Lunis, I'm still praying hard for you. It wouldn't be right for me to say anything about your parents' choices - what's going on in their heads is up to your family and God. As much as I wish there was some way to help your situation, I think at this point termyt hit the nail on the head - the best course of action would be obedience. Try to do everything with a smile, and if that doesn't seem to work, I think you should maybe request politely to have a heart to heart with your parents. It seems like they misinterpret things often, so maybe explain to them that "I know you have my best interests in mind, but __________." They're your parents, and unfortunately no matter how they may act, it's our responsibility to be respectful towards them.
*hughughugs* I know it's probably not my place to say "don't let this get you down", but I know that with God's help you'll be able to pull through this. Just don't lose sight of Him and I know He'll guide you. ^^
Boot Camp
68 posts •
Page 2 of 3 •
(Since I know that my post is over 10,000 characters long, and I read somewhere that posts are limited to 10,000 characters, I'm going to split this into two. Sorry for the length of the reply, but brevity while discussing complex topics has never been my strong suit. 
)
It's unfortunate that you're in such a hard situation! Again, like the others, I cannot and will not judge your parents (or you, for that matter) on this topic.
The advice that termyt gave is good advice. Running away from the situation, either physically or mentally, is not a good idea and it will only serve to make the situation worse. Until you are 18, leaving home is considered being a "runaway", and then the police have to be involved as well.
Job is certainly a good book to reflect on in your situation; I would recommend the entirety of Job, not just the passages about his suffering. Comfort will come from knowing that others have suffered worse than you and survived, and found comfort once again; however, the details of Job working through his suffering should not be given a miss - his own reflections, anguish and thoughts during his suffering, as well as the advice given by his friends and his feelings of abandonment only serve to secure the knowledge that Job truly knew love for God and only worried about what he might have done wrong to suffer so; in the end, Job's faith brought his life full-circle and the suffering was once again replaced with joy.
I have a feeling (and because I don't know your parents, this is only speculation, based on my experience) that your parents are simply worried that they're not doing something right for their fifteen year old daughter. They know the temptations and emotions that go with being a teenager, as they were once teens themselves. However, once you become an adult, it is exceptionally easy to lose that feeling, and to forget what it is that drives a teenager - most people don't know in the first place and never will.
There are problems with your situation that I see from a Child Development standpoint; the frustrating things that parents find with raising a teenager are the same frustrating things that parents find with raising a toddler, and they don't know why. Neurophysics will state that there are many similar brain processes and changes occuring at these age levels; the difference is that toddlers are in the process of weeding unnecessary reactions for survival, and teenagers are weeding unnecessary reactions for social survival. It would seem, from a logical standpoint, that "if my child acts like a two year old, he/she should be treated like a two year old". It's a long-held and accepted belief in this country. However, it is quite often not the best approach; a book I would offer up for reference is "Magic Trees of the Mind: How to Nurture Your Child's Intelligence, Creativity, and Healthy Emotions from Birth Through Adolescence" by Marian Diamond, PhD and Janet Hopson.
I would not presume to tell your parents how to raise you, or even suggest what is a better route to take, as I do not know your unique family situation. I do know, however, that generally speaking, restricting children severely only leads to complications and other problems down the line. Children need reasonable limits, even as teenagers. Parents have the right to enforce their own beliefs on their child; it is a right that comes with parenthood. The key to a healthy home situation is to find balance between what the child wants and needs and what the parent wants and needs.
And remember - even though the chemical levels in hormones level out with adulthood, and one's life tends to become more self-directed as an adult, adults still share a lot of the same stresses, fears and emotional problems that children and teenagers have, and they may have different ways of coping with it. You acknowledged that your dad is busy; you mentioned that on top of his work, he's taking college courses. That puts a lot of emotional stress on him, as well as the physical stress of putting in more hours in a day than he had been used to prior to the college courses.
Expectations that both of them have for you may be changing; it's possible that one or both of your parents expected without asking that you would naturally take up more adult roles in the house as you became a teenager, and were disappointed when you did not. Also, many parents harbor worries and stresses that they don't vocalize to their children - financial worries such as bills, expectations from their peers about where their child "should" be in life, news that they see on TV or books that suggests they might be raising their child "wrong", and a growing nervousness about new challenges in life that are presented to their children as their children grow. Having a teenager - especially a teenage girl - can be a very scary experience. Look at the news any day of the week, and pick out the stories about teenagers running rampant, teen pregnancy, teen drug use, teen smoking, teen drinking, teens in jail - you get the picture. Parents read these things and begin to wonder - what is my child doing when I'm not there to see what they're doing? What is my child secretly thinking in their head? Is this going to be my child on the news next? Again, this is just speculation, but those are the things I consider when reading a situation such as yours.
)
It's unfortunate that you're in such a hard situation! Again, like the others, I cannot and will not judge your parents (or you, for that matter) on this topic.
The advice that termyt gave is good advice. Running away from the situation, either physically or mentally, is not a good idea and it will only serve to make the situation worse. Until you are 18, leaving home is considered being a "runaway", and then the police have to be involved as well.
Job is certainly a good book to reflect on in your situation; I would recommend the entirety of Job, not just the passages about his suffering. Comfort will come from knowing that others have suffered worse than you and survived, and found comfort once again; however, the details of Job working through his suffering should not be given a miss - his own reflections, anguish and thoughts during his suffering, as well as the advice given by his friends and his feelings of abandonment only serve to secure the knowledge that Job truly knew love for God and only worried about what he might have done wrong to suffer so; in the end, Job's faith brought his life full-circle and the suffering was once again replaced with joy.
I have a feeling (and because I don't know your parents, this is only speculation, based on my experience) that your parents are simply worried that they're not doing something right for their fifteen year old daughter. They know the temptations and emotions that go with being a teenager, as they were once teens themselves. However, once you become an adult, it is exceptionally easy to lose that feeling, and to forget what it is that drives a teenager - most people don't know in the first place and never will.
