CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Sorry for complaining in advance, but I want to let this out.

Right now I'm preparing to go back to school and I'm in the process of washing some clothes. I leave for a few minutes and next thing I know, Dad has taken over my laundry.

Dad always does this; everytime I decide to do some chore, he decides to pitch in. Sometimes he takes over the chore and takes it off of my hands altogether. Whenever I do something, whether it's washing dishes, washing clothes, cooking, taking out the trash, etc., he gets up from his chair and "watches," waiting for an opportunity to "help out."

But that's not the problem. The problem I have with all of this is that he's always willing to jump over a few fences and bend over backwards trying to help me out. But he NEVER does this for Mom, the one who really needs the extra-hand. I take that back...he VERY SELDOMLY lifts a finger for Mom. Mom can't even ask Dad to do something without him having 21 questions or getting upset.

Dad has no obligations to work; he's disabled so therefore he's home all of the time. He sits in his chair all day and does nothing (unless my doing work around the house prompts him). Mom works all day long and comes home tired. Very tired. Things go undone and unfinished.

I try to help out by at least washing the dishes and sweeping the floors, occasionally doing the laundry and cooking the dinner. If she doesn't do it, and if I don't do it, 9 times out of 10 it goes undone. I try to help Mom out, but it seems like it's never enough. For the past 2 and a half years that I've been away at school, and for the semesters that are to come, I can't help but wonder how things stay together around here.

This thing that Dad does--willing to help all others except his own wife, the one that's taking care of him--is really starting to tick me off. Dad, I appreciate the help, but don't forget Mom! *sigh* I wish he would be more understanding.

perhaps because hes been with her like... a hugh chunk of his life perhaps. I suppose my dad is the same in a way. Could be a dad thing

I don't know why he would do this, or why you consider it a problem. You should be thankful that he helps at least you out.

My dad is slightly different. He would play video games or watch TV while he can plainly see that Mom and I are doing strenuous activity.

Although I don't like the whole idea of married people getting "tired" of each other, I admit that may be possible in this situation. But I still don't understand how that's a legitimate excuse for not helping your wife with the smallest of things.

Ingemar wrote:I don't know why he would do this, or why you consider it a problem. You should be thankful that he helps at least you out.

Which I am. Especially since, in most cases, when he helps me out, he's ultimately helping Mom out (which I admit, I use to my advantage to get him to do something sometimes ).

It just bothers me that he'll help me out unasked but he gripes and complains when he is asked directly by Mom to do something for her. To me the whole deal seems unfair.

Well, I guess that means you really are humanitarian[/hyperbole].

Kidding, but that is very considerate of you.

*shrugs* Well thanks for the compliment.

I do see your point, G_G. The question is how you could point this out to him without being offended.

shooraijin wrote:I do see your point, G_G. The question is how you could point this out to him without being offended.

Exactly (-_-). It's not easy talking with Dad on serious issues, especially since he is one of those people who's not as well-receptive of other people's opinions.

You should just tell him as it is...thatys my advise. If he doesnt do anything you can at least say you did your best.

Ronin of Kirai wrote: You should just tell him as it is...thatys my advise. If he doesnt do anything you can at least say you did your best.

True.

Cyberphin wrote:I would guess since you are away at college he doesn't feel like he's doing much in his parental care of you, so he's compensating while your home by helping you in concrete ways because now his parenting to you is reduced to non concrete ways.
His relationship with your mom hasn't changed so he has no motive to help her as he helps you.

Hmm...you know what. I think you may be right in your theory He hasn't been doing this until I left for college, and everytime I come home he's getting my bags out of the car and taking care of my laundry. *rubs chin* Maybe that's it...

Thank you for that feedback Cyberphin. I think I can understand better now.