<Administrative Note [in all caps in an effort to attract attention]: THIS IS NOT A SERIOUS ARTICLE! PLEASE READ THE THREAD FOR DETAILS!>
I pushed one of those "free PS2" ads and this came up.
Hey kids! If your Mom and Dad didn't buy you a PlayStation 2 for Christmas, you can still get one FOR FREE! Have you ever heard of Jesus Christ? Well, He's heard of you! And He wants you to have all the cool toys your parents are too cheap to buy! In fact, the Lord Jesus is very upset with your parents that they didn't give you all the latest stuff that every kid in America deserves! And Jesus has got your back, because He is your homeboy! If you've never heard of Jesus, He is an invisible cloud-dwelling deity (infinite lives!) who loves you very much and wants nothing more than to give you a free PlayStation 2!
We here at Landover Baptist Church work full-time as servants of Jesus Christ, and He's told us about you and your predicament. He's also given us special instructions on how He wants us to deliver a new PlayStation 2 to your house. It's as easy as 1-2-3! Understand, Jesus cares WAY more about you than your parents EVER will! They will never love you as much as Jesus loves you! Always remember that. If you hate your parents because they didn't get you a PlayStation 2 for Christmas, He completely understands! He is totally down with that! In fact, lucky for you, in order to follow Him, you are actually required to hate your parents!
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother...he cannot be my disciple." - The Lord Jesus Christ (Luke 14:26)
Pretty cool, huh? So, if you hate your parents, you are already halfway to becoming a True Christianâ„¢! Congratulations!
Here is what you need to do to get your free Play Station 2:
1. Tell Jesus that you hate your parents, and that you'd rather have Him for your Daddy. Ask Him to forgive your sins, and cover you with His blood (you'll see plenty of that splattered across your TV when you play your complimentary Grand Theft Auto 3 game!).
2. Find one of your Mom or Dad's credit cards (a blank check is even better!)
3. Call our church office and we will provide you with simple instructions on how to use your parents' credit card to charge a love offering over the phone. Don't worry if you can't find a credit card. We can teach you how to use one of your daddy's checks to do an automatic draft withdrawal (which will get you free shipping and an extra game disk!)
Please note: If your parents ask you where you got your new PlayStation 2, just tell them that your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, delivered it to you via the U.S. Postal Service in exchange for your soul.
Still NOT SURE? Here's More:
Landover Baptist's PlayStation 2 comes with a complimentary modified version of the popular disk, Tony Hawk's Underground. You can upload Jesus' face into the game and automatically unlock all of the cheat codes to "God Mode," so that Jesus can win every single level and perform incredible grab-tricks, spins, flips and stunts
Wow...just wow.
24 posts •
Page 1 of 1
Wow...just wow.
Go young wildebeest
for you must gallop yonder
mayonaise amen
for you must gallop yonder
mayonaise amen
- Needle Noggin
- Posts: 299
- Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2004 12:00 pm
That's....seriously...sick. >_>; Landover Baptist's Church...the name sounds familiar, and it definitely doesn't strike a good chord with me.
[SIZE="5"](*ﾟ∀ﾟ)ｱﾊｱ八ｱｯ八ｯﾉヽ～☆[/SIZE]
[SIZE="1"]DEBS: Fan of that manga where the kid's head is on fire.[/SIZE]
[SIZE="1"]DEBS: Fan of that manga where the kid's head is on fire.[/SIZE]
-
Debitt - Posts: 3654
- Joined: Sun Feb 01, 2004 10:00 am
- Location: 並盛中学校
So that's what actually came up when you clicked one of those things?
Every year in Uganda, innumerable children simply. . . disappear. These children all stolen under the cover of darkness from their homes and impressed into the guerilla armies of the LRA [Lord's Resistance Army]. In the deserts of Uganda, they are forced to witness the mindless slaughter of other children until they themselves can do nothing but kill. Kill. These children, generally ranging from ages 5-12, are brainwashed into murdering in the name of the resistance and into stealing other children from their beds to suffer the same fate.