There are problems with your situation that I see from a Child Development standpoint; the frustrating things that parents find with raising a teenager are the same frustrating things that parents find with raising a toddler, and they don't know why. Neurophysics will state that there are many similar brain processes and changes occuring at these age levels; the difference is that toddlers are in the process of weeding unnecessary reactions for survival, and teenagers are weeding unnecessary reactions for social survival. It would seem, from a logical standpoint, that "if my child acts like a two year old, he/she should be treated like a two year old". It's a long-held and accepted belief in this country. However, it is quite often not the best approach; a book I would offer up for reference is "Magic Trees of the Mind: How to Nurture Your Child's Intelligence, Creativity, and Healthy Emotions from Birth Through Adolescence" by Marian Diamond, PhD and Janet Hopson.
I would not presume to tell your parents how to raise you, or even suggest what is a better route to take, as I do not know your unique family situation. I do know, however, that generally speaking, restricting children severely only leads to complications and other problems down the line. Children need reasonable limits, even as teenagers. Parents have the right to enforce their own beliefs on their child; it is a right that comes with parenthood. The key to a healthy home situation is to find balance between what the child wants and needs and what the parent wants and needs.
And remember - even though the chemical levels in hormones level out with adulthood, and one's life tends to become more self-directed as an adult, adults still share a lot of the same stresses, fears and emotional problems that children and teenagers have, and they may have different ways of coping with it. You acknowledged that your dad is busy; you mentioned that on top of his work, he's taking college courses. That puts a lot of emotional stress on him, as well as the physical stress of putting in more hours in a day than he had been used to prior to the college courses.
Expectations that both of them have for you may be changing; it's possible that one or both of your parents expected without asking that you would naturally take up more adult roles in the house as you became a teenager, and were disappointed when you did not. Also, many parents harbor worries and stresses that they don't vocalize to their children - financial worries such as bills, expectations from their peers about where their child "should" be in life, news that they see on TV or books that suggests they might be raising their child "wrong", and a growing nervousness about new challenges in life that are presented to their children as their children grow. Having a teenager - especially a teenage girl - can be a very scary experience. Look at the news any day of the week, and pick out the stories about teenagers running rampant, teen pregnancy, teen drug use, teen smoking, teen drinking, teens in jail - you get the picture. Parents read these things and begin to wonder - what is my child doing when I'm not there to see what they're doing? What is my child secretly thinking in their head? Is this going to be my child on the news next? Again, this is just speculation, but those are the things I consider when reading a situation such as yours.
Toto, I don't think we're in Oz anymore...
I'm a woman - when I'm lost, I ask for directions.
Genjyo Sanzo: Banishing Stupidity, One Idiot at a Time
I'm a woman - when I'm lost, I ask for directions.
Genjyo Sanzo: Banishing Stupidity, One Idiot at a Time
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Lady Macbeth - Posts: 248
- Joined: Mon Dec 19, 2005 9:36 pm
- Location: Wisconsin, USA
Part Two of My Previous Post
Just so that you have an idea where I'm coming from with my above statements, I'll offer some of my personal experiences as a teenager:
While my parents didn't have a schedule of demerits or merits, and I did not have to do push ups, they did keep mental track of what I had done "wrong" or "right" and confronted me with all my "wrongs". Nine times out of ten, the confrontation ended with me crying, because of course they asserted that they were right. Instead of push-ups, I got to sit in my bedroom and do nothing but think about what I should have been doing instead.
I recently had a discussion in one of my college classes with a pair of girls just out of high school, who were apalled at how my parents treated me. I didn't have a driver's license or a car until I turned 18, nor did I hold a job, nor did I have a boyfriend. I was put on the school bus or taken to school by my mom promptly on time each morning, and I was expected to either be on the bus or waiting at the school door for my mom promptly at 3:30 every afternoon. My mom literally counted exactly how long it took the bus to get from the school door to our door, and if I was not home in that amount of time, she called the school to find out where I was and why the bus was late.
I was allowed pierced ears when I was twelve, and I was allowed to cut my hair for the first time when I was in fifth grade, so that I could have it in a spiral perm - I was sitting on it at the time, and the hairstylist told my mom that length of hair would never hold a perm. I was a sophomore in high school when my dad allowed my hair to be above my shoulders for the first time. I was not allowed other piercings, including belly button or nose piercings, nor was I allowed a tattoo of any kind until high school - then it was only the temporary, stick-on kind.
I was raised in the conservative country views of a typical Northern Wisconsin family. I was expected to respect my parents. I was not to use profane or foul language. I was not to raise my hand to them ever, nor to yell at them, swear at them, or talk back to them. While I didn't have to use "Sir" or "Ma'am", I did have to use "Mom" or "Dad". Slang that my peers used to address their parents was unacceptable.
I learned the duties of a good woman - I can cook, clean, care for children and teach children. At mealtimes in my household, my dad was served first, then my brothers, then my mom and me. Dad got the choice cuts of meat and other dishes, then my brothers, and mom and I divided what was left.
What I discovered from all this, as an adult, is that sometimes adults are imperfect too, and they are struggling with their own worries and problems as they try to raise their children.
My dad was the "man of the house" in his home from the time he was twelve. His dad died that year, and at twelve he became responsible for providing for his mother and five older siblings. His mother never had a job outside the home, and she didn't know how to drive. My dad dropped out of school at the end of eighth grade so that he could get a job to take care of his family, and later earned his GED so that he could get some higher-paying jobs.
My mom was taking care of her siblings, older and younger, since she was four. She grew up in an abusive home riddled with alcoholism and a long string of step-dads and live-in boyfriends that my grandmother brought into the house. My mom learned to take care of and provide for herself, and thus ended up doing things that she shouldn't have been doing during her middle school and high school years. Yes, that includes sex with boyfriends and trying marijuana.
