Need some social advice

[Sheenar]

Well, there are a couple of things I have trouble with being partnered with a service dog. People inevitably come up to me and ask what Pebbles does for me (if they don't just assume I'm blind--which has stopped bothering me so much--hey, people get out of my way on campus and open doors--I'll take it.)
I don't mind telling them she helps me keep my balance when I walk. It's just when they follow it up with asking what my disability is. It's like when people drive by a car wreck they slow down cause they want to look--people want to know what's "wrong" with me. I'm ok with my disability, but I don't want to tell everyone and their dog what it is. How do I respond to these people in a kind way?
My other question is about kids in stores. The kids that act excited to see Pebbles and ask their parents about her I'm ok with. The parents usually do a pretty good job of explaining the rules--don't pet, don't talk to the dog, etc. It's the kids that follow me around that bother me. I had a boy in WalMart follow me around the Christmas section asking repeatedly "Does the dog bite?" I told him no, but he still kept asking. I was finally like "I told you no!" cause I was looking for something and couldn't concentrate. And today there was a girl in Hastings while we were looking for movies who kept staring at Pebbles and I and calling across the store to her mom "Mom! It's a dog!". I wound up just ducking into the nearest aisle and walking to the other end of the store to get away. I hate being stared at. What should I do about the kids who won't leave me alone? (I've had some adults--some kind of creepy--who kept asking questions when I was in a hurry--what do I say to get them to stop talking so I can go home?)
I know a dog in a store is still a novelty for most people. I just wish they knew the polite ways to ask questions and interact with us. I mean, how would they like to be asked private questions and be stared at while they're trying to do their grocery shopping?
I'm also having problems with people talking to Pebbles when she's in harness. Her patches say "Do not pet or distract". What do I say to get them to leave her alone so she can do her job? It's getting to be a problem. I'm going to stop telling people her real name--I think I'll use "Goober"--that way they can say it all they want to--she won't bat an eyelash.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Unfortunately, I think it's something that you will have to deal with and eventually get accustomed to. D: Speaking as another person who has had moments like these, I understand that it's pretty difficult to get used to, but I think it's just another thing you gotta deal with.

[KhakiBlueSocks]

What do I say to get them to leave her alone so she can do her job? It's getting to be a problem.

Two words-- "Sic' em."

[Sheenar]

[Tyrel]

Could just wear a shirt saying "leave me alone or my dog will eat you"

No, but seriously, that's an odd problem you've got there. I wouldn't know exactly how to deal with it without becoming quite outspoken.

[KhakiBlueSocks]

[font="Trebuchet MS"][SIZE="4"][color="RoyalBlue"]Personally, I think you should just say exactly that (politely of course). It's not what you say, it's HOW you say it. If people bother your dog, just politely say "Excuse me..." and point to the sign. If they ask about your disability, and you don't want to explain it, just say "It's personal and I would rather not talk about it." If they press the matter, then I think it would be acceptable to just say "Excuse me" and walk away.

The psudo name sounds like a good idea. Here's an idea--when kids ask for the dogs name, tell them it's "Naruto". That way, when kids, or even adults, start calling "Here Naruto! Come here Naruto!" they'll get the same crazy looks![/color][/SIZE][/font]

[yippee2393]

The world's a tough place, people always group other people...and this results in a lot of prejudice. But in God's eyes, there's only two groups of people, the elect and non-elect.

[Sheenar]

Sounds good, Blue Socks. I'll try the Naruto thing. Sounds funny.

Tyrel: That's pretty funny, but I don't want people to be afraid of Pebbles. I'm here to portray a positive example of service dogs --I don't want people to think Pebbles is any threat to public safety--(she's the biggest marshmallow-dog I've ever met--loves people and especially kids) --that would reflect badly on the organization that trained her.

[termyt]

The attention is not all prejudice, though. I always feel bad for people who get extra attention in public because of a disability or a disfigurement - but that's part of the problem. Most people probably sympathize with you or have empathy for you, but not many of us are good at expressing empathy, so we end up staring or some such.

