Appropriate- again (sorry) ?

[Sparrowhawk]

One more question: is masturbation a sin then? I mean, when you do that, you usually think about a person, I guess "lusting" for them in your heart, which would be a sin.

And next item... how to make my boyfriend a christian o.O

The first part of that has been debated for centuries, and as you said, the cause of concern is the lust factor. But without a solid example from the Bible (Onan was not exactly alone plus there were other motivations that could have been the sin) I simply say "I don't know" when asked.

The second part of how to make your boyfriend a Christian - obviously you can't force it. Most advice from spiritual leaders I know of is preventative - don't start dating someone not a Christian.

"Missionary Dating" can be very hurtful to both sides. If you choose to stay together, you both are going to have to be patient with each other and tread carefully. "I want you to get saved so you don't go to Hell" just doesn't seem to cut it for some reason </sarcasm on being confused as to why that doesnt work>.

Whatever you do, do NOT let him get you away from God - remember as a Christian your first loyalty is to God - even if it means running from your boyfriend.

However, if you do get to lead him to Christ, that would be an amazing experience. I suggest you both find a church to attend where you can find a someone who can answer both of your questions and counsel you two.

Sorry I tend to be a little long-winded. Basically here is the bottom line. The safest thing for you to do would be to not be dating him. But when it comes to relationships, most people (including myself) tend to follow their heart over their head. I would assume you plan to keep dating him, and if thats the case, I'm concerned for you, but I can't blame you. I pray God watch over you and draw you both to him.

[xblack_x_rosesx]

Sorry I tend to be a little long-winded. Basically here is the bottom line. The safest thing for you to do would be to not be dating him. But when it comes to relationships, most people (including myself) tend to follow their heart over their head. I would assume you plan to keep dating him, and if thats the case, I'm concerned for you, but I can't blame you. I pray God watch over you and draw you both to him.

---


Yeah, I do plan to stay with him.

He's a confusing case. He understands Christianity, and he believes in a "God". He believes theres an almighty creator, I mean this all had to come from somewhere, but he fails to see Christ as a Savior and all that jazz, I think primarily because he tried being a Christian, but his life is very very screwed up and, in his eyes, God never helped him through any of it. We've discussed religion so much from a critical point of view that its hard for me to lay any sort of belief system on him. I've asked him to try, but none of us ever follow through on a serious commitment to it because we're just so busy. Its hard to know where to begin...
My town is also very bad for having extremely corrupt churches. I live in a really really small town, a communitry of around 5000, and we have over a dozen christian churches. One of these churches, one of the "good" churches, recentely fired its pastor, and took away his house because "he had told the members of his church to donate their charity money to whereever they felt God wanted them to donate it to- not to just the church." So, theres one sign of where the money = corruption.
And the youth group in town is fun, but they go out drinking often, and don't have problems with pre-marital sex.
Thusly my severe confusion.

I don't want to bring him to one of the churches in town, simply because if I can't trust them, I don't think he should either.
I've prayed about it, but have so far got nothing =[

[ShiroiHikari]

The church thing sounds like a complicated situation. :\ I think I, too, would stay away from them for now just to be sure. Not going to church is better than going to a corrupted one. The youth group going out drinking is pretty messed up too, but that's assuming they're all under 21, because the Bible says to obey the laws of the land. If they're over 21, that's a little different. Drinking is okay, getting drunk isn't.

If you need help talking to him, you could always refer to this place: http://www.carm.org/

[xblack_x_rosesx]

The church thing sounds like a complicated situation. :\ I think I, too, would stay away from them for now just to be sure. Not going to church is better than going to a corrupted one. The youth group going out drinking is pretty messed up too, but that's assuming they're all under 21, because the Bible says to obey the laws of the land. If they're over 21, that's a little different. Drinking is okay, getting drunk isn't.

I live in Alberta, Canada, so the legal drinking age is 18. Most of them are either 17 or 18, so I suppose it's alright, but still =/ I'm sure most of them get pretty tanked.

[ShiroiHikari]

Oh, okay. Wow, I didn't know that.

[Sparrowhawk]

Hmmm, I will see if I can get some help on this one - I must admit that I know very little of churches outside the South of the US and the two churches you know of definitely need some spiritual help =( . My pastor thinks very highly of missions, however, and I will see if he knows of any resources nearby.

But until you can find a church, studying the Bible and spending time where you try to learn more and draw closer to God is even more vital. You continue to be in my prayers in this situation.

Concerning your boyfriends experiences, its understandable he would be hesitant. Just be patient with him, and be the mirror of Christ to him. Maybe you two should study the story of Jeremiah, aka "the weeping prophet". He believed in God (obviously, he was a prophet) and yet still had to witness the destruction of his home city by invaders, and before that, his own people hated him, even through him in a dry well and left him to die (he was rescued). I say this because since he doesn't want to hear about God helping, maybe the fact that God also understands our suffering and gives us the strength to make it through will be more encouraging to him.