When I was born, the excitement that they felt at having a child together was overshadowed with wanting me to have a better life than they'd had. They knew what they had longed for, what they'd missed, and what they'd wanted growing up - and they wanted to provide that for me. They knew where they'd messed up, and they wanted to prevent me from doing those things. They got an early start on it - when I was screened for Kindergarden Roundup, I tested at a second grade reading, writing and mathematics level.
On the outset, my life sounded ideal. I have never had a broken bone, nor a serious injury that required hospitalization. I have never tried illegal drugs, I did not date during school, and the only person I have ever had sex with is my husband. My husband was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first everything - and I didn't meet him until I was in college. I have no tattoos, the only piercings I have are in my ears (two holes in each earlobe), and I didn't dye my hair until a couple years ago. I have never been pregnant, and I've never been in trouble with the law.
On the flip side, I have issues with dependency - I have a hard time being an independent person and taking care of myself when there is not someone to watch out for me. I suffer from depression and I have difficulty with decision-making. Until I turned 18, my parents made all of my decisions for me, including what I would wear for clothing. I cannot manage money well, and due to lack of socialization, I have a hard time communicating well with others - my statements are to the point and often blunt, without cushioning for respect of others' feelings.
I do not think my parents did a poor job raising me - they did their absolute best, in fact. Their intentions were absolutely for the best, and they got positive feedback from the school and from their peers - I was constantly praised for my excellent grades (4.0 student from K-12, graduated Valedictorian), my proper and well-groomed appearance, my quiet demeanor and my good behavior. Teachers sent home notes telling my parents they wished more students were like me.
I hope that at least some of my thoughts help you out. You really are in a tough situation, and all we can truly do is pray that things get better for you. However, sometimes knowing that others are thinking about you and your situation helps to ease the emotional burden.
While my parents didn't have a schedule of demerits or merits, and I did not have to do push ups, they did keep mental track of what I had done "wrong" or "right" and confronted me with all my "wrongs". Nine times out of ten, the confrontation ended with me crying, because of course they asserted that they were right. Instead of push-ups, I got to sit in my bedroom and do nothing but think about what I should have been doing instead.
I recently had a discussion in one of my college classes with a pair of girls just out of high school, who were apalled at how my parents treated me. I didn't have a driver's license or a car until I turned 18, nor did I hold a job, nor did I have a boyfriend. I was put on the school bus or taken to school by my mom promptly on time each morning, and I was expected to either be on the bus or waiting at the school door for my mom promptly at 3:30 every afternoon. My mom literally counted exactly how long it took the bus to get from the school door to our door, and if I was not home in that amount of time, she called the school to find out where I was and why the bus was late.
I was allowed pierced ears when I was twelve, and I was allowed to cut my hair for the first time when I was in fifth grade, so that I could have it in a spiral perm - I was sitting on it at the time, and the hairstylist told my mom that length of hair would never hold a perm. I was a sophomore in high school when my dad allowed my hair to be above my shoulders for the first time. I was not allowed other piercings, including belly button or nose piercings, nor was I allowed a tattoo of any kind until high school - then it was only the temporary, stick-on kind.
I was raised in the conservative country views of a typical Northern Wisconsin family. I was expected to respect my parents. I was not to use profane or foul language. I was not to raise my hand to them ever, nor to yell at them, swear at them, or talk back to them. While I didn't have to use "Sir" or "Ma'am", I did have to use "Mom" or "Dad". Slang that my peers used to address their parents was unacceptable.
I learned the duties of a good woman - I can cook, clean, care for children and teach children. At mealtimes in my household, my dad was served first, then my brothers, then my mom and me. Dad got the choice cuts of meat and other dishes, then my brothers, and mom and I divided what was left.
What I discovered from all this, as an adult, is that sometimes adults are imperfect too, and they are struggling with their own worries and problems as they try to raise their children.
My dad was the "man of the house" in his home from the time he was twelve. His dad died that year, and at twelve he became responsible for providing for his mother and five older siblings. His mother never had a job outside the home, and she didn't know how to drive. My dad dropped out of school at the end of eighth grade so that he could get a job to take care of his family, and later earned his GED so that he could get some higher-paying jobs.
My mom was taking care of her siblings, older and younger, since she was four. She grew up in an abusive home riddled with alcoholism and a long string of step-dads and live-in boyfriends that my grandmother brought into the house. My mom learned to take care of and provide for herself, and thus ended up doing things that she shouldn't have been doing during her middle school and high school years. Yes, that includes sex with boyfriends and trying marijuana.
When I was born, the excitement that they felt at having a child together was overshadowed with wanting me to have a better life than they'd had. They knew what they had longed for, what they'd missed, and what they'd wanted growing up - and they wanted to provide that for me. They knew where they'd messed up, and they wanted to prevent me from doing those things. They got an early start on it - when I was screened for Kindergarden Roundup, I tested at a second grade reading, writing and mathematics level.
On the outset, my life sounded ideal. I have never had a broken bone, nor a serious injury that required hospitalization. I have never tried illegal drugs, I did not date during school, and the only person I have ever had sex with is my husband. My husband was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first everything - and I didn't meet him until I was in college. I have no tattoos, the only piercings I have are in my ears (two holes in each earlobe), and I didn't dye my hair until a couple years ago. I have never been pregnant, and I've never been in trouble with the law.
On the flip side, I have issues with dependency - I have a hard time being an independent person and taking care of myself when there is not someone to watch out for me. I suffer from depression and I have difficulty with decision-making. Until I turned 18, my parents made all of my decisions for me, including what I would wear for clothing. I cannot manage money well, and due to lack of socialization, I have a hard time communicating well with others - my statements are to the point and often blunt, without cushioning for respect of others' feelings.
I do not think my parents did a poor job raising me - they did their absolute best, in fact. Their intentions were absolutely for the best, and they got positive feedback from the school and from their peers - I was constantly praised for my excellent grades (4.0 student from K-12, graduated Valedictorian), my proper and well-groomed appearance, my quiet demeanor and my good behavior. Teachers sent home notes telling my parents they wished more students were like me.
