CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Okay,

I need some help with this.

There is a girl that I have like and care about for a long time. But we have just been friends. Well, she ends up dating jerks and today, she told me how her new boyfriend is giving her a hard time. He puts her down and says mean things to her. I told her that she needs to get out of it and move on.

She has a problem dating, she ends up dating jerks and I'm the one that she comes to and use me as a shoulder to cry on.

At times, I feel like giving up and just moving on about it. But I can't because I care about her very much. Plus, I never told her how I feel about her.

Don't give up. She comes to you as a shoulder to cry on so she obviously likes and trusts you. That's a good start. I'm no good at how to turn that around into a romantic relationship - it's pretty much up to you and her, but if you give up, you've lost any chance at a deeper relationship, you've lost a good friend, and you've abandoned someone who looks to you for help.

So take heart. I believe it will work out in the end.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. - Galatians 6:9

I don't think that that verse promises you the type of relationship you want with her, but I think it does say you ought to hang in there because you will reap a benefit from it if you continue to work at it.

I am offended by the threat title!!! Just kidding. First off, welcome to the board!

In relation to your problem, your first concern right now is getting her out of this relationship with this guy. Emotional abuse is nothing that can be over looked ( I realize that you're not avioding it, but I can pretty much bet that in some way, small or large, she is.) Talk to her honestly about it. Ask her why she's putting up with this? Keep reminding her that she's worth better treatment than this loser is giving her.

For now, really keep it about her. Right in the middle of an abusive realationship is probably not a great time for a love confession, IMHO. You don't want her coming to you because she's rebounding. Give her time to get her heart back in order.

I'm going on the assumption that you're high-school to college-age right now, so if you're older than that, this may not apply.

I don't believe romantic relationships are healthy at said age range or younger.

Why? Because they are MAJOR distractions. At said ages, you don't need the distraction. You're trying to become who you'll be for the resst of your life, as is she. I, for one, don't want to be distracted or distract anyone else.

That said, by all means be there for her. Being a comforter is one of the most fulfilling roles I can think of.

Above all, PRAY. Pray HARD. Pray OFTEN. And pray some more. ^_~

Rai

OK here goes,

So she goes out wiht dudes who just like are craploads,
and comes to you when she has problems,
its obviouse, she likes you, but is to nervous to admit it, so she goes out with other jerks so that she come come to you when it doesn't work out.

That's my take,

ZiP

EDIT: I don't particularly believe in romantic involvment until your in college.

A few things that like to get out frist before moving on with the thread.

Thanks for the welcomes and its nice to meet you all.

Now, a bit more about me. I'm a 24 year old college student and she is one year younger then me. Her and me met in college and have been friends since then.

All so, I'm glad that I'm not a lone about romantic relationships. I agree that you wait untill you get in college or your final year of high school for a romantic relationship, (IMO: I think is better to wait untill college for a romantic relationship).

Back on topic

That is one thing that I fear of. Tell her how I feel, since we have been good friends for so long. But it hurts when I see her going out with jerks.


Right now, I feel that I need to get her out of the relationship with this guy. I know this may sound silly, but if anything. I would just be happy for her to find the right guy that would treat her with respect.

The only reason why at times, I feel about moving on and let her handle this is. This is not the frist time she had to deal with emotional abuse from a guy.

Since we have been friends, she been with a guy that hit her and I thand god that she got out of that one fast. Then she started date a guy that sounded nice and they went out for a year and then last year, got married, but within a week. The guy told her that he didn't love her anymore and left her.

It has only been 8 months since that and how she dating again. Sigh, I just don't understand why she picks jerks like this.

I have this feeling that she feels that if you are not married by college, that you are old maid or something like that.

Wingzero22 wrote:Then she started date a guy that sounded nice and they went out for a year and then last year, got married, but within a week. The guy told her that he didn't love her anymore and left her.

It has only been 8 months since that and how she dating again. Sigh, I just don't understand why she picks jerks like this.

I have this feeling that she feels that if you are not married by college, that you are old maid or something like that.

That is absolutely horrible what that guy did... Well you're probably the only person that's there for her consistently from what I can tell. I know it may feel like you're relationship is on the line with this. But like everyone else said you're still going to care about her no matter where things go and she should know that. You need to help her get over the thought that she has to get in a relationship by a certain time. Love doesn't work like that at all.

ZiP wrote:EDIT: I don't particularly believe in romantic involvment until your in college.

You're still young, that opinion usually changes quickly. =)


WingZero22: Unfortunately, when a girl continues to go out repetedly with jerk after jerk, it usually is the sign of an established pattern. It's very possible she could repeat the same pattern throughout the rest of her life... And yes, I have heard of it happening before. The best you can do is pray and ask God what you should say to her, and just simply, be there for her. That's all I can say. She may come around eventually.

Out of curiousity, was her father a good dad? (this is not as random as it sounds. . .)

Mangafanatic wrote:Out of curiousity, was her father a good dad? (this is not as random as it sounds. . .)

Hmm, I say that her father was a good dad. I don't know how much time he spend with her when she was younger, but I know he had alot of rules around the house for her.

