CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Ok I need some advice.......there's this girl........she's Christian and she lives in Japan. Her cousins live here and she comes out every summer to visit so thats how I know her.....we keep in touch. I really like this girl alot but everybody keeps telling me it'll never work cuz she lives in Japan. Any advice would be appreciated.

i think that they will, because seeing each other in person is key in a relationship, plus ur 14 ^^ dont stress much on it

at this point in your life, yes, overseas relationships are very likely to flop.

Generally, I would say not necessarily, but you're still just starting out in all of that stuff, so maybe so.

Distance...doesn't have to destroy a relationship. I think that if two people genuinely care about each other and are really wanting to give it a try, anything is possible.

That doesn't mean that you can't give it a shot, though...you never know if you don't try ^_^

i think if this is what God wants then it will not fail. ^^ i'll pray for you about this. love is a great thing...but...you must use it wisely. love is...dangerous grounds...so...watch out for mines. ^^d i'd say pray about it before you get into a relationship with someone...you never know what might happen. ^^ maybe it'll strengthen your guys' relationship. ^^

as young as you are, it's not likely to work out. people change, directions in life change.

now, that's not to say it's doomed to fail, but just...don't get too attached. leave things open to change.

Well. physically it's next to impossible unless it's true love and God's will. Nothing is impossible for God...even a long distance relationship.

However...given the circumstances (not meaning to dog on your age or anything) but even I don't think I could handle a overseas relationship more less out of state one. I communicate my touching and hugs and even a pat on the shoulder means worlds from me from the opposite sex. However...don't be discouraged. If this is God's will for you to have a meaningful relationship, then thier's nothing stopping it.

All I can say is don't get your hopes up. Besides, what if she really isn't "the one?"

Well, it's certainly not doomed to fail. I would still count it not to be extremely likely either.
I have a relationship with this girl in Nicaragua. But I doubt it will go very far.
All I can say is that whatever God's will is then that's how it shall be.
And besides, Japenese girls rock! ^_~

I'll be praying for you.

Oh, and one more peice of advice. I would advixe you not to get into too deep of a relationship while so young. That's all.

A relationship with a Christian Japanese girl...man I envy you. ^^;
If you really love each other, I think it will work out. I'm not saying that there won't be difficulties, but if you really love each other, your relationship can survive. Do you plan to move to Japan or does she plan to move to where you are?

Honestly no I don't think it has much chance to go any further. I wouldn't stress about it you got alot of time to think about relationships.

I guess it really depends.

One one hand, both of y'all are young. While growing things change quite a bit: physically, emotionally, personality etc...
Being she is also in Japan 99% of the time, realistically it doesn't look great. Will y'all continue to be friends? Probably. But being boyfriend/girl friend... err... that's a bit hard to say. Possible, sure. Likely, no. Though I'm not saying it wont happen, just keep your options open. Because like many have said, you're young and things will change, along with feelings. That's the story of life. I wouldn't stress too much about a relationship at this point, just continue to be her friend. If something happens, great. If not, no biggie. Your young, keep your options open for whatever happens.

All these young members falling in love. I don't know.
I think your'e too young to know what romantic love is. The whole hormones thing. By all means make friends with girls (and guys) but leave it at that for now. When you're older you'll realise there's more to love then hormones. Just enjoy being a teenager... There's plenty of time for love later, when your'e ready for it.

So far, most members seem to have faith in overseas relationships based on the votes "No, such relationships are not bound to fail." I voted "yes" based on observations.

However, I myself am in a long distance (LD) relationship with my Chicago boyfriend for 3 years. While we're not as LD as say, U.S to Japan, we face similar challenges.

Consider the following:

CON #1: Limited common topic of interest
He's got his own life, I have my own. Sometimes, you yearn for him/her to REALLY understand and feel some of what you're going through but they can't, and it's not their fault.
PRO
Hey, it's good to have something new and interesting to talk about


CON #2 TRUST
You have no idea who your boy/girl friend is hanging out with and they can cheat on you anytime. What if they got tired of you and decided to find someone closer to them, location-wise? <----Most common reason such relationships break up, they's found somebody else
PRO:
If you learn how to trust each other, you'll enjoy both freedom and loyalty and the feeling is great, IMO.