I hope that at least some of my thoughts help you out. You really are in a tough situation, and all we can truly do is pray that things get better for you. However, sometimes knowing that others are thinking about you and your situation helps to ease the emotional burden.
Toto, I don't think we're in Oz anymore...
I'm a woman - when I'm lost, I ask for directions.
Genjyo Sanzo: Banishing Stupidity, One Idiot at a Time
I'm a woman - when I'm lost, I ask for directions.
Genjyo Sanzo: Banishing Stupidity, One Idiot at a Time
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Lady Macbeth - Posts: 248
- Joined: Mon Dec 19, 2005 9:36 pm
- Location: Wisconsin, USA
better. I think it's mostly because I'm forcing myself to think positive
Thank you guys for all the advice. I'm sure it will help a lot. Today, I feel a bit and mentally slapping myself when I stard panicing again. XD For the sake of my sanity, I assure myself this won't last as long as it was proposed to last. And I keep thinking, only four days till Christmas! And after Christmas, we spend a week in Vermont with my relatives, and I'm thinking that means no schedule then. And then comes my birthday! And I'm just not going to think about what happens after that.
Yeah, last night. My mom asked why my eyes were so red, and I said I had been crying. She asked why so suddenly, and I told her it wasn't. That I've been crying the whole time. She asked why. I explained everything. About how I don't think I can handle this. She told me there really wasn't anything she could do about that. She asked me some other question I can't remember, and I explained more. I said how the rest of my adolescent life is ruined. My dad said, "And whose fault is that?" Y'know this is exactly why I didn't talk to them about it. Sorry, there's a lot more I have to say, but I have to go. Hopefully I can continue this later today.chibiphonebooth wrote:have you tried discussing this with your parents, on how this makes YOU feel?
It is the infirmity of little minds to be dazzled with everything that sparkles.
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Lunis - Posts: 718
- Joined: Tue Feb 03, 2004 10:00 am
- Location: Southern USA
even emotional abuse is NOT okay.i should know. my daddys head of an abuse agency.im sure you know this but still. it can ruin your whole life not just your adolescent life
／ 人◕ ‿‿ ◕人 ＼
"Validation is for parking."- Steal Like an Artist Austin Kleon
I have deduced that your imagination has no coherence whatsoever.- Kyōya Ōtori
"Validation is for parking."- Steal Like an Artist Austin Kleon
I have deduced that your imagination has no coherence whatsoever.- Kyōya Ōtori
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DaughterOfZion - Posts: 663
- Joined: Sun Sep 25, 2005 9:00 am
- Location: Kyubey Corp. Headquarters
i think this is horrible.
and your parents are wrong to do this.
your in my prayers.
and your parents are wrong to do this.
your in my prayers.
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chibiphonebooth - Posts: 1975
- Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2005 12:00 pm
- Location: in SILLY LANDDD WEEOO
Lady Macbeth wrote:I have a feeling (and because I don't know your parents, this is only speculation, based on my experience) that your parents are simply worried that they're not doing something right for their fifteen year old daughter.
That's what I was thinking. Unfortunately it seems there isn't muchyou can do other than what was already said, but I will pray that you parents see what they are doing to their household. And I will pray that they find a Christian influence to help them rather than secular websites.
*insert poem, quote, or witty comment here*
"If it doesn't fit, you must edIT! -- [color=#cc3322]MOES."[/color]
"If it doesn't fit, you must edIT! -- [color=#cc3322]MOES."[/color]
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meboeck - Posts: 1311
- Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2004 12:00 pm
- Location: Earth
Okay, I'm back for a few minutes.
So anyway, continuing the same story, my mom then said that this isn't so bad and that it's actually pretty much like what a normal teen should do-- be nice and respectful and work around the house. This is what scares me the most. If my mom thinks this is just normal, being on really good behavior won't change their minds at all. Well, God surely can do miracles. That's what I'm hoping for.
So anyway, continuing the same story, my mom then said that this isn't so bad and that it's actually pretty much like what a normal teen should do-- be nice and respectful and work around the house. This is what scares me the most. If my mom thinks this is just normal, being on really good behavior won't change their minds at all. Well, God surely can do miracles. That's what I'm hoping for.
Oh, they've told me they'll send me to a professional boot camp for a year if I don't do this boot camp right. So, yeah. XD]Do not expect tenderness from them and give none in return. Simply do as instructed with a crisp “yes, ma’am.â€chibiphonebooth wrote:or what if... i dont wanna sound... rebellious or anything, but what if you just didnt do anything that was on that list? ...
nah bad idea. >.> you would get in so much trouble. XD
It is the infirmity of little minds to be dazzled with everything that sparkles.
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Lunis - Posts: 718
- Joined: Tue Feb 03, 2004 10:00 am
- Location: Southern USA
: : halfway sarcastic : :
You could respond to them at every command by going to stiff attention, barking out, "It will be done, my Fuhrer!" and goose-stepping off to do whatever it is, but that wouldn't improve anything. Obviously. I am very sorry that you must live with such unstable parents. You will be in my prayers. Don't let it get to you, and always love them. Always. but that doesn't mean you have to like it (their harsh and unjust treatment, that is). Stay through it and pray constantly, and God will reward you somehow, someday for your perseverance. Keep us posted.
.rai//
P.S. With all these push-ups you're being forced to do for no good reason, you should take up boxing. Let out your aggression into a heavy bag and learn some good defense skills while you're at it.
You could respond to them at every command by going to stiff attention, barking out, "It will be done, my Fuhrer!" and goose-stepping off to do whatever it is, but that wouldn't improve anything. Obviously. I am very sorry that you must live with such unstable parents. You will be in my prayers. Don't let it get to you, and always love them. Always. but that doesn't mean you have to like it (their harsh and unjust treatment, that is). Stay through it and pray constantly, and God will reward you somehow, someday for your perseverance. Keep us posted.
.rai//
P.S. With all these push-ups you're being forced to do for no good reason, you should take up boxing. Let out your aggression into a heavy bag and learn some good defense skills while you're at it.