She a quite person and can get very upset easy. Like crying and stuff like that. She doesn't get mad at anyone alot, but the only think that I know she will get mad is if someone giving her friend's a hard time or making fun of them.

Hi--Raskle here. I know a bit what that's like... maybe from the other side. I've had too many jerks and a few nice guys go after me. It's a good thing for me that I've not been allowed to date until now, and I've decided not to at all. Anyway...

Is it possible you could suggest to her to give up dating relationships for a while, to just give it a rest? If she does so, it will give a space for your friendship to develop more. Maybe she'll realize what a comfort you've been--then'd be the time for (possibly) a more serious relationship, if you will.

Raskle wrote:Is it possible you could suggest to her to give up dating relationships for a while, to just give it a rest? If she does so, it will give a space for your friendship to develop more. Maybe she'll realize what a comfort you've been--then'd be the time for (possibly) a more serious relationship, if you will.

Hi Raskle,

I'm going to try that next with her, when I talk to her again. The odd thing is, I really thought she was doing that just that. After the guy that she got married to and he then tell her within a week that he didn't love her anymore, she told me that she was taking a break from dating and that was one reason why I didn't say how I felt about her. I knew that she need her space and I respected that and give her that.

Really, I just want her to be happy in life and I just wish she would start looking at her close friends as maybe dating or find someone that that is nice.

I'm starting to worry that she may end trying to take her life, because of this. She getting more sad by the day and said to me that she getting tried of life.

It didn't really hit me untill after a few days, when she said that. That maybe she thinking of hurting herself.

Definitely ask her if she's considering suicide. I know that sounds forward, but I've had talks with couselors about what to do when you think someone you know is going to kill themselves, and telling someone you're afraid that they're depressed and that they might try to hurt themselves is a good thing. I know it's hard, but you need to let her know that you care about her, and killing herself is not an answer to these problems. (BTW, is she a christian?)

That another problem that I have about not really telling her how I feel.

I think of her some what of a christian. She believes in God, but her family never really took the time to go to church and she really shuts down if you say anything about christian life.

She knows that I'm a deep christian and has never said anything me about it or gives me a hard time about it. She listens to what I have to say and that about it.

Wingzero22 wrote:There is a girl that I have like and care about for a long time. ...she ends up dating jerks.

they always do.

psh

if i had a dollar for every girl that enjoys datings jerks, i'd have... a lot of dollars

Girls don't enjoy dating jerks. Just the oposite, they end up being miserable. But by the time they figure out that they've picked themselves a rotten apply, it's really hard to get out.

There are many women out there who look for love in the wrong places, they end up taking whatever they can get at first sight but they usually end up with a broken heart. It's a pattern. All I can say is pray. Prayer works.

Yojimbo wrote:You need to help her get over the thought that she has to get in a relationship by a certain time. Love doesn't work like that at all.

Being a single woman all my life I'm quite sure that I won't be able to give you the best advice that you need to hear. But from what I'm reading it sounds like this girl is really insecure with herself. She's looking for support and security from the wrong guys.

I agree with Yojimbo about letting your friend know that she doesn't have to jump in a relationship at this time, although I don't know exactly how you could tell her that.

What I'm getting from your story, this girl really trusts you and it's quite possible that she does like you. However, she may be holding back because for one reason or another she may fear that you don't feel the same about her. I don't know when it would be the best time to talk to her about your feelings but I would definitely get around to it soon. Then again you don't have to tell her right away. You could just start by telling her that she should slow things down, there's no need to rush; you care deeply about her so it hurts you when you see her hurt.

But the best thing to do is to pray to God about it.

Golden_Griff wrote:What I'm getting from your story, this girl really trusts you and it's quite possible that she does like you. However, she may be holding back because for one reason or another she may fear that you don't feel the same about her.

That is something that I have felt alot. She holding back, because she fears of something about me. I get alot of mix signs from her at times, like she slowly trying to make a point that she likes me, but then I don't know.

BUMP

Sorry to bump this, but I need to ask for a bit more help. To anyway, please pray.

I have tried calling her all weekend and her phone is dead.

Me and other friend have been trying to get a hold of her and it hasn't work.


The bad thing is, she just has move in house that I haven't had time to see her or the home, so I can't go and check up on her, since she has just moved.

I tried calling her family and haven't be able to get a whole of them.

Now, I very worried.

100% EXACT SAM

hmm... now the dead phone and not knowing how/where to check up on her is scary. Can you contact her most recent boyfriend? (if he'd know at all). I know that sounds odd, but you've tried her family already... unless you've had some luck already.

Raskle wrote:hmm... now the dead phone and not knowing how/where to check up on her is scary. Can you contact her most recent boyfriend? (if he'd know at all). I know that sounds odd, but you've tried her family already... unless you've had some luck already.

Ack, I haven't been on much and didn't see that was any new posts in here.

Anyway, I have check with just about everyone that I know of as from friends to family.

I still haven't got an e-mail from her at all since the last one and the phone is still dead.

Her and me do go to the same same college and I'm thinking about checking with them and see if she been to class any. I know she was talking classes this summer.

good idea