and, had God's blessing. Another of my Christian friends chose to divorce his wife after years of her infidelity. My question to each one of them was, How could you have married such a cheater? Didn't you see the signs beforehand?
22. Some of my Christian friends, are still married to their wives, but are most unfulfilled in their marriages. They chose to marry women that were more contentious than God loving. They didn't know it at the time when they were dating, but they found out soon enough after marriage.
23. I'm not trying to knock women. I'm positive there are more good, God-loving women out there than men. Men really stink when it comes to their Godly roles as husbands and fathers. As a matter of fact, the typical married wife with children works full-time or part-time. However, she sacrifices her career so that she can also be the primary caretaker of the children. She's probably the one changing the diapers, cooking the meals, doing the dishes and the laundry and also driving the kids to their 5 events each quarter. Dad's mainly working.
24. OK, enough men bashing, Let's discuss some simple solutions to Christian dating. This first solution, will be the best solution for all of life's challenges. It's the answer to everything. As a matter of fact, it's the only thing you'll ever need to know from any one of my lessons or speeches. The rest of this stuff is just filler!

25. The solution is to do it God's way. Simple, eh?

26. So you might ask, AHow do you do it God's way? Well, it's a life long task! But, in a nutshell, you need to know God and experience God. And I don't mean to simply just, be a Christian. Being a Christian is not necessarily the same as Knowing & Experiencing God! If you know God and are experiencing God, and you will date in a manner that is pleasing to God.
27. So how do you Know & Experience God? To better explain the notion of Knowing & Experiencing God, I'll tell you about my 80% rule. It goes like this:
a. Of all those who claim to be Christians, 80% probably aren't.
b. Of the 20% who remain from this group, 80% of them, Y well, I=m not sure if they really are believers. According to James, probably not.
c. Of the 20% who remain from this group, although Christians, 80% do not know God and have not experienced God to any great degree. They're Believers, but because they're not reading, understanding, applying or praying, they're making up their own rules. They're not necessarily trying to do it God's way. They are not very good Christians.
d. Of the 20% who remain from this group, who read the Bible and pray, 80% already have a predisposition of who God is and no matter what they read or pray, they're going to fit it all into this predisposition. Although this group can quote Scripture like crazy, they really aren't much further along than the group mentioned previously. They usually aren't very good Christians either.

3rd part of speech:
e. This little, tiny group of people who remain, who read the Bible and pray, who actively seek to know the meaning of the Scriptures, who try their best to do what the Scriptures say, who are God-centered, they aren't getting divorces. This little group of people are so like-minded and so like-hearted, that I believe they could meet any of their peers in this world and become instant and immediate friends & family, because they are doing it God's way. This group's divorce rate is probably near 0%.
28. To know God, you need to read the Bible, and understand what it says. You need to pray without ceasing and make God the center of your life. You see, if you pray to God all of the time, you end up thinking about God all the time. When you combine this kind of prayer with an understanding of God's word, you really get to know God. To experience God, you need to do your best to do what the Bible says. Pray, Read, understand and apply. It's really that simple, but itss also a life long process and we'll never master it completely. BUT, we are supposed to try!
29. OK, so the reason why the bad stats are the same for those who call themselves Christians are the same or worse as compared to others is, because most Christians don't know God, haven't experienced Him, and are not doing things God's way.
30. However, for those that are, the stats look quite different. If you date in a manner that is pleasing to God, you will find the woman God has chosen for you. If you don't, well what do you think?

31. Before we roll into some specific Scripture on Christian dating, let me give you some general statements. Unfortunately, the Bible has so little about dating (it really didn't exist in those days), that it will make more sense to use what Scripture is available about being a husband and transfer the meaning to dating. By the way, this stuff comes straight from my Topical Bible (Explain). We Christian men, are to:
a. Pray for our wives. Now, apply this to a dating situation. PRAY for your dates, and more than they pray for you!
b. In addition to praying for our wives, we are to Respect our wives. Now, apply this to a dating situation. Respect your dates!
c. We are to Praise our wives. Offer praise to your dates.
d. We are to Please our wives. Assume that pleasing has something to do with meeting the needs that God has instilled in a woman. Assume also it has something to do with a Godly behavior that you can find somewhere in the Bible. Assume this is not sexual. We'll discuss this in more detail tomorrow evening the Gen 3 Story! Please your dates, meet their needs.