[raiden's liveJournal]
[color="Indigo"]"I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you . . . stranger."[/color]
Strollin' in at dawn, wakin' up at noon's gonna catch up to me soon
'Just sleep when you're dead' is what I said 'cause I'm jumpin' off the moon
[color="Indigo"]"I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you . . . stranger."[/color]
Strollin' in at dawn, wakin' up at noon's gonna catch up to me soon
'Just sleep when you're dead' is what I said 'cause I'm jumpin' off the moon
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Raiden no Kishi - Posts: 2518
- Joined: Fri Apr 09, 2004 10:45 am
- Location: Ticking away/The hours that make up the dull day . . .
Wow Lady Macbeth I honestly don't know what to say to that story. But it was very enlightening.
Anyway your parents punishing you for showing affection is ridiculous. They can't force you to be affectionate no matter how many pushups they make you do. It wouldn't mean anything then. This is terrible...and such a small thing set this off when it could of been sorted out by just talking. But I don't know your parents so I guess I can't speak on that. From the way you describe doesn't sound like that would work too well anyway.
I guess all we can do is pray for you. I pray that your parents will soften up some and that this little regimen won't stay so harsh for too long. And of course that you can have the will to keep your head up and get through this.
Anyway your parents punishing you for showing affection is ridiculous. They can't force you to be affectionate no matter how many pushups they make you do. It wouldn't mean anything then. This is terrible...and such a small thing set this off when it could of been sorted out by just talking. But I don't know your parents so I guess I can't speak on that. From the way you describe doesn't sound like that would work too well anyway.
I guess all we can do is pray for you. I pray that your parents will soften up some and that this little regimen won't stay so harsh for too long. And of course that you can have the will to keep your head up and get through this.
"You can't sit on the fence when it comes to Jesus, Satan owns the fence." Mark Cahill
2-151 D Co. Infantry (Air Assault)
2-151 D Co. Infantry (Air Assault)
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Yojimbo - Posts: 2695
- Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2004 5:59 pm
- Location: West Lafayette, Indiana
I learned something today. Your parents, especially your dad, have no remorse for what they're making you go through. You talked to them about how the whole thing makes YOU feel yet they don't even care. How messed up is that? What's next? They're gonna start calling the kitchen the mess hall? I also think that your parents taking a meal away from you for demerits is among the lowest of the low.
It's definitely not your fault, I tell you that right now.
I hope this whole thing dies down very quickly or you might have to take your parents to Dr. Phil, but I only suggest writing to Dr. Phil as a last resort when all attempts to talk to your parents about the whole thing and trying to get it resolved fail. You are in all of our prayers and keep fighting the good fight.
I said how the rest of my adolescent life is ruined. My dad said, "And whose fault is that?"
It's definitely not your fault, I tell you that right now.
I hope this whole thing dies down very quickly or you might have to take your parents to Dr. Phil, but I only suggest writing to Dr. Phil as a last resort when all attempts to talk to your parents about the whole thing and trying to get it resolved fail. You are in all of our prayers and keep fighting the good fight.
Simple arithmetic:
FF7 + World War II games = overrated
freedom + things we're lucky to have = taken for granted
manga + anime = a very happy person
Salvation + Jesus' Sacrifice = Eternal Life
a village - its idiot = a lot of smart people
(more to come)
Words of wisdom:
"Who's more foolish: the fool or the fool who follows him?" - Obi Wan Kenobi
"Sometimes Justice is a (insert item here)!" - Kato Kaelin
"You wouldn't lie to a judge with a baseball bat, would you?" - Extreme Akim
"For as low as you go, ask God to take you that high." - Tyler Perry
"I had the right to remain silent...I just didn't have the ability." - Ron White
"Your trademark is stupidity!" - Mr. T
"Your eyes can deceive you, don't trust them." - Obi Wan Kenobi
"If you can't be good, be good at it." - my uncle
(more to come)
Shout-outs:
SaintKevin, Yahshua, and Lunis, you guys rock!; Pillar, Kutless, 12 Stones, Skillet, and Falling Up for rocking hard, and Jesus Christ for being my Rock!
FF7 + World War II games = overrated
freedom + things we're lucky to have = taken for granted
manga + anime = a very happy person
Salvation + Jesus' Sacrifice = Eternal Life
a village - its idiot = a lot of smart people
(more to come)
Words of wisdom:
"Who's more foolish: the fool or the fool who follows him?" - Obi Wan Kenobi
"Sometimes Justice is a (insert item here)!" - Kato Kaelin
"You wouldn't lie to a judge with a baseball bat, would you?" - Extreme Akim
"For as low as you go, ask God to take you that high." - Tyler Perry
"I had the right to remain silent...I just didn't have the ability." - Ron White
"Your trademark is stupidity!" - Mr. T
"Your eyes can deceive you, don't trust them." - Obi Wan Kenobi
"If you can't be good, be good at it." - my uncle
(more to come)
Shout-outs:
SaintKevin, Yahshua, and Lunis, you guys rock!; Pillar, Kutless, 12 Stones, Skillet, and Falling Up for rocking hard, and Jesus Christ for being my Rock!
- pillar_anime7
- Posts: 85
- Joined: Sun Dec 04, 2005 1:57 am
- Location: Mississippi
I'm praying for you
"If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats."
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PrincessZelda - Posts: 1855
- Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2004 10:00 am
- Location: New Mexico
Yojimbo wrote:Wow Lady Macbeth I honestly don't know what to say to that story. But it was very enlightening.
Anyway your parents punishing you for showing affection is ridiculous. They can't force you to be affectionate no matter how many pushups they make you do. It wouldn't mean anything then. This is terrible...and such a small thing set this off when it could of been sorted out by just talking. But I don't know your parents so I guess I can't speak on that. From the way you describe doesn't sound like that would work too well anyway.