Because of this genocide of innocence, hundred and hundreds of children live every night sleeping in public places miles from their homes, because they know that if the do not-- they will disappear. They will become just another number in this genocide to which the international community has chosen to turn a blind eye. They will become, in affect, invisible-- Invisible Children.
But there are those who are trying to fight against this slaughter of Uganda's children. They fight to protect these "invisible children." Please, help them help a country full of children who know nothing by fear. Help save the innocence. For more information concerning how you can help and how you can get an incredible video about this horrific reality, visit the Invisible Children home page.
Because of this genocide of innocence, hundred and hundreds of children live every night sleeping in public places miles from their homes, because they know that if the do not-- they will disappear. They will become just another number in this genocide to which the international community has chosen to turn a blind eye. They will become, in affect, invisible-- Invisible Children.
But there are those who are trying to fight against this slaughter of Uganda's children. They fight to protect these "invisible children." Please, help them help a country full of children who know nothing by fear. Help save the innocence. For more information concerning how you can help and how you can get an incredible video about this horrific reality, visit the Invisible Children home page.
-
Mangafanatic - Posts: 4918
- Joined: Tue Mar 16, 2004 5:00 am
- Location: In La-La land.
dude! That's not even.... starting to be funny! Thaty's.... completly insulting!!!! I'm baptist, THOSE people are not baptist, or at least don't act like ones. Hate your mother and father? God wants you to hate your mother and father? he LIKES shooting games?!?!?!?!?!? These people have issues, and it's totaly unfair of them to make fun of real baptists that way and... make fun of God like that. Pshhh
Adopted by Sammy-chu ^-^ *Wishes Sam*ron would come and visit sometimes*
Proud Owner of a limited edition Kaemmerite (AKA Nate) Plushi!!!
Mary had a little lamb.... AND THEN I ATE IT >:D BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Locke wrote:When life gives you lemons, make it into a blog and get comments. =/
[/color]Nate wrote:[color=black]Screw TNT: CAA Knows Drama.
[color=#ffa500]"Thank you for killing this thread...
dragging it's poor comatose body into
the freeway....and allowing the trucks
of rabbits trails of offtopicness drive it
into the pavement. Please, feel free to
spit on it's skid mark remains.
You monster."-Ark
[/color]
(\_/)
(O.o) Copy The Bunny Into Your Sig
[color=lime](> <) Help Him Achieve World Domination... [/color]Or I'll eat you, all up. Mwahahahahaha
@_@All my base are belong to bunny@_@
[color=mediumturquoise]猿]
-
Riku777 - Posts: 333
- Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2004 2:29 pm
- Location: Where we live in Igloos, it's below freezing ALL the time and where we talk about the Hockey Lockout
This is a joke. A really bad one, but a joke nonetheless.
Ever heard of "The Onion," - the "newspaper" that parodies the news?
Well, there is a website out there called Landover Baptist that makes things to poke fun at religion, specifically Christianity.
Next time google before posting, k?
Also, you will find objectionable content on that website. Consider yourself warned.
Here is the link for the "ad" that Needle mentioned: <clipped>
Ever heard of "The Onion," - the "newspaper" that parodies the news?
Well, there is a website out there called Landover Baptist that makes things to poke fun at religion, specifically Christianity.
Next time google before posting, k?
Also, you will find objectionable content on that website. Consider yourself warned.
Here is the link for the "ad" that Needle mentioned: <clipped>
Our lives are but a vapor, let us not let waste our time and breath on vanities, but let us spend ourselves for the Kingdom, seeking a better resurrection.
Preaching the Bad News
My Live Journal
Preaching the Bad News
My Live Journal
-
Saint Kevin - Posts: 975
- Joined: Wed Nov 12, 2003 1:57 pm
-
cbwing0 - Posts: 2728
- Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2003 10:00 am
Landover Baptist IS NOT a real church's website. as a matter of fact, I recommend that you don't go to the site unless you want to be offended (or can take that kind of sarcastic, satirical humor).
fightin' in the eighties
-
ShiroiHikari - Posts: 7564
- Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Somewhere between 1983 and 1989
Wow. That is pretty messed up. I can't believe that someone would even spend the energy to come up with something like that. And of all things, to try to get money by saying Jesus wants you to have a PS2. Whatever.
