ClaecElric4God wrote:Trying to get Jigzy to see things from my point of view was rather insensitive and stupid.
It's not insensitive or stupid at all. I realize you were making a good effort to help her, and I'm sure she appreciates it, and you didn't really do anything harmful so there's nothing to get upset over. I'm just trying to explain that for someone who doesn't deal with these kinds of situations, what you're saying isn't particularly helpful. I know you were still trying to help regardless, which again is not stupid or insensitive, but I was trying to explain that people generally don't like hearing "I don't understand what you're going through, but I know how to stop feeling that way anyway."
Um, this actually helps my point a lot. Adam wasn't sitting around moping about being lonely. Yes, he was lonely, but he was focusing enough on his relationship with God, and he was also doing something, which is what I encouraged Jigzy to do.
The Bible doesn't say this though? You're reading things that aren't in the verses. God makes Adam, puts him in the garden, tells him he can eat any fruit except from the one tree. Then verse 18 says:
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
Then Adam names a bunch of things, God puts him to sleep, and makes Eve. It doesn't say anything about Adam's relationship with God, good or bad. In fact, how Adam felt isn't mentioned at all. But the verse does say a couple of things. One, that God himself said it isn't good that Adam should be alone. Adam spoke directly to God, and was originally created without sin, so I feel comfortable saying that Adam knew God better than we could ever know God. Despite this, despite Adam being this close to God, God still said it wasn't enough. God knew that even He alone could not completely make Adam content.
So I think it's pretty ridiculous, even completely contrary to the Bible, to say "Your relationship with God is more important." A relationship with God is important, but it's clearly not necessary. Otherwise every non-Christian/Jew on the planet would be completely miserable and lonely. Since this is not the case, it's obvious that a relationship with God is not necessary to live a healthy life and be a well-adjusted member of society. However, having very little social contact with other people, as well as a broken family life,
can lead to a person becoming unhealthy or developing mental health problems (this again is only a chance though, not an inevitability). Thus, we can see that relationships with other human beings are very important. Given this, I think it is safe to say that human relationships are far more important than a relationship with God, from the perspective of health and happiness.
Second, God's response to knowing it wasn't good for Adam to be alone was to make a woman. This says to me that God knows that romantic and sexual fulfillment is extremely important to human beings. Otherwise God could have made another guy and said "Well job done, Adam isn't alone!" The fact that God did not do that says a lot, I feel (though off-topic, I'm not making any claims about sexuality or traditional gender roles, just speaking from the assumption of Adam being straight).
In the end, what I'm trying to say is we have innate romantic and sexual desires and I think it's not good to say "Oh don't worry about it" or say "You should focus on God though" because from my understanding of the Bible that's not how to respond to these things. Now, that said, we should obviously use self-restraint and not try to hit on every person we're attracted to and try to have sex with them just because of these desires. Just that these are part of being a human being and trying to repress or ignore them is not helpful.
When you're sitting around doing nothing, you don't have a sense of purpose, and when you don't have a sense of purpose, it's a lot easier to be depressed and focus on how awful your life is. I say this from experience, which is why I believe it's true.
And from experience, I can tell you that even when you're doing something, you still can lack a sense of purpose and be depressed and focus on how awful your life is. I hate my job and I hate myself and I think I'm worthless. Having a job isn't giving me a sense of purpose or helping me get over my depression. I still feel lost, confused, and that I am a useless human being who contributes nothing of value to the universe.
And coming home from a job to an empty house and looking at your empty bed instead of having someone greet you at the door and ask you how your day was and cuddle up to you at night is pretty effing depressing and having a job doesn't change that.
I've already explained that I don't think it's wrong to be lonely and want a relationship, I just think it's wrong to let it dominate your life to the point that you're in a state of emotional decay.
Most people don't have the luxury of choosing which feelings they get to have affect them. We only do what we can to bear the burden of it.
Mr. SmartyPants wrote:It also won't help with maintaining any sort of stable romantic relationship
For all I've said, I hope I haven't given the impression that having a boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband will suddenly cure you of all your depression and loneliness and then you'll be totally content emotionally. Being in a relationship is not easy and there are still challenges and difficulties, and it doesn't make your life easier (in some ways it makes it harder!). So I understand where you're coming from, that it can give a view that a qt3.14 gf is a "thing" to be obtained that will magically solve your problems. Having been in one relationship, I can say that this isn't the case at all. And anyone who thinks it is is in for a rude awakening.
But all that said...tfw no gf, man.
tfw no gf