Job would be another good book. Job lost everything, and even his closest friends blamed him for his own misfortune, but over the course of years it he was restored and Job's friends had to ask him for forgiveness.

EDIT

C.S. Lewis' "The Problem of Pain" is a GREAT book about how a loving God allows suffering. I highly recommend it.

[xblack_x_rosesx]

Hmmm...

Well, we talked about it today. I was very disapointed in the conversation, because I didn't feel like God was using me to get through to him at all, he was being logical, and I sounded like a stupid fanatic.

He just thinks the Bible seems like a fantasy novel, like, for example "The Ark- explain that to me, how a boat full of a few guys can carry EVERY animal on earth, and have enough food available. Its just not scientific."

He said he's willing to give it a try, but the best argument as to why he should try was "Because I can't choose between him and God" and "it'll make us a stronger couple".
I really suck at this, and God really didn't seem to be helping me.

He said he'd go to Church with me, and stuff, but seriously.
He's only doing it cos I asked, not because he even cares.

What the heck do I do?

[LadyRushia]

He said he's willing to give it a try, but the best argument as to why he should try was "Because I can't choose between him and God" and "it'll make us a stronger couple".

I've heard testimonies from various youth pastors that went something like this. It started out with the guy giving God a try because he wanted to get closer to the girl, but then God ended up changing his life forever.

[bakura_fan]

Hmmm...

Well, we talked about it today. I was very disapointed in the conversation, because I didn't feel like God was using me to get through to him at all, he was being logical, and I sounded like a stupid fanatic.

He just thinks the Bible seems like a fantasy novel, like, for example "The Ark- explain that to me, how a boat full of a few guys can carry EVERY animal on earth, and have enough food available. Its just not scientific."

He said he's willing to give it a try, but the best argument as to why he should try was "Because I can't choose between him and God" and "it'll make us a stronger couple".
I really suck at this, and God really didn't seem to be helping me.

He said he'd go to Church with me, and stuff, but seriously.
He's only doing it cos I asked, not because he even cares.

What the heck do I do?

This is going to sound weird...but go to youtube look up VenomFangX (be careful, other people have taken his name and changed it to give him a bad name to those who don't know better. I'll link a vid of his so you can find him later. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEi5UpHUD1g ) He's a jew he accepted christ within the past year. He answers all that stuff in his ministry video's. He has had death threats to him and his family, but he's back. He may still have video's up, but if not, write to him. He's quite nice. For example that question about the animals. He says the Bible says he took every "kind", not every species. A tiger, lion, leopard, They are all of the same kind. So he would only need to take one. Same with dogs, birds, monkeys, etc. So, there really wouldn't have been that many animals. Besides, we now have more breeds due to cross breeding (like the mules, the different dogs we have, etc.) Hope that makes more sense. But really, watch his videos if you can. He makes a whole lot of sense.

[minakichan]

He said he's willing to give it a try, but the best argument as to why he should try was "Because I can't choose between him and God" and "it'll make us a stronger couple".
I really suck at this, and God really didn't seem to be helping me.

He said he'd go to Church with me, and stuff, but seriously.
He's only doing it cos I asked, not because he even cares.

What the heck do I do?

People who know me well know that I am not a very pray-y person, but I want to pray for you about this.

My parents go through the same thing-- my mom is a Christian, my dad is a very anti-religious atheist. I wish I could seriously encourage you, but it is very hard. It definitely drives a rift between the sides of religion in our family and is the source of a lot of tension. My mom will sometimes coerce my dad to go to church, but it always ends in a fight.

Granted, my dad is very stubborn, kind of self-righteous, and hot-headed. I think that a relationship between a Christian and a non-Christian can be possible, but the non-Christian would have to be extremely accepting, one who is willing to make sacrifices for the partner (although that might not necessarily have to include conversion; that's a bit unfair).

As for the possibility of converting a partner, I have a Christian cousin who had a girl who was huuuuuuugely in love with him or something for several years, but he told her that as much as he liked her, he didn't think he should get into a relationship with a non-Christian. After hearing that, she started going to church and eventually accepted Christ. They are now married <3. Honestly, I think it means that she must have really loved him if she decided to make such a decision. There is always the question of whether she really accepted Jesus in her heart, which is something that only God can truly know, but at the very least his insistence gave her the window to potentially become a Christian. Or something like that.

[xblack_x_rosesx]

Ya...

I guess I'll just do as much as I can without meddling too terribly, or making him completely hateful of it.

-sigh-
I'm not liking the work thats going along with this =P

[Shilohan ninja]

Sorry to be dwelling in the past, but I wanted to address something specific:

and he believes in a "God".