e. We are to Remain Faithful to our wives (we don't cheat on them, including porn, and as much as humanly possibly, even in our thought life). This is kind of hard to apply to a dating situation, because you very well may break up before marriage. However, it's safe to assume that while dating one girl, you are not to date another. If you break up, assume that God will hold you accountable for the way in which you treated her while dating AND, for the way in which you broke up with her. Remain faithful to your dates.
f. We are Comfort our wives. Comfort your dates.
g. We are Enjoy our wives, when applying this enjoy your wives part to the dating scenario, assume it means enjoy their company. Enjoy being with them, hanging out, having fun, talking. However, remain celebate until marriage.
h. If you apply this logic, if you respect, praise, please, remain faithful to, and enjoy your dates, wouldn't it make sense that you would be most appealing to a Christian woman worth marrying (notice the qualifiers)? Any girl who isn't attracted to you after you've followed these Biblical activities, well, you'd just have to assume that she wasn't the one God chose for you.
i. If you don't follow these Biblical activities, do you think it's possible that you might lose God's blessing and marry the wrong person?
j. Ah, but there's more! In addition to respecting, praising, pleasing, remaining faithful to, and enjoying our wives, we are to love our wives. But, what does that mean, with what kind of love?

4th part of speech:
k. Let's now move from general statements about what Scriptures says, and go right in to some specific scripture about what loving our wives means. This discussion will lead us right into a great summary of Christian dating. But, since the Bible has so little about dating, we'll use the best overall Scripture available about being a husband and transfer the meaning to dating. Ephesians 5:25-27.
l. It goes like this: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
m. Let's break these verses into two parts. The 1st part goes like this: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. How did Christ love the church, how did he give himself up for her? Did he love by expecting to be served, like the King he was? No, he didn't come to be served, he came to serve!
n. He loved the church by leading it to God. He loved the church so much, that he gave his life for the church, figuratively and literally. And He didn't live and die in a Great and Magnificent way. He lived in a humble way, and died in a horrible way. God's Son, King, came to earth as a carpenter? And, ended his life with, death on a cross, humble and leading people to God with a servant's heart?
o. Why would Jesus, King, live and die this way? I believe it to be obvious, that Jesus came to earth this way, to be an example of how we are to be, of how we are to live our lives. When the Bible says,Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, I believe it means we are to sacrifice our life, for hers, figuratively and literally if necessary. We are to serve, not be served. We are to be humble. Although we are called to lead, we are to lead as servants. We are to love our wives by leading them closer to God.

p. This is extreme. It is more of a task than what God calls our wives to make for us. It is certainly a more extreme expression of devotion, than what the non-Christian World calls us to make.
q. God tells us to Pray, Praise, Please, Remain faithful to, Enjoy, and Love our wives, and as mentioned before, divorce is NOT a Biblical option, except where a spouse commits adultery.
r. In a dating situation, what Christian woman worth marrying, wouldn't be attracted to such a man? Only a woman who God hadn't called to be his wife.

s. Now, let's examine the second part of that Scripture, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
t. What does this mean? Well to me, it's a part of how we Christian men are supposed to lead. It's about what God has charged a husband to do for his wife. Just as Christ taught his church to be perfect, by learning about God's Word, understanding God's Word, and, doing what God's Word commands, just as Christ lead the church, we are to lead our wives, Y thus making them Awithout stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, Y but holy and blameless.@
u. Do you see any problem with this? We can=t do it! We can=t lead like Christ. Have you ever heard the joke about why Christian women won=t let their Christian husbands lead? Well, Y half of it is their sin nature. Do you know what the other half is? Their husband=s.
v. However, despite our weaknesses, Y we men are called by God to know Scripture, Y better than our wives. We are called to read more, pray more, and to live up to the Standard more than our wives. We are to live up to God=s standards so well, Y that we, by our example and by our words, Y can help Amake her holy, Y cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, Y and to present her to ourselves as a radiant church, Y without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, Y but holy and blameless.@