"Winner, the dimwit." -Genkai
"As much as I hate the humans, I think I loathe tourists even more." - Hiei
"To live will be an awfully big adventure." - Peter in Peter Pan (2004)
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." - Professor Dumbledore
"I have no greater Joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." - III John IV
"Gaming is in my blood. Must be alien though, 'cuz I didn't get it from either of my parents!" - Me
"As much as I hate the humans, I think I loathe tourists even more." - Hiei
"To live will be an awfully big adventure." - Peter in Peter Pan (2004)
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." - Professor Dumbledore
"I have no greater Joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." - III John IV
"Gaming is in my blood. Must be alien though, 'cuz I didn't get it from either of my parents!" - Me
-
mysticalsphynx - Posts: 32
- Joined: Wed Nov 03, 2004 9:00 am
- Location: Provo, Utah (going to school), building a new house in Mapleton, Utah
Actually, I saw this quite a while back and considered posting a link, but ultimately decided that the intent of the site overrode the humor value. I believe it has already been quite clarified that this is hardly from a real church.
Saint Kevin, I clipped your links, simply because through their site you can quickly find some quite family-unfriendly sites.
Saint Kevin, I clipped your links, simply because through their site you can quickly find some quite family-unfriendly sites.
-
uc pseudonym - Posts: 15506
- Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
- Location: Tanzania
I... wow...
--To Write Love on Her Arms
"That time and absence proves - Rather helps than hurts to love."
"Feelings, emotions, they are good, but they cannot be Love's foundation. When of Love, these things last. When of romance, these things end."
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything."
"That time and absence proves - Rather helps than hurts to love."
"Feelings, emotions, they are good, but they cannot be Love's foundation. When of Love, these things last. When of romance, these things end."
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything."
-
ZiP - Posts: 1205
- Joined: Mon Sep 15, 2003 10:00 am
- Location: I could be anywhere, even Indiana
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother...he cannot be my disciple." - The Lord Jesus Christ (Luke 14:26)
I love how some people dissect a verse from a whole and say "see Jesus says that!"
If you finish off the verse:
Luke 14:27-30
"And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, ‘This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.’"
Basically the point Jesus was making was you can't do things half way. You must be willing to give up some things to be able to see what the Lord really has to offer you. Also, it's a point to say you don't just jump into things unprepared; that if you truely wish to follow through on something, you must be willing to make scarifies. If you choose to follow Jesus, one can't continue to do the evil deeds he has in the past. One must be willing to give Jesus your whole heart, not part. Only then has someone fully committed himself to Jesus and reject the secular world. You must be willing to start a new. Not saying, hate your parents in the literal sense but more like, hate the sin that humans produce and start on the path that God wants you to.
There are many who try to twist scripture to state a claim. But why don't they ever quote the whole chapter? Because it would only have their argument fall apart. Anyone can take a piece out of a whole and state it as true.
"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.." Prov 17:22
The word 'impossible' isn't in my dictionary... but I don't really have a dictionary you know? - Eikichi Onizuka.
Sorry, but I stop being a teacher at 5 o'clock. - Eikichi Onizuka.
The word 'impossible' isn't in my dictionary... but I don't really have a dictionary you know? - Eikichi Onizuka.
Sorry, but I stop being a teacher at 5 o'clock. - Eikichi Onizuka.
-
agasfas - Posts: 2341
- Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 7:27 pm
- Location: Austin, TX
-
Sesshoumaru - Posts: 243
- Joined: Sat Dec 18, 2004 10:00 am
- Location: Buh buh buh buh buh BROOOOKLYN
There's going to be a day when those people aren't laughing anymore....
"For on that day, every knee shall bow, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord...."
"For on that day, every knee shall bow, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord...."