I guess all we can do is pray for you. I pray that your parents will soften up some and that this little regimen won't stay so harsh for too long. And of course that you can have the will to keep your head up and get through this.
i full heartedly agree with yojimbo. you can never ever force someone to show affection. its just not right. and it doesnt mean anything. i mean, havent your parents ever seen those movies where the bad guy tries to force the lead girl to love him? and it never works! XD
but really, this is way too harsh. WAY too out of hand. i dont know what else to tell you, but ill be praying. :/
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chibiphonebooth - Posts: 1975
- Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2005 12:00 pm
- Location: in SILLY LANDDD WEEOO
I wish some of us could be there for you in person. I know that would help a lot.
I would rather do push-ups until my arms fell off then give in to doing something that wasn't right - like displaying forced affection. (That's easy for me to say, though, I'm not faced with actually doing the push-ups). Your parents want to pretend like everything is fine and normal. But it is not fine and it is not normal. I believe your best recourse is to re-enforce that, even if that means you spend more time doing push-ups then anything else.
What ever you do, do not run away and do not harm yourself. Neither of these things will improve your situation. It will only make it much worse.
By the way, you can not be accused of holding a grudge while the event is on-going. Holding a grudge is refusing to forgive after the event is long over. While the event is still in progress, you are resisting, not holding a grudge.
I would rather do push-ups until my arms fell off then give in to doing something that wasn't right - like displaying forced affection. (That's easy for me to say, though, I'm not faced with actually doing the push-ups). Your parents want to pretend like everything is fine and normal. But it is not fine and it is not normal. I believe your best recourse is to re-enforce that, even if that means you spend more time doing push-ups then anything else.
What ever you do, do not run away and do not harm yourself. Neither of these things will improve your situation. It will only make it much worse.
By the way, you can not be accused of holding a grudge while the event is on-going. Holding a grudge is refusing to forgive after the event is long over. While the event is still in progress, you are resisting, not holding a grudge.
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If your pedantic about grammar, its unlikely that you'll copy and paste this into your sig, to.
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termyt - Posts: 4289
- Joined: Sat Jun 26, 2004 12:00 pm
- Location: oHIo
Hey, guys, while I must say that I disagree with many of Lunis' parent's ideas and tactics, I think we're giving ourselves black eyes by coming in here and saying "Wow You're parents r crazy! This is stoopid." Paul commends Christian slaves to submit themselves to their masters, even to bad ones. I imagine he would also commend Lunis to submit to her parents, even in a situation which seems very unfair.
--Unless she feel that she is truly being abused.
Lunis, darling, if you feel that you are being abused, you have an obligation to yourself to talk to your pastor or another adult who can help you. Your body and mind are temples of the Holy Spirit, and no one has the right to try to harm that temple-- even if this harm which is being inflicted isn't the kind that leaves bruises. Even if you won't talk to an adult about your home life (which I think would be a very sad mistake if you're suffering abuse), you should talk to a pastor about the depression you're struggling against. There are people who can help you and who want to help you. Find them. Let them be there for you. Nothing can be gained from silence except a grudge against your parents which you will probably carry for the rest of your life. Lunis-chan, that's not a burden you want to have to struggle under for the rest of your life. I know people who are trying and it's killing them. Absolutely killing them.
I don't want to see that happen to such a special and precious young lady.
--Unless she feel that she is truly being abused.
Lunis, darling, if you feel that you are being abused, you have an obligation to yourself to talk to your pastor or another adult who can help you. Your body and mind are temples of the Holy Spirit, and no one has the right to try to harm that temple-- even if this harm which is being inflicted isn't the kind that leaves bruises. Even if you won't talk to an adult about your home life (which I think would be a very sad mistake if you're suffering abuse), you should talk to a pastor about the depression you're struggling against. There are people who can help you and who want to help you. Find them. Let them be there for you. Nothing can be gained from silence except a grudge against your parents which you will probably carry for the rest of your life. Lunis-chan, that's not a burden you want to have to struggle under for the rest of your life. I know people who are trying and it's killing them. Absolutely killing them.
I don't want to see that happen to such a special and precious young lady.
Every year in Uganda, innumerable children simply. . . disappear. These children all stolen under the cover of darkness from their homes and impressed into the guerilla armies of the LRA [Lord's Resistance Army]. In the deserts of Uganda, they are forced to witness the mindless slaughter of other children until they themselves can do nothing but kill. Kill. These children, generally ranging from ages 5-12, are brainwashed into murdering in the name of the resistance and into stealing other children from their beds to suffer the same fate.
Because of this genocide of innocence, hundred and hundreds of children live every night sleeping in public places miles from their homes, because they know that if the do not-- they will disappear. They will become just another number in this genocide to which the international community has chosen to turn a blind eye. They will become, in affect, invisible-- Invisible Children.
But there are those who are trying to fight against this slaughter of Uganda's children. They fight to protect these "invisible children." Please, help them help a country full of children who know nothing by fear. Help save the innocence. For more information concerning how you can help and how you can get an incredible video about this horrific reality, visit the Invisible Children home page.
Because of this genocide of innocence, hundred and hundreds of children live every night sleeping in public places miles from their homes, because they know that if the do not-- they will disappear. They will become just another number in this genocide to which the international community has chosen to turn a blind eye. They will become, in affect, invisible-- Invisible Children.
But there are those who are trying to fight against this slaughter of Uganda's children. They fight to protect these "invisible children." Please, help them help a country full of children who know nothing by fear. Help save the innocence. For more information concerning how you can help and how you can get an incredible video about this horrific reality, visit the Invisible Children home page.
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Mangafanatic - Posts: 4918
- Joined: Tue Mar 16, 2004 5:00 am
- Location: In La-La land.
I agree with Mangahanatic about judging her parents. When you guys pray for Lunis, pray for her parents too. They obviously have a justification in their minds or this wouldn't be happening. I am worried about them, and I think they need our prayer as much as Lunis does because it seems they feel their parenting has gone wrong. They simply need to see this situation in a different light, a very different light.