w. However, what=s the reality of the typical Christian family? Just the opposite. The typical Christian wife, Y prays more, reads more and is closer to God.
x. Same thing goes regarding our Godly responsibility for fatherhood. According to Ephesians Chapter 6, Y we are to be the primary teacher of God=s Word to our children. However, Y in the typical Christian marriage, Y the churches and our wives are often the ones doing most of the teaching.
y. Overall, Y when it comes to what God charges men to do as husbands and father, Y our women are doing a better job. Although many women are dropping fast these days, Y the vast majority of Christian husbands and fathers in this country have, Y Amissed the boat.@
z. So let me ask you a question. If, Y in a Christian home, Y the wife prays more, Y and reads more, Y and knows God better than the husband, Y who do you think should be the one to lead? Before I tell you what I think, Y I want to you to know that many disagree with me. Here=s what I think, Y the woman! If the husband has, Y Amissed the boat,@ Y then, I believe, Y the wife should be the one to lead. I suspect though, Y it makes great sense in today=s culture it might be better to have the weaker husband perpetually ask the wife=s opinion before he does anything so that it appears he is leading the home. But, Y if he seeks to do things God=s way Y without knowing God=s ways, Y he=d better ask for his wife=s opinions before making any decree.
aa. Of course the better solution is, Y that the husband prays more, Y reads more, Y and knows God better than the wife, AND, Y is the one primarily responsible for bringing up the children AY in the training and instruction of the Lord.@
bb. Having said this, Y the reality of even a wholesome and Godly Christian marriage is, Y since both the husband and the wife have a sin nature, Y and can=t live up to the standard God has called each to live by, Y since both will bring different strengths and weaknesses to the marriage, Y the reality is, Y both of you will lead. And hopefully, Y both of you will know when it time to lead or be led. And also hopefully, Y you will be the one who=s mostly responsible for guiding your family toward God. And you will, Y provided you pray more, read more and know God more.

cc. I keep telling my wife to quit reading the Bible. Not really, Y but I can honestly say that when she=s hammering away at Scripture and growing closer to the Lord, Y I am COMPELLED to keep up & to get ahead!

5th part of speech:

dd. When it comes to being a Godly husband and father, Ywe men are not doing our jobs well at all. It=s that supple training on our Aroles as husbands thing@ I mentioned previously. Although no one said to focus on our careers, Y that=s what most men do. Our roles have been more defined by the secular world than by what God has called us to do. But that=s what happens when the average 18 year old in America has had 22,000 hours of TV & movies, Y 12,000 hours of public school, Y 5-10,000 hours on the Internet, Y only 1,000 hours in meaningful interaction with their father, Y less than 5 hours reading the Bible, Y and with Mom=s who aren=t especially available. Do not be mislead, Y you have some misconceptions about what is a Godly husband and father. And you have some misconceptions about Godly dating too.
ee. Now, Y how does one apply all of this AHusband Box@ stuff to a dating scenario? It=s simple, Y take everything I just said about husbandry, and then change Ephesians 5:25-27 ever so slightly Y APotential husbands, Y love your potential wives, Y just as Christ loved the church Y and gave himself up for her, Y to make her holy, Y cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, Y and to potentially present her to yourself as a radiant church, Y without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, Y but holy and blameless.@
ff. Kind of changes the dating scenario doesn=t it?

32. Now, Y in addition to Scripture, Y which is the most important part, Y here are some practical rules with a little information to go along:
a. There are few good Christian men in this world. As I train my daughters on how to pick a good Christian man, Y I also tell them that since there are so few, the odds are, Y if they don't lower their standards, they'll probably remain single all of their lives. If, on the other hand, Y they want to have children, Y they'll probably have to settle for less. I=ll be with them either way. (I also recognize that they have a sin nature.)
b. Gentlemen, Y having said this, there are also few good Christian women out there as well, although there is a considerably larger percentage of the whole as compared to men.
c. I tell you this more, Y to emphasize how important it is Y to be patient. Wait on God. There=s one special girl out there, chosen by God. Be patient and wait on the Lord, Y and trust that he won=t let you down.
d. If you are a Christian, DO NOT settle for less. Your mate, Y who is chosen by God, Y HAS TO BE A CHRISTIAN! Therefore, all dates must be with a Christian!
e. However, Y it takes about 3 years to get to know someone, Y sometimes longer. Do not marry, ... do not even set a date for marriage until after three years of dating. There are always exceptions, but don=t walk into any relationship thinking less than 3 years.
f. You will spend most of your life with a mate (do the math yourself). Since divorce is not a Biblical option, Y except in the case where a spouse commits adultery, Y not only does your wife need to be a Christian, Y they also need to be someone with whom you can be reasonably happy for as long as 50+ years. This means that the personality of each has to be compatible with the other. I'd encourage you to study personality types from a variety of different books.
g. I=d encourage every young man to forever get away from the pornography. I=d encourage every woman to quit reading romance novels and/or watching soap operas. On a less obvious note, Y I=d encourage every young man to be careful as to what he will watch with his date on the TV or at the movies. If you recall what I said before, it is our job as Christian men to take the lead in doing what is good and what is right. This is what leading is all about.