A lot of people believe in God that aren't Christians. Muslims and Jews believe in a God. Heck, the Bible says "even the demons believe in one God, and shudder."
Believing in God doesnot, by any means, mean the know Him as their personal savior. That sounds a lot like your boyfriend. As you said earlier, he thinks the Bible is like some great fantasy novel. It kinda sounds like this guy's spent way too much time in the Christian science reading room. I strongly encourage you to continue to fervently pray and intercede to God on his behalf. Sometimes, that's the best we can do for those closest to us who do not fully understand who God truly is. Godspeed, dear sister in the faith. Pray for breakthrough in Jesus' name.

[Slater]

Hmmm...

Well, we talked about it today. I was very disapointed in the conversation, because I didn't feel like God was using me to get through to him at all, he was being logical, and I sounded like a stupid fanatic.

He just thinks the Bible seems like a fantasy novel, like, for example "The Ark- explain that to me, how a boat full of a few guys can carry EVERY animal on earth, and have enough food available. Its just not scientific."

He said he's willing to give it a try, but the best argument as to why he should try was "Because I can't choose between him and God" and "it'll make us a stronger couple".
I really suck at this, and God really didn't seem to be helping me.

He said he'd go to Church with me, and stuff, but seriously.
He's only doing it cos I asked, not because he even cares.

What the heck do I do?

Tell your friend to do the math; he'll see that there was room enough to store two of every known species on the planet within comfortably-sized quarters, room enough to store food for everybody, and still have about 40% of the ark's volume empty.

Either way; he can't believe in the Bible just because he does or doesn't want to. That's up to God, to change his heart, just as it was up to God to change all of ours.

[Warrior4Christ]

And next item... how to make my boyfriend a christian o.O

Okay.. we can't do anything to change people! Only the Holy Spirit can change them to realise their need for a saviour. So pray daily! And do all you can to live your life in a holy way so he can see what difference being a Christian makes.

[quote="minakichan (post: 1250300)"]I think that a relationship between a Christian and a non-Christian can be possible, but the non-Christian would have to be extremely accepting, one who is willing to make sacrifices for the partner (although that might not necessarily have to include conversion]
There are a number of good reasons why a Christian and non-Christian shouldn't be in a romantic relationship. Having different worldviews has great potential to make things difficult. What happens if they don't allow you to raise your children in the Christian faith? What happens if they don't want a portion of their paycheck to be given to the church? What happens if they don't become a Christian at all? Wouldn't it be even more heartbreaking to not see them in heaven for eternity? Above all, never put him as a higher priority than God (which can also be danger further down the track).

[termyt]

You will never prove that Bible is true. You can point out that various scientific reasonings behind the different stories in the Bible (which I personally enjoy quite a bit), but in my experience, people who are saying they can not believe until they see an answer for this or that logistical problem are just looking for an excuse not to believe. The answer to that question only brings about another question on another subject.

It sounds like he is hurting a bit and blames God for not helping him. I do not you’re your BF but I know this is not true. However, God does not exist for our pleasure. He exists because He is. Pain and suffering exist because we chose them over God. Whether Adam, Eve, and the Garden of Eden were real or just a story is not important. The intent of the story is to demonstrate that God is our creator and He wants a relationship with us. To have a relationship, both parties must chose to have a relationship, so we were given a choice as well. We, each of us individually, chose our own independence over a relationship with God.

Since then, all of human history has been the story of God reaching back to us. We rejected Him, but He still reaches out to us. He did not create our pain and suffering – we do that as a matter of our own choices. God gave us His law through Moses and the prophets not to enslave us, but to free us from the suffering we cause ourselves and others. By living according to the Law, we live in peace with each other and with the very heart of God. Again, we rejected God in favor of our own broken and painful ways. Still, God did not reject us. He made Himself one of us. He chose to limit Himself to experience life as a human and show us once again His plan and love for us. This Son, begotten of God, sacrificed Himself as a final reconciliation between us. Kind of like Him saying, “Look. I get it. I know you can’t figure it out. Let me make it simple. Believe. Give me your best and leave the rest of it to Me.” The choice still remains ours, though. That we chose our own path a part from God and then blame Him when that path leads to sadness is the greatest form of arrogance.

[Sparrowhawk]

Termyt has a point, but he may be sincere, so just in case there are some answers you can give. Such someone already pointed out that Noah only had to take one of every "kind" and if you do the math that it is more than enuf room.

If he does sincerely want logic, have him read C.S. Lewis' apology books. "Mere Christianity" "The Problem of Pain" etc.

Also, while I have never read Lee Strobel's stuff, it supposedly is also really good. "The Case for Christ" "The Case for Faith"...all of his books start with the phrase "The Case..."

The thing with people asking for "proof" the Bible is true - there is plenty of evidence supporting it, and, possibly the largest piece of all, it has not yet been disproven, even though people have been trying to for 2000 years. Consider this, when archeologist start to look for ancient ciites or for some clues to how they lived, they often take the Bible along because it has so far proven accurate.

Lastly, I would suggest you again encourage him to call out to God and give him a chance. God reveals himself to those who seek him and he may be able to say like Lewis -

I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
C. S. Lewis