*insert poem, quote, or witty comment here*
"If it doesn't fit, you must edIT! -- [color=#cc3322]MOES."[/color]
"If it doesn't fit, you must edIT! -- [color=#cc3322]MOES."[/color]
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meboeck - Posts: 1311
- Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2004 12:00 pm
- Location: Earth
I agree with what Mangafanatic said about not judging your parents. What seems unfair at the moment may make alot more sense in the future. Still... it all does seem rather harsh.
I'll be praying for how you hold up. Keep being respectful and obedient no matter what. Be overly respectful if you have to.
I'll be praying for your parents as well.
I'll be praying for how you hold up. Keep being respectful and obedient no matter what. Be overly respectful if you have to.
I'll be praying for your parents as well.
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Kawaiikneko - Posts: 1404
- Joined: Wed Jun 02, 2004 2:47 pm
- Location: I live in a house in a state in a country
I know parents can be rough. I never really knew it but my mom had a very hard marriage. Then I'd mouth of to her and get the heck kicked out of me. But I'd stay mad at her long and apologize. And she'd always apologize for taking her fraustration out on me. I shouldn't have mouthed off/ growled/ stomped, ect, and mostly because she says not to, and God commands us to honor thy Mother and FAther. Parents aren't perfect. They're only human, like everyone else. They might even grow tired of this themselves...
Lunis I believe that you can use this for good. If you want think your life sucks, well that's to bad. After all it's only about 3 out of 80(+) years. Suicide wouldn't help anything.
And now I wonder if your parents are having marital problems.
THere are some bright sides here, even if ever so little. THose push ups are good for you. Just do as they say. And remember things can always get worse. So be happy they aren't. And there are people who have it way worse then you.
Lunis I believe that you can use this for good. If you want think your life sucks, well that's to bad. After all it's only about 3 out of 80(+) years. Suicide wouldn't help anything.
And now I wonder if your parents are having marital problems.
THere are some bright sides here, even if ever so little. THose push ups are good for you. Just do as they say. And remember things can always get worse. So be happy they aren't. And there are people who have it way worse then you.
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Shao Feng-Li - Posts: 5187
- Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Idaho
Wow. I'll post more after I get the chance to read this whole thread but for now, just hang in there and know we're prayin for ya!!
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JediSonic - Posts: 1359
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I must say that Mangafanatic (sometimes refered to as Osaka) took the words from me here. So while I dont have much more to add, I thought I would post to reaferm her postion.
But I am curious Lunis, what brought your family to this point?
But I am curious Lunis, what brought your family to this point?
Depend on it. God's work done in God's way will never lack God's supply. He is too wise a God to frustrate His purposes for lack of funds, and He can just as easily supply them ahead of time as afterwards, and He much prefers doing so.
- J. Hudson Taylor
- J. Hudson Taylor
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
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kaji - Posts: 1281
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Mr. SmartyPants - Posts: 12541
- Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 9:00 am
Mr. SmartyPants wrote:Maybe her parents should read this thread O.o
In light of some of the comments made about her parents in this thread, I'm not sure that would be such a good idea. . .
Every year in Uganda, innumerable children simply. . . disappear. These children all stolen under the cover of darkness from their homes and impressed into the guerilla armies of the LRA [Lord's Resistance Army]. In the deserts of Uganda, they are forced to witness the mindless slaughter of other children until they themselves can do nothing but kill. Kill. These children, generally ranging from ages 5-12, are brainwashed into murdering in the name of the resistance and into stealing other children from their beds to suffer the same fate.
Because of this genocide of innocence, hundred and hundreds of children live every night sleeping in public places miles from their homes, because they know that if the do not-- they will disappear. They will become just another number in this genocide to which the international community has chosen to turn a blind eye. They will become, in affect, invisible-- Invisible Children.
But there are those who are trying to fight against this slaughter of Uganda's children. They fight to protect these "invisible children." Please, help them help a country full of children who know nothing by fear. Help save the innocence. For more information concerning how you can help and how you can get an incredible video about this horrific reality, visit the Invisible Children home page.
Because of this genocide of innocence, hundred and hundreds of children live every night sleeping in public places miles from their homes, because they know that if the do not-- they will disappear. They will become just another number in this genocide to which the international community has chosen to turn a blind eye. They will become, in affect, invisible-- Invisible Children.
But there are those who are trying to fight against this slaughter of Uganda's children. They fight to protect these "invisible children." Please, help them help a country full of children who know nothing by fear. Help save the innocence. For more information concerning how you can help and how you can get an incredible video about this horrific reality, visit the Invisible Children home page.
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Mangafanatic - Posts: 4918
- Joined: Tue Mar 16, 2004 5:00 am
- Location: In La-La land.
Mangafanatic wrote:In light of some of the comments made about her parents in this thread, I'm not sure that would be such a good idea. . .
Good point, I'm debating myself wether or not it would be a good idea if somebody got a hold of her parents and talked to them
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Mr. SmartyPants - Posts: 12541
- Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 9:00 am
Mr. SmartyPants wrote:Good point, I'm debating myself wether or not it would be a good idea if somebody got a hold of her parents and talked to them
I'm thinking "not" at this point. If they're anything like my parents were, they would first demand to know who you are and how you know their daughter]best[/b] option would be if a school counselor or a church leader could reach out to them. Both types of people are in a position to recognize trouble in the household without any of the householders having to say anything about it, and both base their jobs around helping others. They're in positions of leadership and authority that, even if her parents don't agree with what they have to say, they have to acknowledge that they heard what was said and acknowledge that the person has knowledge and experience that they might not have on the issue.
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I'm a woman - when I'm lost, I ask for directions.
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I'm a woman - when I'm lost, I ask for directions.
Genjyo Sanzo: Banishing Stupidity, One Idiot at a Time
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Lady Macbeth - Posts: 248
- Joined: Mon Dec 19, 2005 9:36 pm
- Location: Wisconsin, USA
I agree with Lady Macbeth.
Also, Ryan, you gotta realize that we really can't get involved...and if Lunis' parents ARE unstable (I am not saying they are, I am merely saying worst cast scenario) and CAA tries to do something, then that may mean Lunis will lose internet privileges entirely. And I'm sure none of us want that.
