Lord of the Pings
PostPosted: Thu Feb 10, 2005 11:28 am
Well, since there's not much else to do...I wrote a new play on the downtime that the servers around here seem to get, and also the fact that no one writes any really good LOTR parodies. Anyhoo, without further adieu(ah-doo?)...
Residential Evils Productions presents...
...screenplay by Zilch...
...the epic classical tale...
LORD OF THE PINGS
(also showing in HD where available)
Sponsored by caffiene
also by Halo 2 online
also by Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door
Dedicated to my sister, Gypsy, who actually laughed at the beta script.
Scene 1: The Ping Goes Forth
Texasdell
(The Felllowship of the Ping has gathered in Texasdell to discuss the recent problems with the servers, and how to solve them. Gathered before Lord Ashlrond are the best, though certainly not the brightest dentures on Senior Citizen Night, of all of Middle-girth. The Nine come from all corners of the land, starting with Shatteromir, the great warrior of the Poobahs of Longhorn; Gypsylos, the elven archer with the winning smile and deadly backhand from the forest of Milkwood; Phildalf, the wisecracking wizard that really doesn't know too many spells, but he can make S'mores with a single Elvish word, so they brought him along, anyway; Shoobagorn, the true King of Longhorn, the only mortal that could possibly wield the Commodore-that-was-broken, and Linkli, the dwarf who had a habit of hitting everything and anything with his axe. Following after these were the Hobbles, CBippin, Cloridoc(AKA Chlorry), UCam, and the Ping-bearer, Colbdo. )
Ashlrond: Then it is decided...the Ping MUST be destroyed. It must be cast into the Recycle Bin of Mount Microsoft from whence it came! No longer shall this fair land have to refresh after two minutes of waiting!
Gypsylos: Should we destroy Internet Explorer while we're there?
Ashlrond: Gypsylos, you must remember, not all the peoples of Middle-girth use Firefox...
(Linkli leaps from his chair, falls over, gets back up, trips again, finally gets back up, belches, and delivers his cutting line...)
Linkli: ...and the Dwarves never will!
Gypsylos: A curse on the stubborn necks of the Dwarves!
Ashlrond: Both of you! Stop this instant!
(The two warring persons are seated once more, but they glare daggers across the assembly at each other. There is a silence, broken only by a muttering of "Mellon" and the appearance of a S'More in the midst of the assembly.)
Linkli: ACK! A level 50 S'More! SMASH!
(Linkli promptly crushes the mashmallowy delight, sending miniscule chocolate missiles into the crowd. One strikes Shoobagorn in the eye, and he retaliates by making a program to delete Linkli's beard. Needless to say, the meeting erupts into various melees as the fight climaxes into a gigantic all-out brawl. Linkli is pulling Gypsylos' hair and commenting on the Service Packs available to IE users, Shoobagorn and Phildalf are pulling each others' eyebrows and delivering insults in true kindergarten form. In the midst of it all, Shatteromir terrorizes the Hobbles with an authentic Texas chainsaw.)
Shatteromir: I would never do that!
(You would if I say so.)
Shatteromir: Am I always painted as the bad guy?
(Yup.)
Shatteromir: Why?
('cause you're so good at being evil, because I'm the narrator and I can describe things as I please, and because I just don't like you. )
Shatteromir: You suck royally. I hope you know that.
(Stop talking to me, it takes away from the illusion.)
Shatteromir: Oh, yeah? Well, it won't be an illusion when my sword finds its way up your-
(AHEM!)
Shatteromir: Alright, alright...
END OF SCENE
If you'd like a part, PM me, and I'll see what I can do to work you in, k? No promises, however.
Residential Evils Productions presents...
...screenplay by Zilch...
...the epic classical tale...
LORD OF THE PINGS
(also showing in HD where available)
Sponsored by caffiene
also by Halo 2 online
also by Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door
Dedicated to my sister, Gypsy, who actually laughed at the beta script.
Scene 1: The Ping Goes Forth
Texasdell
(The Felllowship of the Ping has gathered in Texasdell to discuss the recent problems with the servers, and how to solve them. Gathered before Lord Ashlrond are the best, though certainly not the brightest dentures on Senior Citizen Night, of all of Middle-girth. The Nine come from all corners of the land, starting with Shatteromir, the great warrior of the Poobahs of Longhorn; Gypsylos, the elven archer with the winning smile and deadly backhand from the forest of Milkwood; Phildalf, the wisecracking wizard that really doesn't know too many spells, but he can make S'mores with a single Elvish word, so they brought him along, anyway; Shoobagorn, the true King of Longhorn, the only mortal that could possibly wield the Commodore-that-was-broken, and Linkli, the dwarf who had a habit of hitting everything and anything with his axe. Following after these were the Hobbles, CBippin, Cloridoc(AKA Chlorry), UCam, and the Ping-bearer, Colbdo. )
Ashlrond: Then it is decided...the Ping MUST be destroyed. It must be cast into the Recycle Bin of Mount Microsoft from whence it came! No longer shall this fair land have to refresh after two minutes of waiting!
Gypsylos: Should we destroy Internet Explorer while we're there?
Ashlrond: Gypsylos, you must remember, not all the peoples of Middle-girth use Firefox...
(Linkli leaps from his chair, falls over, gets back up, trips again, finally gets back up, belches, and delivers his cutting line...)
Linkli: ...and the Dwarves never will!
Gypsylos: A curse on the stubborn necks of the Dwarves!
Ashlrond: Both of you! Stop this instant!
(The two warring persons are seated once more, but they glare daggers across the assembly at each other. There is a silence, broken only by a muttering of "Mellon" and the appearance of a S'More in the midst of the assembly.)
Linkli: ACK! A level 50 S'More! SMASH!
(Linkli promptly crushes the mashmallowy delight, sending miniscule chocolate missiles into the crowd. One strikes Shoobagorn in the eye, and he retaliates by making a program to delete Linkli's beard. Needless to say, the meeting erupts into various melees as the fight climaxes into a gigantic all-out brawl. Linkli is pulling Gypsylos' hair and commenting on the Service Packs available to IE users, Shoobagorn and Phildalf are pulling each others' eyebrows and delivering insults in true kindergarten form. In the midst of it all, Shatteromir terrorizes the Hobbles with an authentic Texas chainsaw.)
Shatteromir: I would never do that!
(You would if I say so.)
Shatteromir: Am I always painted as the bad guy?
(Yup.)
Shatteromir: Why?
('cause you're so good at being evil, because I'm the narrator and I can describe things as I please, and because I just don't like you. )
Shatteromir: You suck royally. I hope you know that.
(Stop talking to me, it takes away from the illusion.)
Shatteromir: Oh, yeah? Well, it won't be an illusion when my sword finds its way up your-
(AHEM!)
Shatteromir: Alright, alright...
END OF SCENE
If you'd like a part, PM me, and I'll see what I can do to work you in, k? No promises, however.
Great stuff! 
Is it because I'm only 5' and