CON #3 Loneliness
We only see each other whenever our schedules permit us to. The longest time we've never met is probably 4-5 months. There are times I want him to be around but I know that I have no right to demand it based on the circumstances. I have to take care of himself (vice versa) or find solace in my friends apart from him.
PRO:
It teaches you not to be completely dependant on your boy/girlfriend and to foster relationships with other ppl such as friends, family etc. and to find your securities somewhere else...most ideally GOD

CON #4 Miscommunication
Among our biggest fights was due to misinterpretation of what we say to each other. For that reason, we never use email to communicate but rather the phone. But even so, emotions have been raised simply because we can't see the face behind the phone. A simple joke can seem offending and upsetting. It's always better to see each other face to face.
PRO:
mm...I suppose you learn how to read other's needs and ways quicker. For example, I can easily identify my boyfriend's mood on the phone from his voice. The phone also teaches you to be a better listener, IMO heh.

That's all I can list for now. I've learnt much from my LD relationship both emotionally and spiritually BUT I believe that it's all part of God's blessings. If you are not sure about God's feelings about this relationship, it's best you don't step further and wait.

Also, one last thing, I had a relationship at 14 and it didn't work out. We both were not ready to handle it. It caused so much pain that I plead to God for help and it took me one year before I could finally talk to my ex civilly. This doesn't necessarily apply to you but I'm just sharing my personal experience.

Tickets are now being sold for the Mave encore seminar on LD dating.
For the most comprehensive understanding of LD relationships and trusting in God, please reserve your seats today! Our speaker will be none other then the veteran LDer Dr. Mave of the CAA Mave. Don’t miss out on this excellent opportunity to have all your questions about your own struggles with LDR’s answered.

*Cookies and grape juice will be provided during intermissions. ^_^

But one good plus (in my opinion) of Long Distance Relationships is that you cannot rely on the physical aspect (because you dont have one ^_^ ). You are forced to really search out your girl/boy friend and learn about them, who they really are, what they enjoy what their dreams are. Those are the things that are most important, the things that will last forever, even when you are old and sitting together in your nursing home.

Too often people jump ahead of them selves and miss this whole important stage. They skip straight to the huggy-kissy-blah and never KNOW the person they profess to 'love.' In reality the person you date should be your best friend, cream of the crop, top of the top, no one else compairs.

Personaly, I think that no one should ever date. Just make friends with people, find the one that you enjoy haning out with the most, and then get married. Save all that other stuff untill after. ^_^

-kaji

I would advise you to continue with a correspondence of friendship and just enjoy your times together as friends when she is in the states. The best long term relationships are those that grow gradually over time. Your eventual spouse will be the one who has grown to be your best friend. Even if it doesn't develop into a lifetime romantic commitment think of the joy of having a good continuing friendship with someone from another part of the world.

Take the relationship for what it is. She lives in Japan, and you get to see her once a year. These are not the makings of a great romance, but you don't need to make any life-long decisions right now.

Right now, I would stay in touch with her and enjoy the time you have together. The relationship need not be anymore serious until after high school. At that point, if you are both interested in pursuing a more serious relationship, then you need to start making the tough choices - like where the two of you want to go to college. It is not likely that you will be able to develop your relationship while you are half a world apart. Not impossible, but not likely, either. In any case, at some point, you will both need to live on the same continent.

That's too much to worry about right now, though. Neither one of you will be doing yourselves any good by worrying whether or not the relationship will work. Right now, enjoy each other's friendship and save worrying about whether you can have a serious romantic relationship after high school.

Rev. Doc wrote:I would advise you to continue with a correspondence of friendship and just enjoy your times together as friends when she is in the states. The best long term relationships are those that grow gradually over time. Your eventual spouse will be the one who has grown to be your best friend. Even if it doesn't develop into a lifetime romantic commitment think of the joy of having a good continuing friendship with someone from another part of the world.