h. Get your family and trusted friends involved with the decision, Y not just whether or not to marry, Y but also whether or not to date, Y or continue dating. Since the beginning stages of love are mostly blind, Y you need some objective opinions.
i. Ask the girl=s parents for permission to go on most every date, Y especially in the beginning, Y or at minimum, make sure the girl knows you want her to ask her parents. Get to know her family and become one the Aadopted@ members. I guarantee this will go miles, Y with the parents AND with the girl. It also helps hold you accountable. I believe deeply it also pleases God. Are you beginning to see how a man is supposed to lead? You should take the initiative to do what is good and what is right, Y and you should know what God wants you to do from reading and understanding His Word.
j. Try to avoid being alone. Hormones are most powerful, Y as I=m sure you all know. Make sure you establish boundaries of how far you=ll go if and when you=re alone. Come up with them yourself and, if appropriate, share them with you date. Of course, Y this isn=t something you=d want to discuss on your first date. Save it for if and when the time comes. But you should be the one to initiate this discussion. Do you see what I=m talking about when I say, Y leading? It=s a focus on leading you both toward holiness and Godliness, Y making her holy and blameless.

FINAL part of speech:k. Keep this in mind, Y and not only just for girlfriends, Y but for all relationships. A clear indication of a good start with a potential mate is, ... does he or she make you feel compelled to be on your best behavior. In other words, Y when you are with her, does she make you feel like you should do what is good and what is right? Do you make her feel the same way? If you are in a dating situation right now, I'm curious as to your thoughts about how this point is working for you two. Are you coming on to her, Y or are you establishing ground rules and setting boundaries for dating? When you=re together, do you both feel compelled to read God=s Word and pray, Y or are you trying to create a romantic adventure that tends to detract from your time with God?
l. Once you gotten to a point in the dating process where you think it=s Afor real,@ Y don't make the mistake of being on your best behavior for too long afterward. To understand why, first realize that expectations shift after marriage. In most dating situations, both parties "put on their best face," and behave differently than they would otherwise in a marriage situation. Although I think it to be a good idea to "put on your best face" in the beginning stages of dating, after a while, it is best for both of you to be yourselves, ... good and bad. If a couple doesn't do this, once they are married, expectations will begin to shift and both parties will be surprised. You see, if one always "puts on their best face" while dating, Y it means that they/you almost always have the other's best interest in mind and are quite servant-hearted. Once married, Y expectations begin to shift to wanting their/your needs to be met as well (which is normal and acceptable). And unmet needs can erupt into quite a surprise. Once those needs are not completely met (which is also normal and unavoidable), ... what often becomes the big surprise is, how that person reacts to unmet needs. Some men become violent, sullen, reclusive, cold. Some women yell, cry, nag and become quite contentious. You won't know this until it's too late if you're not very careful, cautious, open and honest during the dating stage. After a while, Y be yourself. Encourage your date to be herself. Talk about this stuff with her. You initiate the conversation. Are you beginning to get this leading stuff?
m. The odds are great you will not marry the 1st 2nd, 3rd or often even the 4th+ serious girlfriend. Odds are similar for her. Therefore, be guarded and on your best behavior, Y because, Y as the man, you have the highest level of responsibility (significantly) Y with God, Y to keep things as pure as possible. You are supposed to be the leader here, Y get it? And remember what I said before, Y you will be held accountable for the way in which you treat her while dating (including your wife), Y AND if you don=t marry her, Y for the way in which you broke up with her as well.