I’m sorry you have to deal with a bunch of extra crap when you are out. I wish there was something that could be done to prevent it.

One thing I thought of, if someone addresses Pebbles when they are not supposed to, speak to them directly. That will immediately shift their focus from her to you. I think I may try something like “Her name is Pebbles and, I’m sorry, but she is working right now, so please do not distract her.”

Having a service pet is rather like being a celebrity, I imagine. You are instantly recognized as being special where ever you go. I can imagine what a pain in the neck that would be especially when you are in a hurry or just not in the mood.

When you are in the mood, try giving yourself extra time so you can field questions thrown at you. The more you educate the people in your neighborhood, the less you will deal with weird questions. Eventually, when people see you they will say “Hey, it’s Sheenar and Naruto, how are you today?” Instead of “What’s up with that chick – she blind?”

You could also try frequenting smaller shops and become a regular at those markets and restaurants. That way the proprietors and other regulars will get to know you better so you will be you to them instead of the “disabled girl.”

Look at the bright side – most of us go through life not being noticed at all. ^_^

[Sheenar]

Yeah, I know...I'm glad Pebbles has helped me meet people who otherwise wouldn't talk to me...but sometimes I wish people would leave me alone. But our director (of Canine Partners for Life) told me I'll never be inconspicuous with Pebbles! I try to sneak in the store, get what I need and get out --but I always attract attention. (The little kids are the cutest! I had a little boy ask his mom "Is that dog wearing a saddle?")
I just try to deal with it the best I can.

The only thing I'm having trouble with is this: The people that I've explained the rules to that continue to break them. My coworkers use Pebbles' name even when I told them not to many times. How do I deal with them in a polite manner and reinforce the rules?

[yippee2393]

Good point termyt, it's probably not all prejudice, maybe just sympathy. I have a brother who has severe cerebral palsy (sp?) and brain damage. But he can't talk, so I can't know how (or if) he feels. I just know that almost every new person I meet asks me (the oldest kid in my family besides him) or my mom what's wrong with him. But most people, once they know what's wrong with him, give him a lot of attention and are really nice. Maybe telling the kids exactly what's wrong with you will help, but I can also see how that would get old, especially when you're in a hurry. It's always tough being different. I think that's because people can't see what's inside, they can only see an assistant dog.

[Tsukuyomi]

I agree with Khaki Tell the politely that you would rather not explain it... and if they persist, then say,"Excuse me, but I have to be going.", and just leave without saying anything else. They'll get the point after a while.

I know it's not the same (or even close) situation, but we get telemarketer calls from my sister and brother in-law all of the time. I've gotten tired of being nice and just say,"This isn't their number anymore.. " and just hang up. I've gotten to the point where I just straight up hang up on them as soon as I hear their voices u_u

[termyt]

The only thing I'm having trouble with is this: The people that I've explained the rules to that continue to break them. My coworkers use Pebbles' name even when I told them not to many times. How do I deal with them in a polite manner and reinforce the rules?

Oo. The is tough. There will probably always be people who don't get it. Out in public, you can always just walk away, but co-workers you need to be with and get along with.

For people that you spend a lot of time with, have you tried explaining why those rules exist? For some people, having a rule doesn't change their behavior, but knowing the reason for the rule will show them the reason for following it. At that point, instead of just following some dumb old rule they don't understand, they will feel like they are part of the situation and will be motivated to be more helpful. Perhaps if you explain to them that distracting your helper is like kicking the crutch of a guy with a broken leg, they will understand it is actually cruel to you.

Dogs have a strange effect on people. It's like we want the dog to recognize us and like us even more than we want other people to. In that regard, perhaps you could set some time aside every once and a while where the people around you can interact with Pebbles without interfering with her work. That may also help re-enforce that Pebbles, like them, has work time and play time and can't mix the two.