Status update, I guess?

[Nate]

I wasn't really sure where to post this thread. Prayer Requests would be kind of appropriate, I suppose, but I dunno. Also, uh, hi. So I'll get right down to it. Kind of.

For privacy purposes I'm going to be kind of vague about details. Only one person who comes here knows anything and even he doesn't really know the whole story which is insanely complicated and frustrating me beyond belief. Short version is, right now my life is kind of in shambles. Everything has gone wrong. I'm scared, and I don't know what the future holds for me, which is stressing me out.

Right now I don't have a computer, or a phone. And because I'm a super smart guy who is totally into being safe online, I have 2FA activated on a bunch of my online hangouts. Without my phone, I can't access Discord or even my Gmail since I would need Google Authenticator to sign in on them. I also have absolutely no idea when I will get my computer or phone back. I've been without my computer for almost a month, and it's coming up on two weeks since I lost my phone. Well, not lost exactly, but I suppose inaccessible would be a better term. I don't have it and can't get it and don't know when I will. I might not even get them back.

If Peanut or goldenspines see this, know that at the time I'm writing this (about 3PM on Saturday November 21), I'm still at home, I'm still safe, I just have no way to get on Discord or talk to you guys. My mom's friend occasionally lets me use her very old laptop, which is from like 2007 and has Windows Vista on it. Even if I could access Discord it probably wouldn't run on this thing, at least not well. I'm mentioning them specifically because I'm in a Discord server with them, and Peanut knows a tiny bit of what's going on (though again, not the full story which is a lot more complicated than I first said, for reasons). It's been almost two weeks since I was online on Discord and posted there so they might be worried about me. There's also one other person who I've worried extensively, yukoxholic, although she hasn't been here in years and nobody probably knows how to contact her except me, which...I can't do, because no computer/phone.

Everything sucks. I want my life back. I just want things to go back to the way they were. Maybe they can't, I don't know. I'm essentially completely socially isolated at this point. I can't talk to any of my friends, and there's nobody really my age in this town, or anywhere to meet people. Even if I did they wouldn't be able to contact me. It hurts. Maybe I deserve it.

My mom's church is praying for me. I don't know what that will accomplish. I have a very strained relationship with religion currently, I won't get into it due to site rules but it was around 2016 so draw your own conclusions from that. Maybe people here want to pray for me, I won't tell you not to, though I figure few people will read this post and probably even fewer will even know who I am, and even just don't want to because they figure that I do deserve it. I'm not here to change minds. I'm mostly just here so that Peanut and goldenspines and my friends on Discord will know that for the moment, I am indeed still at home, playing a lot of Switch since there's nothing else to do. I wish I could talk to them and hang out with them and post dumb memes at each other. Ever since I turned 40 it's like nothing has gone right. I'm not working right now either, and as ridiculous as it sounds and I thought I'd never say this, I wish I could go back to work, but I can't for the moment. I just want things to go back to how they were.

Anyway, I've done the biggest part of what I wanted to do with this post so I'll close out here. Dunno how to end it so uh, I'll just say I hope everyone's lives are much better than mine.

[Peanut]

Good to hear your still safe and at home Nate. Keep us posted however you can and hopefully things will get better soon.

[goldenspines]

I cannot fully express how happy and relieved I am to hear from you and that you are safe. I wish circumstances were much better for you, but I'm still happy to hear anything than nothing at all.
Be well and be safe, Nate.

[Kaori]

Hi, Nate. I'm very sorry to hear about the way things have been for you, but I'm glad you are safe. Please try to stay that way! I've heard stories of people who have gotten this virus, and it is not something you ever want to get if you can help it.

and even just don't want to because they figure that I do deserve it.

Also wanted to respectfully point out that this is absolute nonsense, and you are in my very unworthy prayers.

[Nate]

Oh no no, it's not the virus. It's a little more...complicated than that. Has nothing to do with my health, at least not my physical health. Maybe my mental health.

Also I'm glad that the people I wanted to see it did, so you guys can tell everyone else in the discord I'm doing alright for now. Sorry about the D&D campaign. :/ I dunno how that's gonna go even after I get back, when or if that is.

[Kaori]

Ah, I see. (Sort of.) Please stay safe from the virus too, though!

[shooraijin]

Quite.

[Derek_Is_Me]

Keeping you in my prayers Nate. It'll get better.

[Nate]

Honestly I feel that it getting better is a literal impossibility, but thank you.

[Rusty Claymore]

I did a search on your posts and found your last 2016 post had a quote response to me, and I worried for a second. But content-wise I don't think it was related to what went down for you... Anyways, CAA without Nate would be a Twilight Zone episode. While you've built a reputation as a bit of a hedgehog, any of us who've been here longer than a few years hold you in a light of fondness. Sure, you can be negative. But you had a positive impact in my life.
All that to echo Kaori's rebuttal, and convey that even someone with bystander status like me notices and cares.

[Furen]

Honestly I feel that it getting better is a literal impossibility, but thank you.

I've seen a few people like this recently. I in some ways have had struggles, but I have no doubt that it's different than how you're feeling. Wishing you well, Nate.