n. You guys, Y hold each other accountable. I have found, Y as Promise Keepers has found, that men do much better when they confess their sins to one another, challenge each other to do good, and to make a plan in which to be held accountable to one another. When you get back from your dates, Y one of the first thing you should ask each other than, Y did you have fun is, Y ADo you think she=s the right one? Did you show her great respect? Is it time to set up your Bible study with her yet? You did meet her parents first?@
o. Set up a Bible Study with her. This will most certainly please God and will most certainly be the foundation to healthy dating and a strong marriage. You set it up, not her. This is how we are supposed to lead our wives, Y by staying the course, taking the high road, bringing you both toward God. Get it?
p. Pray for, Praise, Please, Remain faithful to, Enjoy, and Love your potential wife. However, be careful about that Aenjoy@ part.
q. Eventually, Y you need to talk about having children, Y where you=ll live, Y your careers (including travel, long work hours, relocation, Y and the possible sacrifice of income that often goes along with rejecting such choices), Y and a whole host of other subjects. Again, Y you might wish to save this conversation for some time other than the first date.
r. Always consider dating, Y a means of identifying your mate, Y chosen by God, Y for life?
s. Lastly, Y pray for God to give you the right mate at the right time, Y God's time of course, ... not yours. I wonder how many men have I met who fell in love with virtually every girl that made him feel wanted or special, Y only to find out later she wasn=t the right one, Y and feel depressed, Y and that they will never find the right one? You have to trust that the right one will come along in God=s time and that he will make it quite clear to both of you. However, Y pray that he make it clear to both of you. Pray a lot. Pray for you, pray for her, pray for God=s will to be clear to both of you. Pray by yourself, pray with her, pray with your/her family and pray with your friends. Pray even before you meet her! Pray that each other=s name is clearly written on each other=s heart, AND that you both will see it clearly, Y and God will make the rest happen!
t. I=ll be praying for you. Pray for us old, married farts too!"


Phew...sorry about the errors...I took as much time as I wanted to to clean it up.

HOpe you enjoyed.

Sorry about all the posts...his speech I guess was ALOT longer than I thought. :-(

i was about to read your posts, and i saw that your from cinci .. and hes not lying, cinci is ghetto o_0

In general, I have to agree with the above advice. I may disagree with some of the numbers and a little of the cause-effect reasoning, but the overall advice should not be dismissed. Taking time to learn about your potential mate is perhaps the wisest investment you will make next to taking time to learn about God.

I have never ascribed to the concept of the "soul-mate", nor do I believe (as is widely taught) that there is one and only one mate God has in store for you. I think that particular teaching has done much harm, and has led some into unwise choices. I believe that two people, committed to God and to each other, who have taken the time to find both commonalities and where they rub each other the wrong way, and who enter into marriage with eyes wide open to all of marriage's challenges, will succeed. I think (although if I missed it, I apologize) that this is the kernel of the above argument. Three years of dating before marriage? As a general rule, that's probably pretty good. I would not have thought so 20 years ago, but time has a way of educating...

ClosetOtaku.

Just so you know, there was a little joke my mentor made to me when I myself fell into the trap of "what if I miss 'the one'?"

He looked at me and said "Don't worry. If you miss 'the one', God will send another 'one'." LOL.

that... is incredibly long! I have to save this in notepad!

Very interesting... But, I don't feel like trying to date or looking for someone. I'm not the most likeable person, once you get to know me.

Alberto.

Join the club. But you know what? We're cool dudes. We just have to draw closer to God and do our best to be Godly men.

Can't do it on our own though...we need God to do it.

The Doctor wrote:Alberto.

Join the club. But you know what? We're cool dudes. We just have to draw closer to God and do our best to be Godly men.

Can't do it on our own though...we need God to do it.

Impact Alberto wrote:Very interesting... But, I don't feel like trying to date or looking for someone. I'm not the most likeable person, once you get to know me

From what I know of BOTH of you, I think you are both very awesome guys. You both have your redeeming qualities, and I'm sure that you have them in person too, Impact. One should never awaken love until it so desires...don't go LOOKING for someone. That's the worst way to go about things. You find someone who likes you as a person first, a friend, and if God leads you, go from there.

The Doctor (wow, it's hard not to call you by your real name ), thanks for sharing this with us. As a female, I still found this helpful. I agree with a LOT of what was shared in this thread. A Godly relationship has a higher chance of being a LASTING relationship. I also agree about dating someone for a long period of time before getting married.

Actually, there's a lot in this thread that I can apply to my life, personally. Even though it's intended for the male gender, there are pieces of information in here for the gals to mull over and apply to themselves as well.

The relationship that is focused on GOD has a higher chance of lasting.

Thanks again, Doctor.