The point is, we don't have any evidence to bring up against her parents besides what Lunis (and her brother) have said, but that isn't enough. Ultimately, if she wants something to happen, LUNIS will have to be the one to do it. Not anyone from CAA. It's not our place to get involved. All we can do is pray and encourage her to talk about it with a pastor or someone.
Also, Ryan, you gotta realize that we really can't get involved...and if Lunis' parents ARE unstable (I am not saying they are, I am merely saying worst cast scenario) and CAA tries to do something, then that may mean Lunis will lose internet privileges entirely. And I'm sure none of us want that.
The point is, we don't have any evidence to bring up against her parents besides what Lunis (and her brother) have said, but that isn't enough. Ultimately, if she wants something to happen, LUNIS will have to be the one to do it. Not anyone from CAA. It's not our place to get involved. All we can do is pray and encourage her to talk about it with a pastor or someone.
Ezekiel 23:20
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Nate - Posts: 10725
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Mr. SmartyPants - Posts: 12541
- Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 9:00 am
Lady Macbeth seems to have some good points.
Lunis, whatever your mom says there's nothing wrong with telling us all of this and getting our sympathy. Honestly, we don't mind giving it and if anyone here didn't care enough about you to read the thread they wouldn't have done it. Sadness is a natural reaction to [perceived] injustice, and honestly it's important to be able to share your feelings with others who can sympathize with you. Its a lot easier to be strong with friends and encouragement than without, and since there has been some good advice given here as well as emotional support I wouldn't say your "complaining" has NOT been in vain either way.
Giving your parents the benefit of a doubt, I'd think they come to their senses and loosen up before too long, especially with you going out of town soon (getting a taste of how real "normal" life is).
Do try to be as obedient / respectful as you can manage, though I can't say how well I would fair at the task under similar circumstances.
Most importantly, don't panic / hurt yourself / run away / lose your faith / give up hope, and know that we're all praying for you AND your parents
And merry [early] christmas.
Lunis, whatever your mom says there's nothing wrong with telling us all of this and getting our sympathy. Honestly, we don't mind giving it and if anyone here didn't care enough about you to read the thread they wouldn't have done it. Sadness is a natural reaction to [perceived] injustice, and honestly it's important to be able to share your feelings with others who can sympathize with you. Its a lot easier to be strong with friends and encouragement than without, and since there has been some good advice given here as well as emotional support I wouldn't say your "complaining" has NOT been in vain either way.
Giving your parents the benefit of a doubt, I'd think they come to their senses and loosen up before too long, especially with you going out of town soon (getting a taste of how real "normal" life is).
Do try to be as obedient / respectful as you can manage, though I can't say how well I would fair at the task under similar circumstances.
Most importantly, don't panic / hurt yourself / run away / lose your faith / give up hope, and know that we're all praying for you AND your parents
And merry [early] christmas.
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JediSonic - Posts: 1359
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I agree with Lady Macbeth. A Christian counselor or pastor is probably the best place to go to for advice in this situation.
Lunis, I'm sorry I didn't see this thread sooner
. I just want you to know that even though in this point in your life you may have doubts about your parents' love, you can never have doubts about the love of God the Father.
Lunis, I'm sorry I didn't see this thread sooner
. I just want you to know that even though in this point in your life you may have doubts about your parents' love, you can never have doubts about the love of God the Father.K. Ayato: What happens if you press the small red button?
*Explosion goes off in the movie*
mechana2015: Does that answer your question?
K. Ayato: Perfectly.
Prayer sister of kaji, sticksabuser, Angel37, and Doubleshadow --Love you guys!
*Explosion goes off in the movie*
mechana2015: Does that answer your question?
K. Ayato: Perfectly.
Prayer sister of kaji, sticksabuser, Angel37, and Doubleshadow --Love you guys!
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K. Ayato - Posts: 3881
- Joined: Wed Dec 08, 2004 10:00 am
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Lunis, i don't know what to say. i've been thinking about this post for a while now, and it's been really hard for me to determine what to tell you, except to trust in God. As i was thinking about this i realized how much more i need to trust in God and give my cares and thoughts to Him. I was thinking about how i would react in such a circumstance and it wasn't pretty, and it would totally destroy my relationship with my family. Seeing this, i realized how much i let hate creep into my mind, and instead of venting it out, just coldly calculating ways to get back at people. However, hating people is sin, even people who have wronged us. God is in control, and we need to let him take control of our life and thoughts.
One thing i would advise that might be pretty difficult, especially with the schedule you have: try and fit time with God into your schedule. Also, pray for your parents, as hard as it may be. It sounds like they are having problems and doubts of their own, and need God's help as well. If you really feel lke you are going to break, try talking to your parents about getting a pastor or christian counsellor who you can talk to, or find someone older who you see in your daily schedule who is a christian who can mentor you.
I would caution you though: if you are being emotionally or verbally abused though, get help.
I am praying for you. Keep strong and stick it out. 2 years does feel like eternity, but it is ony a short time compared to your life ahead of you. I don't really know what else to say, so I'll just end with this: God loves you, more then you can ever imagine, even when life is seemingly impossible. I will continue to pray, I promise you that.
One thing i would advise that might be pretty difficult, especially with the schedule you have: try and fit time with God into your schedule. Also, pray for your parents, as hard as it may be. It sounds like they are having problems and doubts of their own, and need God's help as well. If you really feel lke you are going to break, try talking to your parents about getting a pastor or christian counsellor who you can talk to, or find someone older who you see in your daily schedule who is a christian who can mentor you.
I would caution you though: if you are being emotionally or verbally abused though, get help.
I am praying for you. Keep strong and stick it out. 2 years does feel like eternity, but it is ony a short time compared to your life ahead of you. I don't really know what else to say, so I'll just end with this: God loves you, more then you can ever imagine, even when life is seemingly impossible. I will continue to pray, I promise you that.
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