I think you might be right Doc.

kaji wrote:Tickets are now being sold for the Mave encore seminar on LD dating.
For the most comprehensive understanding of LD relationships and trusting in God, please reserve your seats today! Our speaker will be none other then the veteran LDer Dr. Mave of the CAA Mave. Don’t miss out on this excellent opportunity to have all your questions about your own struggles with LDR’s answered.

*Cookies and grape juice will be provided during intermissions. ^_^

*goes out to buy tickets*^^

seriously mave that's some good advise! ^^d

kaji wrote:Too often people jump ahead of them selves and miss this whole important stage. They skip straight to the huggy-kissy-blah and never KNOW the person they profess to 'love.' In reality the person you date should be your best friend, cream of the crop, top of the top, no one else compairs.

Personaly, I think that no one should ever date. Just make friends with people, find the one that you enjoy haning out with the most, and then get married. Save all that other stuff untill after. ^_^

kaji, i soooo agree with you on that. ^^d my mom married her best friend, my english teacher married her's...er...that's all the ppl i can think of.

but yah, just focus on school. school is the most important thing...for now....er...well it is but of course God is more important than school, but you just need to focus on school...i know it's probably not the thing you really wanna hear but it was something i really needed to hear when i was your age...and younger. lol i was always the girl to fall for the cute guys and then get my heart trampled on...i'm glad i did though...it taught me about true love...which i'm still trying to figure out...but i think i got it down pretty much. ^^ but even now probably wouldn't be a good time for a boyfriend for me...even though i really love this one guy who actually is my best friend. ^^ .... <.< >.> ^^;;; we'll skip that though. ^^;;; lol but yah...it'd probably better to wait....man how i hate saying that, only cuz that's what ppl told me...but it's true. i probably would have like been the top in my classes if it wasn't for guys then...not that it is like that now! i'm doing great! i'm more focused! lol i can multi-task now! lol ...uh...yah. anywho, just stay friends. friends are always the best thing to have. ^^d

[quote="Jeikobu"]A relationship with a Christian Japanese girl...man I envy you. ^^]

You're jumpin the gun a bit pal. I'm 14 years old, i'm not even close to makin plans about where i'm gonna move.


I appreciate your advice guys but mebbe I shoulda provided a little more info. We aren't seriously in a deep romantic relationship, we're just friends right now. I have told her how I feel and thats about it. But now I don't even know.....i'm thinkin that mebbe I don't wanna go any farther than friendship.

Allow me to interject with the voice of pessimism:

"Are oversea relationships bound to fail?" I am glad that you phrased the question in that way, because it reveals an important distinction. Some people will interpret that to mean, "Is it impossible to sustain a long-distance relationship?" In that case, they will obviously answer "no." On to other hand, some people (like me) will interpret the question to be, "Are long-distance relationships predisposed towards failure?" A much more controversial question, to which my answer is yes.

As has been pointed out by several people in this thread, long-distance relationships involve a number of unique and daunting obstacles that must be overcome in order for the the relationship to last. If you are not prepared to deal with them, then be prepared for the relationship to fail.

It is also important to realize what is meant by saying "If it is God's will, then nothing can stop it." This is merely a euphemism that actually means, "If God chooses to intervene with a miracle or two to save your relationship, then it cannot possibly fail." While it is important to have faith, faith is only as good as that in which it is placed. Faith in something highly unlikely is more accurately called "wishful thinking," and should not be the basis for any serious decision.

I should also point out that it is simply false that God's will always prevails in the short-term. It is God's will that no one ever commit a sin; however, we all know from experience that there is in fact sin in the world. Of course God's will in this matter will ultimately be realized (i.e., following the second coming Christ sin will abolished), but we can see that it isn't happening at this moment. Similarly, it is God's will that all of His children be happy, but we can only fully realize the blessings that God has for us by living in acordance with His will.

To summarize, God has given us freedom, and you can trust in His providence. At the same time we should not disregard common sense, or forget that God demands obedience along with faith. You now say that you don't want to go beyond a friendship, and this is probably for the best (as least for the present). If your circumstances ever change, then it might be wise to pursue a more intimate relationship.