-
Azier the Swordsman - Posts: 3109
- Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2003 10:00 am
- Location: Earth
I know that site offended me, but then I realised it was a satire site and it still offended me. It creates a bad name for Christians and Jesus in general. Some people certainly have serious hate for Christianity.
-
Warrior 4 Jesus - Posts: 4844
- Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2004 10:52 pm
- Location: The driest continent that isn't Antarctica.
Landover Baptist's Church is evil stay away! I cant believe how far they have gone to mess with people like that 0_0 I'm sure the creators of this will get what they deserve someday soon, I almost feel sorry for them.
formerly WhiteBlaze
-
Retten - Posts: 785
- Joined: Mon Jun 30, 2003 10:00 am
- Location: um.....thats a good question
I will say that this has got to be one of the worst jokes I have ever seen.
I love both my parents and that is the way it will stay. They never bought me a ps2, but they gave me love a home and a safe childhood. Both of which are far better then a ps2. Hating you parents over a computer is not only dumb but damaging.
Anyway as you can probobly tell the "hate you parents" vibe ot this offended me the most.
I do find it sad that some people are so lost they find this funny. Boy do they need the real Jesus.
I love both my parents and that is the way it will stay. They never bought me a ps2, but they gave me love a home and a safe childhood. Both of which are far better then a ps2. Hating you parents over a computer is not only dumb but damaging.
Anyway as you can probobly tell the "hate you parents" vibe ot this offended me the most.
I do find it sad that some people are so lost they find this funny. Boy do they need the real Jesus.
A nightingale in a golden cage
That's me locked inside reality's maze
Come someone make my heavy heart light
Come undone, bring me back to life
It all starts with a lullaby
That's me locked inside reality's maze
Come someone make my heavy heart light
Come undone, bring me back to life
It all starts with a lullaby
-
Kenshin17 - Posts: 860
- Joined: Tue Nov 02, 2004 9:17 am
- Location: On the earth, perhaps
That's just sad.
And they dont quote the whole chapter because they know that it will ruin the message they're trying to give. Simple.
And they dont quote the whole chapter because they know that it will ruin the message they're trying to give. Simple.
Absence is to love as wind is to a flame. It extinguishes the little, it ignites the great.
Life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been real life you would have have been instructed where to go and what to do.
When i argue with reality I lose.....But only 100% of the time.
Once you've decided on a course of action, only you can finish it. As long as you remember that, there's nothing you can't accomplish.
Life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been real life you would have have been instructed where to go and what to do.
When i argue with reality I lose.....But only 100% of the time.
Once you've decided on a course of action, only you can finish it. As long as you remember that, there's nothing you can't accomplish.
-
Kura Ookami - Posts: 766
- Joined: Thu Sep 23, 2004 10:00 am
- Location: United Kingdom
ughh...Landover Baptist Chruch...as soon as I saw tha, I new it was all crap.
I seriously pray kids who read that doesn't believe the garbage.
I seriously pray kids who read that doesn't believe the garbage.
-
Hitokiri - Posts: 3475
- Joined: Tue Jan 27, 2004 12:00 pm
- Location: Yatsushiro-shi, Kumamoto-ken
Needle Noggin: I have modified your original post in an effort to clear up confusion of many persons within this thread.
-
uc pseudonym - Posts: 15506
- Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
- Location: Tanzania
uc pseudonym wrote:Needle Noggin: I have modified your original post in an effort to clear up confusion of many persons within this thread.
Good idea, I was a bit confused when I first read it. At first, I thought it was attempting to LEAD a person to salvation, but then, in a couple of seconds I was like, "Wait a minute, is this serious?"
-
Azier the Swordsman - Posts: 3109
- Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2003 10:00 am
- Location: Earth
Wow...that's pretty sad when you stop to think about it.
I mourn for those who never knew you
Click here for kick booty music!!
American by birth, Texan by the grace of God
This is where you can find me if I'm not on for a while
-
Rachel - Posts: 1056
- Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2003 10:00 am
- Location: Wichita Falls, Texas
24 posts •
Page 1 of 1
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 253 guests